Tao of Poker

Daggers in Men's Smiles

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

Oh my God. Iggy put aside Guinness and Politics for a moment and actually blogged about poker! Right now, on the other side of the world a butterfly just got smashed to death when its brains ended up splattered on a windshield of a truck. Coincidence or just another meaningless event in life?

Not to be outdone, I'm pressured to write actual poker content that's not drivel commentating on the dark side of humanity gambling and Las Vegas. I wish I could sit around and write about happy things like rainbows and bumblebees and pocket Aces holding up and a day without cheating in poker, but then again, I've always been one to speak what I feel instead of what I ought to say and that gets me into a lot of trouble.

I have been enjoying poker as it has taken on a different and a minor role in my life. I played almost every day in April (except when I was seeing Widespread Panic in New York). I have been on a nice run over the last two weeks, mostly because I have been in the same place and settled into a daily routine which gave me several hours every night to play poker.

And here's what's even more bizarre... I actually played a bunch of tournaments in the last ten days or more. I know, I know. I never play tournaments any more. They are a waste of time and I don't have large chunks of time to devote to playing a bunch to get back into peak form, if I was every in peak tournament form. Every few months I seems to migrate to a different area of poker... from PLO cash games to NL SNGS to Limit cash games to NL cash games to MTTs.

I usually switch things up when I get bored or slip into a losing streak. I used to be stubborn and plug away at losing streaks. Now I know it's best to take a few days away from the grind and get my mind off of losing and start thinking about more positive things. Most recently, I have been bored and it's been hard to find full ring mid-limit LHE games so I have been feasting off the cod and trout infesting the 1/2 and 2/4 NL tables.

* * * * *
I've also been passively trying to find a cheap seat into a WSOP event. I'm only going to play one event this year and I'd like to satellite in if possible. Tony G staked me last year in one of those Saturday $1,500 NL clusterfucks and to everyone's surprise... I cashed.

I played a couple of WSOP main event freerolls on Poker Stars for their latest promotion. You are eligible to play one per week, so why not? Those entry freerolls attract several thousand players. Talk about a tiresome journey! It's a pushfest early on in a sprint to see who can luck out the most and accumulate monster stacks since only the Top 50 get a ticket into the Saturday Weekly Finals where they're giving away seats.

The one that I played last week had 3,471 runners. The first 1K busted out in the first fifteen minutes. Over half the field was gone in 25 minutes. Those freerolls are always filled with lunatics and that's why I play like one. Only madness can succumb to utter madness. I doubled up a couple of times early with big dogs like... J-J and A-Q. I also sheepishly took down a pot with 9-3o.

I didn't last long and busted out in 1,229th place. Five players limped in a pot and I jammed with A-10 from big blind aka Stig Top-Rasmussen. A muppet with K-10 called. Bad beats against dominated hands are the worst of the worst, especially when you get outflopped by an eyeless villain from Scandinavia.

* * * * *
I made a rare appearance at MATH. There were 70 players and action was six-handed. My starting table included RaisingCayne, tilt away, ScottMc, katiemother, and mclarich. I played a lot of hands and raised RaisingCayne big blind a lot. I had a healthy stack when I doubled up short stack. I was ahead but lost to a treacherous four-flush. I never really recovered and got switched tables.

At my new table, I was way below average. The button raised and I went for a re-steal. He actually had a decent hand and called with A-Q. I missed and was out in an unimpressive 54th place.

I played the Mookie last week too. There were over 100 players and the final two tables got paid.

My starting table Donkette, millerd33, LJ, GCox25, pokerenthusiast, Julkeus, jeciimd, and rmbj494. I doubled up early when I flopped a set of 4s and then rivered a boat against Donkette. I built up a stack then lost the majority it when I jammed with a big draw. I had a gutshot straight flush draw against top pair. I missed and got crippled. I was shortstacked and tried to steal from the cutoff. My A-2 ran into Alceste's A-K. I couldn't suck out and got busted in 70th place.

* * * * *
Last Sunday was 4/20 Day which is a holiday for midnight tokers all over North America. I played in Uncle Chuck's Basement Game... a $4 NL rebuy. There were 28 herb-friendly players in the event. Top 4 got paid. There were 126 total rebuys. I was in for 11 including the add-on. My starting table included schlepp571, HighOnPoker, lucko21, BuddyDank, Derek, and Zeem.

Ks-10s lost in three-way pot. Reload.

8d-7d lost in three-way pot. Reload.

Q-Q lost to J-10. That one stung. My balls were numb for about twenty minutes after that miserable river. Reload.

6h-5h lost in three-way pot. Reload. Derek won the pot and jumped into the lead with 12K.

J-10 lost to K-K. Reload.

The poker gods finally shined their love light on me. I doubled up with a feeble K-9 and then doubled up again with A-K to go up to 10K.

A-K held against A-10. I jumped to second in chips.

A-Q held up in three-way pot. I was the chipleader with 23 players left.

At the break, I had 16.8K and was second in chips to Astin's 18K.

I had the munchies and ordered Thai food for dinner.... spicy beef waterfall and the yellow curry chicken.

I spewed chips and lost a lot of my stack to a river flush. Change100 and Daddy were moved to my table. Daddy was talking about smoking fingernails. I snorted them once in front of the monkey cages at the Playboy Mansion.

During my banter with Daddy, at some point the little censor guy inside my head let this line slip out... "snorted toenails off the tits of a 15-year old thai hooker." Or something similar to that phrase. I'm shocked that it got through the censors and I haven't had my chat banned.

The food arrived and I was starving. Chips were sparse and I busted out in 13th place. I pushed all in with a gutshot on the turn against Lucko's two pair. I missed on the river and was eliminated. At least I got to feast on delicious Thai food without any interruptions.

Change100 made the final table and the internet went spotty in her apartment just as it reached the bubble. But those problems cleared up and she came from behind to win the 4/20 Day tournament.

I was in the process of rolling a blunt when action was heads up between LJ and Change100. I completed my masterpiece just at the same time as the final hand completed.

"Let's make that a victory blunt!" said an excited Change100.

Fitting that the ganja queen took down Uncle Chuck's basement game on 4/20 of all days.


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