Tao of Poker

Bloggers, Proctologists, and Bonus Codes

"The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense. Take what you have gathered from coincidence." - Bob Dylan

Last night after the Knicks game, I sat down at a $25 NL table on Party Poker. Before I knew it, Iggy was in seat one. We have been playing at the same table a lot since my return, which has been awesome. Of course, what's a blogger table without a few cyber railbirds? We had AlCantHang and The Poker Geek sweating us. An hour into our session, Asphnxma mentioned that he was next on the waiting list. He joked around in the chat that he wanted the seat just to my left. And the fucker got his wish. Then out of nowhere, HDouble joined the mix for a little mayhem. One of the highlights was winning a pot with a pair of sevens... my 87o beating out Iggy's 6-6 and HDouble calling down to the river with bottom pair! The lowlight was trying to bluff with the Hammer and losing half my stack to 66. I also had AQs cracked by 89o by a superfish. That was ugly.

A hand of note... HDouble cracking Iggy's cowboys, er Hellmuths with 10-8s. I also had a hand I probably would not have played under normal circumstances. I limped in LP with 2c4c. Three players. The flop: Ac-3c-9h. I called a small bet on the flop and a Qc hit the turn. Everyone checked to me and I moved all in. Asphnxma thought it was a sketchy move at the time. I didn't want one of the loose idiots in the hand chasing a four card flush to the river and runner runner my baby flush with his Kc or Jc. Although I had that elusive one outer for a straight flush, I didn't want anyone to call so I pushed. He ended up calling with Kc9x and I breathed a sigh of relief when he missed his flush draw. A rag fell on the river and I scooped a pot that doubled my buy in. Recently I had been making guys pay to chase and they hit. Not that time.

Bonus Whores

Here's some of the funniest chat I had seen in a while. Thanks to Apshnmxa for the actual text. I was going to wing it!

RANDOM PLAYER: does anyone know if the november bonus is avfailable?
DrPauly: TAO4
HDouble: HDOUBLE
iggy: bonus code IGGY
asphnxma: lol
HDouble: its no longer november
HDouble: but you can use bonus code HDOUBLE
RANDOM PLAYER: well when i logged on it said reload bonus
RANDOM PLAYER: what does HDouble do?
DrPauly: or TAO4
RANDOM PLAYER: what does TAO4 do
DrPauly: TAO4 gets you a fat bag of nugs

I can neither confirm nor deny rumors that I am enticing potheads to join Party Poker using my signup code! I must say that some days I'm pimp. Other days I'm a whore. But every night I see Lucy in the sky with diamonds.



Cover Stories

By the way, when I play in a casino (Foxwoods or Vegas) or in a private game, I never tell the people at my table I'm a blogger. Image is everything. Usually I'll assume two possible cover stories for the night. I'll be honest and say I'm a writer (with no metionings of blogs or the internet at all). Sometimes I'll play up the "I work on Wall Street" role to give off the impression that I'm a recreational player... with deep pockets, and not someone who's nearly committed several pages of Super System to memory, seen almost a hundred thousand flops on Party Poker, and reads forty poker blogs every seven hours. I'll drop a snippet or out how I like wild card games and just started watching poker on TV... specifically Celebrity Poker Letdown. Normally I'll get a question or two about the market and my specific work, but if you quickly shift the subject and ask them a question... a personal question... something that will illicit an elaborate response, usually that helps maintain my cover and keeps the focus away from me. I generally feel that most people like talking about themselves, especially lonely gamblers. And if some guys do push it and keep pestering me about work, like one knucklehead I met in Vegas last spring kept doing, then I'll give him a little NYC attitude.

Tourist in Seat 4: "What firm do you work at again? My brother-in-law works as ay yadda yadda yadda...."

Me: "Listen up, Dr. (insert name here)... I know your a proctologist. But I'm here on vacation. I didn't come all the way out to Vegas to sit around and chat about you shoving your fingers into people's assholes. So let's play some fuckin' cards!"

I like pushing people's buttons, especially at the poker table in Vegas with a belly full of lukewarm domestic beer to keep things interesting. Although not everyone you meet at the tables are uncooth miscreants. I had one great session at the Mirage once when I sat next to a urologist and he told me some wild and insane stories about having to operate on guys who shoved, well, more like carefully inserted random objects into their package... you get the drift. The were caught in an awkward situation. It was morbid, but fascinating. That doctor had some of the best stories I ever heard and even better... he was an awful player too.

Some Pimpage

Felicia has an awesome post about Women in Poker. Don't miss it. She also posted some of Glenn's freeroll MTT strategy.

Are you going to be in the NYC are this upcoming month? If you are looking for something to do why not go see Ugarte perform one of his stand up gigs? Check out his upcoming gigs calendar for specific dates.

Ah... and lastly, I published a new issue of my blogzine the other day. It features stories from three (four if you count me) poker bloggers, including the Poker Penguin and newly added staff writers. Check it out.

Truckin' November 2004 (Vol. 3, Issue 11)

I just published a new issue of my blogzine Truckin'. It's national novel writing month and this is the NaNoWriMo issue featuring two novel excerpts. I included a bit of Gumbo, my latest novel. Dave Simanoff is sharing some of his novel, Good Boy. This issue also includes a few short stories. Richard Bulkeley is back with a tale about his Canadian adventures. We have two newly added staff writers; Asphnxma wrote up a South American street brawl... one of my favorite topics, and then there's Acceptance, a play written by Grubby. Sit back, enjoy, and please spread the good word about this site. Be sweet, McG.

1. Friends by Richard Bulkeley
The ugly lights went on at the bar, and the girl stood up. She was one of those interchangeable Canadian blondes who does their thing at bars all over this fine country... More

2. NaNo Excerpt: Gumbo by Tenzin McGrupp
In my gut I conceded that I might possibly die. But if I was going to meet my end, I'd rather die by the poor driving skills of a crazy drunk Limey with two teenaged hookers in the back seat than die a morbid prolonged death induced by nut cancer and lying in a sterilized hospital room with tubes and machines keeping me alive long enough to milk my insurance plans... More

3. NaNo Excerpt: Good Boy by Dave Simanoff
I wondered how long she could continue interjecting the word “totally” into every sentence. I counted. She said the word thirty-six times before she got to the front of the line, hung up and placed her order: some impossibly complicated coffee drink with low-fat milk and caramel... More

4. Cocoon by Asphnxma
There's no fear in the moment. In the moment, you react. Your reptile brain assumes command of the ship, ignoring the confusion and the blurred images as adrenalin courses through your system and the fight-or-flight instinct takes over... More

5. Acceptance by Grubby
When I was twelve years old
Going on thirteen,
Thirteen rising,
My parents told me I was adopted.
This was to help me because my mother,
My birth mother,
Had come looking for me
And my parents wanted to return me
Like an overdue book from the library... More