While laying out the catalog, I took a break and read Pauly's funny account of his brush with the late Tony Randall. I copied and pasted text that I was going to email him with, but instead I continued work on the catalog. Within the description of "toilet seat cover dispensers," I accidentally pasted Pauly's description of Mr. Randall so that it read (in bold): that fuckin' umbrella jerkoff for dispensing quarter-fold paper toilet seat covers.

With KK in LP, I raised 5xBB. $10. These raises get absolutely no respect. Saul stares at me with his one good eye, and pushes all-in. Thank you Saul, I'll be with you in a second. Because CLG calls the all-in. Eff both these guys when a K hits the flop. Saul doesn't even flinch, just reaches into his rack for 60 more. Cranky guy is about to lose his mind. He would have thrown all his chips in the air if they weren't already getting pushed to my side of the table.

A friend of mine, years ago while in graduate school, spoke of what she termed "white moments" - these are the moments which provide the greatest reward as a performing artist. They are hard to describe but unmistakable when they occur. The best way I can describe it is these are the moments when all the ingredients blend to make the perfect concoction - in theatre it's when everything - the acting, set, lights costumes and audience come together in a crystal clear moment of truth - the art is complete.

We call Iggy's hotel room, but he's nowhere to be found, so M and I stumble hazily into a cab, steeling ourselves for the insanity we'll shortly face at the Horseshoe. The first day of the big one, and we arrive at Binion's at around 2:00 PM to battle our way through a huge crowd of observers. ESPN cameras and boom mikes hover around Hellmuth, Doyle sits calmly, and a crowd has gathered behind the window in back of Johnny Chan's seat.

I'd never thought much of the WSOP. There's just too much luck involved in winning one big tournament, and I never really understood all the hype. But sitting there, looking at the best of the best at the beginning of a 7 day shootout for all the money, I finally got it. It's the experience. Nobody in this thing really expects to win, but the rush of playing the best in the world, and just having a chance... that's what the WSOP is all about.

Long story short - we ended up at a casino called Terrible's playing craps. Damn, we had fun. The table was rocking and rolling all night as we sunk further and further into savage drunkeness. I'm not sure what did it, but we ended up tilting out the craps boss. I had some help from M, who nicknamed the guy Don Rickles, which the entire table quickly picked up on. It was too damn funny because this guy was openly rooting against us. I suspected he was just bitter about us winning because he was, in reality, the casino owner just slumming it at the craps table.

3rd Place -- Star Jones -- Could be better than I think, but my guess is her ego, matched only by her size, gets the best of her. I bet Barbara Walters takes all the money in The View's home game...

Like the Hammer, this may prove to be nothing more than an amusing piece of stupidity. Which brings me back to the question that started it all. What do I feel Sully should do with the Hammer in the BB in an unraised family pot. Well, I think he should check. But I always check my big blinds in limit poker unless there's only one other person in the pot and I think he's cheeky. In this case, it's not yet a value bet, and there are too many players to try and Vegas out of the pot.

Oh wait, the main question was "how is the hammer properly played?". I don't have a clue, I don't play properly. I mean I'm advocating calling as an aggressive play.

Best possible flops for AQo:
Obvious: AAA or QQQ
Kick Ass: AAQ or QQA
Awesome: K-J-10, Q-Q-x
Moderate: A-Q-x
Average: A-x-x or Q-x-x

(x=cards lower than Q)

Dangerous flops include:
K-Q-J
A-J-10
A-Q-10
And any flop with 2 or more suited/connected cards.

That's what did me in on the second hand of that WSOP satellite in February. I had AQo in middle position, facing a small raise, and I called.

Where you really run into trouble is when it's A, X, X where each X is an undercard or even Q, X, X. It's not unlikely that someone is holding 2-pair or trips in that situation, and it can make your relatively strong looking hand your undoing. Signor Ferrari recently nailed me in his tournament when I had AQo, and although the flop came Q-J-7o, he stayed with me, and ultimately caught a straight on the river when a K fell, and he had 10-9s. Q-Q off the flop, or even A-A with a Q kicker isn't quite strong enough to justify a knock-out raise, yet is seems that's all you can do.

I think my practice is generally to call but not to raise with A-Q. I know there have been times I've raised with as low as A-10o, and sometimes it has been quite profitable. But if I'm in a serious tournament, and want to preserve my chances, I treat A-Q like a one-shot deal. If the flop hits for me, meaning, AA, QQ, K-J-10, or A-Q, then obviously I stay put and react depending on what else is there. Otherwise, even with a flush or straight draw, or a pair off the flop, I'm happy to toss it if I'm reading strong hands around me. If there's a Q or and A on the flop, and all I have is a pair with a high kicker, I don't feel so good, and may run against a big bet.

I feel that AQ is quite robust... (if best preflop) and should definitely raise. But not to knock out. To cut idiots' implied odds. But because of the other factors you mention, like tying people to a big pot (which I agree is bad), it might be a not so clear cut decision... A case could be made for limping in early position to conceal your strength with AQ, wait for a good flop and then go for a check raise. This usually knocks out a few gamboolers. If our premise is an ace or queen on the flop is mandatory, the idea of seeing cheaply has merits.

Once AQ gives up on winning without a pair it really doesn't want to get others out, at least up to a point. And if it was all in, it definitely should raise. On the other hand, with even semi rational opponents, that raise for value doesn't gain too much and may be overshadowed by the fact that keeping the pot smaller not only avoids drawouts by players less willing to accept lesser pot odds, but makes it more likely that you can get a raise in later to shorten the field. Again these concepts do not apply against total live ones... on the other hand, even in games like that, using these ideas will certainly make you a winning player.

The reason you have to be careful with (AQo) is because... you might be up against a hand where you'd be almost dead... so, if you got AQo, AJo, A-10o... and you're up against AA, KK, AK... you've got a terrible hand.

It's extremely hard to win a big pot with those hands (offsuited) when you've called a raise. They're definitely trouble hands. You're much more likely to lose a big pot with them than you are to win a big pot with them.

Part of me feels that "appreciate what you have in your life before it's gone" vibe. I had an amazing run with Phish and at least I won't be bitching about seeing any more subpar shows. It's weird, because I really felt that Phish turned the corner and started playing some of their best stuff since the Japan shows. I know nothing compared to 1998 and the Year of the Funk, when Phish threw down some of their best shit history. I'll put 1998 Phish up against any other band... at any time in their careers and they will give anyone a run. (With the exception of The Grateful Dead in 1977... when in my opinion, they achieved musical perfection.)

I can't say I've ever been luckier in a tournament. I've certainly played better, but sometimes you need a healthy dose of each to win big. Placing second in a huge multiplayer tournament was certainly worth the eye-strain and long time in front of the computer screen.

This was a 1,246 person $2 buy-in NLH tournament on Pokerstars. I can't pinpoint an exact time where I shot up in the standings and felt like I was going to be in the money (99 places paid), but I do know that the river was VERY kind.

Two or three times I went all-in as an underdog -- maybe A-8s for my opponnent and K-7s for me. Amazingly, I caught just the right card on the river each and every time. I beat A-8s with K-7s when I got runner, runner to catch an inside straight to the 8, beating two pair, A-8 that my all-in opponent had.

I only had KK once, and it wasn't a pretty result, despite a big raise right out of the chute. The board was 5-5-A, and although I made a big bet to bluff an A, three out of four people folded. The last called. A 9 on the turn and another big bet from me did not scare my opponent out. We both checked on the river (a J), and he showed A7o. Very gutsy calling a big raise with that -- but it worked.

10-10 was not much better. I soft played them, and was rewarded with an A-10-3 rainbow flop. I made a big bet, and got called. The turn was an 8 (still no flush), and I got called again. Probably should have tried all-in, but good thing I didn't -- the river was a K, which gave another very gutsy called a Broadway straight -- he was holding QJo.

Unlike KK and 10-10, QQ and AA were much kinder to me. There were three or four times late in the game where I had one of these hands, and someone bet into me before the flop. Since I was towards the low end of the stacks, I followed the obvious strategy -- raise all in and cross your fingers. QQ held up three times and really boosted my lead.

I folded a lot of good hands to keep me from going out early. I tossed AKo and 99 (twice) on hands where I would have gotten crushed. The "spider sense" I picked up from my comic book reading days was in full force.

The real kingmaker hand, though was AA at the final table. I held it in the BB, when I was treated to an all in raise in front of me. Now that would be good enough, except that there were 6 of us left at the time, and he and I were in 3rd and 4th place respectively. He had maybe 10,000 less. I called his raise, with everyone else heading for the hills. He showed QJs, and despite the Q that appeared on the flop, my AA held up and made me chip leader.

From there, things got ugly. No good cards to play with, and lots of bluffing, kept me alive and let others make big mistakes. I was momentary chip leader when we were down to head-to-head (1.1 million to 0.7 million), but the cards just turned south. He beat AKs with KK, and then I was doomed.

Ultimately, after a lot of dodging and parrying, I went all in with Q4s, only to see A5s come from him. No help for either of us, and I had to settle for second.

6.5 hours of online play can really take a lot out of you. But it feels good to be at that final table. The payout was almost $400, and a free entry in a "winners" tournament this coming weekend.

Stay tuned!

I played real tight. My first goal was to watch everyone play hands. I did not want to get knocked out first. I noticed quickly which players were the loose new comers and which players were the seasoned tourney players. The tourney newcomers were limping in in EP. You need to raise or fold in EP during no limit tourneys. These guys were seat 2, 6, and of course 9 (the Meatloaf looking guy in shorts). These fools had all their limps either raised out by LP bettors or they called and lost with crappy hands like J-2 offsuit. They all got bounced very quickly. I think I got the right table! The seasoned tourney players were not as good as they would lead you to believe. All they know is position raising. Position is critical but I picked up quick on their tells. I knew when they had something and I knew when they were just bluffing and position raising because there were only a few callers before them. Most fell for it everytime.

I never get excited when I see famous people. Riding the subways in NYC gives me the opportunity to see some famous athletes and actors, as well as others. I never get excited or ask for an autograph because who cares. They are regular people. I don't need to inflate their egos more than it already is, right? Fuck them. So iIusually ignore them and say, "Hi!" at best. But that's it. Nothing else. Paul and I walked over to the poker room and saw every poker pro you could think of. I've seen them on TV but in person was unbelieveable. I was in awe for once. Doyle Brunson was there, so was Scotty Nguyen, Jen Harmon, Jesus, Phil Ivey, Phil Hellmuth, Devilfish, Mel Judah, TJ Cloutier, Phil Laak (aka the Unabomber), Hoyt Corkins, Sam Grizzle, Ron Rose, Lederer, Gus Hanson, Meng the Master, Clonie Gowan, Dan Harrington, and everyone else you've seen or heard of (I know I'm leaving out a ton of people). Hollywood notables were Gabe Kaplan, Ben Affleck, and James Woods. There were others but they are not worth mentioning. I was truly excited. I was waiting for Vince Van Patten to fall down drunk somewhere, anywhere, as long as shana was nearby but no luck. Not even a Mike Sexton sighting. I guess they're just getting loaded somewhere waiting for the final table.

The highlight of the WPT event was getting to meet Scotty Nguyen. He was playing in the actual poker room because the tourney was over flowing so they had to use real game tables. I was leaning over the wall looking into the room and sitting a foot away from me was Scotty Nguyen. Someone asked him for a picture while he was playing a hand. He politely said one minute and folded his hand. He got up and looked at me and I said, "What's up Scotty?"

He gave me a hi five and said, "What's up guy?!"

He had a huge smile and then shook my hand and said, "How's it going big man!?"

I said, "Great! How bout you?"

"Awesome, baby!" he said and then he went over to the tourists and took a photo with them. How crappy is this? I lug my digital camcorder all the way out to Vgas and I leave it in my room. I could have close up footage of the pros and a Scotty Nguyen conversation. I blew it.

Editor's Note: I decided to break up my report into two parts. The introduction and first part appears on the Tao of Pauly. Part II, the poker write up appears on the Tao of Poker. Please visit the other site for both exciting parts!

The Players:
Seat 1: Al Can't Hang
Seat 2: Lewey
Seat 3: Mrs. Can't Hang
Seat 4: Big Mike
Seat 5: Landow
Seat 6: Pauly

In the last 24 hours, I met Pauly, watched a Phillies game, ate more sushi than one man should ever eat, and introduced him to the loosest, weirdest poker session. And drinking the entire time...

We met up with Pauly Sunday morning at Citizen's Bank Park for some drinking and baseball. First thing Pauly sees when we gets there, a buck-ass naked old black lady standing in the middle of the street. I guess she didn't like the 90 degree heat on an early May morning.

Somewhere along the line, we decided to hit the sushi bar before playing poker. I'm still re-thinking that decision. Over-heated, half in the bag, working on being fully in the bag. Why not throw a couple pounds of raw fish on top.

Now Pauly can give witness to the reason I'm not that good. Playing in this game is more like playing video poker. Any two cards have a shot. And it's a good chance Lewey will bet them. I'll give Pauly the opportunity to explain the pain. His KK got cracked by 23o in a brutal manner. The wifey and myself finished up for the evening. Pauly finished down and I'm not sure how everyone else faired.

I was getting bad beat after bad beat all day long. Even some Brett hull look-a-like beat me like a dog. What made losing to this guy more painful was that he was too lazy or just too cool to stack his chips. He just left them in a pile in front of him. "Why did I even get up in the morning?" was my thought. I was beginning to doubt my play and my mental game was starting to suffer.

I won the tournament with basically no effort whatsoever. Just one of those lucky days. I was catching very, very well. I just couldn't miss. I barely ever paired or bricked up. I just caught, then caught some more. Yes, some of it had to do with starting with only premium hands, then pushing them hard. Some of it had to do with my super-aggression versus the lack of aggression that most of the participants showed. I did play a good game, but I got very lucky, as well!

Here I had prepared to play up to three satellites, and then not even beat myself up if I didn't win one. Yet in less than two hours, I had won my Razz seat, and had nothing more to do!!

For me, poker's biggest appeal is its ability to wipe the condensation from the mirror, forcing you to behold your true image. You struggle with your successes and your failures, and only a cold, hard stare will tell you if you're a winner, a loser, or a winner who needs to clean up a little bit. I'm looking a lot better than I did on day one, but I know I have a lot of cleaning up to do in the next year.

If the question hadn't come from a six year old with moon pie eyes and no concept that the mountain of chips in front of me at the moment meant more in the context of the game than the piddling little stacks of the others hunched over the coffee table playing Hold Em, I might have been prone to give the question the ol' roll-my-eyes-and-audibly-sigh treatment.

All of a sudden, there's a hot naked woman on the TV! Now this is not a normal happening on NZ television. We get a lot of poorly disguised titilation "reality" shows - Paradise Island, Temptation hotel, survivor, the simple life, big brother (for some reason all Australian women, if you lock them in a house seem determined to prance around in bikinis and talk about sex. But actual nudity? Sometimes on arty films, but even seeing topless women is rare. Now, I do have a point, and it's not just that the Internet is far better than TV for seeing naked people.

Confidence - that's what I'm talking about. And it's something I could only prove to myself, it didn't matter how many players whose play I respected who kept telling me I was better than I thought. It truly didn't matter. I had deaf ears. I'm a cynic and a skeptic and the last thing I ever wanted to be was one of those players who thought they were a damn good poker player, but truly weren't. That was unacceptable and consequently made me very suspicious of my poker skills.

Two cheap cologne wearing Guidos smugly say, "Stop with the raising and re-raising guys, we all know you both have an A so let's just end it and chop it up already!" I had been playing with Vince and several of the same locals and hard core tourists since I arrived. Vince was a nice guy who I talked a little poker with over the last few days and he knew his shit. I always saw him buy in for $60 and walk out with 4 racks of $1 chips. He was good. I knew he had 4 of a kind. He was in the blind. What a bunch of stupid Guidos. It's 2004! No wonder they had no money left after their 2nd rebuys. I mention that maybe someone has four 3's. They said, "No way."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

They declined and I was right. Vince looks over at my side of the table and winks. He flips over pocket 3's.

The Players:
Seat 1: Asphnixma from Riding the F Train
Seat 2: Sugata
Seat 3: Christian
Seat 4: Ferrari
Seat 5: Rick Blaine
Seat 6: Joel
Seat 7: Coach
Seat 8: Ugarte
Seat 9: Dawn
Seat 10: Pauly

Last night was the big game. We played at Signor Ferrari's apartment (Ugarte and Pauley) were also in attendance. I knew I was in trouble when one player referred to another, as "one of the poker bloggers."

Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't be playing my third game of poker in a room full of men who blog about poker.

Once everyone was seated around the table, we were each dealt one card face up.

"What're these for?" Dawn casually asks.

"It's dealer's choice. High card picks."

"What does dealer's choice mean?" Dawn nervously asks.

"Dealer picks the game."

"Umm...we're not playing poker?"

Considering in my life I had only ever played 5 card stud where jokers and twos were wild and Texas hold 'em (which I learned by watching celebrities play on tv), I imagine in that moment I collapsed into a pile of chips right before their very eyes. Easy sucker money.

Coach: "Would you fart again, Rick?"
Rick Blaine: "You didn't even have to ask."

After winning one particularly huge pot, Ugarte asked Pauley how much money he had taken in. Obviously, trying to be cagey and witty, Pauley feigns some mental calculations and then says:

"Oh, I don't know, the square root of 64!'

At least three people at the table simultaneously say "8?"

Ugarte: "I don't think you were as inscrutable as you were trying to be."

Embarrassed Pauley hangs his head.

The Late Night Players:
Seat 1: F Train
Seat 2: Christian
Seat 3: Ferrari
Seat 4: Rick Blaine
Seat 5: Ugarte
Seat 6: Pauly

The phone rang and it was someone wanting to know if there was any more room at the table. His name was, I believe "dead money."... Seeing my opportunity I said I would be leaving soon, dead money was then told to come over (oh and "to hit the ATM heh heh heh")... These guys are evil.

The news of Christain's impending arrival was greeted with whoops and hollers. He is a good guy with a habit of losing a lot of money at our game. His reputation cost Ferrari a lot of money last night...

Christian's raises haven't been respected in a long time, so Ferrari probably thought he was going to drag a big pot with Big Slick when (1) Christian capped the betting preflop and (2) an A hit on the flop (maybe a K as well; I really need to take better notes). The pot got very large, particularly for heads up, and you could have knocked Ferrari over with a feather when Christian turned over Rockets.

Now, I'm not such a fan of "declare" games. I think that for any game, cards should speak. Quite often, there are only three players left in the hand by the time of the declare, two going one way and the third going the other. The declare allows the solitary player an extra betting round to build the pot. I have been on both sides of that coin, and frankly don't care for either. Be that as it may, those are the rules at the Blue Parrot.

The Final Tally:
Pauly +180
Rick Blaine +81
Dawn +24
Coach +15
Sugata -3.50
Ugarte -23.50
Christian -55
Joel -70
Ferrari -72
F Train -73

My first proposition: Pop Culture Passings. Pauly McGrupp... will the next celebrity to pass on to the pearly gates be a musician, or an actor?

1. He's a dick.
2. His wife is hot.

Table 1... The Players:
Seat 1: Cheap Thrills
Seat 2: Maudie
Seat 3: CanesFan
Seat 4: Chicago Phil
Seat 5: NemoD
Seat 6: EMPTY
Seat 7: PDooley
Seat 8: Jesus69
Seat 9: Boy Genius
Seat 10: EMPTY

chgophil: nh
NemoD: ty
Dealer: (Hand# 10787776) boygza won $130, didn't show hand
boygza: mean gene in the early chip lead with 1214
Canesfan: cant let him take another title tonight
Jesus69: i like your blog boy genius
chgophil: I'm the early short stack
boygza: thanks jesus
boygza: reader or blogger?
Jesus69: reader
Dealer: (Hand# 10787801) ChpThrls won $150, didn't show hand
Jesus69: i like your blog too Maudie
Dealer: (Hand# 10787933) MaudieB won $30, didn't show hand
MaudieB: Thanks

Dealer: (Hand# 10788230) Jesus69 won $840, didn't show hand
MaudieB: i thought Jesus was supposed to be charitable...
Jesus69: how do you show cards?
boygza: uncheck automuck?
Jesus69: ok thanks
boygza: hammer!
ChpThrls: lol
boygza: this is how i lost to the fat guy last time
Jesus69: whats the hammer?
boygza: 72o
Jesus69: oh

The Players:
Seat 1: EMPTY
Seat 2: HDouble
Seat 3: Otis
Seat 4: NemoD
Seat 5: LieBot
Seat 6: UpForPoker (CJ)
Seat 7: EMPTY
Seat 8: Life's a Grind
Seat 9: MonsterZ
Seat 10: Jesus69

Hdouble: hey nemos here
Hdouble: and jesus
NemoD: heya
Dealer: (Hand# 10788489) NemoD won $175, didn't show hand
Hdouble: jesus = pauly
Up4Poker: same difference ;-)
Hdouble: maybe
Jesus69: im not pauly, i'm mike from buffalo.
Jesus69: tao of poker sucks
NemoD: jesus asked "whats the hammer" at my last table
Hdouble: oh my bad mike
Dealer: (Hand# 10788499) MonsterZ won $200, didn't show hand
Hdouble: lol
Hdouble: oh the humanity
NemoD: haha
Up4Poker: The Hammer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus69: i like your blog though
Hdouble: thank you sir
Hdouble: you can donate your stack to me
Hdouble: ;)

A Challenge To Pauly McGrupp

You're an admitted incorrigible gambler. I'm well on my way.

I'd like to issue a challenge to you to for a weekly wager.

We'll pick something absurd. Whether it's the weekend box office gross of the fourth week of release of Spider-Man 2, or betting an over/under for what percentile Iggy can finish in his next multi-tourney, the hype and level of interest for a friendly $5 wager could be off the charts.

My first proposition: Pop Culture Passings. Pauly McGrupp, starting with this Wednesday's newspapers, will the next celebrity to pass on to the pearly gates be a musician, or an actor? (of course, we'll wait for the next actor or musician to die to pay off this bet)

$5 and pride is riding on your decision. I'll be happy to take whichever side you choose not to.

Are you man enough to play my little games?

Sure, it's not great comedy, and it's not hot drunk 18 year olds. But it got me another few bucks closer to being debt free. It was also wonderful to be mister suckout for a change. I have experimented with the fish lifestyle, and it was good.

A man scheduled to be sentenced for masterminding an illegal million-dollar investment scheme went to Las Vegas instead to play poker.

Superior Court Judge James N. Citta issued a bench warrant Friday for the arrest Brian Strahl, 29, of Staten Island, N.Y. Citta called Strahl "a degenerate gambler."

Strahl was scheduled to be sentenced Friday, but faxed Citta from Las Vegas to say he was playing in the World Series of Poker to win money to make restitution to his victims. The letter said he had made $5,000 so far.

The others (locals) are losers. They seem to never win and constantly bitch when they get out played and lose. These degenerate gamblers are definitely living in the wrong city.

As for the check, because it is for such a small amount, we will have to send it via normal mail. Otherwise, the cost of sending its would be greater than the withdrawal itself. Therefore, you can expect to receive your withdrawal in the next 2-3 weeks (because sending it normal mail from Costa Rica takes that long normally). It will be for $XX.XX minus the cost of the check itself and the cost of sending it.

ChoicePoker.com emphasizes allowing for the fastest possible deposit and payout transactions.

The Choicepoker.com family pledges to always be honest and consistent in all our promotions and advertising. As well, any information we publish regarding our company and operations is honest and truthful. All information regarding our games, policies and procedures are always available and open to the public.

Paris Hilton's Bio: The Straight Dope by Tenzin McGrupp

The 22-year-old Paris Hilton is the luckiest woman in America. Her great-granddaddy Conrad Hilton made a shitload of cash building hotels for rich idiot Americans who were afraid to stay at local hotels abroad. She was given luxurious homes in the hippest places in America and spends less than two weeks of each year at these gaudy abodes, because she is busy flying all over the world shopping, fucking, drinking, and snorting things you never imagined could be shoved up that cosmetically shuffled nose of hers. And no... Paris has never flown Coach once in her life.

An unknown model just a few years ago, Paris was thrust into the mainstream by a foolish act of debacuhery, when shit faced hammered, she never realized that some pencil dicked retard video taped themselves having medicore sex. The camera work was shotty, the plot was stale, and the sound fuzzy. In short, her acting debut was less than spectacular, it was like she "phoned in her orgasm". Due to the insanity of the internet, everyone in the free world has seen the infamous video which launched a less than avergae acting career, but with some snazzy advertising, marketing, and brainwashing, everyone watched her TV show. And now she gets to hang out with people a lot cooler than you, and waste more money in a single weekend shopping spree than you will earn in your lifetime.

Often a tabloid centerpiece, Hilton has gone down on numerous young actors on Hollywood's Hot List and even some very fortunate, random valets parkers. Her interests include shopping, talking on the phone, and making fun of poor people. She was photographed in a local newspaper once, giving money to a homeless woman. But it was a mix up, she just gave a hagged out Courtney Love a quarter so she could make a phone call.

Hilton is openly bi-sexual and divides her time between the crotches of both men and women.

Luxor tourney sucked ass. I was so pumped to play in Vegas again but my enthusiasm was slightly deflated when I got knocked out of the tourney within the first half hour. $28 down the drain and it was my first poker action of the trip. Some dirty Brit caught runner runner on the turn and river to catch a flush and crack my pocket KKs. Dirty fucker was calling my preflop raise with 3-6d. I flopped a set and the English bastard kept calling all the way to the river and knocked me and some girl with a set of 3's out at the same time. I hate that the Luxor tourney isn't no limit until the final table. That's what sucks about limit games. Too many callers who catch shit. Unfortunately I don't have the bankroll to play with better players. But who doesn't have a story about someone calling crappy hands to the river and catching lucky miracle wins? I guess there's way too much WPT and espn tv watching. The one thing I learned at the Luxor is that pot limit can kill you just as easily as low limit especially when there's tons of loose players and dirty runner runner catching Brits!

The Players:
Seat 1: Swish
Seat 2: Rick Blaine
Seat 3: Dave from Riding the F Train
Seat 4: Signor Ferrari
Seat 5: James
Seat 6: Joel
Seat 7: Coach
Seat 8: Pauly

The Late Night Players:
Seat 1: Swish
Seat 2: Ferrari
Seat 3: James
Seat 4: Pauly

The Final Tally:
Pauly +235
Coach +166
Dave +23
James +12
Ferrari +5
Joel -34
Rick -110
Swish -290

Mr. Pauly was recognized - again for his blogging fame. He's becoming quite the celeb! The guy had even used his bonus code! Good one, Pauly!

Best possible flops for KJo
Obvious: KKK or JJJ
Kick Ass: KKJ or JJK
Awesome: Q-10-9, A-Q-10
Moderate: K-J-x
Average: K-x-x or J-x-x

(x=cards lower than J)

Dangerous flops include:
10-9-8
Q-J-10
A-K-J
And any flop with 2 or more suited cards.

The first big hand involved College Boy and James. With Kc-Jc-7c-7h on the board, College Boy bet $15 and James reraised him all-in. After a few moments of thinking about it, College Boy called and he showed his K-Jo and James had Ac-x. I don't recall the river, but James lost the showdown and had less than $10 remaining. It was an amazing call by College Boy. In the face of a possible flush, he made the correct call and doubled up. He was the chip leader after the first level and I was up $9.

In the old cruise days back in the late'80s, we always called the side game the "buried at sea" game. The 2004 version of the buried at sea game was $100-$200 blinds no-limit hold'em. On the very last night of the cruise, John Juanda, Allen Cunningham, Carlos Mortensen, Randy Jensen, Prahlad Friedman, Mike Matusow, and I were all losing at least $20,000 at some point in the game. We were really playing some monster pots!

At about 11:30 p.m., we were told the poker room would close at midnight. Immediately, we offered to buy a poker table and pay some dealers out of our pockets to deal to us until the 8 a.m. arrival time in San Diego. After all, some of us were losing big in the game. Fortunately, Mark Tenner came up with a solution for us, and the game moved to the library of the ship - with a big crowd watching us play.

By the way, at this point, Daniel Negreanu was up $8,200 by playing my discards! Yes, you read that right. Whenever I folded my hand before the flop, the other players agreed to let Daniel play my hand from that point forward, much to the delight of the huge crowd sweating the game. Simply put, a night of craziness was brewing.

***** Hand History for Game 573115745 *****
Table Sauted Onions (Real Money)
Seat 5 is the button
Total number of players : 9
Seat 1: ABory ( $22.65 )
Seat 2: TurboRacing ( $31.3 )
Seat 3: bullscelt ( $10 )
Seat 5: Sinanju ( $25.05 )
Seat 6: Pauly ( $28.25 )
Seat 7: Maudie_B ( $32.95 )
Seat 8: kortoxe ( $17.7 )
Seat 10: Eldrik ( $94.45 )
Seat 9: redsox54 ( $24.5 )
Pauly posts small blind [$0.25].
Maudie_B posts big blind [$0.5].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Pauly [ 5s 4s ]
Pauly: nice hand, hammer Maudie?
kortoxe folds.
redsox54 folds.
TurboRacing calls [$0.5].
Eldrik: Hrm. Pauly of weblogging fame Pauly?
Maudie_B: No hammer
bullscelt folds.
Sinanju folds.
PaulyMcGrupp: perhaps....
Pauly folds.
Maudie_B checks.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 4h, 3h, As ]
Eldrik: Hehe.
Pauly: does my reputation preceed me?
Maudie_B checks.
TurboRacing checks.
** Dealing Turn ** [ 7s ]
Maudie_B checks.
Eldrik: Well, once you mentioned the hammer it was obvious.
TurboRacing checks.
** Dealing River ** [ Qh ]
Eldrik: I read your site.
Maudie_B checks.
AlCantHang: who doesn't?
TurboRacing bets [$2].
Pauly: thanks....
chrisdhal: lol
Pauly: I guess I'm famous.
Eldrik: Geez, regular bloggers convention.
Maudie_B folds.