The gambling ramblings of Pauly -- a writer, traveler, and degenerate

 
On the Road 2008: Tao of Pauly Year End Video

By Pauly
New York City

I spliced together an eight minute video of some of the highlights of my 2008.


I traveled extensively in 2008 from Australia (Melbourne & Byron Bay) to New Zealand (Queenstown & Milford Sound) to Copenhagen, Denmark to Langerado, Florida to Las Vegas to Colorado to London to Amsterdam to Budapest to San Francisco to San Diego to Rhode Island and lets not forget places like New York City and Los Angeles.

Pure hijinks with Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot occur at 4:55 in the video.

And yeah, Happy 2009 to everyone!


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/31/2008 04:20:00 PM | Permalink |

 
The Tao of Poker: 2008 Year in Review, Part 2

By Pauly
New York City

And we're back with the conclusion of the Year in Review which features highlights on the Tao of Poker from June through December of 2008.

* * * * *
June 2008

I returned to blogging exclusively for the Tao of Poker at the 2008 WSOP. I developed a formula where there would be two posts a day including a daily live blog with hourly updates and at the end of the night I'd write up a recap of that particular day.

Here are links to the daily end of day recaps...

Day 1: Welcome Back to the Zoo... The 2008 WSOP has reached the pinnacle of greed and poker has become another casualty of the capitalistic mutation of all things cool in the world. If something is cool and deemed cool by the people participating in it, it's just a matter of time before the misanthropes swoop in and ruin everything pure about the game.

Day 2: 4,000 Donkeys to the Rescue?... There's the housing crisis and mortgage fiasco that has infected the Las Vegas valley. Several major construction projects have been delayed due to financing issues, such as Trump's latest vanity project a condo-hotel on the North Strip. He planned on building a second tower, but even Trump is having trouble raising capital. And the future of the $3 billion Cosmopolitan Casino project has yet to be determined since their developer defaulted on a $760 million loan from Deutsche Bank. Yeah, Vegas is in a bit of trouble and 4,000 donkeys are not going to save a sinking ship.

Day 3: Medic Cockblocks Bloch and Full Tilt Antonius... Mike Sexton. Patrik Antonius. Andy Bloch. Kathy Liebert. The Unabomber. Chris Bell. SowersUNCC. amak316. Nenad Medic. It reminded me of a final table from 2004 or 2005. And not like the final tables of the last couple of years where it was a bunch of unknowns, internet pushmonkeys, inbred nits, and the odd assortment of guys who said they were pros but who were really broke-ass mofos.

Day 4: Vultures and the First Mistake... knew one gal who worked marketing for Absolute Poker. Her sole job was to buy off final table players at the WSOP. She had two bags. One had stacks of cash. The other had Absolute Poker gear. Sometimes these negotiations get rough as online sites compete for players. All of this goes on behind the scenes during the hours leading up to the final table. That side of the business is cut throat, nasty, and is just pure anarchy. That's part of the reason why I have a bad feeling about the Final Table Delay. I know the ugliness that goes down the night before the final table. You can imagine all the shenanigans that will present itself during the months leading up to Main Event final table in November.

Day 5: Stakes and Shakes... with staking deals come a whole set of other problems. I've been staked and staked players in the past and it all comes down to a trust issue. Greed always fucks stuff up and that's what staking deals get a little hairy. During the first weekend of the WSOP, one somewhat popular bracelet winner owed another bracelet a six-figure make up. The guy who was stuck had a huge score at one of the PokerStars Sunday tournaments. He used some of his winnings to buy a new car and a trip to Hawaii with his girlfriend. The backer found out and was furious, while the slippery eel avoided him for three days until he got cornered in the hallway.

Day 6: Melting Eskimo's Igloo and Erick Lindgren Wins First Bracelet... Lindgren was one crazy muthafucka. And if he could transcend physical and emotional pain and surpass a rigorous challenge such as that death-defying golf bet, then he definitely had the necessary mental toughness to win a WSOP bracelet. He came close a couple of years ago and missed, but this year he managed to win his first bracelet against one of the toughest final tables in recent history. These days, you never know if you'll get a chance at making a final table, let alone winning a bracelet. Lindgren had his shot and followed through. He begin the final table fourth in chips. Although ZeeJustin held the lead for most of the final table, Lindgren jumped out to a slight lead once heads up pay began. It only took forty hands before Lindgren extracted the last of ZeeJustin's chips and he achieved his greatest moment in poker... a WSOP bracelet.

Day 7: Introducing... Tao of Pokerati, Tao of Five, and Billy Shears... Michalksi from Pokerati and I launched our first ever joint-podcasting venture called Tao of Pokerati. It's our very lazy and ghetto version of a podcast. Episode 1 is around three minutes.

Day 8: Trio of Final Tables, Vinnie Vinh Returns, and the Ghost of Brandi Hawbaker... Eight days into this year's WSOP, the headlines don't sound like something from a sleazy tabloid like Perez Hilton or Wicked Chops Poker. I guess the big story to start this year's WSOP was that there were three amazing tables and Erick Lindgren won his first bracelet. And the fact that the players haven't been bitching about Harrah's deserves some merit. Despite some minor ruffles, the first week of the WSOP rolled along rather smooth. As one pro said, "It took them four years but they finally got their shit together."

Day 9: The Rise of Vinnie Vinh and the First 2008 Ten Bracelet Winners... There were two faces of Vinnie Vinh. One was the masterful poker player who stayed at the front of the pack for most of Day 1 and Day 2 until he late night when he accumulated more chips to end Day 2 as the chipleader. Then there was the erratic side of Vinnie Vinh with random outbursts which obviously stem from whatever inner demons he's wrestling with. Individually the incidents were all minor such as standing up, muttering incoherent things, laughing fits, and other peculiar behavior at the tables. Most of the time I watched Vinh, he appeared in control of the monster within.

Day 10: The Archie Karas Comeback and Vinny Vinh's Final Table...
To final table any WSOP event is a major milestone. To achieve that daunting task under the close scrutiny of fans, media, players, Harrah's suits, and thick-necked thugs seemed almost impossible, yet Vinny Vinh pulled it off. It's a sad and tragic story in one sense and a total reminder of the heinous side of poker and addiction. The Vinny Vinhs, Stu Ungars, Eskimo Clarks, and Archie Karases of the world betrayed their craft. They were given a cherished and rare gift from the poker gods and squandered away their talents in a futile attempt to quench a thirst that can never be satisfied whether it was drugs, sex, craps, booze, or flipping coins.

Day 11: GLOW... It's totally asinine for men to try to buy into an event that is specifically designed for women. I cringe when I hear people bitching and moaning about that. It's like hearing about a flat chested chick trying to sue Hooters because she didn't get hired. The place is called "Hooters" for a reason. The Ladies Only event has the word "only" added for a reason.

Day 12: A Day in the Life of Phil Ivey... The game started right around 6pm. For the next three hours, Ivey could not sit still. He stood up a lot, paced back and forth, and constantly checked his crackberry. I had never seen so much emotion out of Ivey before. His usual expressionless face that was cool as a tenor sax solo from John Coltrane had disappeared and replaced by intervals of anxiety.

Day 13: Unlucky 13 and Mike Matusow Wins Bracelet... Sure, $537,857 was up for grabs. But for some of those guys that money is chump change. It wasn't about the money. It was about pride and bracelets. You see, pre-boom bracelets didn't really mean too much until the media starting hyping it up. We all know about how short-term luck affects poker tournaments, but bracelets are an indication of success over the long haul. The five or six guys who currently have the most bracelets have been regarded as some of the greatest poker players of all time.

Day 14: Daniel Negreanu Wins 4th Bracelet, Phil Ivey Loses 200K Prop Bet, and Vanessa Selbst Beats Aussie Strip Club Owner for PLO Bracelet... The moment after Daniel Negreanu clinched the Limit Hold'em tournament and won his fourth bracelet, he thrust his arms in the air in celebration. He lofted them as high as he could for a few seconds before he dropped them and quickly reached for his mobile device in his pocket. He texted Phil Ivey to tell him to pay up.

Day 15: Tao of Five with Wicked Chops Poker... What I love the best about WCP is that they just don't give a shit what anyone thinks about them and that attitude is why they managed to succeed over the years. Dozens of ripoff sites and hack wanna-bes tried to "borrow" from the WCP model, but they have come and left, since none of them have the snarky wit and an amazing eye for talent. For the last four years, Wicked Chops Poker is among the first couple of sites I read everyday. Doesn't matter if I'm in Las Vegas, Sweden, New Zealand, or Hollyweird... I love Wicked Chops Poker.

Day 16: Archie Karas Makes Final Table, Italian Pirate Wins Bracelet, and 125 Pounds of Razz Fury... Pesactori is well on his way to becoming the greatest poker player from Italy. Ever. Valter Farina and John Spadavecchia are legends and a part of the old guard. Farina was the first Italian to ever win a bracelet and Spadavecchia is number one on the all-time money list. Both had been crushing games since Max was a little one playing football with his school mates in Milan. But with his second bracelet, Pescatori has the most bracelets out of the Italians. And by the end of the 2008 WSOP, Pescatori should take over #1 on the All Time money list for Italy.

Day 17: Pros Continue Dominance as Barry Greenstein and Kenny Tran Win Bracelets... Perhaps karma was in play tonight. The poker gods knew that the money won on Sunday would go to good use since Greenstein and Tran would be sharing the money with those less fortunate. If a young kid won it, he'd blow it all on strippers and blow and other material items. If a guy like TJ Cloutier or Archie Karas won, they money would get lost at the nearest craps table.

Day 18: Never Trust a Junkie... Action. The rush. The buzz. The sustained high. Doesn't matter the medium. Craps. Poker. Slots. Blackjack. Baccarat. Dog races. NBA games. Video poker. It's the anticipation of the outcome that gets everyone fired up. The moment of truth when life sizzles through your bloodstream and you're jacked up on so much adrenaline it takes you days and weeks and months to come down from the cosmos. The anticipation... the crest of the gambler's high... where nothing else matters as the entire world pauses during that millisecond before your fate is determined.

Day 19: Looking Through a Glass Onion... My inner action junkie is the size of Gary Coleman and wrapped up deep and deep inside buried behind so many layers of complicated phobias, addictions, and other unresolved mental health issues. It takes years and decades to peel off all of the excess layers before we get to the source. But if our souls were glass onions and you could peek through all the layers, we'd see the true essence of existence... and that's to constantly challenge and prove to yourself that you're truly alive. And gambling is one of those opportunities when ordinary activities take on a role of vital significance by simply wagering on the outcome.

Day 20: Scandi Ghosts, Degenadario, and the Tao of Deutschland... I first met Dario Minieri at the 2006 WSOP, when I covered the Main Event for PokerStars. I recall saying something to Otis that some kid (who looks like he's 15, doesn't even shave, and may or may not be a girl) had a shitload of chips. Cardplayer had the official media coverage that year and listed him as Dario Roma. Almost, but not quite. He was Dario Minieri and hailed from Rome, Italy. I asked him his name and he said in a very dramatic and flamboyant voice, "I am Dario! Me English not so good."

Day 21: Donkeys, Pigeons, Possums, and Kangaroos... She could have 'big timed' it and blew off security by entering through the back door like Jen Tilly, Howard Lederer, and Phil Ivey have done many times before. Not for Kathy. She wanted to be treated like any of two thousand other players in the event. She also brown bagged her lunch instead of paying for overpriced kangaroo meat that they pass off as food in the Poker Kitchen. When you lather it in hot sauce and dip it in Ranch dressing it tastes just like chicken.

Day 22: Layne Flack Six Pack and the Luckiest Man... Anyone can get up on a soapbox and judge get on someone for being a drunk or a druggie. Unless you've been there you really don't know how much easier it is to give in to temptation than to make a stand and wrestle with those intoxicating demons. Everyone has a weakness. Puggy Pearson told Flipchip that "Every man has a leak." And if you are a vulnerable person living in a city like Las Vegas, it's only a matter of time before you self-destruct. Implode. Lose your mud. Dive into the abyss.

Day 23: The Killing Fields, Benyamine Wins First Bracelet, and the Corridor of Hookers... Location is the key to any successful business. That's why the Hooker Bar was such a popular hang out. But a few girls are hustling in the hallways leading up to the Amazon Room. That's what is great about that long corridor. Inside of thirty seconds you can crash a Mexican wedding reception, buy a cold overpriced personal pie from Pizza Hut, pick up a copy of Bluff Magazine, and negotiate a hummer from a hooker.

Day 24: Belgium Bracelets and Spanish Sundays... I barreled through the crowded casino on a mission. I weaved past the zombies anchored to the slot machines, and ran by the muppets at the craps tables, and rushed by the slow-moving tourists. I was nearly out of breath when I arrived at the window to cash my ticket. Nothing is sweeter in Las Vegas than cashing a winning sports bet ticket. It's a natural high especially after getting jacked up on adrenaline while sweating the results.

Day 25: Save the Eskimo, Save the World... Attention Hippies, The Eskimo needs your help. Put down the bong. Stop campaigning for Obama (Dick Cheney already rigged the November election, the Beijing Olympics, and the next two American Idols) and get your patchouli-smelling ass down the Rio Casino in Las Vegas because the Eskimo needs your help.

Day 26: The Bucket List, Dumb Hookers, and Phan 2.0... Benjo told me a hilarious story about how Bellagio hookers were trying to cash tournament chips at the cage. Apparently, a couple of horny and angle-shooting poker players removed $1,000 denomination tournament chips out of play. They used those chips to pay off hookers, who were not very bright and accepted the chips in return for sexual favors. Of course they did not read the fine print on the chips where it said it's not legal tender and only a tournament chip.

Day 27: HORSE - Day 1... You've seen those "feed the children" commercials where a bloated and emotionally high-strung Sally Struthers openly weeps for the cameras and guilt trips you into sending her foundation money after seeing photos of emaciated African kids covered in flies. For only the cost of a cup of coffee, you can feed all the starving children in the world. There are campaigns where you send $8 a month or roughly $100 a year. At that equation, one buy-in to the HORSE event could feed 500 starving children for one full year.

Day 28: Horse Day 2, The Procedure Part II, and More Existentialist Conversations with Strippers... Former gymnast. Majored in English at some college in Denton, TX. Got knocked up at 20 and dropped out of school. Had a botched back-alley abortion and can't have kids. Her step-father murdered her mother and knocked up her half-sister. She was a real life Jerry Springer episode gyrating on my lap and spilling Grey Goose all over my Ecco shoes.

Day 29: HORSE Day 3 - Texas Dolly... Shortly after midnight, with the camera happy blooming Friday night crowd on the rail, the grizzled gunslinger took over the chiplead with 27 players remaining in the $50,000 HORSE World Championship. With his trademarked white Stetson cowboy hat, Doyle Brunson was sitting plush with the biggest stack in the room and welcomed all challengers as he flashed a wry smile. One hour earlier, the legendary Texas Dolly limped past the press box with the assistance of his crutch. Brunson made his way out into the hallway and was besieged with autograph and picture requests from dozens of rabid fans who wanted a piece of their hero.

Day 30: HORSE Day 4 - Erick Lindgren and the Killing Floor... One side of the Amazon Ballroom was flooded in the carcasses of the losers in the $1,500 slaughterfest. Call them whatever. Donkeys. Emus. Pigeons. Fish. Pigs. Dogs. Rats. They were causalities and within hours of taking their seats, they ended up on the killing floor. When the survivors trudged through the HORSE area, they tracked donkey blood all over the carpet. Harrahs cleaning crews worked around the clock using an extra-strength extract from special Guatemalan fruit (previously used by porn stars in Hollywood in increase the distance of their cum shots) which helped erase the blemishes.

Day 31: Scotty Nguyen = Horsemaster... The agents were swarming. The media were circling. The backers were licking their chops. A couple of hookers strolled the hallways. Just another night at the WSOP. Around 1:30am, Lindgren made a heroic comeback to almost pull even with DeMichele and Scotty. That's when Scotty lost his shit for a full level. He was drunk and irritated. Happy Scotty was gone and Evil Scotty took his place. He was out in the deep end and he berated dealers and started to head down the path towards utter tiltdom.

* * * * *
July 2008

The month began deep into the WSOP. I was struggling with physical ailments including a bad back after a car accident in June, yet managed to gut through the insanity of the Main Event.

Day 32: Whore's Horse Afterthought... If the UIGEA never gets overturn and the U.S. economy continues to go into the shitter, it's a matter of time before the Game Show Network shifts their programming philosophy and broadcasted cage matches live from Costa Rica where Erick Lindgren and Phil Ivey fight each other to the death and then the winner wrestles a grizzly bear with Doyle Brunson booking action. Those poker cage fights are a fusion of UFC Friday Night Fights meets a benzy-induced Philip K. Dick short story. Of course they are sponsored by PokerStars, where you can trade FPP points for a chance to wrestle an alligator. Otis will live blog the action.

Day 33: First 51 Bracelets and More Tao of Pokerati Poker Podcast... Yeah, this might be the year of the pro. Plenty of familiar faces and big names won bracelets this summer, including John Phan who won two. 51 bracelets were awarded to 50 different players.

Day 34: Bluff Party and the Stripper on Ecstasy... Then one honed in on me. Fantasia was her name. Nubile blonde from Texas. She rushed over and hugged me. I could tell by the way she was dancing and slurring the words to the Beastie Boys song Girls that she was deep into a ecstasy trip. Maybe two or three rolls. She gigled every time I touch the back of her neck. She gave me a lap dance or five. She was too wasted to keep track and only charged me for one.

Day 35: Main Event Day 1A - Cokeheads, Crybabies, and the Green Box Conspiracy... One incident happened in the men's room across from the Brasilia Room which I mentioned in the live blog. I overheard one guy sitting in one of the stalls and making odd sounds. I assumed that he was taking a rough dump because I thought I heard squealing in agony. Actually, he was sobbing and telling a loved one his bad beat story of how he busted out of the WSOP. Wow, that blew me away. A grown man brought to tears over one little poker tournament. There's no crying in poker! Alas, he was yet another helpless soul violently crushed in the existentialist meat grinder of the WSOP. If you want a happy hobby, try a ceramics class. If you want to have your balls shaved by a cheese grater every couple of hours, then poker is for you.

Day 36: Main Event Day 1B - Yawn... Varkonyi busted Phil Hellmuth at the 2002 WSOP main event. Hellmuth ranted and raved and said Varonkyi was an awful player. Yeah, some things never change. Hellmuth then made a ridiculous bet that if Varkonyi won it all, then he would shave his head. Well, Varkonyi won and everyone held Hellmuth to his word. At the end of that telecast of the final table, Hellmuth sat down and Becky Binion took an electric razor and shaved it all off as Gabe Kaplan tooled on him and Matt Savage milled around in the background and Devilfish was mugging for camera time.

Day 37: Main Event Day 1C and the Tao of Five with Flipchip... It felt like Ground Hog's Day. The third Day 1. 38th day in a row. My brain is/was/is/was fried. Anyway, the biggest field showed up so far at the WSOP world championship and when action ended on Day 1c, Harrahs dodged a bullet and got more entrants signed up than last year with one more flight to go.

Day 38: The Kitten Fields... The majority of their brethren never made it out alive and perished in the existentialist meatgrinder of the world series of sadism. That's why every PokerStars 'premium' schwag bag can be converted into a makeshift body bag. Poor Otis and Howard and Bartley scrambled across the killing floor every hour to retrieve the leftover carcasses from the plethora of online qualifiers. The bottom of the PokerStars shuttle bus was a makeshift morgue which Otis and his crew constantly filled up every inch with the leftovers. You could see the malnourishment in Otis' eyes. The sorrow. The misery. The agony. And you wonder why Otis writes such sad posts. He can't shake the post-traumatic stress syndrome of being the first on the scene after the initial slaughter. If you have to slosh around knee deep in the fish guts and animal intestines for 15 hours a day, you'd be in a somber mood as well.

Day 39 - Off

Day 40: Main Event Day 2A - Isadario... We are what we are... a gaggle of sex-crazed degenerate gamblers. But that's what I love about America... is that or founder fathers laid out the groundwork so that we can become what we choose to be without the government interfering in our lives. Fly to Vegas. Play in the WSOP. Get sucked out by a donkeyfish. Get wasted. Gamble until sunrise. Fuck a hooker. Eat a buffet. Piss next to Johnny Chan. Buy an ashtray. Buy a tube of cream for that rash you picked up. Good bye Vegas. See you next time.

Day 41: Main Event Day 2B - Formula of Donkey Liquification... You can drink beer while playing poker so it's not a sport. Scotty Nguyen. Men the Master. Minneapolis Jom Meehan. They all like a good cocktail at the tables. Sure, old school professional athletes drank during games like Night Tran Lane and Babe Ruth probably knocked back a cold one in between innings while he stuffed his face with hotdogs. Joe D used to smoke in the dugout and the bat boys used to make sure he had a lit ciggie waiting for him when he came off the field and into the dugout. But today? You couldn't see Pedro Martinez walk to the back of the mound, bend over, and take a huge pull off of a tallboy. I'd love to see Mikael Samuelsson do a shot of tequila on the bench before a line change. But that's just not gonna happen.

Day 42: Main Event Day 3 - Bubbles... An assortment of 1,307 people from all different areas of life... online pros, Vegas pros, amateurs, semi-pros, guys who are muppets who think they are pros, and straight up dream chasers... each walked into the Amazon Room with one thing on their minds... survive Day 3 and advance to Day 4. The simple goal? Be among the 666 players who cashed in the 2008 WSOP Main Event. Once you sign your slip at the end of Day 2 and bag up your chips, all you can think about is making it to the end of Day 3 to almost guarantee a $21K cash. And for online qualifiers or satellite winners, the rest of the WSOP is a freeroll. Almost all of their earnings are pure profit.

Day 43: Main Event Day 4 - Early to Bed and Iggy's Run... Once the cameras are in position, the producer tells the dealer to proceed. Not a floor person or Harrah's staff... but someone from ESPN. The big crowd attracts more people. Staff, players from adjacent tables, media reps. Even the occasional rule breaker who sneaks inside the ropes to check out the action. A massive circle engulfs the table. When the hand is over,one player is usually sent to his death, while all of the vultures disappear and flock to another table where a familiar situation is arising. It's almost like watching pigeons in the park peck and fight over a couple of crumbs. Throw the bread in one direction (all in and a call) and hundreds of pigeons (hungry media) will go apeshit and peck each others' eyeballs out just to grab a crumb. A morsel. Anything they can get their beaks on. As that song goes, birds of a feather are flocking outside.

Day 44: Main Event Day 5 - The Wretched Squall of Hellmuth and Matusow... I waited 44 days for the sure thing. The defining moment of the summer. The one incident that would set the 2008 WSOP apart from the previous four years that have blended into one long blurry flashback of bracelet winners, bad beat stories, excursions to strip clubs, binge drinking at the hooker bar, pot-bellied mulleted children running amuck at the Redneck Riviera, and lime tossing out back with a sad, tilty, and often suicidal Otis. I stumbled upon a story that could have wrote itself before I even got out of bed in the morning. Phil Hellmuth and Mike Matusow. At the same table. Right next to each other. With Hellmuth having position on Matusow. At the featured TV table in front of hundreds of drooling, blood-thirsty fans. They were starving lunatics. Broke dick swine. Some drunk on cheap swill. Others mentally imbalanced. And those were my friends. It was almost like the Romans waiting for the Christians to get tossed to the lions. The featured TV table was standing room only. The spectators were spilling out of the Beast Lounge with limbs dangling over metal rails waiting... waiting... for a meltdown. For a blowup. For the bloodshed.

Day 45: Main Event Day 6 - The Battle for Tiffany Michelle's Breasts... I would not want to be Tiffany Michelle right now. The entire fate of poker and all of Western Civilization has been thrust upon her supple shoulders. Should a 24-year old have that much pressure on her? Tiffany Michelle is poker's most marketable asset right now. Michalksi said that out of the last 27 players, she has the potential for the biggest "Moneymaker Effect." In three years, will I be writing about another poker renaissance in America and citing the "Tiffany Michelle Effect?" Come to think of it, that wouldn't be a bad thing. The poker world could use an influx of young women.

Day 46: Main Event Day 7 - Nonagon... I have seen what money does to people. It destroys lives. It tears friends apart. Too much money and it poisons your soul. Too little money and it makes you do desperate an unthinkable things. And during the pursuit of huge sums of money in the seven and eight figure ranges... your once astute judgment becomes clouded in the fog of war. Poker is a simple game. Played among friends, it can be one of the most entertaining experiences in life. But when poker is played in a tournament for millions of dollars in a forum where dozens and dozens of corporations can profit from it... things can get ugly. There is no longer white and black, just shades of grey. Working for four plus years in the poker industry taught me that the more money that is involved... the more complicated things can get.

The WSOP would not be complete unless Otis and I engaged in some good old fashioned lime tossing.


And don't forget about various Tao of Pokerati episodes that we taped all summer long. Visit the Tao of Pokerati archives to listen to your favorite episodes.

I stuck around Vegas after the WSOP for a bit. I penned a couple of post-WSOP pieces such as Monkeys Throwing Shit where I weighed in on the Tiffany Michelle and Tony G Saga.

And before I left Vegas, I actually played poker. Lots of it, according to a post titled Las Vegas Poker.

When I returned to LA, I played in a Cheviot Hills homegame with some of Jen Leo and Schecky's friends.

Gristle and Glop chronicled my factotum days and the evolution of the various games of poker that I played over the last decade.

Sedentary discussed the ebbs and flows of online poker as I shifted my focus from the occasional player to an everyday player.

Click here to view the Colorado photo gallery.

Click here to view the Las Vegas summer photo gallery.

* * * * *
August 2008

I spent August recovering from the WSOP and spent most of my time in California bumming around Hollywood, San Diego, and San Francisco. Derek came to visit us in LA. I saw a lot of music and watched the Olympics. After posting for 110 consecutive days on the Tao of Poker, I was finally due to take a day off.

The Tao of Poker had a birthday and turned five years old. I reflected on five years of writing about poker in the interwebs.

I hosted a birthday tournament where first place got a $5,000 buy-in to a Borgata Summer Open event. Garry Gates went onto win the Tao of Poker 5th Birthday tournament and also won the $5K seat.

How Old Are You? was one of my favorite posts from August where I pontificated on the hypocrisy of the China's hosting of the summer Olympics. Just how old were those gymnasts?

I made a token appearance on Keep Flopping Aces, which is Lou Krieger's weekly radio show.

Iron Man, Arnold Drummond, and the Four Noble Truths included a brief discussion of Buddhism and how I was in the middle of a pursuit of becoming an Iron Man over at Full Tilt.

2+2: Random Cameos and Sticky Posts includes a link to one of the most hilarious 2+2 threads ever... Re: If They Never Played Poker... where I happen to make a cameo.

Click here to view the San Francisco photo gallery.

* * * * *
September 2008

Iron Man, Addictions, and Wealth Accumulation was an interesting take on becoming an Iron Man on Full Tilt as I pondered the significance and futility of that achievement.

The Last King of Scotland became the first person to win Saturdays with Dr. Pauly three times including back-to-back wins.

I Run Good and the Return of the Hammer was a recap about my participation in PokerListings' Run Good Challenge. I finished in second place in the first event after an insane heads up battle against Dan s. that lasted 120+ hands.

I headed down to the Borgata Casino in Atlantic City to cover the Borgata Summer Open with Friedman and Tropical Steve, where I blogged exclusively for the Borgata Poker Blog.

Borgata Tales, Part I included tidbits from the first three days at the Borgata.

I continued with more stories from Atlantic City with Borgata Tales, Part II.

And Borgata Tales, Part III was the last installment of my scribblings on my two-week assignment in lovely Atlantic City.

Oh and I posted pictures of more marked bills.

I had to miss AlCantHang's Bash for the first time since I befriended ACH. I had to fly to Europe for a couple of assignments along with a two sojourns to Amsterdam that happened before and after my time in London. I shared a flat in Soho with Change100 and Gloria courtesy of PokerNews. They were covering the WSOPE at the Empire Casino

WSOPE Main Event: Everything In Its Right Place was my initial impressions with the second ever WSOPE.

WSOPE Main Event: Where I End and You Begin includes more hijinks about my time in London hanging out at the WSOPE.

Click here to view the London photo gallery.

* * * * *
October 2008

I started the month in London covering the WSOPE and the EPT London. Coverage of the WSOPE on Tao of Poker included a couple of posts; WSOPE Main Event: Optimistic and WSOPE Main Event: Jigsaw Falling Into Place.

After a marathon final table, I came in from out of the bullpen to complete live updates for PokerNews which I wrote about in I'm the Cooler and John Juanda Wins WSOPE. And as soon as that final table was over, I hopped on the tube and went to the Vic to cover the EPT London.

London Leftovers summed up the rest of my time in the UK before I took a week long holiday in Amsterdam with Change100.

I headed back to New York City for a bit as the Presidential election drew to a close. I wrote a couple of inspired posts such as Live Politics Is Rigged or Fuck the Doomed.

One of my devoted readers is a NJ state trooper. We met at the Borgata for the first tme and he mentioned that his favorite posts involved a discourse on Eastern philosophy. Our conversation became the origins of Light Up or Leave Me Alone, where I spoke about one of my favorite thinkers, Zhuangzi, who is considered the father of Taoism.

Test me, Test me, Test me... Why Don't You Arrest Me? included a lamentation on bad beats and a recap of playing in the Tuesday Night Game with Tony Holden.

The Triumphant Return of Liz Lieu Tuesdays marked the return of LLT.

The Slide chronicled a nasty losing streak.

I ended the month in Hungary covering the EPT Budapest. Benjo had a birthday during that assignment in Eastern Europe.

Here's on of my favorite Benjo episodes of Tao of Pokerati via YouTube...


Click here to view the Amsterdam photo gallery.

* * * * *
November 2008

I began the month in Hungary on a wild trip that included plenty of hijinks while I covered the EPT Budapest. I rented an apartment a block from the Danube with my friend and work colleague Dana.

Budapest Part I: Danube Waltz included some of the sordid tales about my first time in Eastern Europe.

When the final table of the EPT Budapest was complete, we threw an after-party in our apartment. The hijinks were recorded in Budapest Part II: No One Can Eat Fifty Apples. Yes, Rod claimed that he could eat fifty apples. But where can you find 50 apples at 3am in Budapest?

At the after-party, I recorded four episodes of Tao of Pokerati with Benjo.

Episode 3.1: EPT Afterparty (3:39)
Episode 3.2: Hungarian Hooker Halloween (4:14)
Episode 3.3: Competitive Apple Eating (4:08)
Episode 3.4: Euro Core-tossing (3:17)

Shortly after my trip to Eastern Europe, it was time for me to return to Las Vegas for the November Nine and the completion of the 2008 WSOP Main Event.

Prelude to the November Nine was the post that I wrote in LA leading up to the final table.

I penned profiles for the November Nine.

I sat in the orchestra pit next to Flipchip and live blogged the WSOP final table for the Tao of Poker.

Here's my recap of the first day of action at the final table titled 2008 WSOP Main Event Final Table: November Nine > November Dos.

My time in Las Vegas was inspiring. After the November Nine, I hit a high note and wrote some of my best content of the year... not just on Tao of Poker but across my other sites and for freelance clients as well. Everything came together in November.

Emissaries from the Land of Indulgence was one of my best pieces of the year. The subject? Las Vegas and the utter deviancy of that town. Here's a bit...

Peel back the layers and expose Las Vegas for what it is; a playground for the filthy rich amidst a cesspool of hopelessly addicted souls representing the decay of modern society. Just when I thought I knew a town like the back of my hand, I got shamefully slapped upside the head by a dose of poignant reality.

The final table of the WSOP was finally over. I headed out to the Hooker Bar with some friends to celebrate. And that's when the hookers swarmed. Existentialist Conversations with Hookers: Maelstrom at the Hooker Bar was also one of my favorite pieces of 2008. Here's a bit...

As the Nevada sun slowly crept over the mountains, we were lost in a supernatural time warp with a distorted concept of time and space. We sat in the darkness of the Rio wanting to be left alone. We sipped moderately chilled beers and shared stories about our exotic travels (Otis in Costa Rica, Howard in Barcelona, and my drunken escapades in Budapest) while several classic rock tunes cranked out on the sound system. In the blink of an eye, they appeared. First one, then two, and a couple of more. We only had a few minutes before they pounced on us. After all, we were the only marks left standing at that time of the morning.

We taped several episodes of the Tao of Pokerati live from the Hooker Bar...

Episode 5.1: Boundless Nature, Las Vegas (6:05)
Episode 5.2: Hurricane of Hookers (7:25)
Episode 5.3: Cage-Savvy Coochie (3:05)

After the WSOP Main Event finally ended when Peter Eastgate won, I headed back to Los Angeles. I played in the Mookie and even made the final table.

Tao of Five: Otis and The Devil is where I finally posted an interview I conducted with Otis about his encounters with Satan.

Daddy won the Turkey Cup on Thanksgiving.

The cheating scandal episode on 60 Minutes finally aired. If you missed it, you can alwats check it out here: 60 Minutes Video: Absolute Bet and Ultimate Bet Online Poker Cheating.

I also made another token appearance on Lou Krieger's radio show Keep Flopping Aces. You can download the episode from 11/13/08 here.

Click here to view the Budapest photo gallery.

* * * * *
December 2008

I began the month in New York City but would spend time in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Mexico. I flew down to Mexico to cover the PokerStars.com LAPT Neuvo Vallarta. Then sketchy things happened including the tournament being canceled in the middle of Day 1 by the government. You can read all about that in Shakedown Street > Mexicali Blues.

AcerbicOne won back-to-back Saturdays with Dr. Paulys and became the second three-time champion.

Las Fuckin' Vegas was a piece that includes everything that I love about Sin City.

Oh and it snowed in Las Vegas. Twice. Once when I was there.

I returned to Las Vegas for the fifth installment of the Winter Holiday Classic. Bloggers in Vegas. Always a fun time. My recap was a two part series. Check them out...

Evil Urges, Part 1: They Call It Sin City for a Reason
Evil Urges, Part 2: Nuptials, Meth, and Hookers

We did a lot of multimedia things in Las Vegas during that five-day bender. I recorded a video with Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot titled Winning Keno Tips: Advice on Life and Gambling by PKPNF.

We also recorded several new episodes of the Tao of Pokerati with several special guests.

Click here to view the Mexico photo gallery.

Click here to view the Las Vegas photo gallery.

* * * * *
And that's it. The 2008 Year in Review on the Tao of Poker. It was definitely a fun year with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, highlights and lowlights.

Of course, the retrospective represents only what I think is the best of the Tao of Poker. There might have been a post or two that I missed, that's why I encourage you to re-read my archives to discover some hidden gems.

Thanks to everyone for their support in 2008, especially my sponsor PokerStars.

Best of luck to everyone in 2009.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/30/2008 09:49:00 AM | Permalink |

 
The Tao of Poker: 2008 Year in Review, Part 1

By Pauly
New York City

I love and loathe these self-serving masturbatory end-of-year posts. I live so much in the moment that it's rare that I'll look back into the past and relive old glory days. But for one weekend every year, I delve deep into the archives of my blogs. I laugh. I cringe. I shake my head in disgust. I find inspiration and hope and I jot down notes mostly pointing out mistakes or things I'd like to do in the upcoming year.

Blogs are ever-evolving and the Tao of Poker has gone through a metamorphosis many times over. This will always be the way of poker in my life and the corner of the intertubes where I'll document most of my journey through poker and gambling and Las Vegas. The economic world around us is changing. The ebbs and flow of poker continue throughout the Americas and in the most random corners of the globe. The gambling industry is in a state of flux as it adapts; ushering out the old and embracing the new. And I'm kinda stuck in the middle of all of it.

I actively sought to limit my international travel and condense my freelance schedule in 2008, but I still found myself circling the globe hoping that the next assignment would be my last for a while. I thought 2007 was epic with trips to Sweden and Spain, but 2008 managed to be even more enthralling with first-time visits to New Zealand, Denmark, and Hungary. I definitely had some interesting adventures along the way including covering the WSOP exclusively for the Tao of Poker.

I always recommend reading through my archives. If there's one thing I learned about blogging and writing after five plus years, it's that the posts that I like the best are often the ones that most people dismiss, and it's the posts that I think are horrible that others love the most. I have poor taste in my own scribblings, that's why you should always browse the archives at your own leisure.

Well, with that said, let the wankfest begin...

* * * * *
January 2008

I started the new year Down Under. I caught a flight out of LAX on January 1st and headed to Melbourne to cover the 2008 Aussie Millions for PokerNews.


Art and Masturbation chronicled my outlook for the new year as I questioned my future in poker. I was seeking a plausible exit strategy, but the economy tanked in the second half of the year and I had to stick around.

Drunk Poker was a blast. One night at the Crown Casino during the Aussie Millions, I played a private cash game with Matt Savage, Paul Wasicka, and Gavin Smith. Drinks flowed. Gavin spilled. Lots of Aussie bucks were donked off.

Back to Australia and Week 1 at the Aussie Millions in 4,500 Words or Less gives you a glimpse into the happening during my first week in Oz.

I took a bunch of pics for PokerNews and for myself during the Aussie Millions. Check out my 2008 Aussie Millions photo essay.

My personal highlight was getting quoted in a cricket story. There was a mini-scandal involving cricket god Shane Warne and yours truly was quoted in an AFP story.

At the raging player's party, I got shitfaced and even fell down. I took lots of photos of the drunken escapades.

I lost a prop bet betting with Change100 on who was taller... Annette_15 or Amanda Leatherman. Here's the video...


And before we headed back to the States, Change100 and I took a two week vacation in New Zealand. We stopped off at the Sky City Casino in Auckland and played cash games.

Click here to view the New Zealand photo gallery.

Click here to view the Australia photo gallery.

* * * * *
February 2008

2008 was a leap year. Within those 29 days of February, I spent time in New Zealand, Los Angeles, New York, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, and Las Vegas.


After a lengthy hiatus, Saturdays with Dr. Pauly returned on PokerStars in a new incarnation... Pot Limit Omaha. Time to gambooooool.

The Rooster won Saturdays with Dr. Pauly one weekend and so did I. Yep, I won my own tournament when I was in Copenhagen.

I dabbled in a little sports betting during the NFL playoffs. I had a nice score when I was in Australia. That win basically paid for our excursion to New Zealand. The Super Bowl was exciting to watch. Not only did I win money, it turned out to be one of the most exciting Super Bowls in years. I had a little something to say about that evening with I Hope Eli Got Laid Last Night.

If you like obscure inside jokes, then you have to check out this video about our hijinks over at Poker News during the Aussie Millions.

I went to Vegas for a week to do research for a screenplay. I wrote during the days and played poker at nights. I also did a fare share of writing...

Being James Madison is about my sports betting addiction.

Insomnia Poker is self-explanatory.

Nocturne in a Deserted Brickyard is about more degenerate poker and sports betting in Vegas.

Searching for Fat Elvis was a journey that I embarked on with Change100's best friend from college. She came to Vegas in search of Elvis.

And Las Vegas Hookers might be one of my favorite pieces from 2008. Here's a bit...

"Nothing shakes off a bad beat better than hate fucking a hooker," an elderly local once told me at the poker table... More

And another post that stood out included Light Breaks Where No Sun Shines.

And at the end of the month, I went to Europe. I wrote in the cafes in Amsterdam and I headed over to Copenhagen, Denmark to cover the EPT Scandinavian Open. When I returned, I wrote In Paths Untrodden and reflected on visiting five countries on three different continents in less than four weeks.

And for all of you Deadheads, I posted a couple of videos of the Grateful Dead in Las Vegas.

Click here to view the Copenhagen photo gallery.

Click here to view the Amsterdam photo gallery.

* * * * *
March 2008

Content was sparse in March. I spent most of my time away from the tables. I hung out with friends down in Florida for the Langerado music festival. I got into some prop betting hijinks including the infamous ice cooler prop bet that I won.

Check out the video here...


March Madness is my favorite time of year. It's like a salmon run for sports betting junkies. I posted some March Madness Betting tips and live blogged almost every day of action during the opening rounds.

The few literary highlights from March included...

The Apotheosis of 10-8 Suited
Bosnian Snipers and Dog Tranquilizers
Weird Fishes

During March Madness I went bowling at Red Rock with my brother, some friends, and MiamiDon. Here's that video...


Click here to view the Langerado photo gallery.

* * * * *
April 2008

I had a mellow April and spent most of it writing in Los Angeles. I also was fortunate to have a guest post from BJ Nemeth. The topic? His take on the WSOP Final Table Delay.

Sometimes you have to have fun with your blog. I recall having a blast when I scribbled Nothing to Do and Nowhere to Go. It was one of those times when I realized that I was lucky to be where I was and on the verge of making a big decision about my future.

When the Circus Comes to Town was my response to Brandi Hawbaker's suicide.

I threw together a NSFW video homage to AlCantHang...


I finally wrote about poker in Daggers in Men's Smiles.

I also discovered that I had an addiction to PLO in Taste.

And at the end of the month, I made a decision about my summer in Soon Come... 2008 WSOP. I turned down big bucks to write for numerous outlets in order to have 100% creative control and cover the WSOP exclusively on the Tao of Poker.

* * * * *
May 2008

May is always an odd month, sort of the calm before the storm. I have a mellow schedule and engage in a slew of non-pokery things in order to prepare for a grueling seven-week assignment in Las Vegas.

I shared a bit on a screenplay that I was working on called Poker Movies: Harold and Kumar Go to the World Series of Poker.

Iggy, GMoney, Bobby Bracelet, and StB ventured to NYC to hang out. Hijinks were documented in a post titled Big City Prop Bets; Trannies, Taxi Cab Racing, the Kentucky Derby, and the $447 Sumo Burger.

Catcher in the Razz is about my least favorite game and one of my favorite novels of all time.

The Last King of Scotland became the first player to win back-to-back titles in Saturdays with Dr. Pauly.

White Light, White Heat proves that sometimes short and sweet is the only way to blog.

Broken Walls of Ruin was a post that centered around remembering the last time you were in Las Vegas.

One of my favorite posts of the year had to be The Road of Excess Leads to the Palace of Wisdom. Here's a bit...

The attractive lights flickered as you sped down the mountain and raced at 92mph towards the brute void. Perhaps, you glimpsed out the window of your plane with the intensity of a leering sexual deviant. The Luxor light captured your attention. The poignant beacon of promise was where the unreliable patron saints of gambling gathered. St. Coulda. St. Would. St. Shoulda. They all jeered at your unanswered prayers, yet you continued to worship them like a lazy sod.

I dedicated Just Because You're Not Paranoid, Doesn't Mean They're Not After You to all of you tin foil hat wearing freaks. That included pics of Benjamins with chop marks.

The gang at BoDog listed me as a 16/1 longshot to be the one blogger who lasted the longest in the WSOP main event. The good money would have been on Iggy

This might be one of my favorite poker videos of 2008 featuring Rury and Danny Boy in Monte Carlo...


In order to get into a WSOP kinda mood, I posted a Best of the Tao of Poker at the 2007 WSOP. Lots of heady links to my coverage from two summers ago.

And then... I moved back to Las Vegas to cover the 2008 WSOP. It kicked off at the end of May and I was ready to tackle my fourth straight WSOP.

Day 1: Welcome Back to the Zoo officially kicked off the 2008 WSOP.

Click here to view the NYC photo gallery.

* * * * *
That's it for now. I'll return shortly with Part 2 of the Tao of Poker 2008 Year in Review, which will include highlights from the 2008 WSOP.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/28/2008 11:31:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Alexe55 Wins Saturdays with Dr. Pauly

By Pauly
New York City

The day of reckoning was upon us. The last installment of Saturdays with Dr. Pauly for 2008. We had 26 runners. Special guests this week included Homer from Blonde Poker fame. Top three places paid.

My starting table included: CheckRaise70, AlCantHang, CherriebombV,Family Ice, Foaming_H, and abendigo. My stack took a hit early. I flopped a straight but Cherrie won with a Royal.

Spaceman was Gigli after Change100 crippled him and went out shortly after.

I slipped into the short stack with 26 to go. Homer busted and that was one Eurodonk down and a few more to go. I was on the verge of annihilation until I sucked out against FamilyIce when J-J beat his A-A. Thank you, RiverStars for the timely Jack.

I had another double up courtesy of a sweet river when got it all in on the turn with top set. Alexe55 turned a straight but I rivered a boat to win the hand.

I flopped a set and busted shortstacked AlCantHang. He said the cute bartender was playing his stack while he took a leak. Likely story. I improved to 4th in chips with 4.1K.

At the break, I was 3rd in chips with 18 to go. AGSweep was the Chipleader with 5K.

I took over the chiplead when I busted AcerbicOne. He took a big hit from PokerShrink and was on tilt. On the next hand, he raised from the button and I called from the big blind with As-Qd-8h-6h The flop was Qh-10h-6c. I checked. He bet 600. I check raised him all in. He called. My two pair held up and he was out in 18th place. I jumped into the chiplead.

Cherrie and AgSweep were both on my tail in hot pursuit. Cherrie went on a rush, busted a few players, and took the chiplead. Alas, Change100 seized with a brutal river suckout against Family Ice, who ended up the final table bubble boy.

The Final Table:
Seat 1: AgSweep (5000)
Seat 2: dredful (2840)
Seat 3: mooninjune (2100)
Seat 4: change1OO (6220)
Seat 5: DrPauly (6519)
Seat 6: ZClub (3940)
Seat 7: Alexe55 (4505)
Seat 8: staind1791 (2046)
Seat 9: CherriebombV (7330)

The players at the final table were solid which meant that there was a lot of play before someone busted. I took the lead for one hand before I coughed it up to Change100. She'd eventually surge past 11K. Alas, I slipped to 6th in chips and dipped under 4K.

Staind1791 was the first player to bust from the final table. His Queens ran into Alexe55's Kings. I busted Shamus in 8th place. I flopped a set of tens against Shamus' monster draw. I turned a boat and he was toast. I increased my stack to 6.6K and jumped into third place.

Change100 knocked out Cherrie out in 7th place. With six to go, Change100 had 17K and cruising. Alexe55 slowed her down and doubled up to take the lead. Then, it was my turn to re-take the lead. I flopped a set against Alexe55's top two. We got it all in. My set held up and I doubled up to over 15K.

I busted Dredful in 6th. My Aces held up and I retained the lead, but then I doubled up AGSweep and lost the lead to Change100 who had a shade over 13K. I had 12K at the second break and 2nd in chips with five to go.

After the break, Shrink doubled through Change100 and I took the lead. Then I lost a big hand and lost the lead to Alexe55. I raised from the big blind with As-Ks-Qd-5d. He called with Ad-Js-10h-3s and flopped two pair. He check-raised me all in. I was commited and flailed. He doubled up and I slipped to third in chips.

Sadly, I spewed more chips. I had As-Ks-Jh-10d and ran into AGSweep's Aces. I was crippled. I went out in fifth place on the next hand. My 5-5-x-x was beaten by Change100's 4-4-x-x. SHe turned a set and I was doomed.

Alexe55 was the chipleader when action reached the bubble. AGSweep was the Bubble Boy/Girl. She lost a big pot to Change100 and then the PokerShrink took her out in 4th.

With three to go Change100 was back in the lead with 17K... until Alexe55 took it back.

The Poker Shrink held on with a short stack and doubled up just at the right moment to stay alive. Change100 regained the lead, but the Shrink was still way behind and needed more help.

The Shrink busted out in third. His Kings ran into Alexe55's Aces and that was it. The Shrink was nevermore.

Head up chipcounts:
Seat 4: change1OO (14954)
Seat 7: Alexe55 (25546)

It was heads up between Change100 and Alexe55, who had never won the tournament before but had a second and third place finish earlier this year.

On the second hand, of heads up play, Change100 lost one-third of her stack as she slipped to under 10K.

On the sixth hand of heads up play, it was all over. Alexe55 had more than a 4 to 1 chiplead going into the final hand. Change100 raised to 2,400 and Alexe55 called. The flop was Qd-8h-7h. Alexe55 fired out 4,800. Change100 moved all in for 554 more. He called.

Alexe55: Qh-9h-4d-2h
change1OO: Kd-8d-7c-2d

Change100 was ahead with two pair, but Alexe55 picked up a flush draw. The turn was the 4s, which gave Alexe55 the lead with a bigger two pair. The river was the Ah. Alexe55 won with a flush and Change100 was eliminated in second place.

Week 48 Money Winners:
1.Alexe55 - $135
2. Change100 - $81
3. PokerShrink - $54

Congrats to Alexe55 for winning the last installment of Saturdays with Dr. Pauly this year. Thanks to everyone who participated this year especially those folks who plugged and pimped the event.

We shall be back sometime in 2009. Until then, thanks again for your support.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/27/2008 06:18:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Bahamas Bound? PokerStars Giving Away 40 Seats to the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure This Weekend

By Pauly
New York City

Forty tickets to paradise. One of them has your name written all over it.

On December 27th and December 28th, PokerStars will be running a couple of satellites with 40 seats to the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure up for grabs. If you always wanted to play in the PCA, well here's your last chance to qualify.

PCA Qualifiers - $650:
1. Saturday, December 27th at 4:30pm ET - 10 Seats Awarded
2. Sunday, December 28th at 6:00pm ET - 30 Seats Awarded

2009 PCA Prize Package Details:
Main Event buy-in: $9,700+$300
Accommodations and meals: $3,300
Spending/Travel expenses: $1,000

And the best part? If you do qualify, not only will you win the PCA prize package, you'll also get written about on the Poker Stars Blog by yours truly. Yes, PokerStars hired me to join their elite coverage team for the PCA. I'll be in the trenches with Otis, Howard, and Bartley and writing on PokerStars Blog for the duration of the PCA.

On December 27 at 16:30, PokerStars is running the first of the two big qualifiers. The $650 qualifier will award a guaranteed ten seats to the PCA. Then, on December 28 at 18:00 PokerStars will roll out the big guns. The PCA satellite on Sunday evening will award a startling 30 seats.

The qualifiers cost $650. If you don't want to buy-in directly, you have a chance to get into the two qualifiers via satellite. But between now and then, there are plenty of satellites running as we speak.

The PCA is one of the largest major tournaments that's not called the WSOP. This year, it is a stop on the PokerStars.com European Poker Tour. In addition to the influx of North Americans and underaged gamblers (between 18-20), the PCA will also include a large European contingency. I cover a ton of EPT events and the fields are super soft with tons of Eurodonks and overagrressive Scandis in hoodies. Throw in thousands of dollars of dead money from online qualifiers and you have one of the softest and juiciest prize pools on the tournament circuit.

So knowing all this, why aren't you gunning for a shot?

Last year, one of Benjo's buddies Bertrand 'ElkY' Grospellier won the PCA and collected a cool $2 million USD. Who will it be this year?

And this year's PCA will be the biggest yet with added events including a $25K high rollers event, Battleship, and several smaller buy-in second chance tournaments.

2009 PokerStars.com Caribbean Adventure Event Schedule:
Monday, January 5 - $10,000 NL Hold'em Main Event
Wednesday, January 7 - $2,000 NL Hold'em
Wednesday, January 7 - $25,000 NL Hold'em
Thursday, January 8 - $5,000 NL Hold'em
Thursday, January 8 - Battleship ($2,000 Buy-in)
Friday, January 9 - $1,000 NL Hold'em

Well that's all the info you need to know about the 2009 PCA. Hope to see you there.

If you do not have a PokerStars account, you can download the PokerStars software here.

Hope to see you down in the Bahamas!


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/26/2008 10:06:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Seasons Greetings!

By Pauly
New York City



Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/25/2008 10:00:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Fantasy Football Week 16 Update; ebk03001 Wins TOC and Super TOC

By Pauly
New York City

With one week to go in the NFL season, here's how things have been shaping up. I'm down in 22nd place, while the The Kuntmissioner (S. Faherty) has siezed the lead in the Tao of Poker football pool. Awesome team name by the way. He posted 11 wins last weekend which netted him Team of the Week honors and thrust him into the top spot. One week to go. Who's gonna win?

Tao of Poker Football Pool - Top 5 Standings:
1 The Kuntmissioner (S. Faherty) 163
2 jaguar9499 (r. zacharki) 162
2 Rummy's TaoPicks (E. Rummel) 162
2 PatsRevenge2008 (E. Kalis) 162
5 Oyster Bay Moore (J. Moore) 158
5 Part-Time Models (J. Smith) 158
5 The Great Cornholio (D. Goerisch) 158

Good luck this week!

* * * * *
And we had the bonus week over at Fantasy Sports Live for Sundays with Dr. Pauly. Congrats to ebk03001. He won both the Super TOC and the TOC for Sundays with Dr. Pauly. Nice work, sir. I'll email shortly about a special bonus prize.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/24/2008 06:14:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Derek's Las Vegas Trip Report, the Head Speaks, and Vote for Tao of Poker

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

First of all, the Tao of Poker is nominated for best poker blog over at Bluff Magazine's Readers Choice Awards. Click here to vote. Just a heads up that you have to register in order to vote.

Heck, even Liz Lieu voted for me.

I shall thank you in advance for your support.

* * * * *
After reading Derek's latest masterpiece, his December 2008 Las Vegas trip report, I'm bummed that he doesn't post more often. As always, it's one of the best recaps of the weekend. It's no bullshit and to the point and he manages to cover a five-day bender with relative ease. Nice work.

Read Derek's recap titled Las Vegas December 2008.

* * * * *
The Human Head speaks. He weighs in on the long history of the feud between the Fontenots and the Michalskis.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/23/2008 12:29:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Evil Urges, Part 2: Nuptials, Meth, and Hookers

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

Nine of us stood in front of Craftsteak. The reservations at celebrity chef Tom Colicchio's eatery were for twelve of us. BG's flight from Chicago was delayed and he had just arrived at the MGM. AlCantHang and BigMike were drinking at the sportsbook and said that they on their way. The hostess led nine of us to a large table. As my friends took their seats. I slipped her a $20 bill and told her that three members of our party would be arriving late.

"Are you Mr. CantHang?" she asked.

"No," I said, "I'm just his assistant. Mr. CantHang is the rock star and I just cater to his affairs. He'll be arriving shortly with his personal security detail, a gentleman named BigMike. When you see him, you'll understand why he's called BigMike."

"I'll make sure that Mr. CantHang is seated immediately," she said.

A couple of minutes later, the young woman returned with AlCantHang shuffling behind and clutching a tumbler filled with Southern Comfort. BigMike sauntered behind Al with a menacing gait. BG finally arrived and everyone was seated for a last minute rehearsal dinner for Gracie and Pablo. But as far as the management at Craftsteak saw it, we were just a bunch of leeches and hanger-ons who mooched off of the AlCantHang Experience.

Dinner was fantastic. Conversation. Kobe. Wagyu. Scrumptious. My favorite part of the dinner involved AlCantHang's cigarette break. About midway through our two plus hour meal, AlCantHang excused himself to have a smoke outside. Craftsteak was non-smoking and the Studio Walk area just outside the restaurant was also a non-smoking zone. Al wandered up to the hostess and asked her where he could smoke a cigarette. She pointed out the area on the casino floor and asked him if he needed a security escort. Because you know, there's nothing worst than getting mobbed by fans when you're just trying to get a nicotine fix.

AlCantHang respectfully declined the security escort.

The bill arrived. $2,700. I picked up half of the tab and put it on my gold card. Less than twelve hours later, I had not gone to bed yet and was lit up like a Christmas tree when I got call from American Express. That transaction was flagged as suspicious activity. I explained to the customer service rep in the faud prevention department that I indeed had my gold card on my person and that I also charged a hefty sum at Craftsteak.

"I love steak," I slurred like a Bowery bum, which drew a hearty chuckle from the person on the other line.

* * * * *
On Friday afternoon, there was a charity tournament over at the Hard Rock. I skipped it. I was on vacation and the last thing I wanted to do was hang out and railbird a poker tournament. A couple of friends played such as AlCantHang, who has a big heart and wanted to rack up some karma points. He sent me text updates during the charity tournament. Al even knocked out Tiffany Michelle. He said that she was pretty pissed after he busted her. Out of all of the people I know who played, Garth went the deepest. Our favorite Aussie advanced to the final table and finished in fourth place. Nice job, sir.

I decided to bet on a couple of the Friday night NBA games. I needed a small taste. Action. Any action. Nothing big. No more betting two dimes. I'm a reformed gambler. I'm an enlightened degenerate. Games are fixed. It's a part of life. Despite the obvious obstacles and pitfalls, I just went to bet a couple of bucks here or there to make things interesting. I love the empowering feeling when you pick something that otherwise lacked value and all of a sudden it becomes the most important thing in the world. Like random NBA games that I'd usually ignore. I acted conservatively at the sports book and bet the chalk. I picked two obvious favorites (Boston and the Spurs) and both teams easily covered. Luck? Or maybe I was on the good side of the fix.

The only thing sweeter than winning Otis' money in a prop bet... is cashing a winning sports book ticket. It's like getting a gold star and a blowjob at the same time. Validation and gratification. The true opiate of the masses.

Many moons ago, Felicia convinced the MGM to spread mixed games for our group. She even finagled them to open up one of the private rooms upstairs. Since then, Fridays at the MGM have been Vegas a tradition. The poker junkies infiltrated the poker room, while the drunkards congregated at the bar in the sports book behind the poker room.

Only the curious observers were brave enough to take a closer look at the AlCantHang Experience. Some of the newbies were extra cautious and brought a protective layer of clothing, like the people visiting Niagara Falls for the first time on the Maid of the Mist boat. They must wear plenty of rain gear to prevent them from downpour of the mighty waterfall. Just substitute booze for water. Barrels of it. Thundering over a cliff.

The smart ones run in, snap a photo with Old Faithful, and rush out before they get swept up in the overwhelming currents of the AlCantHang Experience. The bathrooms by the poker room at the MGM are Venus flytraps that gobble up soused bloggers. The victims who lacked endurance and tolerance passed out on the cold tiles and all shriveled up in the fetal position. They quickly became plant food.

PKPNF had disappeared sometime on Friday afternoon. He started drinking heavily with BettyUnderground. I introduced the two this summer when we were in San Francisco. They hit it off at a joint called the Pork Store in Haight-Ashbury. That magic spilled over into Las Vegas over cocktails. PKPNF unleashed a tweet that mentioned something about an engagement. Hey, in Vegas, you never know. People get drunk and get married all the time. Like Britney Spears. Not to K-Fed, but to the other poor schlub.

Sometime after Midnight on Friday, I emerged from my food coma. The party favors kicked in and the booze soaked deep into my bones. I collected my NBA winnings but promptly lost a prop bet to Spaceman. Who was taller? Mrs. Spaceman or Grubbette? Both were damn close. So close that it came down to fractions of an inch. I picked Mrs. Spaceman and I lost by the slimmest of margins. Grubbette literally won by a hair.

Michalski showed up and we taped a couple of episodes of Tao of Pokerati. Derek was a special guest. Mean Gene made another cameo and PKPNF and Michalksi supposedly met for the first time. On air. Little did I know that they two actually knew each other back in Texas. Neither let on that they had met many moons ago and played it off very well. The specific details about their murky and jagged past has yet to come to light, but I'm expecting to get the full story someday. Regardless, Michalski and PKPNF got off to a rough start. Michalski innocently asked PKPNF advice on how to play Keno numbers and PKPNF quickly snapped.

"Shut the fuck up!" he said matter of factly which absolutely stunned Michalski.

The two would eventually make up. Later that night while partying it up in my suite, PKPNF would utter one of the funniest lines of the trip.

"Actually, the reason I don't watch TV is because I did so much meth, that I took apart my TV."

You can hear the rest of the infamous interview with PKPNF in the Tao of Pokerati episode titled... Hookers, Keno, and Meth.

* * * * *
"I hope you don't have a gun," mentioned Linda.

The courthouse does not allow firearms. I wasn't packing heat, but I definitely had enough opiates on me to put 67% of Jasper, Indiana into a deep freeze.

"We're not going through any metal detectors or anything?" I wondered. "It's not like I'm going to get searched going to a wedding?"

Gracie and Pablo were getting married at the courthouse. AlCantHang and BigMike rented the party bus. The champagne and Southern Comfort flowed. Lots of pictures were taken. The group stumbled off the bus and almost got swindled by a bunch of shills for a different wedding chapel. Luckily we found safe passage to the justice of the peace.

The wedding room was a small room behind the judge's chambers. It would only fit about half of the group which swelled to over 30 people. The judge looked like a hobbit. She was small and feisty. She allowed AlCantHang to say a few words as long as he didn't evoke the powers of Satan. She also did everyone a favor and conducted the ceremony in the lobby... so everyone could see it.

It was a tender moment. Lots of people took photos from their cameras and iPhones. Grubby showed up late, but made it in time to eat the wedding cake provided by Dave Yestbay.

We hopped back on the party bus. The driver took the long route to the Venetian. We finally arrived with plenty of time to sign up for the tournament. Last year, Grubby, Bad Blood and I embarked on the Procedure before the tournament. It must have worked because Grubby made the final table and I bubbled off the final table. This year, I skipped the strip club in favor of the wedding.

82 players this year. Numbers are way down from last year and previous years. My starting table included... KJ, Mattazuma, Falstaff, PokerPeaker, Gracie, MiamiDon, MeanGene, Linda, and one guy who I forgot what his name was. Of course, that would be the guy who eventually busted me.

It took a while before someone won Gigli. During the first blogger tournament at Sam's Town in 2004, I awarded last place a copy of Gigli on DVD. Ben Affleck was playing a ton of poker back then and it was sort of a cruel inside joke to hand out a free copy of one of the worst movies made in the last decade. Previous winners of Gigli include Bill Rini, the PokerNerd, Tanya, Spaceman, Easy Cure, Kram420, and The Mark. This year's winner? Aunt Maudie.

Linda flopped quad Kings. Last year's champion, The Rooster, busted out second. PKPNF took out a couple of folks, including Michalski who was steaming after his elimination.

"You got Keno'd!" would quickly become a catchphrase and an integral part of poker vernacular.

Kat was moved to our table. I pushed her off of A-10 on a board of Q-10-x. I had 8-8 and made a move. She folded. I almost showed.

I was eliminated in 51st place. I made a bad play against KJ in a battle of the blinds. He crippled me and I was out on the next hand. PKPNF busted just before me in 52nd place and we both headed to the bar where AlCantHang was holding court.

PKPNK and I taped a bustout interview where he called out Michalksi for playing like a pussy.

I split my time between the bar and the tournament. Derek and Change100 were both still alive, but when they busted... it was time to head back to the IP to party it up with Iggy and GMoney. We nested at the Geisha Bar, where Derek struck up a conversation with a working girl and told her that his name was Dan Michalski.

Change100 and Mrs. OhCaptian played nonstop video poker. Junkies. Change100 finally nailed quads after an relentless pursuit and I watched Mrs O ride a wave of unreal luck. Inside of a ten minute period, she hit quads twice and picked up a gutshot straight flush draw.

Bobby Bracelet got raped at the roulette table in front of the Geisha Bar. Poor kid. He walked away from the table.

"Is Bobby Bracelet going to play blackjack now?" asked Iggy.

"No, he's going to the ATM," explained Bobby's better half, Elizabeth.

Yep, Bobby was caught doing the walk of shame.

The party migrated to the MGM around 5am. We alternated between my suite, Derek's room, and the Zuri Lounge. Hookers were a flocking. Michalski and I even got one of them to make a cameo on Tao of Pokerati. Listen to Hooker Q&A (featuring "Valerie"). She wandered up in the middle of an episode that we were taping. Since the November Nine ended, the Tao of Pokerati has at least two episodes featuring cameos from hookers.

I found a new tagline for Tao of Pokerati... Not only are we the shortest podcast out there, we're also the most hookery.

Derek and the Human Head were engaged in Existentialist Hooker Theatre, while PKPNF was on a mission looking for some chocolate love. We captured some of those hijinks in podcast form in an episode called Existentialist Hooker Theater 3000.

It was around that time that I formulated a theory about hookers and Las Vegas buffets. The more expensive the buffet... the better looking the hookers were. The quality of hookers was directly correlated to the price of the buffets in the various Las Vegas casinos. For example, the casinos with the cheapest buffets often had the worst looking hookers. While the high end casinos with pricey buffets attracted the cream of the crop.

After partying for almost 50 hours straight, my body shut down around 8am on Sunday. I saw the sun rise for the fourth mornings in a row. That happens to me a lot in Las Vegas. Too many times to count.

Sometimes, you have to pull the plug on your own fun.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/22/2008 12:06:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Winning Keno Tips: Advice on Life and Gambling by PKPNF

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

"I don't play keno, I just listen to the vibrations of the universe," explained Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot.

Here's an excerpt from an instructional video that we recorded last weekend in Las Vgeas...



Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/21/2008 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
BadBlood Wins Saturdays with Dr. Pauly; Becomes Another Multi-Winner... Pending Steroids Test

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

We had a decent turnout for the second to last installment of Saturdays with Dr. Pauly. We had a nice mix this week with 28 runners in all. The top 5 would get paid.

My starting table included BuddyDank, MadameMojo, Chitwood, ZeemJr, dredful, and AcerbicOne, who won this back-to-back and was looking for three in a row.

Derek was Gigli and busted by MrMojo.

I went out in 22nd place. I had As-Ac-Jd-5d snapped off by Chitwood's Qd-Js-9h-9c. He flopped the joint and I was toast. Chitwood took the lead.

At the first break, LJ was the chipleader with 9.7K and 13 to go.

DoubleDave bubbled off the final table when he ran into Zeem's Aces. Linkocracy was the chipleader when the final table was seated.

The Final Table:
Seat 1: MadameMojo (3651)
Seat 2: chitwood (5192)
Seat 3: BuddyDank (1570)
Seat 4: princeharibo (7550)
Seat 5: badblood44 (5745)
Seat 6: AlCantHang (3865)
Seat 7: change1OO (4647)
Seat 8: ZeemJr (5240)
Seat 9: linkocracy (4540

With six to go, LJ was the chipleader. MadameMojo had to sit out and she ended up the BubbleBoy.

AlCantHang went out in 5th. His K-K-x-x lost to BadBlood BeatBeat and Al went out.

At the second break, Chitwood was ahead with four to go. Zeem took the lead, but Chitwood doubled throuh Zeem to jump to over 22K and take a sizable lead with more than 50% of chips in play.

I turned my head and two players busted. LJ went out in 4th. She was all in pre-flop with As-Js-10h-4d against Chitwood's 10c-9h-7c-6c. Chitwood came from behind to win the hand and LJ went out in fourth place.

Zeem busted out in third place on the next hand. He shoved with 8d-8c-6h-2c and got flushed out by Chitwood's 7c-7d-6s-4c.

We were heads up between BadBlood and Chitwood.

Heads up chip counts:
Seat 2: chitwood (33680)
Seat 5: badblood44 (8320)

BadBlood was trying to win his second Saturdays with Dr. Pauly. He won one a couple of months ago on my birthday (when I was at the Yankees game with Derek). Anyway, Blood needed help heads up because Chitwood was way ahead in chips with a 4 to 1 margin. But he needed to attend a family function, so he played super fast and super loose.

Blood struck blood first. He won two pots, doubled up twice, and took the lead. And on the 14th hand of heads up play, it was all over.

Both players got it all in on the flop of Ah-Ks-4d.

chitwood: Kc-Js-6h-4h
badblood44: Ad-9s-8s-6d

Blood was ahead and his hand held up. Chitwood was eliminated in second place. BadBlood won the tournament and collected his second title. He joins the elite group of Saturdays with Dr. Pauly multi-winners club which includes... Grouse14, Resdent Evil (three times including back-to-back), CSauve, Sydney 8, Derek, dfense072, and AcerbicOne (three times including back-to-back).

The Money Winners:
1. BadBlood - $112
2. Chitwood - $67.20
3. Zeem - $44.80
4. LJ - $33.60
5. AlCantHang - $22.40

Congrats to BadBlood for picking up another championship. Nice work, sir.

Thanks to everyone who played and pimped the event. Just a reminder that next week will be the last installment of Saturdays with Dr. Pauly for a couple of months! Last chance to get your fix.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/20/2008 06:22:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Tao of Poker Football Pool Update and FSLFSF Wins Season 3 of Sundays with Dr. Pauly

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

Over at the Tao of Poker football pool, PatsRevenge2008 (E. Kalis) continued to hold his lead. He's ahead by just a point over jaguar9499 and Rummy's TaoPicks.

Team of the Week - Week 15: Once in a Blu Moon (C. DiBari) - 14 Wins

Tao of Poker Pool - Top 5 Overall Standings (thru Week 15):
1 PatsRevenge2008 (E. Kalis) 156
2 jaguar9499 (r. zacharki) 155
2 Rummy's TaoPicks (E. Rummel) 155
4 The Kuntmissioner (S. Faherty) 152
5 Oyster Bay Moore (J. Moore) 151
5 Part-Time Models (J. Smith) 151

* * * * *
Congrats to FSLFSF for hanging on to win the third installment of Sundays with Dr. Pauly. He advanced to the Super TOC and joins Expensive Wino (Series 1 champion) and ebk03001 (Series 2 champion).

And congrats to Chewbot for winning Week 15.

Series 3 Final Standings (Weeks 11-15):
FSLFSF 573
Kev 567.2
Expensive Wino 541.6
etoppsfan 537.7
Zeem 537.2
repete offenders 534.3
Kaiseroll13 527.5
Chuckdnb 517.4
Chewbot 515.3
Brian 513
Acefilleddreams 510.3
spitball 507
bonds 504.9
cwfoot 499.1
RIP 496.7
Pokerpeaker 494.5
HermWarfare 476.4
Resino 464.5
AlCantHang 456
TaoPauly 451.7
Buffalo66 424
Mattazuma 419.9

High Weekly Scores for the Season:
1st $75 - only1calvary 171.6 (Week 12)
2nd $25 - jrf361 152.8 (Week 8)

If you are one of the TOC or Super TOC players, you should be getting an email shortly with instructions about your freerolls this weekend.

Super TOC Entries ($25 for winning seat + $125 added): Expensive Wino, ebk03001, FSLFSF. Beat my score and you guys win the bonus money.

For the TOC, there's $200 in bonus cash that will be split equally among anyone who outscores Pauly in the TOC. If Pauly's score is the highest, then he pockets the entire $200. The contest will be called Dr. Pauly TOC.

TOC Qualifiers: Jag, Expensive Wino, AlCantHang, Buffalo66, Chewbot, Resino, Greengoddess, Kaiseroll13, Chuckdnb, Brian, ebk03001, Belly2Bar, spitball, cwfoot, Kev, Mattazuma, Big Pirate, bonds, Pokerpeaker, Repete Offenders, FSLFSF

Good luck this weekend, everyone.

And thanks to everyone who played in Sundays with Dr. Pauly this year.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights
reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/19/2008 01:28:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Evil Urges, Part 1: They Call It Sin City for a Reason

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

Somewhere in bat country on I-15 last Wednesday, as Change100 and I drove from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, I spotted a road sign in the middle of nowhere...

Salt Lake City 493
Las Vegas 72

The number 72. The year of my birth and The Hammer. Anyway, as soon as I glimpsed at the road sign, I unleashed a comment into the tweetiverse that said, "493 miles to salt lake city (saints); 72 miles to las vegas (sinners)."

On the path towards salvation and the Mecca of Mormonism (the fastest growing religion in America), the road to Salt Lake City passes through the Las Vegas valley... a cesspool of filth, degeneracy, sodomy, and debauchery. And then there's the negative side.

This gathering would have not been the same if I originally picked a locale such as like Salt Lake City. That's not exactly a rock and roll kinda town.

I started a little social experiment in 2004. If you build it, they will come.

I picked Las Vegas. They call it Sin City for a reason. America's Playground. Or for you citizens of Canadia (yes, Canadia), it's sort of like playing in your neighbour's back yard.

This was the fifth gathering in December in Las Vegas among a group of people from all walks of life who shared a common thread among the billions of other people on the planet. We all have our vices, but a couple of times a year a group of people flock to Las Vegas to be degenerates together. Just like the Pink Floyd song says, we're just a bunch of lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year. But for one weekend every year, a hundred or so of us let loose and cater to our inner Stu Ungar.

Thirty people showed up the first time. I had not met more than two-thirds of them and we played a lot on Party Poker and Empire Poker. The majority of that group had not met anyone else before. All of that would change.

I created a monster, sort of like Frankenstein in a whorehouse. The winter gathering is the one weekend a year when normal everyday people kissed their loved ones goodbye and departed their hometowns with a wad of Benjamins held together by a rubber band. They flee to Las Vegas. A bastion for endless booze. Non-stop invitations to gamble away every cent in your pocket. Temptations beyond every corner and behind every shadow.

And in a day when the world is starting to make less and less sense, places like Las Vegas seem a little less absurd. It almost seems foolish to piss away money as the pillars of capitalism are imploding all around us. Then again, if this is the end of the world as we know it... then it's time to get jiggy with it. Bottom's up. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Bet it all on black. If there's grass on the infield... play ball.

* * * * *
I forgot my garment bag and left it hanging in my office in Hollyweird. I pulled an Otis. He forgot to bring socks and underwear to Mexico the week before. I forgot a couple of dress shirts and a superfly tuxedo jacket. Although the jacket was important, I didn't really need extra dress shirts. It's not like I'm JoeSpeaker who brings several outfit changes a day.

There was an incident last year when Betty Underground made fun of me for wearing the same dress shirt two days in a row. I had to correct her. I didn't double up on outfits, rather I simply had not gone to bed yet and had been up partying for two days in a row.

That's what Vegas does to me. I didn't care about the garment bag as long as I had a bottle of Mother's Little Helper. In the Stones song, it was Valium. But you can insert your own favorite intoxicant in here _______.

On the first night in Las Vegas, I feasted at the Wynn buffet with the gang from LasVegasVegas. There was no line. In fact, most of the Wynn looked... dead. The sign of the downtrodden economic times.

"Las Vegas is a ghost town," mentioned Flipchip. "And when the cowboys leave when the rodeo ends, it will really empty out."

Derek absolutely killed the buffet and ate two or three times his money's worth. He had no less than five platefuls of food. The quality of the food at the buffet was remarkable and I rarely eat buffets with exception of the Wynn and Bellagio. Vegas buffets are a constant reminder about the decline of Western civilization. This is what we have evolved into. Sloth. Gluttony. Greed. Prime Rib. Bread Pudding.

We sat at a table nearby the seafood section. The longest line at the buffet was for the Alaskan king crab. We watched in amazement at random slovens wobbling away with crab legs piled three feet high.

"It's like they are walking away with the world's deadliest catch on their plates," said Change100.

The PokerProf and Change100 poked fun at the unwashed masses waiting in line for the seafood. They laughed uncontrollably when someone with a gaudy or garish outfit sauntered by with an excessive amount of crab legs dangling off their plate, like the guy decked out in Joey Buttafucco pants and a t-shirt that said, "I fish naked."

Another guy scooped out liquid butter into a drinking glass. He has at least 8 oz. of pure butter in a glass that sloshed its way around as he stumbled away from the seafood station.

It was my first night back in Vegas after the November Nine ended. I was reminded about the excessive binge nature of Las Vegas.

Maudie arrived around Midnight and headed over to the Imperial Palace to meet her. I booked an inexpensive suite at the MGM because they were desperate to fill their rooms. And besides, I got into a little trouble last year. The IP fined me for trashing my suite. It was total bullshit and an obvious shakedown. As Johnny Hughes said, "That's an oxymoron. How can you trash a room at the Imperial Palace?"

Anyway, I purposely avoided the Imperial Palace of inbred peasants for almost a full year. I forgot what the aroma of desperation smelled like until I stepped onto the casino floor and that scent jarred my senses. The collective odor of vomit, cigar smoke, and industrial disinfectant that reeked of faux flowers almost made me vomit on a cowboy.

We had a few drinks with Maudie and caught up on old times. She was at the first one and she watched the entire scene evolve.

Derek spotted a couple of working girls who looked bored to death, but not as bored as the blackjack dealers who stood around the pits with their thumbs up their asses. The joint looked empty, save for a few cowboys wandering around. We left when the Tina Turner impersonator began belting out Christmas songs. Jingle bells my ass.

* * * * *
The bride and groom to be finally arrived on Thursday morning. It was a pleasure to catch up with Gracie and Sweet Sweet Pablo. I see Pablo more often than Gracie these days. Pablo and I run in the same musical circles. In fact, he's chummy with my buddy Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot (PKPNF), since we frequent plenty of different music festivals spread throughout the country.

PKPNF's flight from Denver was #777. Lucky sevens. PKPNF showed up with just a jar of generic Viagra and a wad of cash. He was slinging pills at the various Hooker Bars all weekend. 1 for $10. 2 for $15. I won't out any bloggers who purchased his dick pills.

We drank Stellas at the Zuri Lounge at the MGM. That would be our late night hang out joint. The last time I drank at Zuri was Hallloween a couple of years ago when a drug dealer offered to sell me a gram of horse tranquilizers. I turned him down. I was way into uppers back then. These days, I'm all about sinking down to that glorious feeling. Pharmies and beer make Homer a jolly fellow.

I slowly bumped into a few familiar faces. StB. BadBlood. The Spacemen. We headed for sushi before we made our way to the Geisha Bar in order to keep up with an Asian fetish theme.

A couple of years ago, I decided to throw a cocktail party at the Geisha Bar. The location is the best part for folks checking into the IP. They have to walk right past the bar on the way to their rooms. Since then, the Geisha Bar has become a Thursday night tradition. If you get there early enough, you can catch everyone as they arrive. And if you are hardcore and drink into the early morning hours on Friday, you can catch the folks arriving first thing in the morning.

I told PKPNF that he should ask a dozen of my friends for $10 a piece in order to get staked into the blogger tournament. He walked right up to AlCantHang at the Geisha Bar and inquired about some backing. Before anyone could say anything else, AlCantHang peeled off a wad of $20 bills and handed them to PKPNF. ACH was not going to play and decided to stake PKPNF instead. Full buy in.

Word of the wise? Hit up AlCantHang for money before he settles his tab at the end of the night.

AlCantHang held court and properly trained the surly bartender how to respond to our hooliganesque antics and requests for beverages ranging in fruity cocktails to shots of the nectar of the gods.

I had a good buzz until Iggy started buying me Greyhounds and that's when things got a tad fuzzy. I kinda remember making fun of the fake watermelons on the Gwen Stefani dealertainer. I vaguely recall meeting a couple of first-timers who made the trek out to Vegas. That batch included OhCaptain, Josh, Pirate Lawyer, and Dredful, one of the regulars in Saturdays with Dr. Pauly. I definitely recall standing next to Mrs. OhCaptain as she embarked on a heater at video poker. I watched in awe as she hit quads thrice inside of an hour.

Then there was the cougar who set her sights on Iggy. She must have thought he was either a famous country western singer or the former star of one of my favorite cold-war era movies from the 1980s, you know, the one when the Ruskies invade Colorado?

Although as one blogger said to Iggy, "She's not a cougar unless she's older than you."

Iggy was cougar bait. DonkeyPuncher wore a suit. Kat and Joanne began making out, and then the Wife and Kat were swapping spit. I wondered if PKPNF slipped them some generic Viagra and/or pure MDMA.

Once the cougar failed to dismember Iggy, he stumbled back to the bar and succumbed to a miserable losing streak at Roshambo. Even PKPNF took advantage of a wounded wolverine and took $100 from Iggy on a best of five match.

PKPNF is a hustler, but I'm guessing most of you figured that out by now.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/18/2008 02:49:00 AM | Permalink |

 
New Tao of Pokerati Episodes: Welcome to the Tao of Kenorati

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA


It wasn't planned, but during the blogger gathering in Las Vegas, Michalski and I managed to tape several new episodes of Tao of Pokerati, the shortest poker-related (and these days... more hooker-themed than actual pokery content) podcast on the intertubes.

We had several special guests including my brother Derek. There were cameos from MeanGene, the Human Head, and of course... Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot.

And what would a Tao of Pokerati episode be without a special guest appearance from a Las Vegas working girl?

Here's what Michalski wrote...

A full moon was closer to Earth than usual, naturally enhancing the funk. Dr. Pauly busted out the portable satellite Tao of Pokerati studio, and before you knew it, our recorded commentary degenerated into lunar analysis of semi-annual drunkfests, slumped-over gambling addicts, donk-ass keno play, and, of course, hookers in a down economy on the late-night Vegas prowl. Recorded live from an extended weekend's worth of bars, sportsbooks, bedrooms, bathrooms, and casino floors... with guest appearances by Derek, Human Head, Bobby Bracelet, Mean Gene, and PKPNF, before and after his unsuccessful relationship with Betty Underground.

Episode 6.1: Gathering of the Geeks (2:31)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the sportsbook bar at MGM. Derek makes his first appearance, while Michalski and Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot get off to a rough start.

Episode 6.2: Hooker by Numbers, 1-2-3 (3:52)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the sportsbook bar at MGM. Michalski shares a hooker story. Featuring Derek and MeanGene.

Episode 6.3: Hookers, Keno, and Meth (2:27)
Pauly's description: Recorded in my suite at the MGM. PKPNF talks about his initial experiences with poker bloggers.

Episode 6.4: Crushed Venetian Dreams (2:19)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the Venetian... mostly in the mens room. Michalski followed me in and we recorded most of this episode at the urinal during one of the breaks in the blogger tournament. Yes, he snuck a peek at my junk.

Episode 6.5: Keno'ed Address (1:41)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the Venetian soprtsbook bar. PKPNF explains how he busted Michalski. The word "pussy" is used to describe his play.

Episode 6.6: Hooker Q&A (feat. "Valerie") (2:40)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the MGM. Michalksi and I described the late night scene at the MGM when we were interrupted by not one but two hookers.

Episode 6.7: Existentialist Hooker Theater 3000 (3:39)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the Zuri lounge in the MGM. Derek and the Human Head are back with some observations of the late night hooker scene.

Episode 6.8: Hooker and Muthafugger Buffet! (3:05)
Pauly's description: Recorded at the Zuri lounge in the MGM. Derek and the Human Head discuss even more observations of the late night hooker scene.

Enjoy! And if you want to listen to older episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/17/2008 11:35:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Las Snow

By Pauly
Las Vegas

I stayed in Las Vegas an extra day because the El Cajon Pass was closed due to the winter blast that hit Southern California and trickled over into Nevada. The El Cajon Pass on I-15 and a necessary traverse that we must cross in order to reach the City of Angels. An alternate route would have taken twice as long and who wants to drive in crappy weather for eight hours? Without snow tires?

I made a conservative decision and stayed in Las Vegas an extra day. I needed the time to sleep off the five-day bender where I got about eight hours of sleep inside of a 120-hour period. The Vegas Crud attacked me on Monday morning and I spent most of Monday holed up in the Castle warding off infection. I also had a nice dinner with Change100, Poker Prof and Flipchip at Burger Bar. It was our annual Christmas end of year dinner; an annual tradition that we have before I depart Las Vegas for the last time during a calendar year. Next time that I'll be here? Hopefully in March for March Madness.

FYI, Flipchip posted some pics of the blogger tournament over at LasVegasVegas.

For most of the night, I kept a close eye on a couple of NBA games that I bet on. Shit, if I was going to be in Vegas for another day, I needed some sort of action. I hit a big bet with the Magic at Golden State. They more than covered the spread. I also got lucky and won a rare three-team NBA parlay.

My sports betting wins more than covered my loses playing live poker and Pai Gow. Funny thing is that I no longer bet ridiculous sums of money on sports. That utter degeneracy of slinging two dimes on a game is a thing of a past. Betting $100 a game is a lot for me these days. Of course, when I bet small... I win. As soon as I started escalating the wager amounts, I'm encircled in doom.

And yes, I did not place one bet on the NFL this weekend. Everything wagered was on the NBA which I know is selectively rigged, yet bet on it anyway. Either I'm exceptionally lucky or I was betting on the right side of the fix. I went 2 for 2 on Friday, finished 1 for 2 and split the Saturday games, 1 for 1 on Sunday, and 4 for 4 on Monday.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning, I gazed out the hotel window and saw the snow-capped mountains that surround the city of Las Vegas. The picture below looks out towards Red Rock Canyon. You can usually make out the maroon-stained rocks, but not in this instance. Feel free to click on the pic to see an enlarged view.


That's it for now. When I return to Los Angeles, I'll finally have a chance to write a proper Las Vegas trip report.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/16/2008 10:58:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Snow in Vegas; Maigrey Wins Holiday Classic at the Venetian

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I'm holed up in Las Vegas. We were supposed to leave this afternoon, but Vegas got blasted by a rare snow storm. Plenty of folks had delayed flights out of McCarran. We had to drive to Los Angeles, but the Cajon Pass was closed because of the snow. Instead of trying to fight crappy weather and less than optimal driving conditions after a massive bender.

Anyway, I'll eventually write up a post about the last couple of days in Las Vegas. Maybe sooner than later.

For now, a quick and hearty congrats to Maigrey (the original Poker Princess) for winning the Holiday Classic tournament at the Venetian. She topped a field of 82 bloggers and beat ObieVIP heads up for the victory. Maigrey also became only the second female to win a Las Vegas blogger tourney. The other? Mrs. Spaceman in the summer of 2007 at the Orleans.

The Rooster no longer has bragging rights after a reign that lasted one year since there was no tournament this summer. Yes, all hail the Queen...


Thanks to Falstaff for organizing the tournament.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/15/2008 08:01:00 PM | Permalink |

 
AcerbicOne Wins Saturdays with Dr. Pauly; Becomes Three-Time Champ

By Pauly
Las Vegas


I couldn't play in this event, but congrats to AcerbicOne for winning back-to-back Saturdays with Dr. Pauly and becoming only the second player to snatch up three titles this year. Hes now tied with the Last King of Scotland with three wins each.

And yes, my empty chair finished in 6th place.

Nice job, sir!

See everyone next week.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/14/2008 04:20:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Fantasy Football - Week 14 Update; Expensive Wino and FSLFSF are Sundays with Dr. Pauly Winners

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Sorry for the lack of updates...

Over at the Tao of Poker football pool, PatsRevenge2008 (E. Kalis) is out in front with a slim lead over who are right behind him...jaguar9499 and Rummy's TaoPicks.

Team of the Week - Week 13: Swenson (E. Swenson)
Team of the Week - Week 14: Rapidrowe (A. Rowe)

Tao of Poker Pool - Overall Standings (thru Week 14):
1 PatsRevenge2008 (E. Kalis) 145
2 jaguar9499 (r. zacharki) 144
2 Rummy's TaoPicks (E. Rummel) 144
4 The Kuntmissioner (S. Faherty) 142
5 Oyster Bay Moore (J. Moore) 141

* * * * *
Over in Sundays with Dr. Pauly, FSLFSF and Expensive Wino both won their weeks. FSLFSF is in first place overall by 23 points. With one week left to go, can he finish the season as Series 3 Champion?

I put up a decent score and cashed for the second week in a row. I actually won my contest.

Week 13 Winner: FSLFSF - 119.5
Week 14 Winner: Expensive Wino - 130.8

Week 13 Results - Top 10:
1 FSLFSF 119.5
2 Joe Speaker 119.1
3 23skidoo 118.1
4 TaoPauly 112.8
5 JD 112.6
6 jashart1 110.7
7 RIP 108.9
8 HermWarfare 105.4
9 Mightymac8 102.4
10 cwfoot 102

Click here to view Week 13 complete results.

* * * * *
Week 14 Results - Top 10:
1 Expensive Wino 130.8
2 FSLFSF 124.9
3 Chuckdnb 117.8
4 repete offenders 117.1
5 Brian 116.8
6 etoppsfan 113.8
7 Zach 107.8
8 Kev 107.5
9 TaoPauly 106.2
10 Mattazuma 103.6

Click here to view complete Week 15 results.

* * * * *
Series 3 - Overall Standings
FSLFSF 477.3
Kev 454.4
etoppsfan 437.9
Acefilleddreams 434.6
Chuckdnb 434.6
Expensive Wino 428.9
cwfoot 428.7
Kaiseroll13 426.1
Mattazuma 419.9
repete offenders 419.9
Zeem 419.8
Sconie 418.2
Jag 417.9
Pokerpeaker 413.2
spitball 412.6
Brian 411.9
BobbyBracelet 407
bonds 401.9
RIP 401.1
HermWarfare 398.7
Chewbot 394.1
TaoPauly 382.4
AlCantHang 375.3
Olliewood 365.2
Resino 363.5
bayne_s 330.1

TOC Entries by Beating Dr. Pauly's Score 3 straight weeks ($200 added):
Jag, Expensive Wino, AlCantHang, Buffalo66, Chewbot, Resino, Greengoddess, Kaiseroll13, Chuckdnb, Brian, ebk03001, Belly2Bar, spitball, cwfoot, Kev, Mattazuma, Big Pirate, bonds, Pokerpeaker, Repete Offenders, FSLFSF

High Weekly Scores for the Season ($75/$25 added):
1st only1calvary 171.6 (Week 12)
2nd jrf361 152.8 (Week 8)

If you don't have a Fantasy SportsLive account, you can sign up for one today! It's legal in the US and you can fund your account with a credit card.




Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/11/2008 04:20:00 PM | Permalink |

 
The Certain Death of the Bubble; Kid Dynamite Wins Event #3; Fizzling Out of the Run Good 2.0

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

I don't Run Good. At least, not this time around. I played the third event from my hotel room in Mexico on spotty internet. That was supposed to be Day 2 of the LAPT but at the time of the Run Good, the tournament was in a state of suspension.

Anyway, there were 17 players in the latest installment of Run Good. My starting table included WSOP bracelet winner Jason Young, Kid Dynamite, Michele Lewis, Chops (from Wicked Chops Poker), CJ, Change100 and Spaceman.

I busted Jason Young. He was short and shoved. My 6-6 held up against his Qh-10h.

I won a big hand against Dan Skolovy when I found Ad-Qs in the small blind. I raised to 450 and Dan shoved all in for 2,450. I quickly called and he showed... 8s-4h. Oooooops. My Aces held up and I increased my stack to 4.6K.

I started final table second in chips behind KD.

Run Good 2.0: Event #3 Final Table:
Seat 1: Matt Showell (3720)
Seat 2: Michalski (3260)
Seat 3: Shamus (1630)
Seat 4: PokerShrink (2675)
Seat 5: DrPauly (4580)
Seat 6: KidDynamite (7005)
Seat 7: Spaceman (1370)
Seat 9: change1OO (1260)

I busted a shortstacked Shortstacked Shamus when my pocket fives held up against his 8h-2h.

When action reached the bubble... I was second in chips with 6K. And of course, I'd bubble out in fourth place. Matt Showell got all of my chips in three hands.

Hand #1: I doubled up Matt. My Ac-7c lost to A-10.

Hand #2: On the next hand... my 5-5 lost to his 10-10.

Hand #3: This was ugly. My As-10c lost to his Hammer. He rivered me too.

Out in 4th. Bubble Boy. I suck. Kid Dynamite beat Matt heads up for the win. Congrats, bro.

The final event is on Saturday. I didn't automatically qualify because I did not have enough points. There were two spots left but three people were tied; myself, Spaceman, and Kid Dynamite. We had to play a three-person playoff to determine which two would advance.

During the first Run Good, Spaceman was in a similar situation. He was tied with Change100 with one spot available. They had to play a heads up match to see who would get the last seat. Change100 ended up winning that and Spaceman bubbled.

But this time, Spaceman got in while I bubbled.

The playoff took place shortly before Midnight. About ten minutes in, I found myself the shortest stack with under 900. I lost a couple of pots earlier; one to each Spaceman and KD.

On the final hand, I got it all in on the turn with top pair and a gutshot against Spaceman's two pair. I missed my draw and he won the pot. I was eliminated first and that was it. The last two seats in the Run Good 2.0 Final will go to Spaceman and Kid Dynamite.

Good luck, fucktards!

Thanks again to the gang at Poker Listings for setting up another fun installment of the Run Good Challenge. I obviously failed to live up to my lofty expectations. Next time?


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/10/2008 12:03:00 PM | Permalink |

 
LAPT Chile Free Roll for LAPT Mexico Suspended Players

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

I got this official update from PokerStars on LAPT Mexico and a press release....

Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico – December 9, 2009 -- PokerStars.net today announced that they will be offering a free roll on their site to all remaining players in the suspended LAPT Mexico event. The players will start with the same number of chips they had when the tournament was suspended and they will play down to the final table. The final nine will then be flown to the LAPT Vina del Mar in Chile, where they will finish the tournament live on a televised table.

"We know that many of our remaining players really wanted the opportunity to finish this tournament and earn their shot at an LAPT title," says Sarne Lightman, Director of Marketing for PokerStars Latin America. "Although the tournament was suspended and the prize money distributed, PokerStars still wants to offer their players this extra opportunity. PokerStars will also be adding $50,000 in prize money to the final table."

PokerStars will be contacting all the players shortly with a choice of available times and dates for the free roll and will then schedule the time most convenient to most players.

There were rumors swirling around Mexico that they would play out the final 89 online at PokerStars. It seems like a good idea to offer them a shot at being on TV as of the Mexico Nine.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/09/2008 04:20:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Shakedown Street > Mexicali Blues

By Pauly
Neuvo Vallarta, Mexico

"Busted down on Bourbon Street.
Set up like a bowlin' pin.
Knocked down, it gets to wearin' thin.
They just wont let you be. Oh no." - The Grateful Dead

I should had suspected something was rotten in Denmark... er shall I say, rotten in Mexico. I stood at the reception desk at the Marival Resorts and Suites and the very fabulous and flaming front desk clerk (like full-on Jm J. Bullock gay) handed Change100 and myself a photocopied piece of paper. There were two columns; the left was written in Spanish and the right was written in English. It was a waiver form and some sort of pledge. It stated something to the effect of, "I understand that gambling is illegal in Mexico and I was not participate in any gambling activities on the Marival property."

I'm totally paraphrasing there, but you get the gist of the form. I did not want to sign it. My inner rebel screamed, "Fuck this shit!" And my inner paranoid self thought that they were keen to my utter degeneracy. Like they knew that Otis and I would be engaging in high stakes lime tossing and they were out to get us. Instead of signing it, I wrote down a fake name (Page McConnell) and scribbled a faux signature.

Pauly 1, Mexico 0.
* * * * *
I ate dinner with Otis and Change100 at one of the restaurants in the resort. The eatery opened at 6pm and Change100 arranged a 6:10pm reservation. We arrived a few minutes early and half of dozen wait staff greeted us at the entrance. When we told the host our names, he asked us to hold on a second. He reached into his wallet and fished out a couple of Pesos. He handed it to one of the waiters as the rest of them burst out laughing.

Otis and I glanced at each other. We knew what was up. They had a pool going to see which reservation would show up first. The lucky winner picked Change100's name. Originally, I thought it was cool that they like to gamble on random shit just like I do with my friends. But as time passed, I was kinda irked at the hypocrisy of the waiver that we had to sign at the front desk. Guests of the Marival Resorts were not permitted to gamble, but it's totally kosher for their employees to wager while on the clock.

After dinner, we headed to the PokerStars welcome party to kick off the LAPT Mexico. Most of these events have striking similarities despite the change in locale, if it's Monte Carlo, London, Las Vegas, or Neuvo Vallarta. In this instance, players from all over North and Latin America mingled as we were greeted with a waitress who held a tray of drinks. The selection included draft Sol beer, tequila, frozen margaritas, and frozen strawberry daiquiris. A mariachi band performed on stage and Humberto Brenes sang lead vocals while Greg Raymer milled around the buffet. Otis and I drank steadily and got in trouble when the chicks with the whistles and bottles of tequila darted through the crowd as shrieks of whistles echoed all around us. One moment you were in a middle of a conversation and the next, the chicks with the whistles were sodomizing you with a bottle of tequila, like some poor starlet trying to chug John Holmes' junk. One chick poured more tequila on my shirt than in my mouth.

My first night in Mexico. An outstanding start to an assignment. I was well fed, pretty drunk, took a walk on the beach in the moonlight with my girlfriend, and given a good show by the local entertainment. Plus it was Otis' birthday and we had plenty to celebrate. Yes, it was Otis Day and we were staying at an all you can drink resort, so we completely abused that privilege. We drank the lobby bar out of beer. I was cutoff by the waitress and said, "No mas cerveza." My alternative choices were tequila and beer. I opted for tequila and an hour later they closed out that bar. We stumbled outside to a bar near the pool and continued the steady flow of shots and beers until way past last call. Yeah, I consumed an excess of cheap tequila and bad beer. The result was an unwelcomed pestilence of a hangover when I woke up on the morning on my first day of work.

Mexico 1, Pauly 1.

* * * * *
Day 1 of the PokerStars.com LAPT Mexico went off without a hitch. I was actually impressed that cards went into the air at 12:01pm or just one minute late after the scheduled start time. Tournaments rarely start on time and during the earlier seasons of the EPT, those events were notorious for starting late.

I sat in media row while the gang at 441 Productions (the crew who shoots the WSOP for ESPN) methodically set up the TV table behind us. They were at the event and shooting b-roll on Day 1 and they'd start filming the feature table on Day 2.

Around the second or third level, I noticed that a group of guys in khakis and polo shirts sat down at one of tables adjacent to the media row. A mountain of paperwork sat on the poker table and were I dunno why I thought this... but I dismissed them and figured that a couple of Mexican businessmen were having a meeting and they decided to use one of the empty tables. For most of the afternoon, they went unnoticed. I had no idea that they were from the Mexican Ministry of the Interior (SEGOB) or the local gaming commission. They were there to observe the tournament.

The LAPT acquired a permit and temporary gaming license to host a tournament at the Marival Resorts. The permit met all the requirements from the Code of the Mexican Federal Law of Games and Raffle, yet at 10:30pm, the officials rescinded the permit and ordered the tournament to cease at once with 89 players remaining. The officials ejected everyone from the tournament room.

A confused crowd milled around in the hallway outside the tournament area. The bar in the lobby was flooded with players and spectators. The media were holed up in the business center at the end of the hall.

Someone suggested that we remove our badges. For a couple of moments, I was on edge and extremely concerned at the safety of Change100 and myself and my fellow media reps like Owen, Otis, Joe, Alex, and everyone else. I never thought that I'd get tossed into prison in Mexico for a non-drug charge. Then I got really freaked out. The federalies wouldn't throw me in jail. They'd whack me. Journalists are the enemy in third world countries and forty-five journalists were killed in Mexico since 2000. According to Reporters without Borders, Mexico is considered the most dangerous country for journalists with the exception of Iraq.

I was just a half-baked blogger (and at the time half-hungover and jonesin' for a sampling of the local produce) and never considered myself a journalist. But the types of sinister souls who murder proponents of free speech don't distinguish the difference between a blogger and a journalist like the New York literati would. Alas, if any trigger happy federalies saw press credentials such as a media badge dangling around my neck and a camera slung around my shoulder... well, that would enough to make sure that I became number 46 on that list of slain writers.

That paranoia subsided. It wasn't like the police kicked the door down or tear gassed the room. I think I saw maybe one or two rent a cops and not one thuggy looking guy around. We were in the middle of a passive-aggressive shakedown. And everyone walked right into the trap. The fix was in. Set up like a bowling bin.

Mexico 1, LAPT 0.

* * * * *
Corruption at all levels is rampant in third world countries. We have a corruption of a different kind in America, but money talks in Latin America. Have you met my friend Mr. Franklin?

(Editor's note: One reader named Victor pointed out that Mexico is not a third world country. He wrote, "Mexico is not a third world country... it is actually considered a NIC, a category between 'developing' and 'developed' country. Mexico is the second largest economy in LATAM, after Brazil, and the 4th for all the Americas.)

I assumed that the banditos in charge wanted a bribe. If they accepted PokerStars transfers, they'd get a nice little chunk of change parked into their accounts. And if not, they'd receive a PokerStars schwag bag with a t-shirt, a frisbee, and a couple of bricks of Benjamins.

The LAPT handled the situation diplomatically and let their lawyers engage in negotiations. In the end, the LAPT stood up to the corrupt government officials and refused to pay the shakedown money. If they paid the shakedown money, then word would get out on the street that the LAPT were an easy mark. They would get squeezed by other shady government agencies in the third world countries that were future stops on the LAPT (and not just the LAPT but the EPT and APPT).

It's like getting bullied when you were a kid growing up. If you give up your milk money on the first day of school to the class bully, then a precedent is set. Everyone knows that you're soft and you'll get pushed around the rest of your life. In prison terms, if you don't beat the shit out of the first first guy who jumps you, then you ended up becoming somebody's bitch.

Mexican officials dropped the ball. They exhibited zero long term vision and were clouded by their own immediate greed. They wanted more money now instead of looking at the long term affect of a powerful poker presence in Mexico. Within a couple of years, the LAPT Mexico could have been almost (not quite, but almost) as popular as the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure. The proximity makes the LAPT Mexico a more appealing place for North American poker players to travel. It's a quick trip and instead of heading out to stops in Eastern Europe on the PokerStars.com EPT or making a long journey across the Pacific Ocean to the PokerStars.com APPT. Hey, I love the EPT, but I'd rather head down to the sunny beaches of Mexico in December than freeze my gonads off in Poland.

The LAPT did not bring in their own dealers. Instead, they hired locals and trained them for a month. The LAPT created jobs in a country where people desperately need employment. The Mexicans blew an opportunity to allow the LAPT to help stimulate the economy and give their citizens jobs, especially when tourism numbers are down.

Poker players are generous tippers and they showered the waitstaff at restaurants and the various bars scattered around the resort with fat tips. Marival is an all inclusive resort so you don't have to pay for food and booze. Tipping is completely optional and not expected. But the poker players were more than generous with splashing around some pocket change. Some of the workers at the resort are gonna have an amazing Christmas because of the influx of tips, particularly US dollars. Otis and I tipped one guy the first night here and every time that he saw us, he has a huge smile on his face. Some lucky staff members acquired the equivalent of a month or two in salary in tips this past weekend alone.

Avarice is one of the seven deadly sins and that destroyed any chance of a consistent influx of money into the struggling Mexican economy. The LAPT will never again return to Mexico and some other country in Latin America will reap the financial benefits of tournament poker. Shakedown failed.

LAPT 1, Mexico 1.

* * * * *
Several of the players who busted out (before play was suspended on Friday) nearly caused a riot on Saturday afternoon.

A meeting was held at 5pm on Saturday by the LAPT in the theatre and only the remaining 89 players were allowed access. Not even media were allowed inside. The entrance was a narrow bridge walkway over a pool. That area was congested with pissed off poker players. Many of them were there for different reasons but all of them wanted to go inside.

An angry mob gathered. The walkway was jam packed. I stood in the back of the crowd as an over flow of people started to grow outside the theatre. People were screaming. My Spanish is horrible, but one of my Costa Rican friends translated some of the things that the players were yelling such as they demanded a refund. Most of them were Venezuelans. They had been drinking (free booze) and were pissed off. Driven by pure greed, the angle shooters wanted to get a free ride and tried to get their money back when they were already eliminated. It was already a shitty situation, but they complicated matters and surged towards the entrance.

One guy fell into the pool. A member of the LAPT was tossed to the ground. Another was threatened to get his ass kicked. Yet despite the adversity, the LAPT handled the matter as best as they could given the circumstances. They called the police, but only the local turista cops showed up. They were the equivalent of rent-a-cops. At that point, I evaded the mob outside and snuck inside the theatre. That would be a much safer place and I cut through some bushes and entered through the side.

LAPT officials told the 89 remaining players that the tournament was canceled and they arranged a chop of the prize money in a similar manner if PokerStars server crashed and one of their online tournaments were canceled. In this instance, players got twice their buy in and divided up the rest of the prize pool by chip count. Plus they each got a $500 bonus (that was not from the prize pool). Only the top 27 players were scheduled to win prize money so more than two-thirds of the players would be awarded money that they weren't going to see. The deal was positive for short stacks but not so good for the big stacks. But if you played tournament poker, you know that a big stack with 89 players to go doesn't mean much.

While the remaining 89 players filled out paperwork, the furious mob were eventually pushed back by the rent-a-cops.

This is an unconfirmed rumor, but supposedly a couple of the Venezuelan players who incited the near riot were arrested. When they did not get refunds from the LAPT, they called the police. When the real police showed up, the Venezuelans said that LAPT would not let them continue gamble. The police then arrested the Venezuelans for gambling. Again, this is unconfirmed rumor that I was told by a reliable source.

Mexico 1, Venezuela 0.

* * * * *
As Change100 and I planned our early escape route from Mexico, a couple of Grateful Dead lyrics rattled around in my head...

Is there anything a man don't stand to lose, when the devil wants to take it all away? Cherish well your thoughts, and keep a tight grip on your booze. Cause thinkin' and drinkin' are all I have today.

So what exactly happened this past weekend?

Well, the weather was gorgeous in Mexico. We drank took much booze. The food sucked. Otis forgot to pack underwear. I didn't get shanked or succumb to the a nasty case of Montezuma's Revenge.

The fix was in and the LAPT was set up. The locals (including the resort, gaming officials, and the third-party group who acquired the gaming license for the LAPT) acquired the LAPT's and the players' money up front and then fucked 'em when everyone was at their most vulnerable. And in turn a lot of collateral damage ensued including the film crew who had their gear seized by the officials. And yeah, a handful of players were pissed off. And most of the players who cashed were satisfied with the solution.

The LAPT did what they could to make the most of a horrendous situation. In the end, no one got hurt. No one went to jail (with the possible exception of a couple of drunken Venezuelan troublemakers). The LAPT also stood up to corruption and decided to not play by their rules. Instead, the LAPT absorbed the setback and something like this unfortunate incident will only make them stronger.

And yes, it's safe to say that there will never ever be another LAPT event in Mexico. Too bad, because Neuvo Vallarta was a lovely location and I was truly rooting for the LAPT to pull off a successful tournament.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/08/2008 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
AcerbicOne Wins Saturdays with Dr. Pauly... Again; GMoney Bridesmaid... Again

By Pauly
Neuvo Vallarta, Mexico

We had a Mexican version of Saturdays with Dr. Pauly. This week featured 28 runners and the top 5 won prize money.

I was in the middle of an assignment covering the LAPT (which was eventually canceled) so I couldn't sweat the final table. I managed to catch the last couple of hands as AcerbicOne beat GMoney for the victory. AcerbicOne won his second title in the last five weeks putting him an elite club of multi-winners. And alas, GMoney finished in second place... for the third time in the last three months.

My starting table included BMURPHSTER, dredful, ArcticAction, BuddyDank, Amy Calistri, Blue123, and JOHN-E-FLUSH.

JOHN-E-FLUSH would take down Gigli honors.

I had an up and down session to start. I doubled up against GMoney when I flopped trip Aces to keep my head above water.

At the first break, Russ Fox was the chipleader with 4.6K. I was 10th with 16 to go.

I was eliminated in 12th place. Derek busted me in a three-way pot! I was short and made a move and I think Derek won the pot with Ace-high. Unreal.

As soon as I busted, I had to run downstairs to find out the outcome of the LAPT. There was a meeting and a riot almost broke out. I managed to escape unharmed and when I returned... the action was three-handed.

Acornman was the Bubble Boy, while Joanne and two previous champions, BuddyDank and ArcticAction, made the money.

On the final hand, AcerbicOne had almost a 5 to 1 chiplead over GMoney. AcerbicOne limped from the small blind and GMoney checked. The flop was 6d-6d-5h. Gmoney bet 1,600 and AcerbicOne called. The turn was the 8d. GMoney shoved for his last 4,710 and AcerbicOne called.

777GMoney: 9h-8s-5s-3h
AcerbicOne: 7c-7s-4s-2s

GMoney shoved with two pair, but AcerbicOne turned a straight. The river was the 3c and AcerbicOne won the pot. GMoney was eliminated in second place, as AcerbicOne became a two-time Champion. Congrats!

Week 45 Money Winners:
1. AcerbicOne - $112
2. GMoney - $67.20
3. BuddyDank - $44.80
4. Joanne - $33.60
5. ArcticAction - $22.40

Thanks to everyone who plugged and pimped the event. Congrats again to AcerbicOne and maybe GMoney can finally pull this one out. He has a couple of more chances this year to do so.

FYI, Saturdays with Dr. Pauly will be going on hiatus in January. I will be hosting three more tournaments in December on 12/13, 12/20, and 12/27. All of you junkies have three more opportunities to get your PLO fix before I go on a mini-holiday. After hosting this event everyday for 11 months, I need time off. Don't worry Saturdays with Dr. Pauly will return sometime in 2009.

Also, please note that I will be unable to play in next week's event. It will still run as scheduled, but I'll be in Las Vegas playing in the blogger tournament next Saturday. And I will return to host and play in the last two events of the year.

Anyway, that's it for now. Signing off from Mexico.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/07/2008 10:36:00 AM | Permalink |

 
LAPT Nuevo Vallarta Canceled

By Pauly
Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico

Yes, it's official. After almost 19 hours of waiting...the LAPT Mexico has been canceled. Lots of angry and pissed off poker players.

Anyway, here's what I wrote over at PokerNews.com....

The 2008 PokerStars.com LAPT Nuevo Vallarta has officially been canceled. The remaining 89 players will split the prize money based on the following formula...

1. Each of the remaining 89 players will receive $5,000 from the prize pool.

2. The remainder of the prize pool will be distributed among the remaining 89 players based on chip count.

3. Each of the remaining 89 players will receive $500 from PokerStars (and not from the prize pool) for their troubles.

In case you are joining us late, here's a quick recap of the events that transpired over the last 24 hours...

Action was suspended late on Day 1 during the middle of play by local gaming officials. 242 players bought into the $2,500 main event championship hosted at the Marival Resorts and Suites in Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico. The event attracted several American pros in addition to some of the premiere players in Latin America.

The tournament had been running smoothly until the ninth level of play. Local gaming officials were on hand for most of the day observing the tournament. At approximately 10:30pm local time, gaming officials made an abrupt decision to rescind the LAPT’s gaming license. Tournament director Mike Ward made an announcement that play was suspended until further notice.

At that point, there were 89 players remaining including Greg Raymer and Victor Ramdin, who was among the chipleaders. All of the players and spectators were ordered to vacate the tournament room immediately. Players left their chips on the table and headed for the exit. The tournament staff, dealers, and media were also quickly ejected. For a couple of hours, perplexed players and media milled around while they eagerly awaited a clarification on the suspension of the tournament.

At midnight on Friday, the remaining 89 players were told to return at noon on Saturday when they would be provided with a status update. Meanwhile, the attorneys for both the LAPT and local gaming officials continued negotiations.

Apparently nothing was resolved and at 5pm on Saturday, the LAPT made a tough decision to cancel the remainder of the tournament.

Stay tuned for an official press release from PokerStars.com.

I'll write more on this subject shortly including the riot that almost happened.

Yep, just another day in Mexico.

* * * * *
And here's a brief statement from PokerStars.com...

The Latin American Poker Tour (LAPT) confirms that it is cancelling the poker tournament in Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico, due to an indefinite suspension served on one of its local partners.

The LAPT states it has cooperated fully and in good faith with the requirements outlined by the Mexican government. The LAPT respects and abides by local regulations in each market.

LAPT's partner in Mexico obtained a formal ruling from the Mexican Ministry of the Interior (SEGOB) allowing the event to take place. As the LAPT compiled with every rule stipulated by the Code of the Mexican Federal Law of Games and Raffles, the reasons for suspension are being reviewed by lawyers of all parties.

That's it for now. I'll write more about this subject when I'm back on American soil.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/06/2008 06:54:00 PM | Permalink |

 
LAPT Mexico Suspended Until????

By Pauly
Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico

Day 1. Latin America Poker Tour. Somewhere in the middle of Level 8. There were 89 players remaining. The TD got on the microphone and said that play was temporarily suspended. Then everyone was kicked out of the tournament room. Everyone. Chips were left on the table.

Me thinks that it's a good old fashioned shakedown. I wonder if the federalies take PokerStars transfers?

Supposedly the fuss had to do with a gaming license that got approved by all parties, and then revoked. In the middle of the fuckin' tournament. Play has been suspended until further notice.

Jesus, I'm a tad paranoid. I stuffed my media badge in my pocket. I might be going to a Mexican jail for a non-drug charge. What the fuck, man?

So, will we get to finish out the LAPT Mexico? Who knows....


Update:

12:15am. Day 1 is officially suspended. Players and media were told to return at noon tomorrow to find out what the future of the LAPT Mexico will be. The folks at Stars are preparing a statement as we speak and the tournament officials are trying to sort out this unresolved issue.

So that begs the question... what is going to happen?

Well it looks like a coin flip. Either tournament will continue as planned on Saturday or the tournament will be canceled. If canceled, PokerStars will have to come up with a plausible solution to keep everyone happy.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Time to head to the bar and drink heavily at our all-inclusive resort and try to get Otis to donk off a couple hundred Pesos in lime tossing.

Buenas noches y buena suerte.

Saturday Update:

There was a meeting at noon. Players and media were told to return at 5pm when the LAPT crew will make a final decision. We were told that the Mexican gaming authorities had an issue with the gaming license that was acquired by a third-party who represented the LAPT in obtaining the necessary paperwork to run a poker tournament in Mexico. If you don't know, gambling is considered illegal in Mexico. The lawyers are bickering and trying to come to some sort of resolution.

Anyway, we will find out at 5pm local time if the tournament will resume or be canceled.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/06/2008 12:31:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Poker South of the Border

By Pauly
Neuvo Vallarta, Mexico

Tuesday in New York. Wednesday in Los Angeles. Thursday in Mexico.

Ah, I'm having one of those fortunate weeks where I get to work and travel and hang out with friends in an exotic locale. Then again, I'd hardly call this trip to Mexico with Change100 as work.

I'm in Neuvo Vallarta to cover the first ever stop in Mexico on the PokerStars.com LAPT. I'll be covering the event for PokerNews.com. I'm a one man team this time, which means I'll be writing and shooting photos. Sort of reminds me of the old days back in 2005-06 when I covered tournaments solo.

Lucky for me, Change100 will be working with Otis and Alex and Joe over at PokerStars Blog for the event. Yeah, Otis is here and it was his birthday yesterday. As he mentioned, having your birthday at an all-inclusive resort where the drinks are free can be pure evil. Heck, we closed down two bars last night. One bar cut me off... from beer. They simply ran out of cerveza. They continued to serve us, but only... whiskey or tequila. When in Rome, right?

So now it's like 8am. I'm caught in that demilitarized zone somewhere in between still drunk and almost hungover. I'm on the terrace of my room I can see the ocean and the sun is shinning. It's almost too perfect of a scene but in a couple of hours, I'll have to head off to work. You can follow my coverage of the LAPT Mexico over at Poker News.

In case you don't follow me on Twitter, then you missed out on all the hijinks last night. Here are a couple of gems...

we,re doomed. the hotchicks with the whistles & bottles of tequila found me & otis. they pour the tequila right in your mouth.

new country. same old shit. humberto brenes signing w. mariachi band. greg raymer at the buffet. otis is navel gazing. viva mexico.

Oh, and happy belated birthday to Otis. For the record, he didn't fall down during his late night celebration. We broke even at lime tossing even though we had to sign a waiver at check-in stating that we would not be gambling on the hotel property. Seriously.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/05/2008 09:04:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Warren Buffet and Las Vegas Buffets

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

"To quite an extent, gambling is a tax on ignorance. I find it socially revolting when the government preys on the ignorance of its citizenry. When the government makes it easy for people to take their Social Security checks and pull [slot machine] handles, it relieves taxes on those who don't fall for it. It's not government at its best." - Warren Buffett

I don't always agree with Warren Buffet's business philosophy, but he's got a gajillion more dollars than me, so maybe he knows what he's talking about. But maybe if he spent one night at the Hooker Bar and got a rim job from Tela, he might view Las Vegas in a slightly different light.

One of my readers, Joe E., sent me an interesting article from Motley Fool titled... Is Buffett Right About Gambling?

Here's an excerpt...

Problem gambling goes beyond compulsive gambling. In my opinion, gamblers who gamble more than they can afford can also be included in the category "problem gamblers." Even skilled poker players and blackjack players may be destined to go broke if they lack proper money-management skills.

I dig the use of the adjective skilled before poker players.

Warren Buffet is not the type of guy you'd see at the Excalibur breakfast buffet. And have you seen the humanity at the buffets in Las Vegas? The all-you-can-eat buffet represents everything that is completely awesome about the Las Vegas food experience and at the same times sheds a light on the the worst aspects of our over-indulgent society.

And yes, more people are entering Lotto and buy scratch tickets at record amounts during these bleak economic tims. A dollar and a dream, right? That's part of the essence of gambling is after all, right? Not so much winning the money, but thinking about what you're going to do with the money you win. That's what goes through your mind before the dealer deals the river or as the dice dance on the felt or as the last second field goal hurdles towards the goal post.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/02/2008 11:52:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Las Fuckin' Vegas

By Pauly
New York City

I have been working on a new slogan for the Las Vegas Tourist Bureau...

Why lose your life savings in the stock market? Gamble it in Vegas instead.

Vegas exudes a dark side, but it also contains a high fun quotient. Seriously, when everything in the universe aligns, Vegas can be one of the most fantastic sensational and unbelievable places on Earth.

Where else can you get a cheap steak, crash a Mexican wedding, get cold decked in blackjack by a dealer named Dong, play video poker for three straight hours, drink pina coladas out of a plastic coconut, bum a cigarette from an 80-year old woman with an oxygen tank, speed away to the Rhino in a free limo, get your dick rubbed by a former Miss Teen USA, puke in the back of a cab, snort cheap coke cut with too much baby laxative in the bathroom at O'Sheas, and then hit a two-outer on the river to snap off Aces and win a poker tournament?

I can guarantee you're not doing that shit at your Uncle Mortys' lake house and unless you have a sheet of high blotter, you're definitely not doing that at Disney World.

I really love Las Vegas and I guess that's why I'm so hard on that town sometimes in my scribblings. And it's natural that my perspective turns a tad dour when some things jump right out at me. Like the construction. It used to be everywhere. Roads. 215. Casinos. Condos. City Center. Subdivisions. Strip Malls. The desert was being quickly paved over as Starbucks and fast food franchises oafishly popped up over night and cookie cutter homes sprung up like wild flowers peppering the Las Vegas valley.

When I lived at the Redneck Riviera a large percentage of the tenants were construction workers. All they did was work, drink, and fuck the skeevy street walkers on Tropicana or defile the roving crack whores in the adjacent building that catered to their feral sexual appetites. And when the party was over, the workers headed back to their sites and eagerly awaited their next paycheck.

Like little ants out of an Ayn Rand narrative, every single person had a role in the larger Las Vegas colony. Everyone. From hookers to electricians. Build casinos. Attract big dreamers with disposable incomes and then try to take every single cent on their bodies and in their bank accounts and whatever money they can borrow or steal. And when they go broke, another batch arrives every couple of hours and they lose every dollar they brought with them. Occasionally, some lucky soul will depart Sin City with a nice score and even juicer story about how they beat the house and won so much money that they can't wait to go back. They tell their friends. And thousands more arrive with more money and your Aunt Betty donks off her tax refund money at the Mr. Cashman slots and your Uncle Sal loses his disability check shooting dice. The suits get rich. Rich and greedy enough to want to build more casinos and employ more workers, who in turn blow their money back into the casinos they helped build, or their money gets flushed down a black hole of shoddy drugs, cheap booze, crank-addled harlots, and Dane Cook DVDs.

Ah, the underbelly of Las Vegas... that crazy fucked up deviant world where abnormal things happen to ordinary folks that's supposed to "stay in Vegas" and not follow you home.

Because your wife would slice your testicles off if she found out you scored a couple of hits of Ecstasy off your Ethiopian cab driver, then tag-teamed two collagen-riddled cougars that you picked up at Rumjungle, and then you sunk to the lowest depths of depravity at the tail end of a 53 hour bender when you gave a German guy a handjob in the middle of the Zumanity for two more hits of E.

There are so many indulgent activities that happen within the city limits of Las Vegas that I'd like to write off on my taxes. Unless you have a superstar accountant, you're going to have a tough time justifying several thousand dollars worth of cocaine or prostitutes as a legitimate business expense. Then there's Michalski, who actually got away writing off rub and tugs as legit "transportation cost" for Pokerati.

Drug dealing, loansharking, and prostitution are always risky but profitable adventures. The Big 3 are recession proof. The most adventurous entrepreneurs dabble in all three. Although the crooks on Wall Street get bailed out by Uncle Sam, unfortunately working girls, meth dealers, and pimps don't. Most of them end up a statistic... either tossed in the slammer or buried in a hole out on the edge of Death Valley. Sleeping with the scorpions. Oh the hypocrisy of it all. After all, most international cocaine conglomerates are better managed than the majority American banks.

I guess the "I've seen it all" moment occurred a few years ago. I was with Grubby and we could have been at the Excalibur or the Sahara. Some place on the Strip, but by no means high end. Anyway, there was one person that always sticks out when I think about the absurdity of Las Vegas...

She was a newlywed in her late teens who wore too much eye make up. She was pregnant and looked like she hid a bowling ball under her elegant and flowing white dress. In one hand she clutched a half-full bottle of Budweiser and in the other, a cigar dangled from her fingers. She stumbled through the casino and plopped down at a slot machine. Slumped in the gloom of impending motherhood, she puffed on the cigar and unleashed a hearty cloud of smoke into the air. I walked by she screamed, "Where the fuck can I's get coke? I just got fuckin' married and I want some cocaine! Do you have any co-ka-ka-cane?"

"Um... not on me, ma'am," I said.

"I have some bubble gum," offered up Grubby.

She declined the gum and took a swig off of her beer instead.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.
posted by Pauly at 12/01/2008 10:47:00 PM | Permalink |