Tao of Poker

Bounties, Hilton Sisters, Commercials, Reader Mail, and Life


Thanks Charlie!
Charlie from Flush My Nuts sent me a bounty for knocking him out of the last blogger event... a Nashville Predators puck. Very cool, thanks. I sent out all of my bounties and bonuses from the WPBT event. Jon-Paul won a secret bounty for knocking me out. WW won the Hilton Sisters Challenge. Charlie and 787 were awarded special prizes after I brutally bad beat'd their AA and KK with The Hammer. Check your snail mail sometime this week guys.

Speaking of Hiltons

Last night, I was playing $2/4 with the Poker Geek on Party Poker. He witnessed my AA getting cracked by QQ. Damn bitches cost me 15 BB! The bad beat was indicative of how my late night session went. I had an awful night and took a nasty hit to my online bankroll as the carnage spread across three different sites (Party Poker, Empire, and Poker Stars). That's like walking into three different bars and getting your ass kicked in all three. I lost my entire Empire reload bonus on a series of bad beats in a few SNGs and a couple of horrible rookie mistakes from yours truly. It could have been worse but I stopped the bleeding right there. A year ago I would have stayed up until dawn trying to break even and most likely would have fallen deeper into the abyss of Tiltdom. I knew what was going down and stepped away. Maturity? Not really. I logged offline and decided to write instead. At least I can't lose my bankroll from writing.

Commercials

Has anyone seen the commercials that Party Poker has been airing? At least they are using all the juice I gave them in SNGs to do something useful. In the NYC area, they have been aggressively advertising on MSG, the home channel of the NY Knicks and NY Rangers. I see five or six Party Poker commercials during every Knicks game. On NBC, during Saturday Night Live, several non-poker playing friends of mine have told me about the Party Poker commercials being aired. They always ask, "Is that where you play?"

It seems that there are four different commercials. The first one is an animated cocktail party and I think Shana Hiatt does the voice over as they explain that Party Poker is the largest "poker school" online. They tell people what games they have. That is usually aired during SNL. The suits at Party Poker are going for the hipster market. Let's face it, as soon as the hipsters get wind of a trend, it's never the same again.

The second commercial is always aired during Knicks games that shows a black couple in an attempt by Party Poker to appeal to minorities. The wife comes home and the apartment is trashed. He makes up a lie and that's when the voiceover booms, "Got a bad poker face? Then try Party Poker..."

The third commercial is almost like the second except there is a young white couple and the girlfriend finds a thong that's obviously not hers. He makes up a lie and that's when the voiceover booms, "Got a bad poker face? Then try Party Poker..."

The fourth commercial is my favorite. A middle-aged man (could be any of you poker bloggers out there) is looking out his bedroom window with a pair of binoculars. He's checking out the house next door and his wife walks in. He makes up a lie and that's when the voiceover booms, "Got a bad poker face? Then try Party Poker..."

So what have I learned? That Party Poker is aggressively trying to hook hipsters, minorities, cheating boyfriends, and married Peeking Toms. Sounds like most of my friends, eh?

I've also seen a Poker Stars commercial with Moneymaker and Fossilman. It has a very low production value. I'm sure I could have written a better script and the Poker Geek could have spliced together a cooler commercial in his sleep. Hey Otis, mention that to the suits at Poker Stars. Tell the suits that the Geek and I could do a much better job than the wizards in the marketing department.

Reader Mail

Back by popular demand! I get hundreds of emails a week from concerned citizens. Here is a sample.

Hey Dr. Pauly,

It's me again. Thanks for all the advice on poker. On girls. And on dealing with alcoholic parents. I asked that girl I like to be my Valentine. See said yes then at lunch time she called me "Shorty" and kicked me in the balls. What should I do?

Timmy, Pensacola, FL

Dear Timmy,

For fuck's sake kid, you never have a dull day, do you? I used to think that young girls who hit you or treat you like shit on the playground really like you deep down and have a tough time expressing those feelings for you. I used to think that. It's all bullshit. You know why? I'm 32 years old and chicks are still kicking me in the junk. Why? Because that's what they do. Hell hath no fury than a woman ready to kick you straight in the junk. They might not exactly aim for my groin area with their brand new Manaolos, but you get the picture. Some of them might get drunk in a cafe in Paris and hook up with a cheesy, dirty Frenchmen named Pierre and of course they feel horrible every second they are doing that to you and they do it anyway. It's like your inability to fold a high pocket pair when their are three flush cards on the flop. Be realistic kid, it's going to get worse. Enjoy getting kicked in the balls today. In fifteen years some chick will snort all your drugs, fuck your next door neighbor, run up all your credit cards, and then sell your dog to a bunch of hippie kids for a used Avril LaVigne CD. "Life's not fair," as our former President Jimmy Carter once said in a speech to unemployed factory workers on the campiagn trail in the South. Listen to his words. The quicker you accept the brutality of life, the quicker you will be on the road towards middle management.

Thanks for reading,
Pauly

***

Hey Dr. Pauly,

Short time reader of your blog, and a short time poker player, but instant lover of both! Just came to the University of Western Ontario in Canada, in the midst of my second semester now. Played the odd game of Hold 'Em back when I used to live in Texas, and loved the game since. Ever since coming to University I found ppplllenty of people on my floor (in residence, of course) who share the same love of poker that I do.

Instantly we started playing "residence" games, just small $2 or $5 no-limit tournies between our friends. We used to play 1-2 tournaments a day... I mean a lot of poker, lol. Eventually I wanted to step my game up, bought a poker book, and began reading various websites I came across. Then I stumbled upon yours! Lol. Your blog got me very much onto online poker, and I have started playing on Pacific Poker (a friends account, he is letting me use it, but I pay my own way, just haven't opened my own yet). Absolutely LOVING it! Wewt.

Not really sure why Im writing all of this to you, and thanks for reading if you've gotten this far, haha. Guess I just wanted to tell my story to the guy I hear all the poker stories from, and who got me onto online poker!

Thanks Pauly, maybe Ill see you at Pacific sometime :)

Archetype, Canada

Hey Archetype,

Glad to see that I have loyal readers north of the border. I assume that the recent NHL lock out has many fans playing more poker at nights instead of watching hockey. So it could a good thing. At least I don't have to see my Rangers get embarrassed on a nightly basis. Anyway, glad that I got you into online poker. Sounds like you are having a lot of fun in your residence hall. Any cute girls playing too? You know that I have a weakness for Canadian girls... I might have to make a roadtrip up there and crash your afternoon tourneys. I don't play on Pacific anymore and can be found mostly on Party Poker. Best of luck to you all.

Thanks for reading,
Pauly

***

Pauly,

I am 20 and live in Tucson, Arizona. I found your site this morning through google by searching "+poker +phish." Yes, I am a huge fan of both. There is nothing like listening to some live Phish. It doesn't stop there. After all these years, I have recently discovered what I want to do with my life....play poker and write, which I saw are also your two passions. I also love to travel and meet new people. It seems like I am your younger brother or something.

Well, anyways, I am currently taking a break from school after a couple years of engineering at the University of Arizona. I don't see myself going back. While I could become an engineer, that whole scene just doesn't make me happy anymore. I used to love raw math and science, but it doesn't do it for me anymore. I crave people and Poker is a game of people. I got serious about Poker last summer and can already support myself by playing at Party Poker. I also love the fact that writing can inspire others to become better people and see the world in a more conscious way.

I would much appreciate any comments. Thanks.

Joe, Tucson, Arizona

Hey Joe,

Always cool to meet fans of Phish and fans of poker... and even cooler to meet fans of both. Sounds like you have a craving for some of the same things that I enjoy in life. That good. But it's also important to gain as much life experience as possible... in order to become a good poker player and a great writer. Travel as much as you can in your early 20s. You won't regret that decision. Take this time to educate yourself in both poker and the arts. Read and write as much as you can. Study all those poker books out there and apply what you learned and you should be fine. I would suggest you find an alternative source of income so you are not starving during a string of cold cards. And, if you know any cute Phishy chicks from Arizona, feel free to send them my way.

Thanks for reading,
Pauly

***

Pauly, quick question for you from another writer/player... I notice you take notes while you're sitting at the table. I've been wondering whether this is a breach of protocol or no. I play pretty regularly in with a group of about 10 guys and then branch out to 30 player tourneys every now and then. I've got a pretty good memory, but after a six-pack, my recall ain't worth shit. So, taking notes is an acceptable practice at the table? Thanks. Love the blog... Will

Hey Will,

I have no shame. I've been writing in little note pads for over a decade. In the last year or so, I've been taking poker notes. That's why my write ups are comprehensive. I've also created my own version of poker shorthand to help out with the process. I encourage more people to take notes. The guys at the Blue Parrot are used to it and often tell me certain moments that could be blogworthy. And don't worry about using it in a casino or card room. It could be a psychological tool as well. Some people are paranoid that you are writing something bad about them and use their paranoia to your advantage. In the end, there are no specific rules against note taking at the table. Best of luck.

Thanks for reading,
Pauly

And that concludes this version of Reader Mail. Thanks for sharing guys. Check back in a few weeks.

Life

"Contentment that derives from knowing when to be content is eternal contentment." - Lao Tzu

I was going to finish up reading SS2. I read Jen Harmon's chapter on limit and instead of hitting up the tables at Party Pokerto avenge my poor performance from last night, I decided that life is more important to me today... more so than poker and writing. It's a lovely warm day here in NYC. Time to take a few moments from my busy day and escape from the laptop and my online popularity for a few hours. I am looking forward to the anonymity of blending into the millions of other New Yorkers. I am going for a walk in Central Park with a cute blonde... one I hope won't kick me in the balls.

I'll write and play poker later tonight. For now, time to live in the moment.