Monday, January 26, 2009

Conceptual Paranoia

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA
"Suffering is the origin of consciousness." – Dostoevsky
I achieved Iron Man status on Full Tilt for a sixth consecutive month. I shall pause a moment while I bask in the warmth of your thunderous applause.


Thanks. I needed that acknowledgment of my consummate brilliance. That meaningless pursuit shocked me. Iron Man, I am. Now there's a promotion that just prays on poker junkies as Full Tilt's fat cats get rich off of the rake that you generate in pursuit of said promotion. We're just a bunch of monkeys trying to fuck a football.

I actively set a goal and played a specific about of time every day during the first two months of Iron Man. Since then, I never focused on that promotion. It just happened because I have been grinding it out at the cash game tables the last four months. The insomnia has been especially brutal the last few weeks. I passed the time playing online poker and re-reading some of my favorite authors such as Thomas Pynchon and William Styron.

I played more online poker in the last six months than I have in any previous six month blocks over the last few years. Why have I all of a sudden been playing a ton of online poker? It's simple. The economy blows camel testicles.

It's a matter of time before we have civil unrest in the streets like the econo-riots currently in Iceland. Mass hysteria. Anarchy. The end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine because I'm rolling up a stake and prepping for the impending doom. Currently as we speak, Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot is stocking up our Armageddon cabin in an undisclosed mountainous location with ammunition, canned goods, and a collapsible fishing rod. And don't forget about your copy of Surviving the New World Order manifesto by the Human Head, which is necessary reading material before you set up your panic room or move your family to the Great White North.

In the meantime, the pillars of capitalism slowly implode in a controlled demolition as the economy mutates into a socialist model. I'm not wasting any time and supplementing my income by fleecing the trout and preying off of desperate souls who are pissing away the last of their online poker accounts in a perplexed frenzy.

Conceptual paranoia. In desperate times, people do completely retarded things. That's when you really figure out what makes a person tick. Carefully observe how they react in a crisis situation. It's hard to mask your liabilities when the shit hits the fan. That's when you discover your true character and realize that only the strong shall survive.

The last few weeks of weirdness on the intertubes reminded me of the last few days on Party Poker before my favorite online poker room pulled the plug on US operations and left our beloved soil. Talk about some frantic souls on Party in the last days, like all those helicopters landing on top of the U.S. embassy during the fall of Saigon with the desperate folks clinging to the bottom of the copters while the Viet Cong surrounded the compound. Anyway, the last few days on Party Poker were a feeding orgy for sharks. Lots of people pissed away the last bits of their bankrolls.

For some reason, I sensed a growing desperation among many of my opponents. The bad beats that I issue sting just a little more than normal.I'm getting a lot more lip from the dweebs. The disastrous economy affected my opponents' decision making abilities and I'm taking advantage of their mistakes. Aggressive players have slowed down a bit and they're thinking more about capital preservation (their bankrolls) instead of playing their natural game. The average investor lost 40% of their savings and all of a sudden they're playing like a bunch of fuckin' pansies.

Technically, that's tilt. The basic definition of tilt is not playing under optimal circumstances. Yes, the economy is tilting the masses. The sheep. The goats. The baboons. The ferrets. The ostriches. The striped sea bass and the remainder of lowly inbred shitstains who infest the online waters. Oh the horror, the horror. Exterminate all the brutes

If you play scared and delirium abounds, I'm gunning for you. I have set my targets upon thee. I have no fear at the tables. I want the last of your bankrolls. And you should be afraid that I smell your fear because I have Phish summer tour to fund and it's not going to be cheap. Plus my girlfriend is a known-ganja addict. That's an expensive hobby.

As Sun Tzu said, "Rapidity is the essence of war. Take advantage of the enemy's unreadiness."

I rarely write about my poker play. When I'm not playing there's no bad beats to bitch about or interesting hands to brag about, so during the down cycles I make up some shit on the fly and publish that tripe.

Although I'm playing a significant amount over the last few months, I'm still not writing about my play. Why?

Well, here's seven random reasons...
1. Yawn. Writing about my poker hands has as much depth as a recurring character on Sesame Street. Writing about every single poker session is not as interesting to me as it once was. I'm looking at long term results and I don't obsess over every hand that I play. I guess it's also the zen of poker. Once a hand is over, it's over. I might take notes on my opponents but that's not stuff I'm going to publish. I basically don't dwell on the past and just focus on the now. After all, it's just a state of mind.

2. Burned. Part of my lack of personal poker content can be attributed to sheer burnout after writing about tournaments and the poker industry non-stop for the last few years, not just here but for dozens and dozens of clients over the last half-of-a-decade.

3. Shifty. I have been reducing the amount of actual poker writing that I do, not just here but everywhere. Over the last twelve months, I increased the amount of fiction writing and music writing. My focus and priorities are shifting. Writing about poker is a job. Writing about other interests like music is my pleasure (and new job).

4. Hidden. There's a part of me that doesn't want to reveal how I play by scribbling down the inner workings of my mind as a hand develops. Seriously, does anyone really care about how I play Jacks in early position? I know that's the last thing that I'd want to read about first thing in the morning. But that's something my opponents would be interested in and if they are any sort of real player, they will exploit that edge and inside information.

5. Appeasement. Give them what they want. Life is tough. Readers want to laugh and I like to bring a smile to your faces... she smelled like a Tijuana whore... guess who I pissed next to in the Bahamas... Michalksi loves playing 'cornhole'... Otis tilts every time Isabelle walks by him... when was the last time you hate-fucked a Las Vegas hooker?

6. PMA. Positive Mental Attitude. Why fill the intertubes with negativity and heartache? There is so much of that in everyday life, the main reason you are here reading this right now is that you're escaping from the day's grind as you are sunk deep into corporate slavery and want to be entertained. Only small minority of you come here for strategy, much to the dismay of my buddy Stormwind who wishes that I'd write more strategy posts or as W would say strategery. The strategery whores can soak up the static on 2+2 or buy Harrington's books in bulk.

7. No sexy time. I played a significant amount of limit hold'em which is ABC poker. And as we know, ABC poker is not sexy. It's not interesting. However, ABC poker pays the bills.
There you go. Seven simple reasons why the day-to-day half-baked musings about my online poker play has been absent.

Time for me to go. I have a book to finish writing and an Armageddon to prepare for.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

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