Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Day Before, More Vegas Tips, and Moose Cup 2005

On Monday I played Joanne heads up on Poker Stars for the North American Moose Cup. The final score: Pauly 3, Canada 1. She posted about the bad beat that I put on her in game 1. She slowplayed AA on me for her victory in game 3. For now, the Moose Cup is mine.

Derek and I leave for Vegas tomorrow. I'm ready. Later today I'm gonna get a new cell phone and tonight I'll pack. I have one more article to write before I hit the road. And once, I'm off... I'll be in "Vegas mode."

I do not want to disappoint anyone who is meeting me for the first time, but I want to warn you that I am not as wild and crazy as every thinks I am. For the record, I will not be showing up in Vegas with two nymphomaniac teenage gymnasts (from a Eastern European county that no longer exists), along with an eight-ball of Colombian Snow Flake and a brick of Moroccan hash the size of Herve Villechaize. Believe me, if I had access to those kind of drugs and were able to woo nimble nymphets like that, the last thing I'd be doing would be hanging out in Vegas with a bunch of degenerates gamblers.

OK, I got a positive response from my Tips on Surviving Las Vegas. I'd like to add a few more to the existing list:

11. Food is fuel... If you have the opportunity to eat, do it because you never know when you might never have another chance to get some grub. Last December, I never saw Iggy eat one bite during our last trip. He was on the ciggies and Guinness gambler's diet.

12. Wear comfortable shoes... As a native New Yorker, I walk everywhere and I'm used to trudging along for five or six miles in a day. If you are a lazy fuck who's a slave to their vehicle, then start walking a mile or two everyday to get yor legs in shape. The entrance from the Rio to the actual place where the WSoP is being held is a hike. Plus if you want to walk the Strip, everything appears much closer in the desert.

13. Bring a watch... There are exactly six clocks in the entire city of Las Vegas and you won't see any of them in an actual casino.

14. Keep your gambling bankroll separate from your other cash.

15. $50 bills are bad luck... Don't feel weird about asking to change in your $50 bills. That is one superstition I've been following every since Grubby clued me in.

16. Avoid the slots... Grubby will try to turn you over to the dark side of gambling and get you to hit the slots with him at 3am. Resist the temptation!

17. Don't tell people at your table that you have a poker blog... Please for the love of God, do not tell anyone you're in town for a poker bloggers convention. Keep that shit on the down low. You're in Vegas. It's a surreal place. Make shit up. Pretend you're a fish. I lie to dealers, strippers, cab drivers, and my tablemates all the time when I'm in Vegas.

During my last three trips, I've told random strangers that I was a marine biologist, an aquarium salesman, a trumpet player in a Latin jazz band, a radiologist, and my favorite... that I've just got out of prison. The ladies seem to like that one. Bottom line is this: if you can't successfully lie to the people at your table and if you are unable to convince them that you are in fact an astronaut, then you shouldn't be playing poker in Las Vegas. Go home and fire up Poker Stars instead.

During this trip I intend on telling folks that I'm either a mountain climber (please don't laugh when I start talking about Mount Everest to anyone at my table) and I'm thinking about being the malcontent heir to the "Spork" fortune. A spork is not a fork, but not quite a spoon. One of my fraternity brothers in college used that line to try to pick up girls in bars. He even convinced a few that he had a spork shaped swimming pool. And if I happen to stumble into a strip bar, my cover story will be that I'm the tour manager for a metal band called The Al Cant Hang Experience.

Anyway those are my latest additions to my Vegas tips.
Here are Pauly's Original Top 10 Tips on Surviving Vegas:
1. Cut back on sleep immediately.
2. Sip, don't chug.
3. Water is your friend.
4. Bring a cell phone charger.
5. Take pictures.
6. Ask before you post pictures on the internet.
7. Speak your mind and stay in the moment.
8. Table image is a factor in real life.
9. Don't be Gigli.
10. Never underestimate the importance of a $20 tip.
By the way, if we casted Poker Bloggers in Vegas: The Movie, who would play you? For me it's either Benicio del Toro or John Cusak.

If I had to cast for BG, I'd pick Philip Seymour Hoffman. I know he's going to be wicked pissed about that. But I think Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best actor of our generation. I'd snag Owen Wilson to play Otis and William H. Macy to be Chris Halverson. Rob Lowe would be the perfect G Rob and how could you not cast Vin Diesel to play Bad Blood? If Felicia gets her life story made, Hillary Swank should get to play her. If Tara Reid could pull off an Canadian accent, she could be just right as Joanne. Rounding out the rest of the freaks would be Ted Nugent as Al Cant Hang and The Poker Geek will be played by Wil Wheaton in a cameo. Without a doubt, Chris Rock was born to be Grubby.

For the role of a lifetime, Iggy will be played by... Bea Arthur.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Radio Free Pauly

I taped my interview with Sean on Saturday aternoon during the Yankees-Red Sox game for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know by now, it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe. It seems like overnight I've become a huge cult figure in Canada. Don Cherry. Brett "The Hitman" Hart. And now... Dr. Pauly.

Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get their podcast done (fo free) so stop by and show your support.

You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 28: Here.
You can download last week's show... Episode 27: Here.

Gracie taped a station ID bit which features a snippet of Phish! It starts at the 9:15 mark. My segment starts at the 17:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 12 minutes. We talked about my prep for Vegas in addition to the recent news about NYC card rooms getting raided. Check it out!

If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Stop by their site and download the extra nuggets. Thanks again to Sean and Stacks for having me on.

Moving on, I've been listening to a few music related podcasts the last two weeks. Here are two that I highly recommend.
1. Closet Deadhead... It's run by an old school head, Sam, and he has well over 25 podcasts archived with various goodies involving the Grateful Dead.

2. Nugs.net... These guys have been hooking me up with great music for the last few years. They added podcasts. They currently have a Trey Hammerstein one up and ready to be downloaded to your ipod. The Jazzfest one is insane featuring selections from Galactic, Widespread Panic, Trey and the Super Jam.
Some good stuff on there. I like to listen to podcats while I'm playing on Party Poker.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Lazy Sunday Thoughts

I saw this gem in the NY Times this morning called Card Stud written by Pat Jordan. It's about Daniel Negreanu. Here's a bit:
Negreanu says that most great players are geniuses, then lists the kinds of genius they must have: 1) a thorough knowledge of poker; 2) a mathematical understanding of the probabilities of a card being dealt, given the cards visible; 3) a psychological understanding of an opponent; 4) an understanding of an opponent's betting patterns -- that is, how he bets with the nuts and how he bets when bluffing; and 5) the ability to read ''tells,'' or a player's physical reactions to the cards he is dealt. Negreanu is a master at reading tells, although he claims it is an overrated gift, since only mediocre players have obvious tells.
I got spanked at the tables last night. The bleeding was profuse on both Full Tilt and Party Poker. I lost a huge pot in a $5/$10 game on Party Poker. Gutshot. Brutal. I took 76th in a 200+ MTT on Full Tilt. I had my Hiltons cracked by 88.

This morning on Party Poker I encountered a super fish. He saw every flop, and often called 2 or 3 raises preflop. He also saw his hand all the way to the river. Inside an half hour, he was up 30 BB. In that same span, I was down about 15BB. I lost an ugly hand to him. He had 92o and I missed my flush with ATs. With four overcards on the board he called all the way to the river. He rivered bottom pair and beat my ace high. At that point, I got my shit together. Against a guy like that at a limit table, you must have the best hand at showdown. I adjusted my play. Instead of playing looser and seeing more flops, I tightened up.

I found KQs in LP and raised. The super fish, sitting to my left, was the only called. I flopped a flush draw and hit it on the turn. If he had any suited ace, I was done. On the river he raised me and I just called. He had 84o. That's when I made a mental note. He had been a calling station the entire time. The only other times I saw him raise was when he had nothing.

That's my random online poker tip of the day: Pay attention to betting patterns.

That little bit of information came in handy later on. With AJo I raised and of course, he called I put him on ten high, at best. I flopped top two pair and I felt I had a huge lead on him. On the river, he raised me and that when I knew he had nothing. He only raised when he had nadda. I reraised and he played back at me to cap it. I pumped my fists in the air when the pot was pushed to me. He walked into my big hand.

Sure my actions are straight out of the "How to play against people who see every flop" text book. But since I had been running bad all weekend, I was impressed with my patience and discipline to sit and wait for a good hand before I attacked. I also gave myself a pat on the back for being able to recognize betting patterns... something I know I would not have picked up had I been reading poker blogs or playing multi-tables.

I ended up for the session and walked away after I properly tagged that fish.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

NYC Poker Rooms Busted, Coach Wins, and Truckin'

First of all, congrats to Coach who made the money this morning in a MTT on Poker Stars. He finished in 27th place out of 540 and even dropped the Hammer along the way! Both Al Cant Hang and myself were on the rail when it happened. He flopped trips. He's the man. Good job, Coach.

If you are from NYC or read F Train's blog regularly then you know that the two biggest card rooms in New York were raided on Thursday night. It's big news and even made the NY Times. Thanks to F Train who tipped me off yesterday.

Here are the related news articles.
Cops flush poker clubs (NY Daily News)
Clubs' losing hands (NY Post)
2 Manhattan Poker Parlors Are Raided and 39 Are Arrested (NY Times)
Poker clubs busted (NY Newsday)
And make sure you read F Train's latest post entitled Legality of Poker in New York.

If you are going to play in any of the clubs this wekeend, my suggestion is stay away for a week or so and let all the heat die down. In the meantime, head over to one of the many online card rooms, which are NYPD hassle free. For now, that is. Hit up Poker Stars and try to in a seat in the WSoP. Theya re also offering up a rare reload bonus. Party Poker is always full of fish too. You can't go wrong on either site. I'm digging the late night tables on Full Tilt. And even Noble Poker is running WSoP satellites.

Truckin' - May 2005, Vol. 4, Issue 5

I just published the latest edition of my literary blogzine. Check out Truckin'. It features some of my favorite poker bloggers. I wrote two stories.
1. Hill Jack by Tenzin McGrupp
Welcome to Indiana, Doc. By the end of the night you'll get piss drunk, get in a fight, and fuck a fat chick in order to fully absorb the Southern Indiana Hill Jack experience... More

2. Members Only by BG
I saw him another aisle down, still no basket, still no cart, collecting another toothpick bearing Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. I don't think he noticed I was watching him. Not yet, at least... More

3. The Conquering Hero By Joe Speaker
The region is well known for a certain delicacy. An aphrodisiac, some say, which neither of us had ever eaten. Our search brought us to this crowded restaurant, where we found them. Splashed all over the menu. Huitres. Oysters.... More

4. Cleotis by Bob Respert
Cleotis lived in a small town, he hung out at the bowling alley every waking moment, and he was the best in his town at a game you played inside those walls. No, I'm not talking about bowling. I'm talking about Dance Dance Revolution... More

5. Dying to Tell You This by Tom Love
I know that Debby was fairly calm when she discovered my body later that day. She's like that in an emergency. She felt me, cold and stiff, checked my pulse and then called 911. She had already been through this one time before... More

6. Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Sigge S. Amdal
If you, on the other hand, were actually invited to a party... then you should probably get a lot of drinks so you don't overheat on a probability high, and don't worry about hangovers since you probably don't exist in the first place... More

7. Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, Part II by Tenzin McGrupp
There's something very sexy, yet surreal, when a naked woman debates Heidegger with you while you desperately try to drown out a Britney Spears song that's blasting in the background... More
Have a good holiday. See you at the tables.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Funday Friday

Here is proof that gambling is in my blood. My grandmother won a $10K jackpot yesterday playing the $1 slots at Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut. She went with my Mom and did they ask me to tag along? Fuck no. I wonder how much money Grandma dropped on the slots over the last few years? I also wonder how much of a cut Grandma is going to give me to blow at the blogger craps tables?

One week from today I'm going to be on the rail at the Rio cheering on my fellow bloggers awaiting for them to drop the Hammer at the WSoP. Wait a second, I'll have my press pass by then, so I can technically wander around the tables. Holy Apeshit, Batman!

A railbird no longer am I.

I realized I was a real writer the other day when the Poker Prof called me and said that he was holding in his hand, my very own World Poker Tour press badge. I'm going to be showing that fucker off to everyone I meet with the same giddyness that you feel for the first time when you got your driver's license.

On Wednesday night, I played a rare blogger table on Party Poker. I sat down with Sean at a $3/6 table and within minutes we had a few players and railbirds. Geek and Proud and Joanne both joined the mix. As soon as I left Rod took my place.

I've taken a few dips into the $5/$10 shark infested waters on Party Poker. Nothing exciting to report. I think I'm about even in about 120 hands this week.

I also played a couple of turbo SNGs on Poker Stars. I had my Hiltons cracked by J3o to bubble out in one. Talk about a kick in the junk.

I just finished 76th place playing in a $1500 WSoP Satellite on Full Tilt. My AQ didn't hold up against pocket sixes. Oh well.

Aside from the blogger satellites, that is the only WSoP related satellite I played in all year. I figured I give one a shot. It was totally spur of the moment too. I was having a rough night at the tables. This past week, I've been working off my reload bonus on Full Tilt. Those short-handed $3/$6 tables are an action junkie's wetdream.

During the WSoP satelite I listened to a kick ass podcast from Nugs.net featuring The Grateful Dead, Phish, Umphrey's McGee, and My Morning Jacket. I highly recommend it.

Here's a sample of an IM Chat I had with Al Cant Hang during the tourney:
AlCantHang: vegas is in for pure evil drunkeness
Pauly: lol im playin in a WSOP sat on full tilt for the $1500 event
Pauly: at the break im in 57th place w 148 players left
AlCantHang: nice. bracelet race?
AlCantHang: lol
AlCantHang: i'm having fun fucking with the retards watching razz
AlCantHang: i'm to drunk to chat. but sober enough to watch the tourney
AlCantHang: btw, 3.5 bottles consumed since 6pm
Pauly: not impressed
Pauly: u can do better
Pauly: you'll never survive in vegas
AlCantHang: lol
Pauly: u need to be putting down 5 bottles in 6 hours
Pauly: you're so fucked
AlCantHang: nice
Pauly: so soft
AlCantHang: how's gonna keep up with me?
Pauly: tag team
AlCantHang: no no no
Pauly: i have a team of four blogers
AlCantHang: that don't work
Pauly: me and chad will alternate
Pauly: shots
AlCantHang: nope
AlCantHang: one shot. one man
Pauly: many shots. many puking
AlCantHang: only one man can hang, and he's snoring on the sofa
Pauly: landow?
AlCantHang: bigmike!
AlCantHang: nobody can touch me right now
AlCantHang: i'm reggie jackson in october
Pauly: lol
AlCantHang: it's NOT GOOD
Pauly: even reggie struck out
AlCantHang: ok. here's my drunken line to you. i'm worried.....
AlCantHang signed off at 1:15 AM
Good Lord. Beware of a man caught in the deepest depths of a Southern Comfort binge. Al Came. Al Drank. Al Conquered. Then he passed out on the couch.

This weekend will mark some of the last bits of online play for me until I get back from Las Vegas in early August. On Tuesday, I'm gonna withdraw the majority of my online bankroll (I'll leave a few hundred on Party Poker) and add it to my cash roll for Vegas. During my two months in Sin City, my goal is to play $6/$12 at the Mirage at least once a week and play in that soft NL game at Excalibur once a week as well.

Since it's a three day weekend, I'll leave you with a walk down memory lane. Take a peek at my 10 part series of the December bloggers gathering at some point during this weekend.
Chapter 1: Day 1, Part I... The Real Report
Chapter 2: Day 1, Part II... Cowboys, Iggy, and the Hammer
Chapter 3: Day 2, Part I... Sherwood Forest and the Sam's Town Meet & Greet
Chapter 4: Day 2, Part II... WPBT Holiday Classic
Chapter 5: Day 2, Part III... Saturday Night Live
Chapter 6: Day 3, Part I... Sports Book Sunday
Chapter 7: Day 3, Part II... Sunday Night in Vegas
Chapter 8: Day 4, Part I... The Aladdin
Chapter 9: Day 4, Part II... Hammers, Hookers, and Brawls
Chapter 10: Closing Thoughts on Vegas
Man, so much happened during those few days. Epic adventures. I forgot about some of the hijinks while I revisited all those warm fuzzy memories reading all the trip reports again, which is some of my best trip report writing. Here are two random stats from the December blogger get together... I did not puke once and I did not attend one strip club.

Days until Las Vegas: 5
Current temp. in Las Vegas: 101
Bottles of SoCo consumed by AlCantHang since 6pm EST: 3.5
Times I mentioned "Donkey Fucker" since May 10: 26

Thursday, May 26, 2005

99 Things About Pauly

Would you like to know 99 random facts about your favorite poker blogger? It's a must read for anyone who's going to Vegas and has not met me yet. You have to head over to my main blog to read.... 99 Things About Pauly.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Pauly Poker Freeroll at Noble Poker

We have a winner fo the Pauly Poker freeroll on Noble Poker. Pii took first place out of 153. Geat job.

Well, it was my third big game of poker in four nights. I had two good bye games here in the big city followed by the Noble freeroll. Thanks to everyone who signed up at the last minute and pimped this event on all of your blogs. We had 153 players show up for a shot at $a 50 first place prize. Free money. Even Grubby crawled out from his favorite row of slot machines to play with some of your favorite bloggers. Thanks to the guys over at Noble Poker who hooked all this up.
The Players - My Table:
Seat 1: HustlerReturns
Seat 2: Willy the Wise
Seat 3: Rod
Seat 4: StB
Seat 5: Noam Chomsky
Seat 6: Layne Flack
Seat 7: Pauly
Seat 8: From the D
Seat 9: SeiferFF8
Seat 10: QuadZA
9:07pm EST... Quad's AA lost to Hustler's 66 when he river'd a set.

9:09pm EST... With AQ I doubled up against AJ.

9:13pm EST... In late position, I put out a huge overbet with the Hilton Sisters. Willythe Wise called with A6 and out flopped me. I lost more than half my stack.

9:18pm EST... Iggy nearly tripled up when his AA held up agaisnt KK and QQ.

9:21pm EST... Rod goes out in true fashion with the Hilton Sisters.

9:27pm EST... With a short stack, I pushed all in on the button with AJ. Chomsky called with AK and I was out in 119th place. Damn. I was supposed to make the final table in my own freeroll!!

9:53pm EST... MtDewVirus' QQ was beaten by KQ.

9:58pm EST... Derek was crippled when his AA lost to the Hammer.

9:59pm EST... Next hand Derek found AA again. With a small stack he doubled up.

10:26pm EST... Daddy said one of the funniest things I ever read in the chat: "One time I got jerked off on a Greyhoud bus by a nun when I was asleep."

10:37pm EST... Poker Nerd's JJ lost to KQ.

10:43pm EST... AlCantHang's Big Slick ran into AA and he was knocked out.

10:46pm EST... Landow's pocket Tens lost to AQs and was also KOd.

10:48pm EST... Jordan's KK won a big pot from Daddy's Q6o. He flopped top pair and mentioned that "Q6 ain't what she used to," as the chips were pushed to Jordan.

10:50pm EST... Iggy had been on a nice run until his AK lost to Graham's TT.

11:00pm EST... Joanne and the Hilton Sister's took down the Poker Prof's A3s. Prior to that hand, the Poker Prof was one of the top chipleaders.

11:08pm EST... Shortstacked, Joanne went out like a true warrior, with the Hammer!

11:11pm EST... Jordan's 44 won a coinflip with Poker Prof's QJs and he knocked out Prof in 11th.

Final Table - Click to Enlarge

11:19pm EST... The Final Table assembled with Jedi Pii in the chip lead and the Blogfather making yet another final table. Good thing Slayre cleared up his password problem in time to play. Jordan represented the NYC crew making his first final table in a blogger event. Daddy, the infamous Donkey Fucker, was looking to crush the final table.
The Final Table:
Seat 1: Albethe
Seat 2: Slayre
Seat 3: Greg
Seat 4: Daddy
Sat 5: Iggy
Seat 6: Read Chomsky
Seat 7: Sydrian
Seat 8: Jordan from High on Poker
Seat 9: GCox25
Seat 10: Jedi Pii
11:35pm EST... Iggy was out in 7th. Jedi built up a monster stack and Daddy was in the middle fo the pack.

11:49pm EST... Jordan hung on with a shortstack and went out in 4th place. Pi was the leader, with Daddy in second and Read Chomsky in third place.

11:53pm EST... I thought Daddy was going to come from behind to win. He took third place, which paid $30. He joked around that he can play an SNG along with getting a super-sized extra value meal at McDs.

11:56pm EST... Pii won it all with AQ. Congrats on winning the first ever Pauly Poker freerol!

Thanks again to everyone who played and took time out of their busy schedule to partake in all the fun. Thanks again to everyone who pimped the freeroll on your blogs. See everyone in Vegas. If I forgot to link you up, please let me know where I fucked up!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Blue Parrot Send Off: Call Me Nurse Pauly
"Marijuana gives you ESP." - Coach
I must add the disclaimer that Coach does not in any way condone the use of marijuana in any non-legal and non-medicinal forms. He was simply stating the obvious about midway through last night's game. However, the Tao of Poker is an "herb friendly" blog if you haven't noticed.

Anyway, back to the game. Ferrari was kind enough to throw a game together at the last minute in honor of me departure for Las Vegas. A late night at the office and a 10pm conference call did not deter him from hosting another game at the Blue Parrot.

Derek made his first cash game appearance at the Blue Parrot. Both he and Toby played in the Blue Parrot Invitational, also known as the first ever NYC Poker Bloggers tourney a few months ago, but they never sat in an actual cash game. Coach and F Train were there. We also had some familiar faces like Julie and Marie, who brought a couple of bottles of my favorite beer... Red Stripe. Hooray beer, mon!

I didn't take too many notes. I just drank a lot and shot the shit with everyone. Most of the pictures were taken by F Train using my camera!
The Players:
Seat 1: Toby... she's a famous writer and the author of The Bad Ass Girl's Guide To Poker. She even wore a cool pink shirt sporting the logo of her book, which I forgot to photograph. I wanted to see her reaction when I said, "Will you let me take a picture of your chest?"

Seat 2: Derek... the Jim Belushi of poker bloggers is looking to wipe out his losses at Toni's Bon Voyage Bash last Saturday with a nice win at the Blue Parrot in his last live games before he heads off to Vegas. Derek had Coach convinced that he could read his hole cards with his best Karnac impression.

Seat 3: Julie... she was Coach's last minute replacement at the WPBT Holiday Classic at Sam's Town last December. She took advantage of that opportunity and not only did she make the final table but she also came in third place. She knocked Dr. Pauly out in the bubble (6th place) at Sam's Town and he's been looking to exact revenge on her ever since. And she also chopped the NYC Poker Bloggers tournament with Toni.

Seat 4: Ferrari... the proprietor of the Blue Parrot was swamped with work and still managed to pull off a Farewell game. He had a few tricks of his sleeve which he tried to pull off later in the game. And yes, he saw Star Wars only once and did not get dressed up like a Jedi according to rumors I heard over at Rick's Cafe.

Seat 5: Marie... she adds a tinge of class and grace to the table whenever she appears at Blue Parrot games. I think it's the British accent, or perhaps it's the Red Stripe she always brings me!

Seat 6: Coach... the Dan Harrington of the Blue Parrot was stumping everyone with his extensive knowledge of 1980s TV trivia. We should all pool our money and back Coach in a side trivia cash game against that Ken James dude from Jeopardy. Coach would crush him.

Seat 7: F Train... he's been on the steroids watch list by the WPBT officials since his first appearance on the tour. He will not confirm, nor deny rumors that he used both the Clear and the Cream during his short stint trying to beat the $15/$30 tables on Party Poker. Then there's the scandal that the San Francisco Examiner had leaked about the incident where F Train was caught buying kangaroo urine at a gas station in Malibu, in order to pass it off at as his own if he won the WSoP Razz satellite on Full Tilt.

Seat 8: Pauly... your hero. He's sporting a clean cut look with a haircut and a shave. He's been playing a lot of poker during his series of good-bye/bon voyage/farewell/get the fuck out of town games. It's been his second such event in three days.
8:14pm EST... The bleeding of my stack began early during an orbit of Omaha hi/lo. Derek won the button and called Omaha. Marie went on a quick rush and built up a massive stack after she scooped two big pots from me and a couple of more during the orbit.

8:43pm EST... Ferrari called a round of $2/$4 Razz. Only F Train and Derek seemed thrilled. Razz and Pauly do not mix. I forgot to wear my cup and the bricks hit me in the junk hard and fast.

8:48pm EST... F Train won the biggest Razz pot in the history of the Blue Parrot. $80. Damn. I was glad I folded there.

9:18pm EST... Toby's Hilton Sisters crack F Train's Hammer.

9:19pm EST... Julie's Hammer lost to Marie's 44. As the pot got pushed to Marie, Julie uttered, "That's the only time I ever played the Hammer!"

9:20pm EST... The hand of the night.

Ferrari dealt as Derek came back from the bathroom. I asked him how many times did he ever come back to the table and find pocket aces? I got pocket kings once at the Excalibur. Anyway, I was in early position and found The Hammer. I thought that was odd. Three Hammers in a row... with F Train and Julie playing them in consecutive hands.

I bring it in for a raise. Toby folded and Derek shouted, "Reraise." Ferrari re-raised Derek. Marie called and Coach capped the betting! I was in trouble. I put Derek and Coach on high pairs. F Train folded and I foolishly called a capped pot preflop with the Hammer. $60 in the pot preflop.

The flop: 2c-7c-7s. That's when I sensed something fishy was up. I bet, Derek raised. Coach re-raised and I think capped it. The turn: Ac. Ferrari joked that he had a flush and I checked to make sure that there wasn't a straight flush possibility. I told everyone at the table that I had the Hammer. I even showed F Train and Toby who were out of the hands. Coach finally bailed out of the hand and Derek and Ferrari stayed in to the river. When the 5c spiked, I knew Ferrari had 3c4c. At show down, Derek had AA and Ferrari 3c4c. At that point he fessed up that he set up a cold deck. I knew right after the flop. No way could I hit a flop like that in real life. On Party, most likely, but never in real life.

9:38pm EST... Coach called Seven-card Push. Derek won a big pot.

10:03pm EST... I was down 12. I made back some money playing hold'em. Joanne called for a Dial-a-Shot. She was playing int he 30k MTT on Party Poker and was the chipleader at the first break. We popped outside for a smoke break while Ferrari took his conference call. Derek was the new chipleader after Marie left early.

10:53pm EST... -39 after a round of Omaha. At that point Julie started calling me "Nurse Pauly."

10:59PM EST... -59 after more Omaha. The bleeding continued.

11:21pm EST... F Train's QQ ut flops Julie's Big Slick. The flop: KQ8. Ouch.

11:30pm EST... Live poker is rigged. Check out this flop (see pic on the left). AAA. Wow. Tom had AT too and went all the way to the river with Julie who thought he was bluffing. Derek folded 77 on the flop too.

11:35pm EST... Coach called $2 ante Anaconda. I was down $65 at that point.

12:14am EST... On the last hand of the night, F Train took all of Julie's remaining stack in Anaconda. Derek had the low locked up and F Train had T-T-T-9 showing. Julie had A-Q-Q-Q showing. Who had quads? Did they both? The way F Train was betting, I was positive he had it. He flipped over a ten on fifth street as Julie showed her ace. Lucky for F Train that the Blue Parrot does not require a piss test before you cash out.
The Final Tally:
F Train +91
Marie +48
Coach +40
Toby +15
Derek +11
Ferrari -25
Pauly -65
Julie -98
Thanks again to Ferrari for hosting one last game before I took off to Vegas. It was a fun night and I'm glad everyone could make it on such short notice. See everyone when I get back!

Monday, May 23, 2005

TowneHouse Bon Voyage Saturday

Toni hosted a Saturday afternoon BBQ followed by a tournament and cash games. She dubbed it "Pauly's Bon Voyage Bash." Damn, talk about one cool lady! Toni knows how to throw a good party. Have lots of great food, good music, interesting people, and include a $50 freezeout at some point during the twelve hour blow out. Yeah, I wandered out of the TowneHouse close to 5am after arriving 12+ hours earlier.

Although Toni's midtown apartment lies in the shadows of the Chrysler Building, she manages to have a large terrace (sadly, it's bigger than my old studio) and that's the perfect place to enjoy an almost-Summer afternoon party. The BBQ started out as a mini-NYC bloggers convention. I met Joaquin and Jordan from High on Poker, both for the first time. F Train and Mas stopped by and played in the tournament. Derek and Ugarte showed up later for one of the many cash games going on all night. Toni had a few friends, TowneHouse regulars, and co-workers over so it was a good mix. Poker was the center of the events during the afternoon, evening, and early morning hours.

The highlight of the party was seeing everyone at the TowneHouse for the last time before I head off to Vegas, in less than nine freakin' days. The other highlight was chopping first place with F Train in the tournament after playing a back and forth heads up match, which last over a half hour. To hell with Jesus and Phil, NBC should have been taping F Train and me battling wits at the TowneHouse! We we're much funnier and no fuckin' commercials.

Toni had some great food in addition to the usual BBQ fare. You'll see some of the pictures sprinkled throughout this post. The deserts were amazing, including the cookies and brownies. Kathy made chocolate covered strawberries which kept me sane all night long.

Toni also ordered a crock of chili! Impressive. I'm a big chili guy. I swear that Joaquin ate at least four bowls. And it goes without saying that in a room full of lawyers, the alcohol was flowing pretty heavily. I'm pretty sure everyone was hammered at one point or another. I know I was steadily fucked up since the moment I walked in the door until the moment I left.

We played a two table tournament. $50 buy in. Top 4 places paid ($300, $150, $100, $50) and everyone started with T1000 in various colored chips including lavender and pink. If you don't know about the TowneHouse, Toni uses pink chips at her games. First three levels are twenty minutes long then the next few are 15 minutes until Level 8, when they drop to seven minutes. I have a very good history at the TowneHouse and cashed in the majority of the tournaments I've played in, despite a handful of bubble finishes. I chalk up my success to good luck. There are some good players there. Joaquin opted to sit out of the tourney and wait for players to get knocked out to start a cash game outside on the terrace.
Tournament Players - My Table:
Seat 1: Kathy
Seat 2: Jordan from High on Poker
Seat 3: Pauly
Seat 4: Ken
Seat 5: Steve-O
Seat 6: Andy
If you don't know, Jordan is a relatively new poker blogger and it's the first time we've met. He works in the building next door where I used to work in down on Wall Street. He's been pretty good at blogging frequently, which is a tip I suggest to every new blogger out there. He's stuck with it and I hope he keeps on blogging on a steady basis. I've played with everyone else at my table before, so I was familiar with all of their playing styles. Luckily, I skipped early action with Mas and F Train who were at the main table with Cliff, Toni, Damon, and Dan. And yes, I was the only non-lawyer at the table. Insert your own lawyer joke here _____.

5:37pm EST... Fireworks went off early as Cliff and F Train moved all in on the flop. With A-10, Cliff flopped top pair with a rainbow board and a ten high with two rags. F Train called Cliff with pocket Hellmuths. Yeah, F Train's KK held up and he doubled up on the first hand. Wow, it's just like Party Poker! Cliff would have been one of the last players I picked to get knocked out on the first hand, so it was a surprise to see him out before he had a chance to make a dent in his drink.

5:50pm EST... It looked like Jordan was the early chipleader at my table. Although I found both AA and KK, I was unable to capitalize and got no action. Andy was the short stack and moved all in with 77. I quickly called with JJ. I flopped a set and sent him out in 11th place.

5:56pm EST... Damon had a shortstack and found AA. F Train had the big stack at his table and called with A-x suited. He hit his flush and Damon was out in 10th place, earlier than we both expected. F Train continued to amass a monster stack.

6:11pm EST... We consolidated to one "final table" and all the bloggers were still left. F Train had the big lead and Jordan was far behind in second place.

6:15pm EST... Mas was knocked out by F Train's Hilton Sisters.

6:17pm EST... In an unorthodox move, I limped UTG with AQo. There were four callers and I continued to passive play my hand on the flop. I checked to Jordan who bet out. I reluctantly folded, but since I completely missed the flop it was my only option.

6:22pm EST... My pocket Jacks held up again as Ken noted that I had been getting a lot of high pocket pairs. I had about T1600 and was in fourth place.

6:23pm EST... Toni's KJ knocked out Steve-O's and his shortstack in 8th place. He mumbled "I need a notebook. Two people at the final table have notebooks. That's why I got knocked out." He was referring to both F Train's notetaking (on the pad Joel gave him) and mine.

6:57pm EST... Kathy slowly built up her stack, as she always does. I found AK and raised. Jordan called with T9s. He caught some of the flop which I missed completely again. I almost pushed, but glad I didn't double up Jordan.

6:59pm EST... Dan was knocked out in 7th place by Jordan.

7:01pm EST... F Train continued his run and knocked out Toni in 6th place. By that point, Derek called and he was knocked out of a Full Tilt WSoP Freeroll. He took 101st out of 1500+. He told me he was en route to the TowneHouse.

7:10pm EST... Ken doubled up against F Train in one of the few hands F Train lost all night.

7:16pm EST... F Train's AJ knocked out Jordan on the bubble in fifth place. When Jordan flipped over 56o he said, "I have you dominated!" That drew a few laughs from the table and the railbirds. His hand didn't improve and F Train continued his chip lead. I was second, Kathy third and Ken in fourth in chips. We all made the money.

7:20pm EST... F Train tried to steal on the button and I re-raised with KJs in the little blind. He folded and I found myself with T6100 after going on a mini-rush where I picked up a lot of blinds with timely preflop raises.

7:22pm EST... Kathy and I were in a race. She pushed preflop with KQ and I had JJ again. I flopped a set and hit a fullboat by the turn.JJ held up for a third time, which might be a record for me. I always get killed by pocket jacks. Kathy took fourth place.

7:24pm EST... Ken's A5 was knocked out by F Train's J5 when F Train paired his jack on the flop. Ken was out in third place and we were heads up! F Train had almost a 3 to 1 chip lead on me (see pic to the right) and I offered him a chop. He laughed in my face. I did a little trash talking and told him, "OK dude, I gave you a chance, now I'll have to take all your chips."

7:36pm EST... With AQs I won a big pot and ended up coming from behind to even the chip distribution. You can say that the momentum had swung my way. I felt like the Yankess in the late summer of 1978 when they chased down the Red Sox's 14 game lead to force a one game playoff.

7:40pm EST... We pretty much stay out of each other's way for the next few hands. I got shitty cards and I assumed F Train was getting nothing as well.

7:47pm EST... With a slight chiplead I made the first mistake since we started playing heads up. I tried to steal with 46s. F Train re-raised me as he moved all in. I put him on a re-steal and figured that at worst I was a slight underdog. With a lot of my chips already in the pot, I decided to call because Gus Hansen would have called. F Train showed 88. Ouch. Unlike Gus Hansen, I didn't kick my opponent in the junk with a runner-runner straight. That mistake crippled me and I had a little more than T1200 left in chips.

7:50pm EST... With T1800 when I pushed all in blind. I flipped over T3o. F Train looked solid with K4s. I flopped a ten and my hand held up. I doubled up as F Train shrugged his shoulders. Still alive with the blinds 400/800 and the levels shortened to seven minutes.

7:58pm EST... After about a half hour of heads up play, I came from behind twice against F Train to even the chip count. I think he had about T6400 and I had T5600 when he offered a chop. The blinds were 500/1000 and it seemed logical that we chop first and second place ($450 total) since it would almost be a crap shoot with the accelerated blind structure. It was a nice heads up match and F Train is a formidable opponent. I walked away with $225 or a $175 profit.
The Money Winners:
F Train & Pauly $225 each
Ken $100
Kathy $50
Toni and the rest of the gang wanted to start a second tourney right away. I passed. I wanted to take a break, get some chili, have a beer, and wait for Derek and Ugarte to arrive for the second cash game. While the second tournament reached the last few players, the bloggers who were KO'd were down with starting a cash game once Derek and Ugarte were settled in. Jordan ended up bubbling out again!
Cash Game 1 - The Players:
Seat 1: Derek
Seat 2: Pauly
Seat 3: Mas
Seat 4: F Train
Seat 5: Ugarte
Seat 6: Andy
I wish I could say more about the first cash game other than that I lost $85! My Hiltons were cracked and that cost me a few bucks. As always, I'm a bleeder in Omaha hi/lo and I was giving away my chips. I was about halfway between Tara Reid drunk and Courtney Love shitfaced at that point and at a table of six, I declared that TPTK is an awesome hand in Omaha. That's why I pissed away most of tournament winnings, with delusional notions such as my Omaha debacle.

Otis called me sometime around 8:27pm EST for a Dial-a-Shot. I think he said he was in a bar in Boston. Or maybe I'm making that up. The last few times I've spoken to Otis, I've been obliterated, including in Vegas. When I was in Kentucky with Daddy a two weekends ago investigating the case of the Drunken Donkey Fuckers, we almost called Otis. I waited until Iggy's home game to give him a shout out at a more suitable hour. Anyway, thanks for the call, dude.

At that point, I was too sloshed to be using electronic equipment and hid my cell phone and camera. I really didn't care how much I lost and from my lack of notetaking, I'm sure that I was completely in the moment and enjoying playing cards with everyone, especially Mas, who I never get to see anymore now that he's a married man! Congrats again, Mas. And I never see Ugarte anymore either. He's becoming this bigshot comedian and only hangs out with people who sip Pinot, use air quotes, and toss around hipster buzzwords like Mocha Latte and WiFi as if they were the names of their firstborn children. Mas and Ugarte left the game up a few bucks.
Cash Game 2 - The Players:
Seat 1: Toni
Seat 2: Steve-O
Seat 3: Kathy
Seat 4: Cliff
Seat 5: Derek
Seat 6: Pauly
Seat 7: Andy
It was just after Midnight when I sat down for a second cash game. It was dealer's choice and I bought in for $90, the remaining winnings for the tournament. We played a lot of $3/6 rounds of Hold'em and Omaha 8. Kathy called Follow the Queen and Toni called 3-5-7. I bled in Omaha and won some of my money back playing Hold'em. Again, I didn't take too many notes because I was having too good of a time, which flew by.

1:04am EST... Steve-O cracked my Hiltons with K7s. Ouch.

2:15am EST... Derek hits a straight flush to beat Andy's four aces in a game of Follow the Queen.

3:21am EST... During Seven-card Stud (hi only), Derek called me all the way down to the river with an ace. I had two pair and I guess he thought I was bluffing.

4:41am EST... Derek limped in with AA and they got cracked by Toni. She had 47s and flopped an open ended straight flush draw. She had so many outs that Derek was almost an underdog there. She caught a straight to crack his pocket aces.

We ended the game just before 5am. I ended up down $64 for the second cash game and walked away up $26 overall I think. Ah, I dropped about $150 in the two cash games after the tournament. As least I was freerolling in the cash games.

Well, it was a perfect sendoff from Toni and her friends at the TowneHouse. Seriously, the chili rocked and Kathy's chocolate strawberries were awesome. We hung out for over twelve hours and drank and played poker the entire time. I got to meet a few people and two bloggers that I read (Joaquin and Jordan) but never met. Glad I got to do that before I headed off to Vegas. That was Derek's first time at the TowneHouse and I know he had a good time playing with everyone as well.

Shit, and I got to play heads up with F Train for over a half hour. I think that would have been more entertaining than some of the average coverage of the NBC Heads Up Championship. F Train acted like a real professional when I bad beated him and didn't fall out of his chair like Hellmuth did in his childish display of theatrics. Man, I should have had our heads up battle videotaped and uploaded it for everyone to see. Next time, I promise.

The only sour point was when Toni's upstairs neighbor complained at 11:06pm on a Saturday night saying that there was too much noise. I had been there on a random Thursday at 3am and we've been much louder. I dunno what was up that clown's ass, but it was comical to see a bunch of drunkards try to hush each other everytime the conversation got pretty loud.

Anyway, it was cool that Toni hosted a Bon Voyage Party. It feels good that people from back home will be checking in to see what I'm writing. Yeah I'm already looking forward to returning to the TowneHouse at the end of the summer to play with Toni and her friends again. Thanks again, Toni.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Pic of the Day: Hellmuth's Hiltons

I just watched Hellmuth take down Jesus to win the Heads Up Championship on NBC.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Top 10 Tips on Surviving Las Vegas

Well we're close. I'm 12 days away from my arrival in Las Vegas. This entry is devoted to bloggers who will be heading to Vegas, especially for you Vegas virgins. So let's get to it.
Pauly's Top 10 Tips on Surviving Vegas:
1. Cut back on sleep immediately.
2. Sip, don't chug.
3. Water is your friend.
4. Bring a cell phone charger.
5. Take pictures.
6. Ask before you post pictures on the internet.
7. Speak your mind and stay in the moment.
8. Table image is a factor in real life.
9. Don't be Gigli.
10. Never underestimate the importance of a $20 tip.
And now I'll go into specific details. Feel free to print this up and hand out copies to your entourage.

1. Cut back on sleep immediately.

As of right now, cut back on your sleep by 30 minutes every other night. Inside of two weeks, you'll be down to about 3.5 hours of sleep per night. The average Las Vegas visitor gets around 3 hours of sleep and the average poker blogger gets substantially a lot less. Cutting back on sleep is an easy way to get adjusted to sleep deprivation by following my simple routine. Seriously, if you are used to getting 8 or more hours per night, you're in trouble, I'd cut back 30 minutes everyday between now and Vegas.

2. Sip, don't chug.

Pace yourself with your alcohol consumption. Al Cant Hang is a machine. His blood type is 180 Proof. He's not human. I suspect he's really an alien. There are also a few bloggers who are veteran alcoholics. Don't succumb to the frission of being in a room with all your favorite bloggers and foolishly attempt to keep up. If you do, you'll end up clutching the porcelain God at 4am wondering why the hell that cab driver punched you out after you yaked up your dinner and a half a bottle of Southern Comfort in his back seat. Surviving the Sherwood Forest bar at 9am on the morning of the blogger tournament was a moment I'll never forget. It's a badge of courage like a soldier who managed to get through D-Day without a scratch. I'm glad that we made it through an entire weekend of partying in Vegas last December without anyone getting their stomachs pumped at the hospital or landing themselves in the drunk tank at the Clark County jail. Let's keep it that way. Slow and steady wins the race.

3. Water is your friend.

Las Vegas is in the middle of the fuckin' desert. Drink water. Lots of it. I used to try to drink one glass of water per alcoholic beverage consumed. In Vegas I do my best to double that amount. Sure, I'm pissing every eight minutes, but you're head will thank you the next day when you're experiencing a hangover-free morning. I think one of my biggest expenses in Vegas is my water tab, well that and trips to strip clubs with Grubby.

4. Bring a cell phone charger.

Don't forget one. Since you will be staying up from anywhere from 20-36 hours straight, you might want to make sure your cell is charged before you begin your gambling session. With bloggers in town, having a phone will be necessary to arrange meetings or if you need someone to post bail money. Besides, you should throw your loved ones at home a bone every 12 hours and send them a drunken text message or get someone on the horn for a Dial-a-Shot. When you are sleeping, charge up your phone during the few hours that you're crashed out.

5. Take pictures.

Come on, I know you geeky bloggers can't wait to spice up your Vegas trip reports with pictures. I encourage it, especially if you have never been to Vegas before. Don't be afraid to go camera happy and take more pictures than a menagerie of Osaka businessmen. Bring a camera, even if it's one of those disposable ones for $7. You have to leave Vegas with at least one good story and at least one good picture.

6. Ask before you post pictures on the internet.

If you are a person who thinks they look awful in photos or is just camera shy or they want to keep their identity a secret, then by all means please tell everyone now. Conversely, if you are going to post pictures of bloggers, make sure you get their consent. I know this shouldn't be a problem for me. My ugly mug is all over the internet. I'm encouraging my fellow bloggers to snap more photos of me so I have a better sample to pick from. For fuck's sake, I'm going to puke up cat testicles if I have to see the same fuckin' photo of me and Max Pescatori from Sam's Town. Max is a cool guy, but I'm positive when I die, some two bit rag is going to run that stock footage of me at the first WPBT gathering. I mean how many times did I see that variations of that photo on twenty different blogs? And no, I will not be wearing that pestiferous shirt in Vegas.

7. Speak your mind and stay in the moment.

I never got to really hang out with Bill Rini last time. That was one of my regrets... not making enough time for everyone. I simply assumed that I'll have time later in the trip to shoot the shit and play cards with Bill. That never happened. Don't make that crucial mistake. If you have the chance to talk to someone, take advantage of that opportunity. If you see Iggy at the pisser, seize the moment to talk shop with him. You never know what might happen during your time in Vegas. With such a big group, you won't have time for "quality one-on-one time" so whenever you cross paths with a fellow blogger, whether it's Otis sitting by himself at the Pai Gow table at 4am or running into Bad Blood at the Bellagio at 2am... stop by and shoot the shit. You won't regret it.

And don't feel shy or intimidated about saying what you want to me or anybody else. Our time is limited, so speak up! If you want to ask me questions, feel free. If you want blogging advice, just ask. If you want to buy me a drink, let's do it. If you want to go to strip clubs, then hold on a second and let me call Grubby.

8. Table image is a factor in real life.

A lot of us play the majority of our poker online. Some of you haven't played extensively in casinos, so here's my quick tip... image is important. How do you want to be portrayed? Like a dipshit tourist from Hootersville, Kentucky who's playing poker for the first time? Or a punk-ass kid with wraparound sunglasses at a low limit table who watches too much WPT? Or do you want to blend in and become a blur to your table mates? I usually cut my vocabulary in half and talk about topics like Celebrity Poker Showdown. I make sure I drink heavily in front of them, refer to women as "broads" and play one really awful hand in the first orbit that I showdown to the river. Too bad that I'm just being myself.

9. Don't be Gigli.

Wow, Bill Rini got two shout outs in this post. Hey Bill! If you don't know Bill was the first blogger knocked out in December's tournament. He was awarded the infamous Gigli DVD for coming in last place. I bought a new copy of Gigli (how sad is it when the postage costs more than the actual DVD?) which I will be giving to the first blogger out of the Aladdin tournament. Will it be you? And rest assured I will torment you for the rest of the year with chants of "Gigli! Gigli!" in your chatbox every time you play on Party Poker.

10. Never underestimate the importance of a $20 tip.

Do you wanna get shit done in Vegas? Tip the hell out of every person you see. I'm from New York City and we tip everyone. In a town like Vegas, most of the people working in the service industry are not paid extravagantly. They rely on tips to supplement their wages. You would be surprised how much attention you can get with a simple $20 tip. Heck that's like one big bet for some of you.

Example #1: I call this move The Grubbette. When you check into a hotel and they ask for your credit card, carefully place a folded up $20 bill underneath your card. As the front desk person is picking up the cash and card, quickly ask them if they can bump you up to a better room. It never fails. But then again, Grubbette is a lot cuter than me!

Example #2: Last time I was in Vegas, when I called around to find a reservation for dinner on Easter Sunday, I found out that every place was booked. Grubby, Senor and I made plans to meet Flip Chip and Poker Prof at Ceaser's Palace. I decided to pop into Palm to see if they had any open tables. The hostess checked her reservations book and said she didn't have any open spots for us. When I spotted two open tables, I slipped her $20 and said "Did anyone every tell ya that you have beautiful eyes? By the way, can you check again? That's Dr. Pauly, for a party of five." We were seated within five minutes.

There is only one instance where I will tell you to save your tips... and that's in a strip club. Never, under any circumstances give a stripper a tip. If I find out you did, I will smack you personally.

***** *****

Ok that's it for now. Those were my half-baked ideas on how to survive Las Vegas. If you can remember half of these, then you should make it home in one piece. Have a great weekend. 12 days and counting....

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Reader Mail: Camp, Books, Donkey Fuckers, Time, and Elisha Cuthbert

It's been a long time since I opened up my mail bag and shared some gems that I discovered in the last few weeks. Thanks for everyone for taking the time out to email me. I get a huge volume of email and do my best to read everything that comes my way. When I go out of town for a few days, my inbox clogs up and it takes me a week just to catch up. I seriously need an intern. I'm going to post an ad on Craiglist in the fall. And now let's start off with one of my favorite readers... Timmy.

Dear Dr. Pauly,

It's me Timmy again. I'm almost done with school. I was supposed to go to sleepaway camp but my dad wants me to go to baseball camp. The poker games at my old camp are soft. Thanks to all your advice and from reading Boy Genius's columns on Poker Player Newspaper I know I am a better player this year. I can crush the camp games! They also have girls there. Baseball camp is boys only and everyone plays poker. What should I do?

Timmy, Pensacola, Florida

Hey Timmy,

What's up homey slice? Let's get to the point. You are a mere pawn in your parents game of real world chess. Your dad is reliving old sports glory days through you. Tell him to fuck off and take up golf or something. The sooner you stand up to your old man, the faster you'll be able to live a childhood unfettered from PFDS... Parental Failed Dreams Syndrome. Reason with your old man too. Tell him you want to chase the muff around all summer and try to get Little Timmy some action that doesn't involve your mom's hand cream and an episode if What I Like About You.

Thanks for reading. Crush the games this summer,



That shot of Elisha Cuthbert you used in your blog (last week) hangs in one of the main boardrooms at my office. It's from a movie (Lucky Girl) that was made by the tv network I work for. I didn't work on that movie but I know the people who did.

So it's not too amazing of a coincidence. But our worlds just crossed.

Stacks, Toronto, Canada

Yo Stacks,

How about that, eh? I'm still hoping you can get Canadian Celebrity Poker off the ground. I'm sure if Elisha doesn't know how to play poker, we can teach her. I never saw that show she used to be on in Canada... Popular Mechanics. Was it good? Who knows, maybe she'll want to be a celebrity guest on a future podcast of Lord Admiral Radio? By the way, if you have the chance, please put a good word in for me if you happen to cross paths with Caitlin from Degrassi Jr. High.

Thanks for reading, Pauly


Dear Dr. Pauly,

Could you recommend some good books to read this summer while I'm on vacation?

Jacob, Alpine, NJ

Hey Jacob,

Man I love to read. I devoured some Marshall McLuhan recently. Go read Wil's book Just a Geek. If you like poker literature, check out The Biggest Game in Town written by A. Alvarez. That guy can write circles around me. Daddy loaned me Money Ball by Michael Lewis. That's pretty good stuff there if you like baseball and especially if you are a stat geek.

Thanks for reading,


Hey Doc,

I've noticed that you've been using "donkey fucker" a lot in your posts. What's the deal with that?

Josh, Brooklyn, NY

Hey Josh,

First of all, thanks for noticing. Not to beat a dead donkey to death, but in order to be a pain in the ass to anyone posting feeds of my blog on their sites for their own profit, I decided to use the term "donkey fucker" in every single blog entry from here on out. It will be tough, but for fuck's sake, I'm going to do it. Hey, my sensitive readers are lucky. I haven't dropped any C-bombs yet or posted pictures of frat boys from Akron fucking goats. Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading and not getting upset that I hit on your sister,


Pauly, Pauly, Pauly--

One quick question: How in the hell do you do all that you have to do, and still find time to play poker? Was it you that mentioned sticking to a strict daily schedule? I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to go about getting shit done, and still stay up to snuff on my cards, and right now, I'm clueless, and you're the one person with the most on their plate, yet seems to do it with ease. Have you found a wormhole that allows you to stop time? If so, I'd like a little piece of it.

Chad, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Well Hey Chad,

Sorry it took so long to answer your question. Let's start off with the simple fact that I am an insomniac. One early morning a couple of years ago when I used to work on Wall Street, I complained about my inability to sleep to the cleaning lady of all people. In her thick Guyanese accent she told me that God blessed me with the ability to function on four hours of sleep. "It's a blessing, son," she kept insisting. I finally accepted insomnia as a part of who I am.

Yes, I sleep at least 3 hours less than the majority of Americans and even 4 hours less than some of you. That all adds up to almost an extra day a week that I have to do stuff. That's why I read and write so much more than the average blogger and that allows squeeze in so much other crap. Over a full year I have an extra 50 days all because I don't sleep well.

Also, I try to curb my TV watching. Sure I'll watch sports but I try to avoid TV as much as possible. It's a huge distraction. TV is a blackhole for time. Throw your TV out the window and cut down on your internet time, both are contributing factors towards the dumbification of America.

Time management is essential. One of my managers on Wall Street used to scream at the top of his lungs, no less than four times a day, "Gentlemen, you're burning day light. Get to work!" I feel like that a lot. I hate to waste my time. It's the only thing I truly own.

Writing and playing poker are two extremely selfish activities. I am able to get away with doing both because I'm not married and I don't have kids. I don't want to spark a debate on whether or not married life can create stability in the life of an artist or whether it's a hindrance towards reaching one's creative peak. However, my close friends who are married with kids tell me every day about how fortunate I am to still be single.

The people in your life have to be cool. Derek knows I'm a little weird when it comes to writing and has been very generous with giving me my space. Fortunately for me, despite all the jokes I make about her, the woman who I last dated was highly independent (being an elevator button heiress certainly helped) and she didn't suck up all my emotional energy. I cherish the freedom to create, freedom to travel on a whim, and having unstructured chunks of time where I can lock myself in a room for a couple of weeks straight and crank out a novel. She allowed me to do that and never complained.

Hope that helps. Sleep less, stay single, and put a higher value on your time.

See you in Vegas,


That's it for now. See ya soon.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Hump Day Pimp Day: Hammers, Spoons, Books, Blog Tips, Freerolls, and Radio Free Pauly

One of my readers, Merc, recently won an SNG with the Hammer! Take a peek here. Good work, Merc. Thanks for reading.

Attention bloggers heading to Vegas. Joaquin does not have a romm yet. He is looking to share a hotel room while he's in Las Vegas with someone. If anyone is looking for a roommate to split the cost, please contact him. Oh, and stop by his blog and read his awesome posts about poker and Bobby Fischer.

Al Cant Hang is throwing a booze-induced-rager after the blogger tourney in Vegas. Check here for more details aout the after-party. The after-after party will be held back in our suite at Midnight if anyone is still up at that point.

Here is an interesting article written by Michael Cohen about the legality of internet gambling.

HDouble at the Movies is back! These are some of my favorite posts in bloggerdom. The flick this time is The Matrix. As the Dude would say, "There's like... no spoon, man."

My respect for Felicia grows more and more each day that I get to know her. She was giving me shit last week because I went the PC route and refused to rate her hotness on a scale from 1 to 10. I think we were in a group chat and someone asked about BG's hot cousin and I said she was a 8. Felicia tried to get me back yesterday by sending me a picture. I didn't puke instead as I quickly told her, I gained more respect for her. Now she's thinking about another way to get me back! Felicia rules. Stop by her blog(s) and wish her luck. She's got surgery on Thursday.

I watched Mas advance in a Step 4 WSoP event last night on Party Poker. He came from behind and almost won if he didn't get rivered. I saw him take down a huge pot with 27s! He's the man.

I played a little $3/6 on Party Poker yesterday morning with Heather. Inside of a half hour she was dealt pocket aces... three fuckin' times.

Go read Iggy's friend Mr. Fabuluous' recap of his home game last weekend. Great times.

I recently was sent a copy of Russell Fox's book Mastering No Limit Hold'em. His publisher asked me to write a review for my blog. I'm too tired and lazy to write a lengthy review. If I have some time next week, I'll do it. But here's the skinny. Buy Russell's book now and add it to your library. It gets my stamp of approval.

Say hello to the Lucky 13. Here are the last 13 blogs I added to my blogroll: Easy Cure, Jaxia, Fred Bals, Performity, Drowned at the River, Miss T74, Poker Blog Group, (B)log of Poker, Thirstan, Hagbard, Wicked Chops, Poker Junkie, and Mr. Horseshoe.

Blogging Tips

Are you looking on tips to improve your blog? My internet crush posted a hilarious entry called How to have a shitty blog. Some of her tips are pricless. Here's a bit:
2. make it obvious that you are ripping off other bloggers and that you are trying to always one-up them with your witty banter and personal stories that nobody cares about and you wonder why it's not working for you, this is because you exclude writing from an objective vantage point... oh and ps you're fucking boring.


7. do not lend insight or have any depth whatsoever in what you write and always state the obvious, write about things like you are the only person in the world who knows about them and go into great detail about everything you do, every place you go and so on because your readers are stupid and have never ever been to a wal-mart before and they don't know what double-dutch is because you are a fucking genius and we are not.
Raymi rocks. She tops my next "Top 5 List."
Top 5 Canadian Chicks I'd Like to Drink Moosehead With....
1. Raymi
2. Joanne
3. Elisha Cuthbert
4. Caitlin from Degrassi Jr. High
5. Margaret Atwood
Joanne is batting second and Caitlin is hitting clean up. There's something very sexy with how Canadian girls say the word, "about." Here's a nice segue. Speaking of Canadians...

Radio Free Pauly

I taped my interview with Sean on last Saturday morning for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe and it's making me a huge cult figure in Canada. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get this done (fo free) so stop by and show your support.

You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 26: Here.
You can download last week's show... Episode 25: Here.
You can read the show's notes: Here.

My segment starts at the 28:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 8.5 minutes. We talked about my prep for Vegas. Check it out! This week's show as always, features an interview with the Poker Prof. Stop by their site and down load extra nuggets.

If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean and Stacks for having me on.

Noble Freeroll

Lastly, the good folks over at Noble Poker are throwing me a free roll. It's part of the series of Las Vegas Bon Voyage games and tournaments I'll be playing in over the next week.

Anyway, I know that everyone has had a few gripes about the software. Put it all aside for a few hours next Tuesday. They are giving away free money. Plus, I'll throw in a special bounty if you knock me out. You can find the tournament under the Scheduled Tournament tab. This is open for all of my fellow bloggers, friends, and readers. Shoot me an e-mail and I'll send you the password.
When: Tuesday, May 24th at 9pm EST
What: NL $200 Pauly Poker Freeroll
Where: Noble Poker
Password: e-mail me for the details
This freeroll is not a cheap way for me to pick up Noble affiliates. Everyone I am friends with already has a Noble account after they signed up for Poker Prof's freeroll or the third WPBT WSoP Satellite. I'm friends with some of the guys over at Noble and they are cool enough to send me off to Vegas with a private tourney for me and my readers.

This might be one of the last chances that I'll be playing online before I leave for Vegas. Once I'm there, I'll be too busy with work to troll around online. Besides, why play online when I can hop in a taxi and play at the Mirage? I hope you can make it over to Noble next Tuesday.

That's it for now. I'll be back with an installment of Reader Mail tomorrow.