Friday, September 29, 2006

Dear Hillary

Dear Senator Clinton,

I'm writing you because out of my two Senators (you and Chuck Schumer), you definitely wear the pants in the family. And besides, Chuck has no aspirations of anything else besides being a US Senator. We all know that you have your shifty eyes on the White House, so listen up if you want votes in November of 2008.

Let's be honest. I didn't vote for you in 2000. It's not that I'm a registered member of the Green Party. And it's not that you're a woman. It had everything to do with the fact you didn't live a day in my home state until you decided to run for office.

OK, I'm pissed just like all the families (including the NYPD and NYFD) whose loved ones died on 9.11, because you didn't show your mug at one wake or one funeral. I'm shocked you didn't go for the easy press op. Bottom line... you dropped the ball. Rudy was there and he cried with the families. Where were you?

Now, here's your chance to get your shit together and make a majority of your constituents happy. Me included. I have no intentions to vote for you. Ever. Unless you do the right thing and tell Bill Frist he can go suck a fat one.

I understand how crucial it is for our national security to pass the Port Security bill. But please do me and every poker player in the state of NY a huge favor... make sure the language gets changed to exclude the Internet gambling language that First tried to sneak through like a coward.

Hillary baby, if you veto this bill, I'll be one of many poker players who will remember how you stood up for our interests. I'll vote for you in every election you run for if you kill the bill. I'll stop making Slick Willy jokes about his penchant for donuts and chubby interns and I'll stop doing bad impressions of Willy in his rednecky-Arkansas accent saying, "Swallow the evidence, Monica!"

If you want votes from poker playing New Yorkers... then do the right thing.

Yours in politics,

* * * * *

If you live in NY, then call up Charles Schumer at (202) 224-6542 or Hillary Clinton (202) 224-4451 and tell them that you oppose attaching Internet gaming language to the Port Security bill.

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