Hello Rock Bottom, My Old Friend

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA


I gave a friend of mine in London a tip on Cocoa futures earlier in the week. It'll be good for a quick pop if he wanted to gamble on a spike in cocoa prices. The political situation in the Ivory Coast has grown worse and worse every day. How bad has it gotten? Mercenaries are burning people alive and the French sent in troops. While the Anglo-American Junta are cockblocking Europe, Russia and China for control of the remaining oil reserves on the planet, the French want to make sure they have control of coffee and chocolate. The French have refined tastes. Us boorish Americans want to refine oil. Petrodollars are king.

Gold is too expensive for a small-time investor like me. Plus, I'm no Dan Shak. I am, however, a silver bug. My passion for the precious metal began as a hedge against a declining dollar. Silver has doubled in price in a year. I have long positions (there's my disclaimer) and since December, I've been telling everyone I know to do their own homework about silver, yet to be wary of all of the silver conspiracies and disinfo out there (but the Silver Bears are fucking hysterical though). Another colleague joked that if he was tailing a mutual friend's basketball picks, then he'd be able to buy silver, per my recommendation. Silver passed $40 and it's racing toward the all-time high when the Hunt Brothers attempted to corner the silver market in the 1980s. I've read about some projections that suggest it's going to the fucking moon (in the hundreds of dollars), but I'm targeting $45 by Memorial Day, $50 by July 4th, $60 by Labor Day, $70 by Halloween, and $80 by the holidays and over $100 this time next year.

Yeah... silver, cocoa and basketball.

As you know, I've been struggling with betting on baseball. It's hard to quit cold turkey, but I've re-focused my attention on basketball, which has always been my bread and butter much like the pick and roll. I had a decent Friday night and missed hitting a 3-team parlay with the Clippers. The fucking Clippers, the lowly Clippers, the red-headed step-child of the NBA. I heard whispers that the Maloofs want to move the Kings from Sacramento to Anaheim (I'm not even 40 yet, but I was about to type... I remember when I was a kid and I'd open up the newspaper to check the standings and back then the Kings were in Kansas City), which would put three teams in SoCal and the Clips would still be mooks of the NBA.

For Saturday, I swapped addictions. My girlfriend went out of town and all hell broke loose! Instead of betting on baseball, I dove head first into soccer (both British and French leagues), NASCAR, and golf. I've often joked that NASCAR is even more degen than baseball, and that I wouldn't hit rock bottom until I was betting on NASCAR.

Well... hello, Rock Bottom, my old friend...I've come to bet with you again, because the lines softly moving, left its point spread while I was sleeping, and the over/under that was planted in my brain, still remains, within the sound of silence.

I'm a half-step away from attending my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting after I pulled the trigger on a NASCAR bet. I took the keen advice of Buffalo66 (yes, he's from Buffalo and I know what you are thinking... 'what the hell would a Yankee know about NASCAR?'). B66 has been sharp with his NASCAR selections this year, so I decided to tail him for shits and giggles.

I'm an Ipswich fan only because a British colleague Simon (aka the Suffolk Punch) is a huge supporter of the Blue. I decided that I was going to get behind the Blue as well after Simon told me a bunch of former Ipswich players were extras on the sensational 1980s film Victory! starring Pele, Sly Stallone, and the greatest living actor... Michael Caine. I got into the spirit of Ipswich and started consuming Blue Hawaiian rum drinks and watched every single John Wark videos on YouTube. I needed a gambling fix after I gave up baseball, and figured soccer would be a dose of methadone to keep away the "shakes." I made a wager on Ipswich to beat Crystal Palace in an English League Championship match. I woke up at 6am to write for an hour before I sweated the game. And what a game it was... some teenager named Josh Carson scored two goals and Ipswich held on for a 2-1 victory. I can definitely get into this soccer, er... sorry, football fever.

I also bet on Benjo's hometown of Lille in a French league game. They were a favorite and I knew I could watch the match online. It's on in the background as I watch the Yankees-Red Sox game on mute. I can't stand listening to Joe Buck, who is Bob Costas Lite. If I want Bob Costas, I'll listen to Bob Costas, not some vanilla-flavored yes man.

When I lived in Atlanta, I religiously watched the Masters. Last year, I tuned into the freak show because it was Tiger's first major back after he cheated on his Scandi wife she found out on it, and she teed off on his face. But this year I needed incentive to watch the Masters, so I placed a prop bet on Tiger's third round. I'm pretty sure I'm betting with the sheeple on this one with a UNDER 70 bet, which means he's gonna shoot a 75 today. But I don't care... at least I'll feel as though I'm not wasting my time by listening to Jim Nantz's snooze-worthy commentary.

The soccer bets and the Tiger bet are simply tiding me over until the NBA games tip off. I'm going back to basics and fading the Washington Wizards on the road.

OK... so French soccer, British soccer, NASCAR, golf, and the NBA. Is there anything else I could bet on today that is not baseball? Wait, there's a college hockey game on right? Michigan vs. Duluth-Minnesota. Any one know anything about college hockey?