Friday, June 11, 2004

"Life's not fair." - Jimmy Carter
It's reader mail time. I get asked this question a couple a times a week: How do you blog so damn much?

The answer is two-fold. I am an insomniac and I can't ever stop writing. Sleep deprivation is an odd thing. I come up with some of the greatest ideas at 4am in the morning (I figured out the endings to my last two novels at that time)... but I also come up with some the more moronic thoughts at the same hour (getting into a stupid bet with Haley involving a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, yes, that infamous bet which I'll write up as soon as possible, entitled... The Bet.) It's a coin flip, normally, the legitimacy of my late night thoughts. I am a walking coin-flip. I gets lots of weird phone calls at 4am.... from strange women with soft, sultry voices, from drunk friends who mumbled more words than I can comprehend, or some hippie friends of mine on the West Coast who still think it's 1999.

Back to writing... it's a nasty habit of mine and I need several blogs just to quench my never ending thirst to fill of the blogosphere with gibberish. Part of the reason I can post daily to multiple blogs is I am a marathon writer. I write a minimum of two hours every day as part of my daily regimen, in addition to working on other projects. And yet another fortunate reason is that I am able to blog very quickly (and all of you can attest to that, those of you who catch my many spelling, puncuation, grammatical errors) and I'm done with it. Some days I wish I could go back and rewrite my entries... but I never do, even when I cringe at some of my bitter or harsh or asinine words. I leave them up because what I wrote at that time... is how I felt. And I'm not into revisionist-bloggery over here. Not yet at least.

Where am I going with this? Absolutely nowhere. But you get the jist. I'm a word junkie. Writing has kept me alive, out of prison, away from the bars, and a safe distance away from high school girls.

Let's dip back into the mail bag. Do you watch poker on TV? You betcha. I watched a little of poker on TV the last few nights. That Celebrity Poker Letdown is such a blight upon this poker world. That host, Dave Foley, has about the same comedic enthusiasm as a warm glass of flat Diet Pepsi. Too bad because I used to think he was hilarious. You should let me host. You betcha I'll be hitting on Rosario Dawson. Hey, how yeeeeeeeeeew, doin? You know I'll drop plenty of Revenge of the Nerds references to Timothy Busfield. Too bad Booger didn't stop by with wonder joints to liven things up!

Also, a nice change would be that every week, I'll get a new guest blogger to be my side kick! And nothing against Phil Gordon, but every week, you should get a new professional player in there. I wanna see me kicking back with Doyle Brunson, eating slices of cheesecake and sipping Southern Comfort with Al Can't Hang... tooling on that moron, whose name I never got to know because he was bounced on the first hand by Norm McDonald. (Incidentally, yes, I have been knocked out of an SNG on the first hand before. It's not a fun feeling. It's like getting your balls massaged by an ice scraper.) I wanna see Phil Hellmuth whine at poor starting hands and listen to Iggy hurl Guinness-fueled insults at some of the very loose calls by the b-list celebrities. Could be a lot more fun.

Hey Hobbit Boy! Go all in!!

But there's a new added feature... Ask a blogger. When a celeb gets in a jam, they can ask a blogger for help. I can imagine HDouble jogging out and whispering into Chandler Bing's ear, "I think you should fold. And Pauly wants to know how come you didn't bang Rachel instead of Monica?"

Of course, I came up with this idea at 4am earlier this morning. So you decide. Have a great weekend. See ya at the tables on Party Poker.

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