Sunday, June 21, 2009

WSOP Fashion Report, Week 2&3: The Douche-O-Meter

By Change100
Las Vegas, NV

I know you're all disappointed. This year, I neither played nor covered the Ladies Event, which is typically the fashion Super Bowl of the poker world, but I just couldn't stomach all the perfume and squealing. Lucky for you, I have spies with cameras who were able to capture some of the style atrocities going on in the Amazon Room that day.

Like this one. Typically quite the style maven, complete with a Hermes bag and diamond jewelry, Beth Shak is now apparently considering trading in her status as a Full Tilt pro to become something of a latter-day Fly Girl. Behold, the Shak-band.

Do ya dig it?

A big part of the reason that my fashion reports now enjoy the benefits of the Tao's expansive audience is because of this woman (pictured below), who rounded up a group of her peers to send hate mail to one of my editors and, get this, even put out some idle threats of a slander lawsuit over some painfully obvious comments I made about her eye makeup. Talk about not getting the joke (or, perhaps, owning a mirror). In this photo, it's not so much Nancy Todd Tyner's eye makeup, but the scary orange nails and the prom dress from 1984 she decided to have turned into a jacket. So thanks, Nancy.

Jacket can also be used as a flotation device in the event of a water landing

Another question that has been nagging at me as I wander the hallways in the middle of the night, dazed from sleep deprivation is this. What lives in Mickey Appleman's hair?

"I'm not washing it anymore, so my dreads will totally be ready for Phish summer tour, brah!"

In the "Oh, Thank God" category this week we have Andy Black, who apparently cut his ties to the Taliban, borrowed a can of Barbisol from Mike Matusow, and shaved off his ratty-ass beard.

Old Andy returns, beads and all

Now, for a segment I like to call "How to Dress Like a Douchebag." For Exhibit A, we have David "Devilfish" Ulliott, who looks like a douchebag not only due to his hideous hoodie-studded T combination, but... oh I'll just say it. Hello! You're too old for this shit!

"OK, I have a garish hoodie and two texting devices.
A little botox and I'll look just like William Thorson!"

This young man, in his $200 graphic T, matching flat-bill hat, and designer aviators is a good example of how to dress like a douchebag. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give this a solid 6 on the douche-a-meter.

Dutch Boyd, though similarly clad earns a 7.5, the additional point and a half coming from (1) incorporating paint splatter into his wardrobe, (2) incorporating a Buddha graphic, and (3) incorporating Chinese characters.

And if only this man had added a few more studs and glitter into his outfit, he'd get a perfect 10, but instead, will have to settle for a 9.

That's all I have for this week on the Fashion Report, and until next time, don't be like this guy.

(All photos courtesy of Flipchip, Jon, and Felipe at

Change100 is a writer from Los Angeles, CA.

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