Sunday, June 28, 2009

2009 WSOP Day 31: Horses, Deuces, and DonkeyBombers

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I spotted the first donkey lingering around 11pm on Friday night. The morbid beast had wandered into the Amazon Ballroom not knowing that it had stepped onto the well documented killing floor. In less than twelve hours it would be among the thousands of other clueless animals led to their merciless slaughter. Some of their carcasses were left out to bake in the hot Nevada sun, only to be transformed into beef jerky. And the rest? Mixed with kangaroo meat and grinded into burger patties.

And to think, those donks actually paid for that sadistic abuse. Shit, if you want to be humiliated, I know a couple of seasoned working girls down on Fremont Street that will drop a deuce on your chest and/or shove a nail into your scrotum for $150. It's much cheaper than a price tag for a donkament.

Around Midnight on Friday, I saw another donkey trotting down in the hallway in a jovial daze, and another gawking at Scotty Nguyen when he passed by with a couple of kilograms of Buddhist bling around his neck.

The night before a Saturday donkament attracted the weekend warriors who arrived fresh off a plane from McCarran airport. The first timers were easy to spot. They actually stopped and took a photo of the "Welcome to the WSOP" banner.

Don't be embarrassed. I did the same thing at the start of the 2005 WSOP. I was so fresh and so full of life. Such a cherry and newbie. I really thought that the sky was blue and that every pro I saw on TV was so fuckin' rich that they could wipe their asses with $100 bills. Indeed, I was true WSOP virgin.

Saturday included the second day of the slimmed down 50K HORSE event, the sold-out donkament, Day 2 of the Limit Shootout, and the PLO 8 final table. Brandon Cantu finished second in the last donkament and he picked up an iota of redemption when he beat Lee Watkinson heads up for a bracelet in PLO8. That bracelet victory was the second of Cantu's career.

After dinner break, I headed over to the Brasilia Room with Michalski. He was semi-sweating the DonkeyBomber, who struggled this summer. DonkeyBomber was something like 0-18. Yeah, zero cashes. He finally ended that horrendous streak when he cashed in the Limit Shootout and hoped that his bad luck this year would turn around.

DonkeyBomber was on the verge of advancing to a final table and only Greg FBT Mueller stood in his way. At one point, DonkeyBomber opened up a three to one advantage on Mueller, who had one of the hottest masseuses working on his back. Mueller had won a bracelet earlier in the year and he caught up, before he eventually took the lead. Michalski ended up the ultimate cooler and even touched DonkeyBomber on the shoulder which helped transfer all that bad mojo.

"He must have felt icicles run down his spine," said Mean Gene.

Alas, the DonkeyBomber was never more. Without fail, Michalski walked over to say hello to a good friend from Dallas. As soon as he showed up, the guy busted.

Yeah, Michalski's cooler abilities are in full effect. I'm gonna start extorting pros, especially ones at the final table. I must get 50% of their winnings, otherwise, I'm gonna send Michalski over to sweat your table.

* * * * *

Bouncin' Round the Room on Day 31....

I showed up to the bracelet ceremony on Saturday afternoon. The first part was a do-over for John Kabbaj where they played the proper national anthem of Great Britain. Kabbaj was a no show which sums up his thoughts on the matter.

The second bracelet was awarded to Bahador Ahmadi and they played the national anthem of Iran. A handful of folks in the media wore green in support of citizens of Iran who are embroiled in fight for democracy against hardliners in their country.

For the second night in a row, Otis and I engaged in degenerate citrus fruit tossing out back as the multi-colored lights of the Strip flickered in the background. On Friday night,, Otis took a $40 lead after I whiffed on my two tosses.

On Saturday night, our contest was delayed for an hour due to a medical emergency. Security guards blocked the area off. Since lime tossing is a non-sanctioned citrus fruit activity, we were forced to wait it out. When the playing area was finally clear of security guards and medical personnel, we continued with the second match. I fared much better and would have taken an overall lead, but Otis nailed a clutch shot. I was up $120 after I dropped two limes into $60 grids, but on his last shot of the night, Otis lofted his lime into a $100 grid. He saved face and only lost $20 for the round. Overall, he's up $20. Fucker.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

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