Monday, June 14, 2010

2010 WSOP Day 17: Durrrr's Grandma, Dutch Boyd 2.0, and the French Win...a Ladies' Bracelet

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, here's 469 words...

Durrrr final meets Isildur1?

"You've been three-betting light all day. I'll keep busting you up all day and night, just like I did to your buddy Ivey."

"I'm trying to take it easy on you. You look like my Nanna. She taught me how to play Stud for pretzel rods when I was seven. I taught her how to play PLO last year and now she's killing the games at Del Bocca Vista in Ft. Lauderdale."

"I don't buy into this hotshot internet pro crap. I survived the depression... the Great Depression. It makes today's financial crisis look like the 1950s. You kids have no value for money pissing away millions to drunken Scandis."

"OK, I was trying to be nice, but you've pissed me off. No more, Mr. Nice Durrrr."

"Bring it, pretty boy. I got chunks of online kids like you in my stool."

"Whatever. I'm just trying to build a stack early, or go home and beat up on Benyamine online. He's got this new Estonian girlfriend. She's really cool, but he's kinda distracted, so here's my shot to bilk him."

"Oh, that Frenchie? How much were you going to win off of him if you won the bracelet?"

"$300,000 and two McDonald's franchises in Paris."

"Really? Have you been to Europe, son? It's a little different. You know in France, you can get a glass a beer at McDonalds."

"I know, it's pretty cool."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

"I dunno?"

"Hotshot poker pro doesn't know shit about nothing outside of PLO. They're on the metric system in France. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is. They call it a Royale with Cheese."

"What do they call a Big Mac?"

"Big Mac is a Big Mac, but they call it Le Big Mac."

"Yeah, pretty retarded, right? Well, I'm going to get them to name it Le Durrrr."

"Le Durrrr? That's lame. What are you smoking the weed again? Son, are you holding any?"

"Um.... um...."

"Speak up son, you got any dope?"

"Um, no, there's this crazy security guy who looks like he's from The Sopranos and I'm afraid that his thugs are on the lookout for potheads blazing up at the WSOP. I don't do that stuff. Besides, how do I know you're not an undercover agent?"

"Lighten up for fucks sake, son. It's all good. I'm one of you. You think I sit at home and watch reruns of Bonanza and The Family Feud all day while waiting for the early bird special at the local diner? I'm blazing up and playing turbo SNGs. I'm GrannyB420. Check out my profile on Pocket Fives."

"You're a pothead?"

"Self-medicator, son. And I've been growing dope before you were even born. How do you think I got my buy-in?"

* * * * *

Bouncin' Round the Room on Day 17...

Before my Wall Street buddies give me guff for working a half day on Sunday (essentially anything less than 8 hours is a half day), let me go on the record saying that Day 17 was one of the slowest days thus far at the WSOP. That was a relief, because after 16 straight days in the trenches, I kinda needed an easy day to catch up with work. With only four events running and no 5pm event, the Amazon Ballroom seemed a bit... empty even though there were two final tables including the Ladies event which guaranteed a slew of screeching.

Event #22 Ladies Only Final Table: Michalski had a Pokerati player at the table, La Sengphet. She was the chip leader at some point on Day 2, but she couldn't muster up a run at the final table and bowed out in 7th place. Timmi Derosa, the girlfriend of Lee Watkinson, finished in third place. I thought maybe they'd bring a few monkeys to the final table to sweat Momma Goodall. The couple do a lot of work with primates and in 2006 ESPN went to their house to shoot a segment. One of the chimps went apeshit and bit a producer!

Heads up was between a Danish girl and a French woman... Sidsel Boesen vs. Vanessa Hellebuyck... for the bracelet. A contingency of vocal French players, fans, and spectators were in the crowd cheering on Vanessa to the eventual victory. The French won a bracelet this year... albeit in a Ladies event. As Benjo noted, only five French people have won bracelets so this is still an honor.

Vanessa Hellebuyck and Every French Person at the Rio
(except Benjo who took the afternoon off to hustle a tennis prop bet against the Canadians)

Event #23 $2.5K 6-Handed LHE: This was the official "sweat Dutch Boyd" thread once Al "SugarBear" Barbieri busted out in 6th place. Dutch Boyd got heads up for the bracelet and had an uphill battle if he wanted to win numero dos. The ski cap must have helped because Boyd came from behind to win the tournament and collect his second career bracelet.

Event #24 Day 1B Donkulus: OK, so let me tell you the real story about the Grandma and Durrrr in the photo up top. According to my French colleague, Harper, he said that Grandma was one of the late registrants into Day 1B. She got seated at a table with other late entrants... Dan Heimiller, Tommy Vedes, Jesus Ferguson, Phil Ivey, and Durrrrr. On the first hand, Jesus busted Heimiller. On the second hand, Ivey was UTG and said, "Gamble!" before he shoved all in. Jesus tanked for a few seconds before he called. Grandma woke up with Aces in the big blind and she snap called. Her Aces held up against Ivey's K-K and Jesus' K-7. She tripled up while busting Phil Ivey an doubling through Jesus. Granny runs good.

Event #25 Omaha 8 Championship Day 2: The 10K events are always packed and draw the most railbirds and gawkers in the room. Sammy Farha was among the leaders in the early evening. British bracelet winner James "Flushy" Dempsey even held lead late in the night, before giving it up. Mike Sexton and ODB David Baker are lurking hear the top at the end of Day 2.

Phil Hellmuth was walking around during one of the breaks. My buddy Joe Speaker was hanging out with me and said, "He walks like a priss... like he's afraid to unclench his buttcheeks." Hellmuth busted out before the money.

The Russians were out in force such as Alex 'KGB', Vladimir Shchemelev, and Eugene Katchalov. When the Russians are around, expect a to see the mysterious man with the satchel.

Photos courtesy of Harper & Benjo.


  1. KidDynamite9:33 AM

    please ask Speaker why he's paying such close attention to Hellmuth's buttcheeks... not that there's anything wrong with that...

  2. Schizohedron2:59 PM

    That's where Hellmuth keeps his luckbox.

  3. waldo3:42 PM

    Can I get a chip count on Granny? 

    Might buy a stake before Pokerati signs her up.

  4. Luke Thomas10:04 PM

    Holy lol............."Bring it, pretty boy. I got chunks of online kids like you in my stool."