Letters to Pauly: The Amazing Race, Vol. 6 - Tiff-Ho Busto

By Trisha Lynn
New York City

Editor's Note: Pop-culture correspondent Trisha Lynn returns as a guest scribe to Tao of Poker.

Dear Pauly,

Hope you are well while being embedded with hippies. Did you say to Benjo for me?

The longer I watch this show, the more invested I become in wanting to make sure that the Maria Ho and Tiffany Michelle that are on TV are perceived "correctly" by an audience that is getting to know them for the very first time. And when I say "correctly," I mean not as lesbians or not with Maria being seen as a useless lump for not being able to do the more physical challenges. However, tonight's episode made that wish just that much harder.

In the pre-titles recap, we focus on the GayBros. initial strategy of not revealing that they're gay and Canaan's total douchebaggery towards Mika for not being able to go down a really tall and steep waterslide when she's afraid of both heights and water. They rehash the "Pokah, pokah, pokah" chant that I really hated from the first extra-long episode, and even finding out from Maria's Twitter feed that she's not only still in touch with Sam and Zev but she and Tiffany spent Halloween in Nashville with her "Racer fam" doesn't erase the ire I still felt upon seeing that clip again.

Tonight, they start off in Dubai again, at the Atlantis, the Palm resort and since it's still daylight, it doesn't look like they got to spend the night here. That's okay, as rooms here cost only $500 USD a night in the off-season, so I don't feel nearly as bad this time around. By the way, the resort itself is shaped like a palm tree and cost more than $12 billion USD to create. That's your fuel consumption money at work, ladies and gentlemen.

From Dubai, they have to fly to Amsterdam, get into a rental vehicle and drive to a 19-mile long causeway where they have to find a monument in the middle of the road and get their next clue. Since Meghan and Cheyne are the first to leave, they're the first to find out that the next flight leaves at midnight, which means that everyone will start off on an even footing again once they touch down in the Netherlands. On the way to the airport, the girls say that they're used to being able to gauge themselves and their opponents and break out more terminology by saying that they know when to get out of pots that they shouldn't be in. This pronouncement will prove prophetic.

Once the Globetrotters get to the food court where all the other Racers are hanging out, they recap to the other teams what happened with Douchebag and Whiny Britches, and Sam and Dan come out as being gay to everyone else. "Now, the matching swimsuits makes sense!" says one person, and they reply that it was their mom's idea. Of course, the editing cuts to the an interview with the girls, who say that gay or straight, it doesn't matter because they're sweet and adorable. Tiffany adds, though, that "Maybe there's a little teardrop" and she wipes away an imaginary tear from her eye.

When they get to the vehicles, Maria drives again and this time she doesn't back into a pole on the way out of the garage. She does get to smirk about Mr. America not being able to start the vehicle: "Oh, these kids aren't used to luxury cars." By the time they pick up the clue at the causeway, they've dropped back down to fifth place, and then there's more driving to a town called Groningen where one team member has to climb a narrow, winding staircase to the top of the tallest building, count all the bells in the carrillon along the way, and once they've arrived at the correct number, they'll receive the next clue.

When the girls get there, Tiffany immediately volunteers to do it, and I inwardly groan, knowing that every TAR-phile in America is booing and hissing at Maria right now. The Farmers get the answer right first and don't share the info. Sam, however, proves that he's a gentleman and not only did he work with Meghan to get it right, he whispers the answer to Tiffany on his way down. His reasoning is that the girls are a team that they can beat, and I hate to admit it, but he is 100% correct on that part.

Thanks to Sam's hint, the girls are in fourth place now, and the next task is to drive to another part of town where they have to find a windmill and get their next clue and perform one of two tasks: Farmer's Game or Farmer's Dance.

At first, it looks like Dance is the easier of the tasks, because in order to complete that one, they have to do one of those "strong men" bell-ringing games, learn a traditional folk dance to the approval of the townspeople, and eat a pickled herring covered in onions. Game is a task where they have to swim across a creek and play three holes of "golf" using clubs made of wooden clogs on sticks. If they can get under Par 8 on each hole, they'll get the next clue.

Oh, did I forget to mention that they'd also be bicycling to these locations while wearing traditional Dutch male and female costumes, down to the underwear? And that for the creek part, they have to strip down to said underwear? Yeah, when I text-messaged you and said that this episode was full of crack, this was the part I meant.

When the girls get to the windmill, Maria tells Tiffany, "I think I'm good at both; just tell me what you're better at." The girls choose Dance, and it's so freaking cute to see them take off on their bikes, with Maria dressed in the male costume. The clogs are swimming on both of the girls' feet making it difficult to ride the bikes, but they eventually get to the fair where they try to ring the bell...

...and try, and try...

...and finally give up after over 27 attempts to go do the golfing thing. This is where we learn that Maria and Tiffany don't know how to swim because they're given life vests and have to ease into the water and backstroke across. The Dutch underwear looks like a unitard (remember those things?) and if it weren't for the fact that they can't seem to get their oversized golf balls down the first "fairway" seeing them in them would be so hilarious.

"I can't hit that thing [the bell-ringer]," Tiffany says to Maria on the golf course during one of their many attempts, "and you can't, so we gotta focus on this." I totally love Tiffany in this moment.

Maria replies, "We're not going to be able to do this; look at them!" referring to the Farmers who are way ahead of them. Tiffany then says, "Let's try and hit the stupid thing."

At this point, I'm wondering if Tiffany backed down too easily. I mean, how hard could it have been to do the golf game? One of those clubs is lighter than the hammer, and even though it's irregularly shaped, it would take less energy to do, right?

Back at the fairgrounds, I'm comparing the two girls' hammer-swinging technique and while Tiffany is using the full weight of her swing, Maria is trying to figure out how to do it in a cerebral way, like she's thinking that shorter, more forceful blow will get the widget to the bell. They're getting more and more frustrated, and then Tiffany says, "Let's hug it out for a minute." They do just that, and the cameraman even swoops around the two of them in a loving embrace while they sniffle. It's the kind of moment that calls for a tinkly piano or a sad violin or something like that. Maria says to Tiffany, "You're my hero; I've never heard you say you can't do something," and my heart is breaking. Just breaking. They go back to the golf course where the wind has picked up, making the task more difficult because they had to re-cross the creek and now they're weaker after having swung the hammer about over 70 times in total.

Even with Mr. and Mrs. America incurring a 30 minute penalty for forgetting to pick up the bikes at the windmill, they are still able to check-in at fifth place, which automatically makes our girls the team that gets eliminated in this episode. However, they don't get eliminated at the mat because remember what they said before about getting out of pots you know you shouldn't be in? Tiffany and Maria decide that since they can't complete either task, they're going to quit the Race.

By the time host Phil Keoghan gets out to the field, the girls already have their exit lines planned. Maria says to Tiffany, "I wouldn't have been able to make it this far without you" while Tiffany explains their move by not saying that they're quitting but by saying "We do not foresee that we'll be able to finish this task with the weather." Even through my sadness, I notice that Tiffany is wearing a pullover and Maria is not, which means that someone must have given it to her because there's no way she could have gotten it across the river without it getting wet.

There's more platitude-sharing and of course the promo for next week, but at this point, I'm actually too sad to take it in.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Many of the TAR-philes who have seen this show through its 14 previous seasons have mentioned that the two things you need to be successful in this Race is teamwork and strength. They've also said that too many of the show's tasks are weighted against female players.

Over the last six weeks, there's no doubt in my mind that Maria and Tiffany make a great team. When there were difficulties, they supported each other and they knew each other's weaknesses and compensated for them. Despite their initial misstep in lying about what they do for a living, their other initial strategy in making friends with the GayBros worked to their advantage all along the way and I give them props for that as well.

Their ultimate downfall was the fact that they were an unbalanced team. Week after week, we saw Tiffany take on almost all the demanding solo physical challenges and the way this game is designed, towards the later half of the show Maria would have been forced to do them if they'd been able to continue.

Oh well, at least they'll have a chance at $1 million USD at the WSOP, right? And they won't have to herd ducks or eat wasabi bombs to get that money, either.

Yours,
Trisha Lynn

Dear Trisha,

I missed the episode because I was still at the Phish Halloween Festival in Indio, CA. I'll take a peek when I get home. I gotta say that I'm a little bummed out the the girls did not make it to the Final Four teams.

At any rate, I loved your recaps (Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, and Week 5). Thanks again for sharing them with me. What would I do without you?

I owe you dinner and then some.

Talk soon,
P

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Letters to Pauly: The Amazing Race, Vol. 5 - Rowboats, Hookahs, and Water Slides in Dubai; Tiff-Ho Move into Second Place

By Trisha Lynn
New York City

Editor's Note: Pop-culture correspondent Trisha Lynn returns as a guest scribe to Tao of Poker.

Dear Pauly,

I wasn't really expecting much from this week's episode of "The Amazing Race" because of how Tiffany Michelle and Maria Ho have been blowing leads and just not running good. I also discovered that I shouldn't read too much into what the couch-surfers think about our Maria and Tiffany because while they keep saying that Maria's useless because she's not doing enough solo physical challenges, I remember Tiffany saying in the very first episode that she's the brawn, which means that both of them know each's weaknesses well enough to be a competent team. But just as one should never rest easy with pocket Aces, one should also never count out women who are determined to win; this episode is proof-positive of that very fact.

Personally, I was almost caught flat-footed when the show started on time tonight because the last two weeks were delayed by football games. The "previouslys" catch us up on the action, including a shot of Lawyer Lance's he-man vase-throwing which reminds us all of how glad we are that he and his shrill-voiced fiance are not going to win $1 million dollars.

We're still in Dubai for this episode, starting at the Souk Madinat Jumeirah which I've learned is a shopping center at a fancy-schmacy resort where rooms can cost $700 USD a night. Just like you were disappointed that they weren't roughing it in Cambodia, I'm a little disappointed that they probably got to spend the night in that fancy-schmancy resort before setting off the next morning.

Being in sixth place, the girls are definitely up a creek without a paddle when they head off for the Dubai Creek and Yacht Club. "Jesus, please let us leave Dubai," Maria moans, and Tiffany comments on the heat when they take off with a locked briefcase: "I don't think I've ever seen James Bond sweat."

Just ahead of them are the GayBros., who mention that they are still in an alliance with the girls but are confident that if they ever needed to so, they'd be able to outrun the them and everyone else--except for the Globetrotters--to the mat. Oh, boys... that statement is going to bite your hot little asses later on.

But oh, no! The Globetrotters' cab driver took them to the wrong yacht club! Big Easy is having problems rowing the tiny inflatable dinghy to a yacht in the middle of the harbor where they're supposed to receive a watch as a traditional hospitality gift!

The girls and the GayBros. find the club and I sit back in awe as Tiffany powers through the water while Maria figures out that the time on the watch contains the combination to their briefcase which contains the next clue. Then again, I shouldn't have been surprised because right before Tiffany sets off into the water, Maria says, "It might be physical; you're faster." And even Tiffany is proud of her achievement because as she says later in interview that she's so proud whenever she accomplishes a physical task that all the other guys do that the other female teammates don't. Maybe that'll shut up those nay-sayers.

When they leave the club, they've moved up into fifth place because the Globetrotters overthink the watch clue and approach it from the wrong angle. The GayBros. are just ahead of them now, and independently, both teams choose Gold as their next task. The challenge is to weigh out exactly $500,000 USD worth of gold using an electric scale; there's a monitor that shows the exchange rate that helps them out. However, since it's ever-changing, they have to weigh out exactly the right amount of gold before the rate changes. The GayBros. prove that they're more than just pretty faces when they mention that they bought a $2 calculator from Wal-Mart and brought it with them... but they can't figure out how to calculate the number of ounces needed.

When the girls arrive, there's a cute little exchange where they go, "Hi boys!" with a chirrup, and the boys respond with a tired, "Hey...." The girls are ushered into the next room, where Maria has quickly figured out the right formula. Noticing that the boys have a calculator, she asks to borrow it and they agree only if the girls will tell them what the magic weight is. The first time, the rate changes just as they've called over their judges and they have to do it again, but because they've cracked the code, both teams are off and running to the next task.

The other task was to put together 12 hookahs from parts that are packed away in a large crate and the teams had to assemble them exactly. I suspect that if you had been Racing, you would have had that done it in no time.

At this point, I was almost on the edge of my seat because the girls were in third place and they'd never gotten that close to the front before. It was so nerve-wracking that I almost didn't want to watch anyone else because I wanted them to hang on to their lead. The last part of the Race for this week is to head off to another fancy-schmancy resort, Atlantis, The Palm and this is probably the part of the show you'll see lovingly recapped by the gang at Wicked Chops. The task is to ride a near-vertical water slide underneath a shark tank to the very bottom where the next clue awaits. Tiffany goes down first (hurr, hurr) wearing a black bikini top and red bottoms; Maria is next, and she almost loses her yellow bikini top as she exits the slide.

Luckily, the traffic and transit gods must have smiled on them between the jewelry store and the resort because when they reach the mat on a beach at the resort, they look behind them to see the GayBros. racing along the beach in matching red swim trunks a la Baywatch. When host Phil announce that the girls are in second place and the boys are in third, there is a jubilant group hug in the surf. Now there's a group hug that almost anyone would want to be a part of. But let me just say it again, because I can: Maria and Tiffany are in second place this week. Suck it, haters!

NEXT WEEK: Miss America completely loses it and one of the Globetrotters dances in Dutch drag.

Yours,
Trisha Lynn

Trisha Lynn is a writer from New York City. She's also a contributor to Movie Make-Out.com.

* * * * *
Dearest Trisha,

What would I do without you and your recaps from Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, and Week 4?

One again, the poker ladies got trumped by a sports-filled Sunday as football bled into the baseball playoffs and I obsessed over my bets on the afternoon games, reloading the stats page on multiple fantasy football teams, keeping an eye on a few football pools, not to mention Fantasy Sports Live. And then there was the Yankees/Angele Game 6 that had gotten delayed from the previous night.

I have the episode saved on TiVo and I'll take a peek only because of the hookah scene. But wow, the girls jumped into second place with six teams remaining? I'll have to start watching it especially since they head to Holland. Will they try to be window hookers? Or weigh out 500 pounds of hashish?

Thanks again for your stellar updates.

Cheers,
P

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Letters to Pauly: The Amazing Race, Vol. 4 - Digging Through Sand & Snow in Dubai

By Trisha Lynn
New York City

Editor's Note: Let's welcome back pop-culture correspondent Trisha Lynn as a guest scribe to Tao of Poker.

Dear Pauly,

When I was refreshing myself as to what happened last week and compared my thoughts to how other people see the Amazing (or not-so-Amazing) Race strategies of Maria Ho and Tiffany Michelle, what makes me snicker the most is this quote (slightly edited for readability):

I'm pretty sure that "The Poker Girls" should be amended to "The Poker Girlfriends." It's so obvious that they are a couple. There was way too much "sweetie" and "baby" going around from Tiffany to Maria during the Roadblock.

Considering that this is something the guys at Wicked Chops Poker have been riffing about ever since Maria passed on the WSOP Last Woman Standing(tm) title to Tiffany last year, I'm just surprised that it took this long for everyone watching "The Amazing Race" to notice.

By the way, when it comes to nicknames, Tiffany's YouTube page thinks the two of them should be called "Ho-Chips" as seen in this "cute" non-Race-related video featuring fellow pro Layne Flack. Do I scent a reality show pitch in the works? Is that the reason they agreed to be cast?

Anyhow, thanks to the Bills/Jets game going into overtime, the show is 1 hour and 25 min. late. The pre-credits recap covers the awesomeness of Asperger Boy and his Hetero Lifemate in the last leg, followed quickly by their downfall when they lost Zev's passport -- which is the only reason why Tiffany and Maria are still racing at all. Again, talk about sucking out at the river. That scream of anguish you heard? That was all the TAR-philes screaming in anguish because they just realized that one of the few likable teams that were on the show and aren't Harlem Globetrotters is now gone.

I am inordinately pleased when after being bunched up again at airport leaving Cambodia heading to the United Arab Emirate city of Dubai, Tiffany and Maria are the second to reach their taxis which will take them to their first clue. Their traffic problems seem to have disappeared, too, because they are the first team to sign into the first group that will go to the top of the Burj Dubai, a structure which will be the world's tallest building once it's been completed. "Good call on seeing this, sweetie!" Tiffany tells Maria when she spots the clue station and sign-in board, and I am starting to see why everyone thinks there's some LesYay going on. I am so freaking happy for them for proving that they're not completely useless at the getting into and out of airports and into/out of taxis and vehicles part of this race. This is a feeling that will not last very long.

The other three teams that go up with them to the top are the GayBros, the self-named Team Zebra (the biracial married couple) and Team Malibu Ken and Barbie (as named by Ericka, the former Miss America). From the top of the uncompleted tower, they then have to find some vehicles in a mall parking garage and drive themselves out to the Dubai Desert Conservation Reserve where the Roadblock task is to walk out into the desert and fill a waterskin with water from urns buried in the sand. Did I forget to mention that some of the urns are empty and it's over 120 degrees Fahrenheit?

Tiffany takes the Roadblock for her team, but it's the male Zebra who finds the water first and tells her and GayBro where the urn is. When his ladle breaks, she does something very smart and says that once she's finished scooping water into her own skin, he can use hers. Awww... and now you've redeemed yourself in my eyes, Tiff.

The GayBros try and return the favor after by saying that they'll wait for the girls after Maria reverses over a sharp stake in the sand, ripping out her radiator lines and rendering the car inoperable. "It gave the tummy of our car a tickle!" Tiffany interviews, and Maria deadpans, "That's an awesome way of looking at it." Once they get a replacement car, Maria remarks afterwards that it was "typical" that the only all-girl team is the one to break a car, but she quickly adds, "I have an excuse, because I'm an Asian female driver." Awww... and as a female Asian driver who is actually quite good at it, the hate I had for Tiffany has now gotten plopped onto Maria.

Now, the girls are headed back to Ski Dubai, an indoor ski park where the temperature inside is about 28 degrees Fahrenheit. Along with most of the other teams that show up at the same time, they attempt to find a very tiny snowman in the middle of huge-ass piles of snow, give up, and build the world's most misshapen snowmen in the heat outside instead. Maria gets some cute points back by explaining why their snowman doesn't look so great to the judge: "He ate a lot in winter." The award for the most hilariously unintentional homosexual innuendo goes to the GayBros when one of the says to the other in reference to their snowman's carrot-nose, "Just put it in!" With only a modicum of bickering in the car, the girls get to the mat and are not eliminated, giving them one more week to be on the show.

I'd like to add here that the girls could have skipped past all of the previous tasks after the tower by going to the Dubai Autodrome, an outdoor racing track (is there anything Dubai doesn't have?) and trying to do one lap in in a Formula 1 car under 45 seconds. Canaan chooses to do that instead of going to the desert, and who blames him? I totally would have done it, too, and pretended I was The Stig all the way around the track. I would totally love to hear what Maria says about choosing not to do the Fast Forward, especially since it looks like Tiffany doesn't know how to drive a car and the task would have fallen to her.

At least they're not in last place, and that is reserved to Lawyer Lance, who got them lost all over Dubai and tried to make sart remarks that fell completely flatt. The girls placed sixth, and have survived one more round.

NEXT TIME: One of the tasks consists of a trip down a near-vertical water slide. I cannot wait to see what kind of swimwear they packed for the trip.

Yours,
Trisha Lynn

P.S. This episode recap has been brought to you by the letters "half a bottle of Pinot Grigiot."

Trisha Lynn is a writer from New York City. She's also a contributor to Movie Make-Out.com.

* * * * *
Dearest Trisha,

What would I do without your recaps from Week 1, Week 2 and Week 3? I wanted to watch this week's episode because I'm infatuated with Dubai, but the end of the Jets/Bills game drained me. Killed me. Despite the fact that I skipped this episode to read a Thomas Pynchon novel instead, it looks like the poker chicks have survived the elements in Dubai and are on their way to Paradise Island in the Bahamas.

Thanks again for your stellar updates.

Cheers,
P


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Letters to Pauly: The Amazing Race, Vol. 3 - Cambodian Monkey

By Trisha Lynn
New York City

Editor's Note: Let's welcome back Trisha Lynn as a special guest scribe to Tao of Poker.

Dear Pauly,

As my landlord has still not given me the DVR recorder I asked her for about a week ago and she said that she'd ordered, I'm still doing these recaps without the ability to rewind the show and by possibly cribbing from other recap sites. But hey, any advantage is a good one, yes? Just so you know, the oldest of the well-known TV show recap sites has given Maria Ho and Tiffany Michelle the nickname "Team Inside Straight" and I don't know how much I like it because everyone knows that it's easier to draw to an open-ended straight than an inside straight.

After a 44 min. delay thanks to the Patriots and Broncos game (you did get some action off of that, right?) and an internal recap where we get to say goodbye to oldsters Marcy and Ron and remember why we all think that Lawyer Lance is a tool, we find ourselves back in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. This doesn't last for long, because the Racers are heading off to their next destination: Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where they will have to meet with their "assignment editor" at the Foreign Correspondence Club to get their next clue.

At first, Tiffany and Maria are able to make the first flight out of Vietnam along with everyone but Lawyer Lance and his fiancee and Asperger Boy and his Hetero Lifemate. The girls are pleased with this turn of events, with Maria saying, "It would be nice to have some breathing room." But wait! Through the magic of either TV producer money or Vietnam Airlines wanting to look good on camera, the last two teams are able to make the flight, which means that things are a bit more even when the Racers get into their taxis in Cambodia.

The girls are in seventh place leaving the airport, but their cab driver isn't fast enough because they're in eighth place when they get to the Foreign Correspondent's Club. They find the suite at the Hotel Royal where Jackie Kennedy stayed during her one visit to the country easily and like most of the other Racers, choose the Wrap challenge. As to why it's a better choice of a Detour, Maria puts it best by saying that getting a family to buy four motorcycle helmets for $10 is "a lot of money for them." Being the nerd that I am, I figured out that $10 USD is about 41,800 Cambodian riels and the average salary can start at $100 USD a month.

They seem to have a lot of transit problems because the next time we see Tiffany and Maria, they're stuck in traffic on their way to the Russian Market where they have to get a scarf from a booth and match it with a random woman walking around the tightly packed and busy market. By this time, they've converted their rolling bags into backpacks, which should make the veteran TAR-watchers one less thing to gripe at. And I have to say that the sight of them and the other Racers manhandling the various women in scarves back to the booth in order to get their next clue is pretty hilarious.

Their next task is a Detour, where Maria has to perform animalilstic dance moves while wearing a monkey mask and tail. Considering that they had to run all the way from the market to the outdoor pavilion, I completely understand why she tipped over at first when it came to the part where she had to balance herself across a low beam with her hands in front of her.

Tiffany is on the sidelines shouting encouragement, "Be more monkey-like!" and pauses to interview sotto voce, "She's not the most athletic, dancery one of the bunch." In contrast, in the motorcycle-cab over to the Pit Stop, Maria says, "I'm very, very proud of how we've done, and I really wish I could have been a better monkey for my teammate." Aww... and this is why we like Maria more than we like Tiffany.

When they get to the mat, they're the last ones to arrive, and I am ready to start planning Sunday evening activities once more...

But wait!

Earlier, Asperger Boy and his Hetero Lifemate kicked ass all over the Race and arrived first at the Pit Stop, but lost a passport. And because they didn't find it before Maria and Tiffany arrived, they got eliminated from the Race, which means the girls get to go on to Dubai.

Oh yes, the girls sucked out at the river to end Day 3, but considering how they've done so far, I see them as being extremely short-stacked and will bust out in the next episode.

Yours,
Trisha Lynn

Trisha Lynn is a writer from New York City. She's also a contributor to Movie Make-Out.com.

* * * * *
Dearest Trisha,

I skipped this week's episode because your Week 1 and Week 2 recaps so much better than the actually shows, so why bother watching? Besides, I had also spent an exhausting 14 straight hours in front of the boob tube watching football and the baseball playoffs. In fact, the Rockies/Phillies game just finished up and I wanted to watch a bit of Mad Men instead of rotting my brain with reality television.

I might watch some of the show on mute to check out Cambodia. Did they go to Angkor Wat? It's one of the five places I have to visit before I die. I'm planning my first trip to Thailand, India and Cambodia in early 2011.

I have one Cambodia story for you. A friend of mine was about to move to Cambodia for several months. The night before he left we had a party. He told me that local working girls cost the equivalent to $5 US. I threw him a $20 bill and told him, "The first four are on me."

FYI... I bet the baseball game on Sunday (Yankees and Rockies) and stayed away from pigskin action. I did not have wager on the Denver/New England, although I had a vested interest in several players (Wes Welker for my Fantasy Sports Live team and Knowshon Moreno as my running back for Uncle Jodd's Band in the Lamont Jordan Fantasy Football League).

Thanks again for your stellar updates.

Cheers,
P


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Letters to Pauly: The Amazing Race, Vol. 2 - VCR Smashers

By Trisha Lynn
New York City

Editor's Note: Let's welcome back Trisha Lynn as a special guest scribe to Tao of Poker.

Dear Pauly,

The most interesting thing about last week's recap for The Amazing Race is that I should never be in a poker game against anyone who reads Tao of Poker or anyone else who watches reality TV shows on a regular basis because both sets of people accurately noted that by running such an obvious bluff about being non-profit workers for homeless people, Tiffany Michelle and Maria Ho have set themselves up to be "the villains" of the show and have become "the team to hate" by both the other people in the game and the viewing audience. In my hindmind, though, was it really such a terrible decision? By becoming the villains, they have guaranteed that the producers of the show will be interested in their show segments and would be more apt to put their clips into the show rather than leaving it on the cutting room floor. I eagerly await your thoughts.


Last week, Maria and Tiffany were in sixth place after having successfully picked out a specific type of license plate out of a huge wall of them in the Los Angeles River, eaten large sushi rolls full of wasabi in a TV studio under Tokyo Tower, and fertilized fruit trees and herded 50 ducks back and forth a narrow bridge in Vietnam. They also unsuccessfully lead 20 Japanese "tourists" across a busy intersection in Shibuya, but hit a 1-outer to continue racing in the game, much to the ire of "meathead" lawyer Lance. The official show intro showed the Gay Bros' "Pokah, pokah, pokah" chant in the taxivan to the boat dock in Vietnam, and no matter how cute they are, I still felt like I wanted to strangle them for being so freaking smug.

The beginning of the show avoids tiptoeing around the elephant in the room by smashing directly into it and mentioning the U.S. involvement in the Vietnam War, interviewing one of the older Racers about how her father was shot down (and survived!) in the war, incorporating the word "independence" into one of the detour challenges, and setting the Pit Stop at the Reunification Palace where the South Vietnamese officially surrendered to the North Vietnamese.

Tiffany and Maria are in fifth place when they leave the boat somewhere along the river upstream and find themselves a taxi to take them back to Ho Chi Minh City, a two hour drive away. For the rest of the episode, they are in the middle of the pack while bumping into the Gay Bros. a lot along the way each time they get out of or get into a taxi--even if they know that the girls know that the boys are gay and the boys know that the girls are dirty liars. Tiffany and Maria end the episode in sixth place, and move on to the next episode.

However, all was not boring with our girls this week. Tiffany attempted to use her feminine wiles to cajole a dragon puppet in a shallow pool of water into giving up its clue and properly earned her "brawn" title from last week by pushing/pulling a plaster dog while Maria grabbed balloons from ladies in a children's park. I also would like to think that sometime between being recognized in the Tokyo airport and this set of challenges, the girls realized that they really needed to get some karma back and when the first dolly they try to use to cart their dog breaks and one of the Gay Bros. comes back to try and help them, Maria waves them forward, saying that they don't want the boys to be held up because of them.

I do have to admit that part of me saw red when Tiffany groused in the interview section while struggling with pushing the dog that every other team has a man along to help them with the physical challenges. Way to set back feminism, Tiffany. Then again, she also acquits herself in this episode, too, when she makes the Vietnamese people watching the contestants rip apart VCRs for parts laugh when she says while revving up the power screwdriver, "How do I make it go?" and later on, when she exclaims gleefully, "I figured out how to do this now!" Is Tiffany going for a fourth career as a stand up comedian?

Next time on The Amazing Race... Asperger Boy turns into a monkey and someone loses their passport. Oh, the drama!

Yours,
Trisha Lynn

Trisha Lynn is a writer from New York City. She's also a contributor to Movie Make-Out.com.

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Dear Trisha,

Thanks for your sharing your thoughts on The Amazing Race. As you know, I don't watch much TV and I'm not a fan of reality television (with the exception of Top Chef), so I appreciate these recaps. You did such exquisite job highlighting the first episode that I didn't even have to watch it.

You're right about reality show producers loving villains. Drama and conflict = cashola. Even if a villain fails to emerge during the taping, they'll find away to shape and mold one in the editing room. Maria is such a sweet girl that I was surprised that she was billed as a bad girl along with Tiffany. But I figured that pegging them as villains had more to do with the mainstream public's dark perception of the gambling culture.

I must admit that I was "car wreck curious" about all the hoopla. I saw the pile up and slowed down with the rest of the rubberneckers to gawk. Yeah, I actually sat through the second episode while I played online poker and tried to shake off fantasy football tilt.

I dunno why everyone goes ape shit over this show. I don't enjoy watching a bunch of provincial-minded Americans freaking out in a foreign country since that's what I usually see on my overseas travels. The only saving grace? Sweeping B-roll of the Vietnam countryside and moped-infested Ho Chi Minh City.

So basically the locals are in on the show in some way and assist with the competition, which I find disappointing. I wanna see contestants rough it out... get screwed over by taxi drivers and rolled by hookers. I wanna see them have to bribe crooked cops to get out of jams. I wanna see them run through Dong Khoi being chased by knife wielding thieves or evading organized grime goons trying to round them up for a human trafficking ring. Oh, and where's the ninjas?

Anyway, despite the flaws with the concept of the show, you're doing a kick ass job with the recaps, so I'm glad that you can keep me and the rest of the readers up to speed.

Thanks again,
P


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Letters to Pauly: The Amazing Race, Vol. 1

By Trisha Lynn
New York City

Editor's Note: Allow me to welcome Trisha Lynn as a special guest scribe to Tao of Poker. She joins the mix as our reality TV correspondent and guru.

Dear Pauly,

I've never seen a single episode of The Amazing Race before, so I'm going to be coming into this pretty blind because the Wikipedia entry sure as hell wasn't very useful in explaining what we'll be watching Maria Ho, Tiffany Michelle, and the rest of these folks put themselves through over the next few months--or less, depending on whether or not they're going to make it all the way through. However, I'm going to do my very best to help you figure out exactly what you missed when you were doing something more worthwhile than sitting on your couch on Sunday night.

The promo for the show right before Andy Rooney's segment on 60 Minutes started off with someone already breaking out the "We're not here to make friends" quote, and I swear my eyeballs hurt from rolling them so hard. When the show itself starts, Maria and Tiffany are the third out of the chute and their clip has them in an empty poker room executing some chip tricks and being shipped a whole bunch of chips. I am so glad that of the intros, theirs is the least annoying, cloying, self-satisfying, or heart-warming.


Tiffany Michelle and her Asian good luck charm, Maria Ho
Maria and Tiffany are among the last to reach the heavy backpacks to pick up the clue, but the first to get the puzzle right, which means their car is the first that's headed to LAX to board a plane for Tokyo, Japan. Tiffany says, "I brought my Asian lucky charm!" and I don't know if she means Maria or an actual piece of jewelry.

At LAX, the teams converse and our girls reveal that they're running a bluff on the rest of the teams by saying that they work for an organization that helps homeless people because they think that if they reveal that they're professional poker players and make a lot of money doing it, no one will want to help them. Pretty smart move, I think. Another cute moment is when they're in taxis heading to Tokyo Tower when they see the "two hot guys" in another taxi and we see them flirting and making faces at them through their car window. Of course, this is the moment where the brothers reveal in an interview that they're gay and are running their own bluff on the girls. Well played, GayBros.

At Tokyo Tower, they find themselves in a studio playing a game called "Sushi Roulette" where the aim is to spin a roulette wheel and eat whatever is in front of you. However, when you get a huge chunk of wasabi wrapped in seaweed, you have only two minutes to eat the whole thing before you can get your clue to the next section. Poor Maria is the one who has to take the wasabi bomb, and the expression on her face is like death.

"She loves wasabi!" exclaims Tiffany. Maria looks like she wants to hurl or kill her, especially when she doesn't finish it in the time limit... which means that she's going to have to eat another one... on the very next spin of the wheel.

"I can't do another one, Tiffany," she subtitles. However, like a true winner with one second to go, Maria shows how well she choked it down and they head off to lead a group of tourists (whom I cannot help but feel were drawn from Central Casting) through the Shibuya Scramble to a Shinto shrine.

The girls do a smart thing and dip into a hotel to get a map from a concierge, and end up sharing it with the GayBros. And then they do something foolish and lose two people from their tour group in the Scramble. That's the first time you hear Tiffany's claws come out when she snarks to Maria, "Can we not lose any more people?"--even if it was her job to keep the group together and Maria's to lead.

They are the last to arrive at the checkpoint, surrounded by all the other tourists and teams, and it is announced that by arriving last, they incur a 2-hour penalty and will have to perform a task that no one else in the race has to perform somewhere along the way. Luckily, this first round is a non-elimination round and the girls are passed on to the next destination: Vietnam. In interview, they break out a poker term and call this pass their "1-outer" to continue in the race.

Rather than spend some of their seed money on an Internet cafe to book a flight to their next destination, they decide to head straight to the airport, where on the way Tiffany says to Maria in the car, "I may be the brawn, but you're definitely the brains... and the boobs." Maria's expression at that is priceless.

I am rather sad that their bluff gets called so early when Tiffany gets recognized at the airport, and I have to wonder if that was deliberately done by the producers to even things out. The two Harlem Globetrotters' reaction is to say that it's "Game on" now, and I am officially scared for them. The GayBros get in on the act as well when they share a taxicab in Ho Chi Minh City and my heart breaks a little more. Hanging out on a river boat dock, the girls interview that their job is to observe people and gather information about them, and they say that Justin and Zev (who has Asperger's) are their least favorite team, and they can't picture the "meathead" Lance as being the lawyer he says he is. Um, whoops?

The speed bump is revealed to be a race to a local food stand where they have to get the ingredients for a bowl of pho and serve it to the dockmaster on the Mekong River. As they bounce back towards the dock, Maria carries the tray while Tiffany searches for the dockmaster... wait, didn't Tiffany say she was the brawn? The next task is to get mud from the river to fertilize fruit trees on a farm upstream and as they're slipping around in the thick deep muck, Maria Tiffany says, "Girls in mud is so sexy."

A bunch of laughing Vietnamese men agree. The girls move up to sixth place when other teams can't manage to herd ducks over a bridge and back into a pen--yes, ducks in a pen; I am not making this shit up--but wind up in seventh when the Blonde Duo end up beating them to the dock. They are going on to the next round.

Next time on The Amazing Race: Asperger Boy drops a plaster giraffe and the meathead rips up electronics. Aren't you riveted already?

Yours,
Trisha Lynn

Trisha Lynn is a writer from New York City. She's also a contributor to Movie Make-Out.com.

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Original content written and provided by Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.