Tao of Poker

Celebrity Poker LETDOWN

I watched the final episode of Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo with utter bewilderment. I laughed when Phil Gordon told us (the audience) about "tilting." I wondered who would win? I had my money on Paul Rudd. We share the same first name and some of my friends suggested that he could play the title role of Charlie in my screenplay Charlie's Goldfish. I really liked their graphics on best hands, which was both neat and informative. Ben Affleck came out to the Loser's Lounge and acted like a cool guy. He wanted to get all the celebrities together for a "real live game"... the man's addicted to cards, I tell you! Sometimes that makes me wonder about that guy... I mean I fuckin' love poker, but if J. Lo was my girlfriend, I'd be spending less time at the poker room in the Bellagio with Matt Damon (thanks to Linda from Table Tango for the great Matt & Ben tales!) and rubbing elbows with shmucks like me at Foxwoods and devote a shitload more time sitting around spreading suntan lotion over J. Lo's firm, yet supple buttocks. Sorry for the tangent, back to poker! From Phil Gordon's commentary I sensed he had the hots for Nicole Blondie Whatshername? I mean his huge erection nearly toppled the commentator's desk. With the insane ratings and poker's new found popularity... I'm sure they'll be another season/special of Celebrity Poker Letdown.

Here's my "wish list" of the next installment of Celebrity Poker Letdown:

Table 1: Ozzie Osbourne, Paris Hilton, Screech from Saved by the Bell, Michael Jackson, Martha Stewart
Table 2: Jenna Jameson, Kirk Cameron, Bea Arthur, Jimmy Carter, Dieon Sanders
Table 3: Gary Coleman, Hunter S. Thompson, Liza Minneli, Al Sharpton, Hugh Grant
Table 4: James Lipton from Inside the Actor's Studio, Penn (but not Teller), Britney Spears, Minnie Me, Dennis Rodman

Ok, I'm going to stop now. I don't want to give Bravo any wild ideas for free... and the thoughts of Michael Jackson squealing the words, "I'm all in!" kinda freaks me out.