I Will Fly One Day: The Brandi Hawbaker Story
I gotta say something. Capt. Tom's penis? Are you shitting me?
Iggy wrote about the infamous 2+2 thread. Over the weekend I started getting random emails from people asking me about Brandi and if I knew the URL of her blog and what the deal was with her and Capt. Tom's penis. What the fuck?
Just when I thought I was completely bored with poker, this nugget falls out of the sky like that coke bottle in The God Must Be Crazy. We've been knocked on the head with a message from the poker gods. There's a behind the scenes freakfest going on that even I couldn't make up if I was locked in a hotel room for three straight days and fed half a sheet of blotter while Wagner's Ride the Valkyries blasted on the stereo. I mean... you can't make shit up like this. Or can you?
The WPT crew should stop filming the tournament at the Bellagio and should follow around Brandi, Capt. Penis, and Dutch Boyd for the rest of the month. That maelstrom of drama is better than The Real World, The OC, and Survivor all rolled into one. In the last 40 hours, the masses have been entertained with the thread of the year on 2+2 and possibly of the century. Tournaments are passe. Poker reality shows are the future.
Everyone's involved. Trust no one. WPT Champions. WSOP Bracelet winners. Anal sex. Bathroom meltdowns. Dutch Boyd. Missing passports. Late night penis to back action. Nervous breakdowns. Texas Dolly. Shaniac?
It's a Hollyweird wet dream and I've already written forty pages of a spec screenplay which I've tentatively titled I Will Fly One Day. It's got Oscar written all over it. Drugs. Sex. Dutch Boyd. What more can you ask for? It's better than a late night Skinemax flick. It's like The Bell Jar meets Rounders. It's like Prozac Nation meets The Big Deal. I'm already talking to Claire Danes people and we're working out a film deal as we speak.
I got get back to work, but thanks again to Iggy for pointing out the Never Trust Anyone thread.
And the dudes over at NeverWinPoker have posted a couple of NSFW photos of Brandi, just in case you dig nipple shots.