The gambling ramblings of Pauly -- a writer, traveler, and degenerate

 
Masturbation and Poker

"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." - Woody Allen

I'm OK. Really. Thanks for everyone's support yesterday. I'm much much better today. I was even in a good mood when I wrote Tuesday's post called "Monday Tilt." Usually if I'm writing about something, then that's the last process of me getting over something. I'm very good at letting things go.

I apologize if I brought anyone down. I know Iggy said he was a little bummed out after reading my post and Joanne said she was very sad too. Sorry about that folks. I even played a MTT on Noble Poker last night and there was a reader at my table. He even asked me if I was still on tilt!

Anyway, since I got back home to New York City, I've been watching a ton of movies in an effort to spend time away from the computer. I caught a sneak preview of Sin City with Briana when it first came out several months ago and I rented it again. Damn, I'd give up poker completely if Jessica Alba tied me up for six straight hours and tickled me with her flowing hair. Her scenes have given me months and months of future spank material.

Speaking of masturbation, did I ever tell you about one of my former roommates who was a complulsive masturbator? OK, I know... we're all compulsive wankers. But some of us actually show a little discretion in how and when we pleasure ourselves. Not this guy. We'll call him Mr. J. I caught the infamous Mr. J dozens of times a month and plenty of my friends in college did too. It became a running joke that your day wasn't complete until you caught Mr. J in the act, with his schlong in one hand, a magazine in the other, and his pants around his ankles. It never really bothered me until I discovered that he was jerking off to International Male magazines. That's when it got a little uncomfortable.

I know what you are thinking... how the hell is Pauly going to segue this into some sort of poker lesson?

Playing online poker is the post-modern version of compulsive masturbation. Like other forms of addiction, masturbation isn't as cool as some other vices. If you jerk off too much, you are frowned upon. However in our society, if you snort too many drugs, you become an instant celebrity. If you drink to excess, you are applauded for your efforts. But if you jerkoff too much, then you are labeled some weirdo deviant sex freak.

That's why I compare online poker to masturbation... some of us do it way too much, late at night, with the lights turned out.

Online poker is just like mastubartion. We are getting satisfaction and instant gratification by ourselves. Playing online poker is an isolationist activity and to most people, it's not as cool of a hobby as hang gliding or running with the bulls in Pamplona. In the end, we're all just playing a video game while bitching out donkeys who suck out two outers on the river against us.

That's why many Las Vegas poker pros scoff at online poker players. Saying that you are a great online poker player, is like admitting that you are a world class masturbator.

"Way to go, Mr. Online Poker Star, I haven't seen anyone wank their pud like that since Johnny Chan won back to back WSOP titles in the late 1980s."

Some people use masturbation as a forum to explore a lot of personal fears and turn ons. There are normal people who you see everyday at work or in school that have serious S&M and bondage fetishes. Some of that stems from deep psychological issues that have been suppressed or unexplored.

The same could be said about online poker. For many people, they are just too timid to walk into a poker room or sit at a table to play cards. When you are playing live poker, you are really opening yourself up. Some players are better at hiding themselves than others. While some folks spill out their entire lives onto a poker table.

For those people who are shy, online poker is an amazing outlet for them. It's a form of masturbation, like the thrill a high priced lawyer gets when he jerks off thinking about being tied up and spanked by a chubby German woman wearing latex as she rams a buttplug up his bung hole.

For me personally, if playing online poker was as exciting as pleasuring myself to thoughts of Jessica Alba's supple lips and firm breasts... then shit, I'd be playing online all the time. But there are moments when online poker fills the void for me and gives me an outlet to let loose all my psychologically aberrant behavior. But nothing beats playing live poker and nothing is better than having sex with someone else.

I went from playing in multiple Las Vegas casinos everyday to not having a legit casino no closer than a two plus hour drive. Online poker has been my outlet to get off until my next assignment or until my next trip to a casino. I have also not been inside of a woman in almost four months. I expect that streak is going to end in about ten days when I head off to Europe. I'm meeting a former lover and everyone's favorite malcontent elevator button heiress while I'm there for a romp in the sack. And if for some odd reason sparks do not fly, I can always see a "relaxation therapist" in Amsterdam's historic Red Light District. In the past four months, I've been playing with myself a lot. I was lucky to have phone sex a few times (thank God for the Tao of Poker female groupies) while I was in Las Vegas and spent too much time and money at strip clubs. I'm anticipating the same rush and excitement that some people get when they go to a casino for the first time.

Masturbation is a form of sex addiction. While playing too much online poker is an obvious form of gambling addiction. Like masturbation, having a gambling addiction isn't as hip as having a cocaine problem or drinking too many Mimosa's before lunch like an out-of-control Hollyweird starlet. Seriously, do you think the camera crews would be chasing someone like Courtney Love or Tara Reid around if they were addicted to online poker or sports betting? No way. People with those sorts of problems are perceived by the rest of society as the lowest scum of the earth, just like people who sit around and jerkoff to Danish urination porn or get off watching barely legal girls have oral sex with donkeys and other barnyard animals.

Here's the sad and sobering thought: no one ever gets long term fulfillment out of any addiction. People masturbate for some of the same reasons they drink or smoke or play online poker. It's a form of escapism. And you can temporarily rid yourself of anger, failure, guilt, and most importantly... loneliness.

If you seriously have a problem with either, please go seek help. They have support groups for both. If you think you have it under control, then so be it. I would suggest taking a break every once in a while and interact with real people. Playing with yourself or playing online poker is fun in small doses. Moderation is always the key to success.

Stay tuned for a future post, when I discover how many masturbation addicts are also compulsive online poker players.
posted by Pauly at 8/31/2005 11:02:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Monday Tilt

"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning." - Lao Tzu

I was on tilt in two different, yet intertwined aspects of my life. I tilted a tad at the poker tables and tilted the remainder of my day away at the poker table of life. I woke up toady pissed off that I did not exhibit enough self control to avoid both. I also wasted most of my afternoon and evening away while I was on tilt.

Allow me to explain.

Way before 11am on Monday, I fired up Party Poker. I dropped 2/3 of a buy in at one table. That's nothing out of the ordinary. Those things happen. It's just that I called bets on the river (and in one case I called three bets cold) just to see a hand that was going to beat me. Both instances I knew the other players were on flush draws and they promptly caught them. Nothing is worse than seeing that flush card hit on the river and the clown who had been check-calling you all the way down, all of a sudden bets out. It's like he's giving you a warning, "I'm about to kick you in the junk!"

Instead of laying down the Hilton Sisters, I called anyway. It's like knowing that your girlfriend cheated on you and insisting on seeing the pictures and videos including the cum shots.

I lost two monster pots in that fashion and I was off my game. I had been aggressively defending my blinds since I moved to Las Vegas because according to Poker Tracker, that's the biggest weakness in my game... blinds play. I've been defending with any two cards, but haven't been hitting my flops. My goal had been something that I read about in an article in Card Player from Matt Matros regarding playing Limit Hold'em. If they are on a true steal with junk or even with a marginal hand, I'm not that far behind them. When they actually have a good hand in late position and raise the blinds, I see this as an opportunity to try to get other players on tilt. I've been foolishly calling (or sometimes re-raising) with 10-3o in the Big Blind and hoping to flop trips to crack their high pocket pair. However, I got a little too out of control trying to outplay better hands out of position that I lost a few pots, when I should have probably just conceded my blinds.

I didn't play optimal poker but I luckily escaped with only losing a few bucks. That doesn't bother me too much, I'm prone to going on streaks of minor tiltdom from time to time.

I'm probably more upset that I went on tilt in real life after a phone conversation with a family member. It was less of a real conversation and was more like I listened while they bitched and yelled at me. Without divulging too much personal information, I will say this: My brother is the only one in my family that I get along with. The remainder of my family (on both sides) are Martians and that's being kind. I dunno how the hell I share the same bloodline, genes, and DNA with certain members of my family when we're all such vastly incompatible. And it's not simple things like I like chocolate and they like strawberry. It's more complex and serious issues like religion, politics, philosophy, personal freedom and lifestyle choices, and economic and social differences. And it seems that on every issue, I'm the enemy and we stand on opposite side of the spectrum. I can understand and accept that they are different. However, that feeling is not mutual. And therein lies the struggle.

Plus I don't want to get married and have kids (at the least both are not in my 10 year plan), so that drives certain family members even more crazy. I've often screamed out in loud volumes, "Stop using me to feel better about yourself!"

I'm not a wandering beatnik with aimless goals anymore. I know why I am here and what I'm trying to achieve. In my 20s, my family constantly nagged me about the length of my hair or my career choices. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm losing all my hair and they want me to do "something normal" like get married and churn out grandkids and great-grandkids. If they like kids so much, why don't they just adopt and let me write and travel?

Of course this has been the case for thirty years, so why should it bother me? Derek gets plenty of shit too, even more than me sometimes because he's the only one who will defend me. Yesterday I let my family problems get to me and I went on mega tilt. I was angry, pissed off, humiliated, deeply hurt, embarrassed, and bombarded by feelings of melancholy after that bitter conversation. I couldn't even watch Degrassi that I was so high strung. Derek tried to get me in a better mood. We watched "Sideways" and that helped a little.

I woke up today in much better spirits. I had a long talk with Haley last night and she assured me that for the first time in a very long time, I'm living a good and productive life and how I should not allow negative energy and let family squabbles distract me from accomplishing my goals, both as a writer and as a poker player. She reminded me something I told her when we first met in early 2002. I was working on Wall Street at the time and I said, "What I really want to achieve out of life is not to make money. I'm gonna write one of the first great American novels of the 21st century."

By the way, that's not just a line I use to pick up beautiful women at New York cocktail parties. I was deadly serious and Haley knew it. She's a good egg and believes in me on days when I don't believe in myself. By the way I remember that cold Winter day three and a half years ago like it was yesterday. I even recalled what she was wearing too. I told her and of course, my near photographic memory freaked her out.

After that pep talk, I fired up Noble Poker and played a MTT with Drizz and Joanne. 79 players total were in. And Joanne made another fuckin' final table! I was crippled early and came from behind. I was last out of 50 players and at one point, without seeing a single flop, I moved into 4th place by picking up blinds and moving all in late position against a pot full of limpers. I eventually came in 19th place after I lost a big pot when I made a great read and called an all in. I had A-9s and the other person showed A-6. The river was a 6 and I was shortstacked. With next to no chips, I went for a steal on the next hand and was eliminated. Joanne made another final table. She continued her amazing run.

I was on tilt for most of yesterday, but now I got my head on straight.

Moving on...

Tonight I'll be able to finally watch the WSOP on ESPN with my brother. Flipchip has a great post about WSOP on ESPN Tonight. There are two episodes for your veiwing pleasure tonight. If you want you can go back and read my live blogging updates of those tables, here they are:

Event #7
Event #9

Re-reading those entries are fun. It's like being on another planet. I thought about editing them and fixing up the spelling and grammar, but then it would lose it's charm of "being in the moment."


Who wins? Eirk or Cyndy? Tune in tonight to find out!
posted by Pauly at 8/30/2005 12:23:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Lazy August Weekend

I spent the majority of the last three days focused on writing and blew off a tempting invitation for a spontaneous sojourn to the once-cool-but-now-overrun-by-hispters Hamptons. Although Las Vegas was a huge pool of inspiration, my writing sessions were either indolent or frenetic. I was desperate to get back into my old New York writing groove. I turned off the cellphone. I avoided the TV. I kept myself hidden away from the rest of society while I wrote for hours on end. On Friday, I completed a freelance article. On Saturday, I published the most recent issue of Truckin'. Late Saturday and most of Sunday, I focused on completing a book proposal. I even skipped out on watching Paris Hilton on Saturday Night Live to write. Right now the fucker is 12,499 words long and is 46 pages (double-spaced). It still needs a lot of work.

I also spent a ton of time cleaning up shit on my hard drive, desktop, and uncluttering my email boxes. I got one account down from 233 to 41. That took five hours and I still have several unanswered emails. I also finally read everything that I had in my bloglines folder. If you don't maintain that everyday, shit builds up.

For some unexplained reason I got two nosebleeds this weekend. At the same time, a chupacabra was caught in Texas. Coincidence?

During my few breaks, I watched a little baseball with my brother. The Yankees are fun to follow when they win, especially with their lack of pitching. We even watched some of the Little League World Series. It was Curacao versus Hawaii and the kids from Hawaii won in extra innings. I'd love to cover that event one year. I also caught a glimpse of the Jets for the first time too this year. Man, football season is just around the corner. Derek also taped the latest episode of the WSOP... the Efro one. I never saw it, and he said that I was spotted several times during the second half of that episode. We strained our eyes to find me in the distance. Even Derek was spotted sitting in the stands for that event.

Grubby called me from Las Vegas. He was playing in a blackjack tournament and it was being taped. But he didn't know what it was for or what channel it was going to be on. Heh.

Moving on...

Joanne has been on one of the hottest streaks I have seen from a poker blogger. She made five straight final tables in MTTs on Noble Poker. She even convinced me to play in one of the $20 freezouts. I signed up for one on Saturday and there were seven tables with 75 players. I made it to the final table as one of the short stacks. I flipped the "Layne Flack" switch and ran over the tentative table. By the time it got three-handed, I was the chip leader and quickly choked that up. I still walked away with a decent amount of money and the confidence that I can make the final table in almost any MTT on Noble Poker. I had been exclusively playing SNGs there for the Million Dollar Challenge and clearing a bonus. I might switch over to playing one or two MTTs a night over at Noble Poker. On Sunday, I played another MTT and was knocked out in 29th out of 85 when my 8-8 ran into 4-4. Joanne ended up getting seated at the same table with a fan of my blog nicknamed: jtw63101.

I also played in a few FPP freerolls for the European Poker Tour on Poker Stars. I took 13 out of 130 one night in the Barcelona Open one. I'm also back to grinding away at the limit tables on Party Poker. Man, I miss that place. If you can stomach some bad beats and river suckouts, in the long term you will win against the wastrels on Party Poker.

Of course when I played online, I got to listen to some kick ass tunes, something I missed doing when I was in Las Vegas.

Recent Poker Playing Music...
1. Galactic
2. Jerry Garcia Band
3. STS9
4. The Flaming Lips
5. John Butler Trio

Joaquin wants to play in a club downtown this week. Derek and I might meet him out. I expect to play some MTTs on Noble Poker and have several hit and run sessions on Party Poker as well. I have a few freelance articles due and will be working on the book and refining the book proposal. With less than two weeks before I hit the road, I got a busy week ahead of me.
posted by Pauly at 8/29/2005 12:49:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Sunday Drive and Updated Blogroll

I posted a bunch of quality stuff this past week. Here's a quick rundown:

Brad-o-Ween Part 1
Brad-o-Ween Part 2
Return of Swish and Rick Blaine at the Blue Parrot

Nothing much more to say today aside from the fact I've been busy writing all weekend. I've been catching up on missed sleep and playing a little poker too during my breaks, which I'll chat about tomorrow.

I also read some blogs for the first time in months. I haven't had the time to read everyone but it was good to check up on the progress of some blogs that I missed reading since I moved to Las Vegas. I finally got around to updating my blogroll.

Here are the recent additions:

Poker Stage
Ros on a Rush
Poker Works
Seattle Poker Sport
Closet Poker Player
Kid Dynamite
Poker and Misc
Dr. Chako
Donkey Hunter
PokeRecon

posted by Pauly at 8/28/2005 03:40:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Truckin - August 2005, Vol. 4, Issue 8

1. More Existentialist Conversations with Strippers: Crazy Horse & Sapphire by Tenzin McGrupp
She sat on my lap for a few minutes and we got to know each other before her dance. Before she sat down and began rubbing my chest, I knew I was getting at least two from her.... More

2. Street Vendors by Armando Huerta
I had chosen that specific day to eat somewhere that was not around the corner and found myself navigating barricades much like a French peasant during Bastille Day... More

3. Langston Unemployed by BG
I had developed a natural distrust for anyone who seemed more than a little impressed that my mom was who she was, and naturally Shelley figured out the connection right away... More

4. Practicing Virgin by Grubby
He's allergic to latex. Always has been. When the doctor slapped his fanny with a glove, he broke out in the worst hives you ever... More

5. I'd Do Anyone by Joe Speaker
ou have never met a more annoying broad in your whole life. One of those high-pitched giggles that makes you want to thrust your head through the nearest window. And about as bright as swamp grass... More

I finnaly got around to publishing another issue of my literary blogzine. Some of your favorite writers and bloggers return with some stellar contributions. Grubby allowed me to publish one of his plays, and I am honored to do so. BG shares another exceprt from his Langston project. Joe Speaker pops in for a quick story. Armando is back with a great Brazilian story. And how about another Las Vegas stripper story from my Existentialist Conversations with Strippers series?

Thanks to everyone who shared their bloodwork this month. I always say that the other contributing authors inspire me, because it's true. You guys write for free and if I could pay you, I would. Your time and effort is worth more money than I can ever afford to pay.

I ask that if you like these stories, then please do me and the rest of the writers a huge favor: Tell your friends about your favorite stories. It takes a few seconds to pass along the URL. I certainly appreciate your support. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail if you know anyone who is interested in being added to the mailing list.
posted by Pauly at 8/27/2005 06:44:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Forgetful Fridays

I played in a tournament at Townehouse last night. Toni hosted a game and unfortunately, my hot streak playing live tournaments has come to an end. I finished in 7th. Ferrari was busted in 8th when his 9-9 ran into 10-10. I lost most of my stack when I doubled up Toni with my AJ vs. her KQ. One level later, I was shortstacked and moved all in on the button with 2-2. Kathy in the little blind woke up to pocket Kings and I was out. I stuck around and lost $4 in a cash game, but left early so I could go home and write.

Man, I forgot how freaky the subways get just after Midnight. There was one old Asian guy who wore surgical gloves and was afraid to touch anything on the subway. A blind man passed out in the corner and while he slept, his fold-up cane slipped off his leg and fell on the floor. He freaked out when he woke up trying to find it. One lady calmed him down and picked it up for him.

I spent 90 minutes at the DMV yesterday. It was an "express" office too for fuck's sake. I managed to catch up on several phone calls with Human Head and Grubby. I discussed a trip to LA with Grubby in late November/early December so watch out you LA bloggers! The DMV is always a bad experience but I never went to one with a cell phone before. I stood outside and peered through the window and watched as the numbers slowly went up while I yapped on the phone. I also nearly forgot how many hot women there were in New York City... until I left and came back. Of course none of them read my poker blog so to them I'm just one of several million schleps wandering the streets of my hometown. That's a good thing. It keeps me humble. That's what I like most about NYC: I can walk around completely anonymous and just blend into the background.

Wow, for the past four weekend in a row, I found myself in a different part of the country. The last few weekends I've been in South Carolina, Nevada, Colorado, and now... I'll happily spend my first weekend in New York City in almost three months. Alas, I'll be holed up writing a ton of shit. I have a few deadlines including Truckin'. I was invited to the Hamptons, but I quickly passed.

I've also spent some time this week working on my untitled Las Vegas project. I've gotten 20K words so far and haven't even gotten to the juicy stuff yet. For the five other novels I've written, I've always sat down and cranked them out from start to finish with no interruptions. With my work/travel schedule, this will be impossible. I'll have to get as much done now, and try to work on it again in early October and again in early November.

My goal is to also play a little online poker this weekend. I spent late last night clearing bonuses on Noble Poker and Full Tilt.

Derek has been playing satellites for the EPT: Barcelona and the WPT: Borgata on Full Tilt. If you'd like a seat in either of those events, Full Tilt is the place to play. I love the cash games on Full Tilt. The laptop I used to cover the WSOP was paid for by the fishy players on the $3/6 tables over there.

Noble Poker still has the elusive Million Dollar Challenge. Bad Blood has been killing the tables at Noble Poker and Joanne is on hot streak there as well. She won a tournament yesterday and then made the final table in one a few hours later. The SNG players are awful on Noble Poker and the MTT players are just as bad.

This weekend should mark the return of me logging long hours on Party Poker. Damn, I miss those players. And according to Poker Tracker, I've been running well at the $5/10 tables there over the past month.

Moving on...

Someone over at Bodogbeat posted something about this blog called Taking Blogs to a Higher Level. I haven't had the time to read their entire site, but from what I've seen, I like it so far.

How about some random news clips... for some of your favorite bloggers?

For Daddy the Donkey Fucker come this blurb: Thank You Donkey Porn. I found it on Craig's List.

This is for Al Cant Hang and all those dial-a-shoters: Beware of Drunk Dialers.

Lastly, this one made me laugh... 65 Girls at Same HS Pregnant. For the record, I ike HS girls, but I've never been to Canton.

Before I go, here's a quick thanks to the following sites/blogs for the traffic over the last week.

Top 10 Referrals to the Tao of Poker:
1. Las Vegas and Poker Blog (Flipchip & the Poker Prof)
2. Wil Wheaton
3. Up for Poker (CJ, G-Rob, and Otis)
4. Iggy's Guinness and Poker
5. Tao of Pauly
6. Aaron Gleeman
7. Bad Blood
8. Al Cant Hang
9. The Poker Nerd
10. Double As

Thanks again guys. Have a good weekend everyone. Good luck fishing.
posted by Pauly at 8/26/2005 10:38:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Thursday Quickie

I'm swamped with freelance work and other crapola today, including a trip to the dreaded NYC DMV. But at least I get to see my lovely assistant Jessica today for lunch. I hope she's buying. She's got a real job.

Last night I spent several hours purchasing my flights to Europe. I'm booked, baby. First leg: New York City to Amsterdam, where I'll spend two days there and meet up with Briana. Second leg: Amsterdam to Barcelona to cover the opening event on the European Poker Tour. Otis' lovely assistant, Mad, lives in Barcelona and she will be my tour guide out there. Oh, and I get to see Otis too. Crushing.

Then when it's over in order to come home, I have to fly Barcelona to Paris, Paris to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to New York City... all in one day. Then I'll have less than 12 hours before I report to Atlantic City to cover the WPT Borgata Open. It's gonna be a hectic two plus weeks ending with the infamous Bash at the Boathouse.

Moving on...

Happy blog birthday to the Poker Geek. He also posted a hilarious trailer of him and yours truly. If you have seen Wedding Crashers, it's even more funny. Take a peek at our cinematic debut.

Congrats to Joaquin who won a free roll at a club here in NYC. His prize... a $2300 flatscreen TV. You fuckin' rock. The rooster has a big cock today.

Check out Spaceman. He's in Tunica doing live blogging updates of the WSOP circuit event. The Spaceman rules Mississippi.

Lastly, thanks to Wil who dug his new nickname that I blurted out to him while we were in Las Vegas... Hamlet. Here's what he said:

Dr. Pauly and I sat beneath a cloud of smoke that had drifted from the craps table, over the velvet rope, and into the "smoke free" poker area. We drank scotch and talked about cool poker nicknames.

"I don't have one," I said, "really." I folded a hand I call "Michael Jackson," which is any Queen with a little kicker.

"They should call you 'Hamlet,'" Pauly said. He flashed me The Hammer and raised.

"Why?" I said.

"Because your kings always get killed."

It was folded around to him, and he folded face up.

"HAMMER!" He shouted. The locals were not amused.

We laughed and laughed, clinked our glasses, and laughed some more. Life was good, we were young, in Vegas, and kicking the shit out of the locals in the 4-8 Hold 'Em game at the Plaza . . .

Wil rocks. By the way I saw Wil on NBC early on Sunday morning at Casa de Bad Blood. He was talking about being a geek.

That's it for now. I'm heading to the Townehouse tonight to play in a tournament. See ya.
posted by Pauly at 8/25/2005 10:14:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Tuesday at the Blue Parrot: The Return of Rick Blaine and Swish

Ferrari threw together a game at the last minute. The infamous Rick Blaine was in town and by coincidence so was Swish. Those were two hardcore regulars at the Blue Parrot when I first started playing there over a year and a half ago, along with Ferrari, Ugarte, Coach, and Om.

The dynamic of the Blue Parrot changed drastically after Ugarte went into a self-imposed exile and Rick Blaine and Swish moved out of New York City. With me being back in town, Ferrari decided to have an impromptu game. Little did he know that he would hit the skids and go on tilt for the second half of the evening and that I would help to get him there. Yeah it was awesome that we got so many people on short notice and we got to see a rare occurrence... Ferrari on severe tilt and executing an even more rare rebuy.

It was packed to capacity at the Blue Parrot. Usually Ferrari likes to cap the games at 8 players but since it was a special night he made a rare exception. We play a friendly cash games with a $100 buy in. Dealer's choice of $2/4 Limit Hold'em, $2/4 Omaha Hi/Lo, $1-5 spread Stud Hi or Hi/Lo, and a few other games with management's approval. It's not rare to see the betting capped preflop either.

The Lineup:

Seat 1: F Train... He's the guy to go to for the best reviews of underground NYC poker rooms. He's also been playing the $5/10 Omaha tables with Erik Seidel on Full Tilt.

Seat 2: Diane... The recent college grad and former East Village resident is a poet, singer, writer, and activist. And she's also an action junkie, who is Ferrari's biggest nemesis at the tables.

Seat 3: Julie... Who could forget her 3rd place performance at the first ever WPBT live tournament at Sam's Town last December? She outlasted a group of some excellent players, knocked me out, and also survived the advances of Daddy who was blatantly hitting on her during the final table.

Seat 4: Ferrari... The venerable proprietor of the Blue Parrot does not own any birds but does have two cats which run rampant through the poker room.

Seat 5: Rick Blaine... The "Ricker" is in town on business and had to stop by and see the old gang. You can find him playing at Bay 101 near his home in California.

Seat 6: Om... He's the downtown fashion photographer by day and the Tilt Master by night. He worked his magic and got Ferrari on Super Tilt.

Seat 7: Coach ... The Dan Harrington of the Blue Parrot recently cracked Quad Kings with Quad Aces on a Stud hi/lo table on Poker Stars. He had a live long dream of being a contestant on the Price is Right. He made an appearance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire though and we didn't recognize him at first because he lost 30+ pounds. Coach is shrinking.

Seat 7 (Late Night): Ugarte... The Skecky Green of the Blue Parrot has been in exile after a disagreement with Blue Parrot management. The always quick-witted, sometimes malcontent Ugarte was working a stand-up comedy gig and arrived late.

Seat 8: Swish... The famous sportswriter was in town doing an interview for a cable news program. Since he left NYC and moved to DC, the games at the Blue Parrot have lacked a definite panache. Swish can and will play any two cards.

Seat 9: Derek... My younger brother has been rounding with me since I got back. He wanted to improve upon his performance at Casa de Bad Blood and Brad-o-Ween this past weekend. He was eager to meet Swish and Rick for the first time.

Seat 10: Pauly... Your hero who has a weakness for blondes, donuts, and travel. I was pretty sick the last two days, so I pulled all my strength up to make it out to the Blue Parrot to see some old friends.

7:50pm... Cards are in the air.

8:15pm... Coach jumped out to a huge chip advantage after winning several big pots in Hold'em.

8:17pm... -27. I tried to bluff with the Hammer and capped the betting preflop against Coach's AQs, F Train's Hiltons, and Ferrari's JJ. No flop help for me.

8:44pm... Diane won a big pot in Stud and moved into the early chip lead when her full boat 2s over Kings held up.

8:58pm... Playing Stud Hi/Lo Push, a game that Coach loves to call, Diane scooped the entire pot with The Wheel. She was dealt 2-3/5-A-4.

9:37pm... -65 after a horrendous round of Omaha Hi/Lo.

9:47pm... I got Ferrari on tilt after he folded the winning hand on the River. I had Kournikova... KQ. The flop was Q-10-x. Ferrari bet, Coach called, and I raised. Ferrari reraised, Coach called, and I called. The turn was a Jack and I misread my hand. I thought I had a straight, when all I had was top pair and an open-ended straight draw. I honestly thought I had a straight and only called on the turn because I wanted to keep Coach and Ferrari in and get them on the river. Alas, the river was a 10 and Ferrari sighed and checked. He had A-Q and put me on the 10. Coach checked with Q-9s and I flashed my cards to F Train to proudly show him my phantom straight (the one that wasn't there.) He gave me an odd look that later he'd say was, "What the fuck did Pauly raise with just top pair on the flop?" I bet and Ferrari folded, thinking he made a great laydown. Coach figured he was way behind but made a crying call because he still had a lot of chips. Ferrari almost fell out of his chair when I showed K-Q. I was a little embarrassed that I misread my hand, but saw the benefit of Ferrari going on Tilt after that hand. The Tiltboys had a phrase called "implied tilt odds" and even with the misread, the implied tilt odds on that particular hand was huge.

9:53pm... After a lengthy five minute discussion of the hand by Ferrari, Coach uttered, "Number one, it doesn't matter."

10:02pm... Al Cant Hang called for a Dial-a-Shot and because he wanted to be the first person to call me to say he saw me on ESPN for their coverage of the WSOP Main Event. Even Derek was spotted sitting in the stands during the event that "Ephro" won. I missed it, lol. Oh well.

10:10pm... +27 made my loses back with a strong showing in Hold'em. Swish has been playing a lot of pots and did his first rebuy on the night.

10:51pm... +2. The expression "Betting on the come," gets a thorough examination by Rick Blaine. When Julie did just that, he uttered, "There's no cum on her bedding."

11:23pm... Coach flopped a flush. Everyone wondered where I would be heading to next. I told them Barcelona for the EPT with a stop over in Amsterdam for a 24 hour hash and hookers bender. When F Train said it cost 50 Euros for a hooker, Rick offered to give me a handjob for 40 Euros.

11:45pm... +23. Ugarte arrived after Swish, Diane, and Coach departed. It was late night at the Blue Parrot and that's when weird things happen.

Late Night Lineup:
Seat 1: F Train
Seat 2: Julie
Seat 3: Ferrari
Seat 4: Rick
Seat 5: Om
Seat 6: Ugarte
Seat 7: Derek
Seat 8: Pauly

11:50pm... I almost cracked Rick's AA with K-8 when I flopped two pair on a board of K-8-3. Of course the river is a 3, and Rick rivered two pair on me. Ouch.

Midnight... -1. To end the "betting on the come" debate, Julie randomly mentions "If it weren't for girls, I wouldn't know how to come in my bed."

12:59am... "I fuckin' hate Omaha!" I scribbled in my notes. Nothing is worse to play live when you are behind. I had KcJc5x6x. I flopped a straight and a redraw to the club flush with a flop of 4-7c-8c. The betting was capped. Ugarte also had 5-6 and folded in disgust when a 9 hit the turn. I knew my straight was no good but still had outs for the second nut flush. I didn't get there and Rick's J-10 straight was better. I had to do an $80 rebuy soon after.

1:20pm... Derek won a monster pot in Anaconda when he had a King high straight flush against Rick's full house. It was at least a $280 pot.

1:55pm... -15. I chopped a $320 Anaconda pot when Derek's low wasn't good enough to beat F Train's Wheel. I had the high locked up. Derek went from up a few bucks to down a lot in one hand.

2:03am... Ferrari went on Mega-Tilt after his aces were cracked by Om's Q-2. Om flopped bottom pair and called Ferrari all the way to the river when he spied a Queen for two pair. Ferrari dropped his head onto the table and sat motionless for a few minutes. (See pics below!)


The hand that got Ferrari on Mega-tilt...
2:04am... Ferrari, obviously still stunned from that vicious bad beat drew a few comments from the peanut gallery. Ugarte blurted out, "I lost $60 tonight. It was well worth $60 to see that hand!"

2:10am.... Ferrari raised my blind and I declared to the table, "I'm only calling the raise because Ferrari is on tilt." My 5-6 holds up when I flop top pair and win with a full house.

2:27am... I won the last hand of the night, a big pot in Anaconda and went up a few bucks, almost $50.

The final tally:
Rick +273
Diane +136
Om +83
Pauly +50
F Train +25
Coach -43
Derek -65
Ugarte -75
Julie -90
Swish -137
Ferrari -150

Yeah, it was a fun night at the Blue Parrot especially seeing Rick Blaine and Swish again, along with the rest of the gang. Thursday night I'm playing with Toni and her pink chips at Townehouse for some more NYC homegame action.
posted by Pauly at 8/24/2005 05:54:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Brad-o-Ween 5: Bloggers in G-Vegas Episode 2

"Art is no part of southern life. In the South art, to become visible at all, must become a ceremony, a spectacle; something between a gypsy encampment and a church bazaar given by a handful of alien mummers who must waste themselves in protest and active self-defense until there is nothing left with which to speak..." - William Faulkner

William Faulkner never spent time at Brad-o-Ween, but I did. I've attended big events before, especially in the South, such as wild parties like Mardi Gras and Jazzfest in New Orleans, St. Patrick's Day in Savannah, the Kentucky Derby, and Gator Growl. Now I can add another epic event to that list... Brad-o-Ween.

Brad-o-Ween is an experience that it hard to fully write about. I can regurgitate a few hundred words and splash a few pictures that still wouldn't do justice for the actually spectacle which we all experienced. So why did I get on two small planes and torture myself with the brutal South Carolina heat for a weekend in August when I could have been home writing in a nice air conditioned room and spending time playing poker online while watching reruns of Real World Austin?

Because of Otis, of course.

That's why people from all walks of life came from the far corners of South Carolina, all over the South and Midwest, and from our hometowns and cities on the East Coast. Even a few aliens from other planets arrived to check out the Brad-o-Ween festivities. We all completed our pilgrimage to a tiny cul-de-sac in order to celebrate Otis on a day that he designated be the specific time to celebrate all things Otis. That day was Brad-o-Ween.

I had the unique opportunity to spend several weeks getting to know Otis in Las Vegas. We sat next to each other in press row during the WSOP during coverage of some tedious final tables. We frequently drank at dinner together at the Hooker Bar at the Rio. We saw each other at our best and our worst while we were working in Las Vegas. Indeed, I got to know real-life Otis and it was less than 48 hours after he left Las Vegas before I bought tickets to G-Vegas for Derek and myself. The fact that there was an awesome group of folks from G-Vegas made the trip to Brad-o-Ween even more special. Add to the mix a list of some of my favorite bloggers and it was a no brainer that I come.

I knew that Brad-o-Ween was going to be the highlight of my Summer before I even booked my flight. So why did I have so much fun?

Simply put, it's a crazy fucked up world we live in. So much bad stuff happens to people that I'll never be able to comprehend or explain it. In the past five years, I have had ten of the best days of my life and ten of the worst days. That's how it is and how it was. But sometimes, you just have to take a break from your hectic and unexplained lives and just let loose and surrender to the flow. Because there are specific moments in your life when you get a chance to meet and click with a person, a few people, or an entire group of like minds. And even for a brief moment things make complete sense, like you were supposed to be a part of something cool. The crazier my life gets, the more I appreciate moments like Brad-o-Ween. It was an original experience and I could not think of anything else that I'd like to do to end a truly amazing summer.

Saturday

We woke up a little late at Casa de Bad Blood and rushed to get to chez Otis for the Brad-o-Ween Open poker tournament registration. Plus there was going to be some great BBQ. Bad Blood loaded his poker table into the mini-van and we headed over. A small group already gathered in the garage area. We were greeted by a huge white sign that said, "Welcome to Bradoween."

Eva Can Hang was already behind the heavily stocked bar in Otis' garage. She was the featured mixologist for the weekend and whipped up cocktails for the pre-tournament crowd. To the left was a table with the BBQ. A huge tray of cole slaw, baked beans, chicken, and pulled pork made my mouth salivate. There was also several jugs of Sweet Tea ready for my own personal comsumption. Some folks love it. Others hate it. I'm a big fan of Sweet Tea. In fact, here's a quick top 5 list.

The Top 5 Things I Loved About Living in the South:
1. Widespread Panic
2. Mayo on hamburgers
3. Sweet Tea
4. Southern vixens who say "Y'all."
5. Magic Mushrooms

I drank two cups of Sweet Tea right away and dug into the food. Daddy and I made a sandwich with chicken and pulled pork on top. I also added a few baked beans. I'd dip the sandwich into two types of BBQ sauce.

The Brad-o-Ween Open poker tournament had 43 players. The buy in was $50, er 50 units, since gambling is illegal in South Carolina. Damn red states. Just a week before a local game was busted in G-Vegas. We had to be extra cautious. I suggested that Otis hand out bibles just in case we were raided by the pigs. If they questioned us, we'd tell them we were at a special prayer revival or performing an exorcism on Al Cant Hang. Due to the recent events, Otis had to hide the money in his neighbor's house. I think it was the preacher across the way. I was hoping to meet his daughter. In my experience, some of the wildest Southern girls I've ever met were preacher's daughters.

Back to the Brad-o-Ween open... Otis squeezed Tables 1 and 2 into the living room. Table 3 was in the dining room and Table 4 was in the kitchen. Some of the tables were 11 handed. Derek was at Table 4, and I'd wander over to see how he was doing.

43 players participated in the 2005 Brad-o-Ween Open, with the top 7 places paying out. 800 units to first place with 100 units to 6th and 7th. Since this was not a WPBT sanctioned event, no points were awarded and since we were outside of the reach of the Shulman Junta, no points were awarded for Card Player's Player of the Year standings.

My first table:
Seat 1: Ryan
Seat 2: Iggy
Seat 3: Marty
Seat 4: Heather
Seat 5: Maudie
Seat 6: G-Rob
Seat 7: Pauly
Seat 8: Dr. Jeff
Seat 9: Todd
Seat 10: Tracey
Seat 11: Double As

Of course, everyone joked that we were at the "featured TV table" with some of the big names. There were a lot of great players at my table but since the blind levels were 40 minutes in length, I sat back and waited for quality hands. Players started with $170 in chips and blinds began at $1/2.

1:30pm... Cards were in the air.

1:41pm... Maudie check-raised G-Rob and moved all in. G-Rob reluctantly folded.

1:52pm... A wave of commotion echoed out from the dinning room. The Cigar Girl, or River Queen as Otis has referred to her in the past took all of Otis' stack when she rivered a gutshot straight against him and their table went wild. Otis is the first person out in 43rd place.

2:17pm... Gracie's KK lost to Wes' AA. She was knocked out in 42nd place. Otis announced that he created a special board to list everyone who had been eliminated. He was the first player to sign it. Gracie begins filming exit interviews.

2:18pm... Local G-Vegas celebrity, G-Rob, was eliminated in 41st place. Film at 11.

2:36pm... Big Mike was sent to guard the keg when he was busted in 39th place.

2:40pm... Table Change. I was moved to table 2 which had Pablo, Bad Blood, Poker Stage John, and Big Mike.

2:45pm... Eva was knocked out in 37th place and headed to the bar for bartending duties. She proceeded to whip up the best damn Long Island Iced Teas possible.

2:47pm... Bad Blood was eliminated when his pocket Tens lost to a set of 3s.

2:48pm... Derek was knocked out in 31st place. He reported to keg guarding duty with Big Mike.



2:55pm... The Mark rivered a straight on April.

2:58pm... Debby hit Quad 9s at my table. She caught running 9s for a monster hand. With A-x a few hands later, she would have hit quad aces on the river, but everyone folded to her by the turn with two aces on the board. She started a huge rush and started accumulating chips at our table. Her son, Wolverine, was also one of the chip leaders at our table.

3:07pm... Tracy was knocked out when her pocket nines lost to Ryan's Hiltons.

3:14pm... Poker Stage John's 10-10 lost to Debby's A-J and he was eliminated.

3:30pm... Heather's AQ lost to Dr. Jeff's pocket Jacks and she was knocked out.

3:49pm... Maudie and her short stack was eliminated.

4:04pm... I forgot that I was supposed to tape a segment with Cinci Sean for Card Club on the Lord Admiral Radio. He called and I left my table for fifteen minutes and was blinded out while we conducted the interview for his podcast. I went outside and drank Sweet Tea and we spoke while Sean recorded my bit. (Editor's Note: You can download this week's episode... here. Just right click and Save As. My segment starts at the 29:30 part of the show. When Sean asked me who out of the remaining players who everyone should keep an eye out for, I jokingly replied, "Me." A little podcast foreshadowing?)

4:20pm... April's Hiltons could not hold up against Daddy's Donkeys. His A-9s emerged victorious. I wonder if Paris Hilton would fuck a donkey and let me tape it? I'd title it "Ride Donkey, Ride!"

4:31pm... Action was down to 2 tables. A cash game broke out in the kitchen and was moved to the dining room. Everyone else was outside drinking or inside sweating the bloggers. Mrs. Otis began whipping up hors d'oeuvres and Derek helped her by taking a few trays out to the poker tables.

4:33pm... CJ was eliminated in 20th place when he dropped the Jack Hammer and it lost!

4:55pm... Pablo was knocked out in 19th place by Debby.

5:15pm... There was a "color up" break and I stepped outside with Pablo and Derek for a quick smoke. I had $250 when the average stack was over $370. Double As looked like the chipleader and Wolverine was the chipleader at my table.

5:39pm... Double As busted Marty with the Hammer!

5:47pm... Double As lost some of his massive stack in a three way pot. He had AA. Gamecock was the shortstack and moved all in with A-10s. The Cigar Girl had pocket Kings. She was also all in. The room was buzzing because everyone expected Cigar Girl to catch a King. And she did, just like it was supposed to happen in the script. She doubled up against Double As and Gamecock was eliminated.

5:55pm... Rumors circulated around Brad-O-Ween that BG had passed out in Lil Otis' nursery. I snuck upstairs for an exclusive picture, which I filed away for future blackmail purposes. I'm sure OJ would love to have a pic of sweaty, shirtless, napping BG for it's archives, right?

6:35pm... With 11 players left, Al Cant Hang was knocked out by Wolverine. He bubbled out of the final table and missed the money by a few spaces. Al Cant Hang was admittedly sober for the entire tournament. Like me, we only had one alcoholic beverage each during the entire afternoon. I constantly drank Sweet Tea and I had to piss every ten minutes.

6:55pm... The Final Table began afte we redrew for seats. Double As was the chipleader. I had $645 and was the 3rd shortest stack. Four players at the final table were related... Debby, TeamScott Smith, Shep, and Wolverine. Here's the line up:

Brad-o-Ween Poker Open Final Table Players:
Seat 1: Pauly (New York City)
Seat 2: Double As (Fairfax, VA)
Seat 3: Lefty (Chicago, IL)
Seat 4: Daddy (Hilljack, IN)
Seat 5: Wolverine (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 6: Shep (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 7: TeamScottSmith (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 8: Brian (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 9: Debby (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 10: Wes "Nile Virus" (Midlands, SC)

7:20pm... Brian was eliminated in 10th place.

8:00pm... We had a color up break. I had $500 left. During our break, a cold deck was set up by Double As and whoever was left. Daddy was dealt A-A and Wolverine (who was in on it) had the Hammer. The flop: A-7-7. The turn was a blank and the river was a seven. Daddy bet and Wolverine moved all in. Daddy was sweating like a fat kid in a poker game and quietly said, "I can't believe I'm laying this down." He put Wolverine on quads and he was right as he flipped over the Hammer. CJ told him what really happened and Daddy was amused by their cold deck.

8:02pm... Shep was knocked out by his brother TeamScottSmith when his pocket Kings did not hold up to J7 on a flop of J-J-x.

8:04pm... Left was eliminated on the Bubble when his K-6s lost to Team Scott Smith's 6-6.

8:06pm... Daddy was donkey fucked by the Hiltons when his 7-7 lost to TeamScottSmith Q-Q. Daddy made the money and TeamScottSmith went out to a nice chiplead as some of Double As stack dwindled after he went card dead. With six players remaining I was the short stack.

8:11pm...Debby was knocked out in 6th place when her Q-T lost to Wes' A-Q. It seemed that everytime Wes won a pot, everyone would do the pirate chant, "Arrrrrgggggghhhhh!"

8:15pm... I moved all in with 10-8s and doubled up against Double As A-5 when I caught a 10. I had $750. Double As was the one player I was the most afraid of at the final table. He's a far superior NL player than I am and I knew that the only way I'd play a pot with his was to get all my money in preflop against him since he was to my left. There was no way I wanted to get outplayed by him post-flop so I tried to pressure him to make calls instead of the other way around. Lucky for me, I caught a fortunate board with my junk hand and doubled up to stay alive.

8:35pm... I cannot explained what happened but inside of twenty minutes, I shifted gears and flipped on the Layne Flack hyper-agressive switch. I stole pots, I pushed players around. I raised with mediocre hands and hit some flops with junks hands. I went from $750 to $1875 inside of a half a level.

8:43pm... I moved into the chiplead when I doubled up against Wes. He raised on the button and I moved all in with A-Ks. He thought for a long time before he called with 10-10. I flopped an ace and double up to around $3900.

8:46pm... Wolverine was knocked out by Team Scott Smith. He played great poker and was the youngest player at Brad-o-Ween.

8:49pm... I lost two big pots to Wes when it was three handed. My A2 lost to his Big Slick. My Q-9s lost to AJ. I dropped to $1530 and Wes moved into the chiplead.

8:52pm... Wes caught another monster hand with A-10s and beat out Team Scott Smith's pocket Kings. Wes flopped a ten and turned an ace to knocked out Team Scott Smith in 3rd place. He played great!

8:53pm... I was severely outchipped $1550 to $6675 and I offered him a chop. He declined. Otis grabbed the Hooters girls who came out for the money presentation. Some of them had $20 and $100 bills stuffed into their cleavage. CJ has a good video of the money presentation here. Check out "Money Shot." You need QuickTime to see it.

8:59pm... Wes went card dead and I did my best to pick up some pots. I won a hand with 6-2 vs. 10-8 to stay alive.

9:05pm... A finally pulled within even to Wes and offered up a chop. He agreed and we played out one final hand to determine the winner as a formality. I had Q-6 and he had Q-7. Although I was dominated, I caught a 6 on the river to become the winner of the Brad-o-Ween Open. Wes and I chopped first and second place.... 800 and 500. Wes played excellent and if he caught any cards once it got heads up, I would have finished second for sure.

Again, I got lucky. The only skill involved was my patience in early rounds to avoid playing too many hands. I pretty much folded my way to the final table and once I got it, the other small stacks were knocked out as I folded into the money. Once it got six handed, I became super-agrressive and went after a lot more pots since I really had nothing to lose. I went from the short stack to the chipleader inside of one level, then promptly blew the chip lead. How I got heads up is still a mystery to me.

I must say that Otis did a great job organizing the tournament. CJ and April assisted out in the later stages and Heather did one kick ass job as well. She dealt the final table and really made sure things ran smoothly. She did better than a lot of seasoned Las Vegas poker dealers and I was impressed with how she kept things running. Someone needs to hire her as a tournament director. She gets my highest recommendation.

As I walked outside, Mrs. Otis introduced me to her firends, the Hooters Girls. She said, "Pauly's single, good looking, famous and he's rich after he just won the poker tournament." One girl showed me her cleavage as I smiled and grabbed a water.

Moving on...

Drunk-a-Lympics

It was time for Drunk-a-Lympics. Otis sent out an email a week earlier outlining everything. Big Mike joked that he signed legal documents that were shorter in length. Otis and G-Rob were captains and they drafted willing participants. CJ ran the Drunk Olympics while a crowd gathered outside to take part in the highlight of Brad-o-Ween 5.

Here were the teams:

Team Good
G-Rob (Captain)
Lefty
Al Cant Hang
Pauly
Derek
Iggy (alternate)

Team Evil
Otis (Captain)
Bad Blood
Big Mike
Dr. Jeff
Marty
Daddy (alternate)

In case you were wondering the rules and events, here's what Otis wrote:

Event #1-ROSHAMBO (Individual)

One player from each team will square off in a best three out of five rock paper scissors match. Standard rules apply. The loser of the contest will take a single shot of Southern Comfort.

Event #2-OVER THE TOP (Individual)

One player from each team will face off in standard arm wrestling form. Two half-full beer glasses will sit in the place where the loser's hand would normally fall (on the player's right). The object is to knock over the opponent's cup with his own hand. The loser of the contest must drink his opponent's beer and a shot of Southern Comfort.

Event #3-CAPS (Team)

Two players from the same team will sit next to each other in folding chairs with a full cup of beer between them. Seven feet across from them, two members of the opposing team will sit in the same way. The teams will alternate attempting to sink a beer bottle cap into their opponent's beer. The first team to accomplish this task--without the opposing team canceling the shot with a subsequent successful shot -wins the contest. The losing team must split the beer that sits between them. ALL players from the losing team must also drink a shot of Southern Comfort a piece.

Event #4-THE BAHAMAS MEMORIAL WATER BOTTLE TOSS (Individual)

In recognition of the 2005 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure appearance of Al Can't Hang, Boy Genius, Eva, and G-Rob, one player from each team will compete in the same game the travelers created in the Bahamas that soured their reputation with the Bahamian Gambling Commission. Each player will be given a full bottle of water. Each player can keep as much or as little of the water in the bottle as he wishes. Standing at a distance of 20 feet, each player will get a turn to throw the bottle and sink it in a trash can. If he sinks the bottle and his opponent cannot counter with a successful throw, the successful shooter wins. Starting order will be decided by a single game of Roshambo. The loser of the contest will drink a single shot of Southern Comfort.

Event #5-TEAM ROSHAMBO (Team)

In this version of Roshambo, each team captain will stand with his teammates in a row behind him. After a team conference, all members of the team (excepting the captains) will put their backs to the center and hold to their chest either a rock, paper, or scissors. Once both teams are set, the team captains will pick one of his opponent's teammates (who will step back from the herd, but not turn around). The opposing captain will do the same. Then, on the referee's mark, both players will turn around and reveal their hand to determine the winner. This will continue until one of the teams wins the best two of three. (The alternates will serve as monitors to assure no player changes his symbol at the last second). The entire losing team (alternates not included) must drink a single shot off Southern Comfort.

Event #6-TRASH BALL (Individual)

To commemorate the game that birthed itself at Bradoween, one player from each team will attempt to bounce a child's ball into a small trash can at a distance of six feet. If he makes the shot and his opponent cannot counter with a successful shot, the successful shooter wins. Starting order will be decided by a single game of Roshambo. The loser of the contest will drink a single shot of Southern Comfort.

Event #7-CHEEZ MANIA (Individual)

In an homage to last year's wildly successful Team Cheese Ball Eating contest, this year, one member from each team will attack a regular sized canister of cheese balls. The first one to finish wins. The second one to finish has to do a shot of Soco (God help him). The referee will monitor and assure that the player is eating the balls and not dropping them on the ground.

Event #8-FLIPCUP (Team+Alternates)

All members of both teams (including alternates) will up on opposite sides of a table. Everyone will have a cup half full of beer. Beginning at one end of the table, on the referee's signal, the first two players on each team will chug their half-beer. When the beer is empty, the player must flip their cup over from right-side-up to upside-down. This will be achieved by placing the cup on the edge of the table, right side up, with half of the cup off the table. Flip the cup over by flipping it with a finger or fingers from underneath. When the player has achieved his goal, the next person begins the process which continues in relay fashion until the entire team has finished. The first team to finish wins. Each member of the losing team must drink a shot of Southern Comfort.

Event 1: G-Rob crushed Marty in Roshambo. Team Good jumped out to an early lead.

Event 2: Derek was chosen to "take one for the team" and arm wrestle Bad Blood. G-Rob was humilated the night before at the Bait Shack, so Derek stepped up knowing he was going to lose. He didn't even flinch when Bad Blood entered to some theme music. Derek simply picked his nose and scratched his balls to try to get Bad Blood on arm wrestling tilt. It didn't work. Derek drank his losing shot like a man. Action was tied.

Event 3: The bottle toss took place and Al lost to Dr. Jeff who went the Rick Barry way of throwing his bottle. We were behind.

Event 4: Instead of Caps we moved up Trash Ball. Since I'm a NYC playground legend, I figured I could do it. I lost to Otis who sunk his shot on the first try. According to G-Rob's entry, "Otis cheats. Pauly takes his shot like a champ."

Event 5: Team Good dominates the Team Roshambo event. Team Good pulls a little closer.

Event 6: Lefty pulled an upset and beat Big Mike in the cheez puff eating contest. In just 7.5 minutes Lefty made Brad-o-Ween history. That win put us even closer to victory and Left sealed his team MVP performance with an impressive feat.

Event 7: We finally found bottle caps and me and Al lost. As G-Rob put it, "Otis cheats."

Event 8: We almost pulled out the victory when Daddy came from behind to beat Iggy during Flip Cup. So close! We'll get them back next year.


After Midnight

The events after Drunk-a-Lympics were a blur. I lost two plus hours in there. I do recall a few things like:

1. Several of the Smith clan climbing trees and Mrs. Otis wigging out.
2. Derek puked on the lawn and Mrs. Otis wanted to give him a prize.
3. The hottest girl at the party was jail bait.
4. I hung out with Uncle Ted after he took care of business.
5. Bad Blood passed out and had to be carried back to the mini-van.
6. Derek and Al Cant Hang moved a passed out guy on Otis front steps.
7. I did a shot of tequila with Maudie.
8. Watched the Al Cant Hang Experience.
9. Saw Otis almost fall down.
10. Called Wil and Halverson for a Dial-a-Shot.

I spotted the Al Cant Hang Experience Table. All you had to do was stop by his booth and live life through Al's world. The ride was free and you got to wear a wig, glasses, smoke a Marlboro, and do a shot of SoCo.



Wet T-Shirt Contest

I was hanging out in front of the lawn with G-Rob when we saw Dr. Jeff pulling the garden hose away. He muttered, "Wet t-shirt contest." And we ran over to the garage. I got a front row seat to the debauchery. One of the Hooter's girls actually flashed her boobs. Oh my. Here are a few shots:




The rest of the night was a blur and I don't recall too much aside from seeing Otis point at something in his freezer. When most of the party started to break up around 3am, I called for a cab who got lost on the way to Casa de Bad Blood. We eventually found our way home and Mrs. Blood was up while Bad Blood was out cold.

I attempted to describe Brad-o-Ween in several thousand words for you and I feel that what I wrote will never be enough to fully explain the events of this past weekend. You simply had to be there to get the full vibe of what went down. However, if there was one picture that could sum up Brad-o-Ween, it would be this:


Happy Brad-o-Ween 5!

Thanks again to Otis and Mrs. Otis for a kick ass weekend, one that will go down in my own personal history of traveling as one of the most unique American experiences this decade. Thanks again to Bad Blood and Mrs. Blood for letting us crash. And thank God for Hooters girls.

FYI... the Bash at the Boathouse is just 32 days away.
posted by Pauly at 8/23/2005 03:44:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Brad-o-Ween 5: Bloggers in G-Vegas Episode 1

"The last time I encountered the Otis was around 3am local time. He opened up his freezer pointed at nothing in particular. He slammed the door and belched in my face before he stumbled away." - My notes from Brad-o-Ween 5.

In the past week I've been in Denver, Boulder, Las Vegas, New York City, and G-Vegas, South Carolina. Talk about some of the most diverse places in America, let alone the world. One moment I was fondling strippers in Las Vegas and then next thing I knew I was hanging out with hardcore hippies in Boulder. The other day I was sitting next to suits and tourists on the subway and just this weekend, I found myself caught up in a heavy discussion of different types of BBQ while standing in Otis' garage while sweating my balls off in the humid South Carolina summer air.

I've also shuffled through six different airports (LAS, DEN, JFK, LGA, IAD, GSP) in the past seven days and came to conclusion that eating airport food is like taking "insurance" in black jack. It's a sucker's bet. Anyway, not even home for less than 60 hours, I was back on the road again. This time Derek was along for the ride as we headed south of the Mason Dixon line for the annual Brad-o-Ween festivities. By the way, I lived in the South for four long years and I'll never forget what a Georgia summer feels like. Yes, I lost 1/8 of my precious life in the South, so I'm more than qualified to crack plenty of jokes.

Before we begin, I'll answer a few FAQs.

Q. Where the fuck is G-Vegas?
A. Most map makers refer to it as the Greenville/Greer area.

Q. Did you see any mullets, rednecks, gun-racks, and donkey fuckers?
A. Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Q. What the heck is Brad-o-Ween?
A. Brad-o-Ween is a self-imposed holiday created by Otis in celebration of... himself. Five years ago he started the first one and since then, it's been a G-Vegas tradition. This is my first appearance and won't be my last.

Q. Did BG really pass out?
A. Definitely. I have pictures to prove it.

Q. Was there really a wet t-shirt contest?
A. Fuck yeah. I got pics and I'm charging $25 per nipple shot.

Q. Did Otis fall down?
A. Keep on reading.

Friday

Derek and I arrived in mid afternoon. I was surprised about a few things. Firstly, they actually had airports in South Carolina and I was able to fly from the North directly to a smaller Southern city without having to fly though and change planes in Atlanta. I was also impressed with the airport. I expected the runway to be a dirt patch in the middle of a peanut farm with Cletus the slack-jawed yokel guiding my puddle-jumper into the gate with a couple of swizzle sticks, while his moonshine drinkin' cousins anally rape a lost portly camper from suburbia and a crooked-eyed albino kid sits nearby on the porch and strums the banjo like some bizarre scene out of an Amateur Redneck porn video. All kidding aside, the airport was lovely and there were more plants in the terminal than people.

Bad Blood picked us up and drove us over to his place. Mrs. Blood and Bad Blood were cool enough to let Derek, Iggy, and Daddy crash at Casa de Bad Blood. Special thanks goes out to the Mini-Bloods who gave up their bedrooms for the out-of-town bloggers. We all left the Mini-Bloods "tips" in their piggy banks as a token of appreciation.

"Mommy, what is this $100 bill doing in my piggy bank with BONUS CODE IGGY written on it?"

Mrs. Blood showed us the kids' gerbils and we had to make sure to keep Daddy away from the animals. They have a trampoline in the back and a poker table in the front of the house. What kid wouldn't want to grow up there?

The first time I ever visited G-Vegas was almost fifteen years ago after ingesting a fistful of mushrooms. I just turned 18 years-old and a good friend from my freshman dorm suggested I head home with him to party it up for a long weekend during Fall Break. My subsequent visits to the G-Vegas area (all occurring during the first George Bush administration) were to attend a Debutante Ball and see a Widespread Panic concert. I think there was some sort of tent involved in both visits. My memory was foggy during my late teens when I went on a four year bender through the South from 1990 through 1994.

We drove over to Otis' pad to meet up with and the Al Cant Hang and Eva Can Hang. They started a cash game. Otis stood in his driveway hosing down a few coolers. It seems like yesterday Otis and I were sitting at the Hooker Bar at the Rio on dinner break at the WSOP marveling at the thirty-second time in two weeks he hit quads on the video poker machines.

In the cash game, I played with Al's chips and built his $25 stack up to $75 before I lost it to G-Rob on one hand with J-7o. He had pocket sevens when I put him on "The Hammer!" Oh well.

We returned to Casa de Bad Blood for pizza and the Bad Blood home tourney. Mrs. Blood got me addicted to putting butter on pizza. Yeah, she busted out the tub of margarine and lathered my slice with butter which quickly melted. It tasted awesome and I could feel my cholesterol levels rising a few points with every bite.

We awaited everyone to arrive. It was a mixture of G-Vegas locals and legends (TeamScott Smith, Shep, Axeman, and The Mark) along with some of your favorite poker bloggers. Of course, Bad Blood and Mrs. Blood played along with Otis, me, Derek, Iggy, and Daddy. Some of the St. Louis crew were playing like Marty, Brian, and Dr. Jeff. CJ and his twin Lefty showed up along with Heather, one of the Aprils, Gamecock, and special guest... Maudie. Yeah, even Maudie showed up and she managed to keep that a secret. She didn't even flinch when Bad Blood cracked over the head with a metal chair. Double As was running late so he missed the tourney but stopped by half way through.

The tourney was a $30 freezeout. 20 players were in. The top four players paid. Bad Blood has this really cool tournament software so you could see what the blinds and limits were. You started with $120 in chips and blinds began at $1/2.

My first table at Casa de Bad Blood:
Seat 1: Daddy
Seat 2: Al "No Puede Colgar" Cant Hang
Seat 3: The Mark
Seat 4: Your Hero
Seat 5: Marty
Seat 6: Otis
Seat 7: Lefty
Seat 8: Tommy the Axeman
Seat 9: Heather
Seat 10: April

7:30pm... Cards are in the air.

7:40pm... Al Cant Hang and two others limped in and I moved all in from the LB with KK.

7:56pm... Al Cant Hang was the first player eliminated when his AQ lost to Daddy's J-10s. Daddy flopped a straight when K-Q-9 fell.

8:13pm... Heather and her top pair ran into Mark's pocket aces was she was knocked out.

8:30pm... Derek was knocked out by Gamecock when his Hammer lost to Gamecock's Hiltons.

Final Table at Casa de Bad Blood:
Seat 1: Daddy (Hilljack, IN)
Seat 2: Mrs. Blood (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 3: Otis (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 5: Pauly (New York City)
Seat 5: April (Austin, TX)
Seat 6: Maudie (Norman, OK)
Seat 7: G-Rob (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 8: Marty (St. Louis, MO)
Seat 9: Tommy Axeman (G-Vegas, SC)
Seat 10: Gamecock (Columbia, SC)

9:12pm... I had about the average stack at the final table and Gamecock had a lot of chips. I tired to steal the blinds with 10-7s on the button. April called from the LB. She checked the flop of: A-J-8. I overbet the pot and she called. I showed the railbirds my hand. The turn was a miracle 9 and I caught my gutshot. She checked again and I tossed out another huge overbet and moved all in. She thought about it and called with A-x. I apologized as my straight held up. As Mike Sexton would say, I "got my hand caught in the cookie jar," but somehow ended up hitting a four outer to win my first big pot of the night. I had $330 in chips at that point.

9:26pm... Mrs. Blood's AJ lost to G-Rob's AK and she was the first player eliminated from the final table.

9:31pm... April was knocked out in 9th place when her 10-9 lost to Maudie's A-10.

9:35pm... Daddy's Hiltons got spanked by Gamecock's pocket aces. He finished in 7th place.

9:49pm... G-Rob's 8-7 was busted by Otis' QJ. G-Rob finished in 6th place and attempted to tilt the cash game table. Otis was the chipleader by far.

9:53pm... I knocked out Tommy in 5th when my 2-2 won a race with Big Slick. Tommy bubbled out. And by the way, Tommy was one of the many readers who constantly clicked refresh on my blog during the WSOP... thanks for the support!

10:05pm... Gamecock made the money and took 4th place when his J-10 lost to Otis' K-9.

10:24pm... Maudie's Q6 lost to Otis' A9 and Maudie was eliminated in 3rd place.

10:25pm... Outchipped by Otis, I offer him a "chop." He laughs in my face but admits he has to pee really badly.

10:26pm... On the second hand of heads up play Otis moved all in from the small blind. I called with A-3s and his K-6 held up to beat me. Hey, second place ain't too bad. Congrats to Otis who won the Casa de Bad Blood event on the eve of Brad-o-Ween.

The Money Winners at Casa de Bad Blood:
1. Otis
2. Pauly
3. Maudie
4. Gamecock

After the tournament we headed downtown to Main Street to drink at Otis' favorite dive bar. I think the dive was called The Bait Shack. There's one in every town and city in America and I've gotten bombed in my share of these places over the last decade or so. I'm sure I've made some of the worst decisions of my life in dives like Otis' favorite saloon.

We all congregated to the back. The floor was sticky like you'd expect in most bars of the similar caliber. The walls were splattered with Sharpie graffiti. The regulars are awful spellers and were ruined the walls with uncreative tags and phrases. We spotted "Anal is kool!" written in a green marker at least a half a dozen times.

The clientele in the Bait Shack was an eclectic mix of hipsters, stoners, folks from the other side of the tracks, frat boys, and a few meth addicts who were working off their 72 hour tweak session. There were few decent looking girls knocking back cocktails in plastic cups at the bar and they were too engrossed in their conversation to realize a band played a few feet away, off to the left. Daddy described the lead singer as the "white Stevie Ray Vaughn." I occasionally called out for a few Widespread Panic tunes which was met with a cold reception from the band. The trudged through several covers and for a bar band, they were above average.

The drink special was a bucket of beers for $15. That's like the cost of 1.5 drinks in New York City, so it was a good deal for me. We ordered some chicken fingers and they came with ranch dressing. BG and Big Mike finally showed up and within an hour of their arrival, I did a shot with Al and Big Mike and persuaded BG to drink the melted ice water in one of the "buckets" that the beer special was held in. Basically, a six pack of Miller Lite was tossed into a bucket with ice. I looked down and saw a puddle of ice water a couple of inches in depth with a decent amount of ice still left in the bucket. I showed BG the bucket and blurted out, "Dude, will you drink this for $5?"

Iggy quickly added, "I'll give you $20."

BG looked at the bucket and said, "Sure. Why not for $25?"

He knocked back the bucket while several bloggers snapped photos. He drank the water and admitted it had a "tinty" flavor to it. I paid the man his money and took the bucket to the adjacent booth where Otis was sitting with Heather and April and a few other folks. I showed the bucket and told them the story. I spotted a small cup of Ranch dressing and handed it to Otis.

"$5, buddy."

Otis inspected the ranch dressing for three seconds and knocked it back. It went down smooth, like a shot of tequila. And I quickly handed him $5. I picked up the empty cup and brought it back over to the other table. I told them the Otis story. Iggy had been offering $100 to someone if they drank a similar cup of ranch dressing and couldn't find anyone to do it.

We eventually left just before closing because Al Cant Hang and Big Mike made the Bait Shack run out of SoCo twice. Looks like the local booze halls were ill-equipped for a visit from Big Mike and Al Cant Hang.

Late night at Casa de Bad Blood, we started a $2/4 HORSE game.

Late Night Horse Lineup:
Seat 1: Derek
Seat 2: Bad Blood
Seat 3: Daddy
Seat 4: Pauly
Seat 5: Iggy

Somehow I won $30. Derek dropped most of is buy in. He lost a huge Razz hand to Daddy with 675 versus 674. I was up around $160 for the day when I crashed. I almost won enough money to cover my airfare dwn to G-Vegas.

****** ******

Stay tuned for the next installment called Brad-o-Ween 5: Bloggers in G-Vegas Episode 2. It will feature more stories about:

1. My first place chop in the Brad-o-Ween Poker Open
2. Recap of Team Good's loss in the Drunk Olympics
3. Three words: wet t-shirt contest
4. Three more words: high school girls
5. Eva bartends
6. Does Otis fall down?

Yeah, I'll be back on Tuesday with pictures and more musings on the South including why I love sweet tea so godammed much.
posted by Pauly at 8/22/2005 01:25:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Coming Soon: Why I Love Mississippi...



And yes, there was a wet t-shirt contest.
posted by Pauly at 8/21/2005 07:54:00 PM | Permalink |

 
G-Vegas Weekend

Derek and I are off to G-Vegas for the weekend to attend the Brad-O-Ween festivites. Trip report will be posted upon my return. Until then, feel free to read part one of my Boulder trip report.

Boulder Part I

I took a van from the Denver airport to Boulder. The guy that drove the van looked like a roadie from the Allman's Brothers Band. He gave me extra special attention and let me ride shotgun because I gave him a huge tip before I even got in the van. Remember, I just got off the plane after living in Las Vegas for nearly three months. That $7 tip must have given me some extra groovy karma for the weekend.

The Joker picked me up in front of the historic Boulorado Hotel. Someone famous drank themselves to death in one of the upstairs rooms, but I forgot who it was. We quickly hit downtown and Pearl Street which is basically a pedestrian mall with cool shops, bars, cafes, and restaurants spread out over eight to ten blocks. After we parked, we walked by a t-shirt store. In the window was a Phish t-shirt. That was a heady reminder of the type of town I wandered into.

"Notice you don't see too many fat people," the Joker pointed out right away.

He was onto something, Boulder is one of the fittest towns in America. In the summer, everyone spends every second of daylight outdoors hiking, running, or biking. On a late Friday afternoon, Pearl Street was crowded. There were dogs and kids everywhere. Hippies take their little ones and animals everywhere they go. It's not image conscious like South Beach or LA. People are fit in Colorado because they genuinely feel a sound mind and body leads to a healthy life.

At the Boulder Cafe we sat down outside and watched a few street performers on the corner. I ogled at all of the cute college girls and hippie chicks. I spotted people from all walks of life. I should clarify, I saw all kinds of white people from all walks of life. You had a few Type A personalities, like the chick on the phone in the corner. Real Estate is her game and she spent most of the time pontificating about her vast knowledge of the local real estate market and the rest of the time on the phone "wheeling and dealing," as Clyde Frazier would say.

I ordered these tasty French fries with three kinds of dipping sauce. The first was a tangy BBQ which I only tried once. The second was a spicy sauce that looked a like like 1000 Island dressing. The third was a creamy dijonaise which tasted good as well. Colorado is home to tons of micro brews and I just picked the third one that the waitress rattled off. It didn't matter to me, because all of the beer in Colorado is better than those Coronas I can get at the hooker bar in the Rio.

One of Joker's buddies were in a band called Luna Sol. They were playing a gig a few blocks down. We headed over there and discovered that they were playing at the opening of a restaurant. We were actually crashing a private party and didn't know it. They place reeked of hipsters and yuppies, but the Spanish flamenco music was soothing. The owners had these weird drink specials that took ten minutes to prepare each specialty drink. I just ordered a beer because I knew it would come fast. They served all kinds of interesting foods like fried bananas and empandas with a spicy sauce.

We also found out that there was a cool band paying in a small town just outside of Boulder called Louisville (pronounced Lewis-ville). The Joker ate breakfast frequently at The Buff which was owned by this hot woman. She had two sons who were in a band called Rose Hill Drive that kicked ass. One fan described them as a power trio. Just a drummer, guitar player, and bass player, who was the lead singer. The Joker said they looked like a rock and roll band. All the members were long hairs and had stage presence. They sounded a little bit like Led Zeppelin and had a grooving G'ovt Mule vibe to them. The lead singer's voice was commanding and the guitar player displayed serious chops. They were all under 21 years old. Damn, they could fucking play.

Anyway Rose Hill Drive played an outdoor show for the Louisville Main Street festival. Inside the tent were tons of local high school girls. All I could think about was that line from Dazed and Confused... "That's what I like about highschool girls. I get older and they stay the same age."

I felt like Wooderson. The band impressed me and the local talent in the crowd was even more impressive.

After the show ended we headed down to a loft party in Denver that one of Joker's friends threw. It was after dark and lights of Denver just appeared out of nowhere on the drive down from Boulder. The Joker's buddy lived a few blocks from Coors Field where a slew of new converted lofts began to spring up. We stayed for a little while and I ended up doing a shot of tequila which went right to my head after drinking beers all afternoon long in the mountain altitude. Some guy in the kitchen shouted out, "Hey who likes sleeping with girls?"

A few people put their hands up, including me and one artsy looking girl sitting on the couch. Yeah the lesbian happily outed herself. You know there's one artsy girl at every party, who gloomily sits on the couch flipping through a magazine, contemplating suicide or secretly writing the first draft of a poem inside her head called "Loser and Poseurs at Cocktail Hour."

We left soon after and headed back to Boulder. We had a long day prepared for Saturday with two bands playing at Red Rocks. After all that's why I came out to Boulder in the first place. Stay tuned for Part Two.
posted by Pauly at 8/19/2005 06:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Happy Belated Birthday Poker Prof!



Yes, yesterday was the Poker Prof's birthday! Hope it was a good one...
posted by Pauly at 8/18/2005 11:02:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Thursday Pimpage, Online Poker, Podcats, and Top 10

I played a bunch of online poker on Wednesday in between unpacking and reading all my snail mail and email. Man, when I woke up jonesin' for a casino! Alas, I had to settle for online poker instead. My brother and Joaquin sent me invites to a local card room in Chinatown. The "A" room/club has been renovated and is currently under new ownership. Perhaps I'll take a peek next week sometime and maybe I'll piss in the stairs of some building with Derek.

I continued my quest to win $1 Million on Noble Poker. If you don't know, Noble Poker is still running the Million Dollar SNG Challenge... if you win 7 SNGs in a row, they'll pay you $1 Million. I've been winning one out of every three SNGs that I play. I take second or third in the one and bust out of the other. Overall, it's been profitable playing those SNGs and I never thought that I'd actually look forward to firing up Noble Poker every day... but here I am. My chances are slim to none of actually winning the Challenge, but it's hard to pass up against really bad players on Noble Poker, looking to move all in preflop with any weak ace and suited three gappers.

I forgot that I had a small bonus left to work off at Full Tilt and I returned to the $3/6 tables. Nothing significant to report aside that I still have a few bucks remianing to clear my bonus. I played 150 hands while listening to a killer Widespread Panic bootleg from Colorado.

Late Night, with Conan O'Brien on in the background, I headed over to Party Poker to play at a loose $5/10 full table. I cashed out most of my Party Poker bankroll when I moved to Las Vegas and I have yet to put any back in. I'm waiting for the next reload bonus. Alas, nothing to report either. I won a few BBs in less than 80 hands and logged off to answer a few phone calls.

I also played an SNG on Poker Stars with Joanne. Chad and Easy Cure were on the rail and saw me drop the Hammer!

When I lived in Vegas, I was an online action junkie. I played too many hands, mostly out of position and cold-called too many bets post flop. Now that I'm back in NYC, I've tightened up my game and remained patient and disciplined. However, I'm defending my blinds much more aggressively but still back to playing more ABC poker online. Sure it's not the Mirage, Bellagio, Mandalay Bay or MGM... but I'll gladly settle for Party Poker, Poker Stars, Full Tilt, and Noble Poker. And the cool thing is... I can go back to playing poker without my pants on.

Podcasts

Maudie has gotten into the podcasting ring. Check out her latest bit called... Biatch. I love it. Maudie riffing in iambic pentameter. Where are the chain smoking beatniks sipping lattes, wearing odd facial hair and nodding in agreement with Maudie's assertions on poker?

Don't forget to check out the latest episode of Card Club on Lord Admiral Radio. Sean took the week off to deal with duties involving being a new dad and Stacks took the helm. It was a great show and featured Gracie. I was in Colorado last weekend and couldn't make the show, but I should be back this weekend.

You can download this week's show Episode 39... Here. (right click and save-as)
You can download last week's show Episode 38... Here. (right click and save-as)

Top 10 Referrals

How about taking the time to thank those Top 10 bloggers who sent me the most traffic over the last 10 days. Here you go:

1. Las Vegas and Poker Blog (Flip Chip & Poker Prof)
2. Guinness and Poker (Iggy)
3. Wil Wheaton
4. Aaron Gleeman's baseball blog
5. Up for Poker (CJ, G-Rob, and Otis)
6. Tao of Pauly
7. Poker Grub
8. Chick and a Chair
9. Sound of a Suckout
10. Performity

Thanks again everyone!

Here's something that the Poker Prof wrote. I thought I'd post it.

Las Vegas: The Poker Prof's Las Vegas and Poker Blog is the goto stop for people who come to Sin city to hit the tournaments and poker rooms. From the World Poker Tour to the World Series if it's big poker in Vegas it's blogged here.

Strip Poker - Bill Rini's newly re-named poker blog, Strip Poker is the work of a twisted mind with excellent humor including the infamous Evelyn Ng table mod. Bill is organizing the next WBPT to be held in Vegas.

Online Poker: Visit Dr. Pauly at Tao of Poker for the best written journal on Poker Around. From on-line poker rooms to off-line live tournament coverage including the WSOP.

Texas Hold’em - The Pokerati Blog – DanM and his team cover all aspect of Texas Hold’em from the great state of Texas including Texas poker laws and poker interviews.

Poker - Guinness and Poker offer excellent posts taken from the gems of 2+2 and RPG, read the poker gems without having to sift through the rubbinsh

Professional Poker Player - The blog of Chris Halverson. Follow the daily life of a professional who also plays poker and on one of the oldest poker blogs around.

Poker Player: Poker Player Newspaper is one of the giants of the poker world and it's site matchs. With thousands of articles from noted poker author's such as Nolan Dalla and Mike Caro.

OK, that's it for now. Time to get a ton of writing done today. See ya at the tables sometime tonight.
posted by Pauly at 8/18/2005 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Sweet Home New York

I'm officially a New Yorker again. I had a bagel for lunch and already told two people to "Fuck off!"

Damn, I missed New York City. Where else can I get a $65 cab ride from JFK airport? My flight from Las Vegas to New York City was $119. Yeah, I miss this expensive town. No more $3.99 all-you-can-eat buffets with Grubby, that's for sure.

Grubby drove me to the airport yesterday and of course my flight was delayed. I ate at Wolfgang Puck express located at Terminal D in McCarran airport. I had a grilled chicken, provolone cheese, and bacon wrap with romaine lettuce. Once I was seated, the couple next to me announced that just got hitched. They were calling up all their friends and family on the phone as we waited to take off. I gave them 3 to 1 odds of having a divorce by Labor Day 2007. That would be the last prop bet I'd lay while still on the ground in Las Vegas.

Jet Blue has TV and I spent most of my time watching junk. I've become super burnt out on poker and need a few days off. The pinnacle of this poker overload was turning off ESPN's poker coverage and willingly watching MTV's Real World: Austin. Oh my, that chick Melinda (pictured) is one hottie. She's a spit fire of a gal and held my attention for most of my trip. Thank God for Real World marathons. Like I said before, blondes are -EV.

Late night, I hung out with my brother. We watched a movie (City of God) and caught up. I then sweated Grubby in a MTT on Party Poker late last night. He took 13th out of 2300+ players. Amazing run. I was hoping he'd make the final table because that's where the serious cashola was. Of course I'm still on Las Vegas time, so I was up until 7am listening to some old jazz CDs of mine that I didn't take with me to Las Vegas. I also played few SNGs on Noble Poker in my quest to win $1 million. Since it was so late, it seemed like I had the same players at my table every time.

This morning, I found myself in my mother's apartment reading my mail. Mamma McGrupp has a bar in her apartment. Nothing too fancy, it's a pseudo roll-away bar that now sits flush against the wall where a few of my paintings are displayed. I laughed when I saw that she printed up a picture of me and Lou Krieger from the WSOP celebrity/media event and it was hanging on the fridge.

I sat at the bar and read all of my mail. My mom mailed me one batch in late June, but held off on the second run. As I sifted through tons of junk mail, bills, bank statements, and wedding invitations, I came to the conclusion that I'm gonna need a few weeks to sort out certain aspects of my life that I've neglected the last three months.

Living in Las Vegas was like living on another planet.

Anyway, it seems that I'm getting a ton of mailings from Foxwoods. I also owe taxes, or so it says in a few cold letters from Uncle Sam. I got a couple financial statements. My penny stocks are still worth pennies but one of my Canadian natural gas and oil exploration stock is slowing rising. If any of those hit, I'll be able to back 20 bloggers in next year's WSOP Main Event.

I also got my high school alumni magazine along with a "thank you note." Many moons ago, I attended a prestigious Park Ave. prep school and I'm on good terms with the alumni office after I contributed to their annual fund this year. It seems however, that my WSOP exploits were trumped by two more famous alums. One guy climbed Mt. Everest and sported my high school's banner in a picture. Another guy was named as Wall Street's top stock analyst for 2005. At some point in my life, my goals were to do both of those things. The closest I got was a "rookie of the year" award back in 1996 and a uneventful ascent on top of some boulders in Rocky Mountain National Park last weekend. But that's OK, both guys missed out on living at the Redneck Riviera, hearing Flipchip's Vietnam War stories, and getting groped by Amy Calistri. I'll take those memories any day of the week.

I got something in the mail from the DMV. My license expires on my birthday in September and I have to get in renewed. $45 for 8 years. What a rip off. I looked at mine and realized the date it was issued: 9-18-01. I was supposed to get it renewed a week earlier but never made it to the DMV for obvious reasons. Wow, four years flew by.

Indeed, four years ago, I was a depressed long-haired painter who barely wrote. I was dating a neurotic photographer from San Francisco (and yeah, she was blonde) who flaked out after 9.11 and retreated back to Northern California while the Ground Zero fires were still buring. Lost and uninspired, within a few months I cut my hair, dusted off a Brooks brother suit from my closet and went back to Wall Street.

Eventually, somehow I ended up where I am today. Never did I ever imagine in the somber and darkest days of New York City weeks after 9.11, that I'd be writing and living in Las Vegas of all places. After attending a half a dozen funerals, thoughts and dreams like that didn't seem possible, plausible, and attainable. Yet, here I am... not even home for 24 hours and I realized that the past year and last two years of poker blogging have been one wild ride. Yeah, my poker blog turns two years old today. Here's the first ever post called... Why a new blog?

Well, the remainder of my journey is just beginning.
posted by Pauly at 8/17/2005 02:52:00 PM | Permalink |

 
I'll Be Back...

I'm flying home to New York City today. It will be a short stay. I'll return to Las Vegas in less than two months. In the meantime, I'm going to be doing a lot of writing, a ton of traveling, making token appearances at a few weddings, and attending a bunch of random meetings. Somehow, I'll try to squeeze in a little poker and even make some time to chase the muff around.

Well, I survived Las Vegas, specifically one of the most brutal summers in recent history. I'm going to see if I have enough material for a book. I should but until I sit down and start working on it, I just won't know.

Let me apologize in advance if I didn't get to hang out with some of you in Las Vegas over the last few days and weeks. I'm also sorry that I haven't answered everyone's emails and voice messages. There is too much for me to sort through. I start clearing my inbox everyday and after an hour or two I realize how little of a dent I made and move onto another project. I'll eventually read everything. Every since I moved to Las Vegas it seems I'm always catching up. I'm way behind on my blog reading. I have yet to be "ahead of schedule" on anything since I left NYC.

Oh well. Moving on...

Grubby and I hit up Sunset Station and the Excalibur one last time. We also stopped off at Klondike Casino to eat a cheap late night meal. I'm gonna play a few SNGs on Noble Poker before I crash. That's it for now. The next update will be from... New York City.

I want to take this last breath to thank everyone for reading over the last few months. And thanks for your support during my entire time here in Las Vegas. I picked up a ton of new readers and that's pretty cool. I've also had a tight-knit loyal following prior to the WSOP and you guys deserve a lot of credit as well.

I also have to thank everyone in the poker blogging community for... well for simply being there for me. Without poker bloggers and readers... I'd still be a struggling writer. Without poker bloggers, I'd be a "nobody" and a "never will be." Thanks for helping me along the way and inspiring me to take tremendous leaps of faith with writing, blogging, and my career.

Lastly, thanks to Flipchip and the Poker Prof for everything. This entire Las Vegas experience could not have been possible without their help and guidance. Thanks again guys.
posted by Pauly at 8/16/2005 06:15:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Colorado Trip Report: Mini Review

I'm back in Las Vegas after a quick weekend trip to Colorado. I had an amazing time. Truly, it was an original experience. Man, I really dig Boulder. It's gotta be one of my favorite places to hang out in America. In many ways this trip ended up being more important to me creatively than the entire Las Vegas experience. More on that later. It was finally great to get some real perspective on things after being in Las Vegas for two and a half months. I had a long drive on Sunday up to the mountains to clear my head. I also let loose an epic weekend bender. Hunter would have been proud that I was partying it up like a rock star in his state.

Boulder is a unique place and in many ways, is a city of cliches. Are there hordes of hippies wandering around? Absolutely. Did I mention how much I love happy hippie girls?

Colorado has also been the spot where I witnessed some amazing music in my life. On Saturday, I saw a kick ass concert at Red Rocks courtesy of STS9 and Trey Anastasio Band. The Joker and I also sampled some other local bands as well such as Luna Sol and Rose Hill Drive.

For now, I'm too exhausted from a weekend of non-stop partying to say everything about this weekend. Plus my flight to Las Vegas was delayed two hours and I spent another ninety minutes stuck on the tarmac at McCarran. I'll be back with a full trip report and a concert review after a quick SNG on Noble Poker and a nap.

Here are some random points that I'll be talking about in a full recap of the weekend:

• Friday = partying in Boulder and Denver
• Saturday = raining at Red Rocks and Trey Band concert
• Sunday = Rocky Mountain National Park
• We crashed a private party in Boulder at a hipster joint
• Went to a loft party a few blocks from Coors Field
• There are more dogs in Boulder than kids
• I met a cute blonde hippie chick with a dog who chewed on it's tail when I pet it
• Same hippie chick used to have "a huge crush" on Wil Wheaton
• Same hippie chick went to the same college as me... at the same time!
• Joker and I were shithoused inebriated at the concert
• Rock climbing above the "treeline"
• High school girls on mushrooms who fell in love with Joker's guitar playing
• The funniest Trey story yet... or two
• Some guy selling a used car stereo in Shakedown at Red Rocks

Colorado Pictures

Over the last three days, I took a few pics in Boulder, at Red Rocks, and at Rocky Mountain National Park. Enjoy! You can click on the pics to enlarge them.


Boulder Falls


Rocky Mountain National Park


Tundra Sign


Rocky Mountain National Park


The Road that cuts into the mountains


Chipmunks


Rocky Mountain National Park


On the Road


Above the Treeline at 11,400 feet


Donkey-lopes when they are not playing on Party Poker


The Joker playing guitar in Shakedown Street at Red Rocks


Red Rocks


We crashed a private party in Boulder with trendy fruit


A few miles Outside Boulder
posted by Pauly at 8/15/2005 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Monte Carlo High Rollers and Bellagio Junk Kickers

Congrats again to Shirley who won the Omaha 8 event at the Bike the other night. The last time I spoke to her earlier this week, she said she was due for a big win! Max Shapiro wrote a recap of the event. Take a peek.

My brother Derek has been running hot at Party Poker. He won two seats to satellites in the past 24 hours. He played in the Aussie Million satellite today and took 16th out 101. Not too shabby, bro!

I bought my latest plane ticket. I'm found a $217 roundtrip flight from NYC to Las Vegas in October via Jet Blue, the official airline of the Tao of Poker. I'll be here in Las Vegas for 16 days in October and three more weeks in December, both for WPT Bellagio events. When I get back to NYC, I'm gonna book my flight to Amsterdam and Barcelona for mid-September. I'll be covering a European Poker Tour event at Barcelona. Also in late September, I'll be in Atlantic City covering the WPT Borgata Open and making a token appearance at the Bash at the Boathouse. In November, I'll be at Foxwoods Casino covering another WPT event. Yeah, my schedule is filling up for the rest of the year. Looks like I'll be on the road a lot over the next 8-10 months.

Grubby and I checked into the Monte Carlo on Thursday afternoon. Grubby got three nights... comped. He also got two free buffets, two trips to the spa, and two tickets to Lance Burton... all free. My main man Grubby is a high fuckin roller. They treated him like a God among peasants today. And I got to ride on his coat tails. He's trying to trade his Lance Burton tickets for a ticket to see Avril LaVigne at Hard Rock Casino.

We went over to the Bellagio to play poker after an early dinner at the Monte Carlo buffet. The Bellagio was a awful experience. We should have just stood on Las Vegas Blvd. and charged tourists $5 each to kick us in the balls. At least we would have made some money.

I sat down at a $8/16 table. It was shorthanded and I lost a pot in the first orbit when I flopped two pair and a smug, pink J. Crew shirt wearing, sunglasses sporting motherfucker caught a runner runner flush on me. Five minutes later, I got my pocket Aces cracked by Q-J. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I was down $220 in 10 fucking minutes. My balls swelled up to the size of grapefruits as I contemplated the quickest rebuy in the history of the Tao of Poker.

Oh well. I just smiled and massaged my crotch under the table. I made an amazing comeback two hours later and found myself down $50. That comeback was short lived after I flopped a straight and was rivered again when the board paired and someone caught their full house. Oh well. Grubby didn't do well either at his table.

I spotted some big names playing in Bobby's Room. My table was right in front of Bobby's Room so I could see inside. Jen Harman, Phil Ivey, Barry Greenstein (sporting a beard), Minh Ly, Chau Giang, Lyle Berman, and Chip Reese were all there at some point. I also thought I saw David Grey in there. Damn. Talk about one powerful late afternoon poker game.

From my room at the Monte Carlo, I have a view of... the Redneck Riviera as I write this. It's really weird to see where I used to live.

I leave for Denver and Boulder in a few hours. The last time I was in Colorado was a few months before 9.11 with Senor. We saw Phil Lesh and friends at Red Rocks. The Disco Biscuits opened. Getting pumped to see Trey and STS9.

I'm starting my first day off from blogging since May, right.... now.

****** ******

You should be reading... the April Twins: April and April.
posted by Pauly at 8/12/2005 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Back to Being a Tourist

Editor's Note: Congrats to Shirley who won an Omaha Hi/Lo event at the Bike earlier this morning for the Legends of Poker. Great job! Thanks to "Tully Mox" for the info.

I crashed at Grubby's place last night. Yesterday was a busy day for me. I was up by 9am to write. I had to check out of the Redneck Riviera at 11am then move the rest of my crap to Grubby's. By 1pm, I went to the post office to mail all the books and DVDs I accumulated. When you start to become famous, people give you free stuff. I had two boxes I had to ship back to NYC. Grubby showed me his "hood" which resembles more like Southern California than anything else. You could see the faint glimmer of the Strip in the backgrounds, but the mountains are the most impressive sight here. There is a Wendy's just a few blocks away.

Grubby lives near Green Valley Ranch and we checked that place out. They have a series of shops that are trying to replicate SoHo in New York City. They forgot to import the hipsters and Eurotrash, along with the faint aroma of marijuana, Thai food, and a homeless man's urine stenched pants.

We ate at Al's Garage where the menu is spray painted on the wall. Our waitress was super cute. I gave her a good tip in hopes she'd rush out into the parking lot to give me a handjob. That never happened of course.

Green Valley is a nice local's casino but looks like a real spa. The pool area is kick ass. We stopped by their poker room, which is scheduled to open next week. With 11 tables, they said they are gonna spread 4/8 and higher limits. The shift manager said he'd like to spread NL Omaha Hi. Interesting, eh? I've been playing a lot of the PLO tables recently on Party Poker.

We headed to the arcade and gambled on all sorts of video games. As a former high school basketball star (I can boast that I played against Kenny Anderson many many moons ago), I held my own at Pop-a-Shot. But Grubby knew about my serious urban hoops skills and refused to wager on that. We played a few auto racing video games and settled on air hockey. He won the first game and I fared better in the rematch.

Late night we ate in the cafe at Sunset Station, which is Grubby's local casino. They have all this trippy stained glass in the center near the blackjack tables, which have lava lamps. I'd love to take a hit of liquid sunshine and head over there one night. We skipped playing in their poker room since it looked dead.

We also played a slew of online poker instead. I even watched Grubby play online blackjack at River Belle Casino. He ran $10 up to over $100 in a few minutes. Amazing seeing the Grubmeister at work. He four tabled a few SNGs on Noble Poker and a ring game on Party Poker. It's funny when you get to see how your favorite bloggers play online. I caught a behind the scenes glimpse of Grubby's life.

I played a MTT on Full Tilt and multi-tabled a few ring games before I was busted out. My AA were cracked by 6-9o. The guy rivered a four flush on me. Ouch, indeed. I also played on Noble Poker in pursuit of the $1 Million Challenge. No luck. But those SNG players are soft and at least I padded my bankroll.

Thanks to everyone who signed up at Noble through this blog. You guys rock. Maybe I can finally pay off my lap dance tab here in Vegas. Somehow, some way, my readers are indirectly paying for some stripper's rent, car payments, and/or their cocaine habit.

We're off to the Monte Carlo. Grubby has a free room there, so I'm back to being a tourist. We'll be playing at Strip casinos tonight. Tomorrow I head off to Colorado for a weekend of music and relaxation. Who am I kidding, I'm gonna party it up and try to pick up hippie chicks. For the first time in months, I'll be taking a day or two off from blogging. I need this vacation. I'll have one more post up tomorrow.

By the way, Flipchip and Poker Prof published up a funny post about me. Check out... Dr. Pauly Photos.

****** ******

You should be reading... Gracie's she.verb and Tuscaloosa Johnny.
posted by Pauly at 8/11/2005 01:39:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Yesterday Was Jerry Day

This is a quick post. I have to move out of the Redneck Riviera in a few hours. In a strange way, I'm very sad. I'm gonna miss all the freaks, pimps, drug dealers, hookers, degenerate gamblers, taxi drivers, wife beaters, recently released felons, strippers, poker dealers, and those inbred pot-bellied mullet-clad redneck kids who run amuck outside my window. Those are really my kinds of people. Over last year or so of my life has taken a weird twist and at one point I found myself in the company of the uber-rich, some of which I call my close friends... a malcontent NYC socialite, a bookish former Senator's grand-daughter, a Valium popping actress/bartender, an alcoholic dotcom millionaire, and a former criminal attorney who watches too much MTV. Hanging out at the bottom rung of society over the past ten weeks has humbled me deeply. Hearing cop sirens at odd hours or listening to two strippers argue in the hallway is something that I will always remember about Las Vegas.

One last quick Redneck Riviera story. The other day two kids knocked on my door. One kid with a half-mullet said, "I'll take out your trash for a buck."

I pointed at his friend and said, "My man over here will do it for seventy-five cents, right?"

He nodded and stuck out his hand. The first kid with the half-mullet lowballed him.

"I'll do it for fifty cents."

"Deal," I shouted as I handed him a small bag of trash. I love haggling. I felt bad that I was humiliating he kid, so I gave them both fifty cents for being a good sport about it.

On a good note, I won back all the money I lost last week when I hit a jackpot at Mandalay Bay. I had pocket Jacks, flopped a set, and turned quads... in a kill pot too. The jackpot was $190 and the post was a lot more. Nothing could have been cooler than betting out with quads on the turn and getting raised while seeing another player in front of me smooth call. I tipped the dealer $50 too. In the last 8 days, I've collected over $300 in jackpots for hitting quads. That barely puts a dent into my lap dance tab at Crazy Horse Too.

After I won another big pot when I flopped a set with pocket sixes, I hopped in a cab and headed straight for the Mirage. I was technically free rolling in the $10/20 game, and man 1/3 of those players are really bad. After ninety minutes, I managed to lose just one big bet before a smelly guy sat down next to me. I took it as a sign to leave.

The last two nights before I went home, I stopped by Excalibur. I've noticed my favorite chip runner was working both nights. Very nice. I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm not really going to Excalibur for their "double wheel spins" when in fact I'm only going to catch a brief glimpse of the only non-naked woman I've exchanged money with in Las Vegas who I've had erotic day dreams about on multiple instances. Man, what are the chances she reads my poker blog? I wonder how many drunk degenerates hit on her every night?

After a week without pocket aces, I found them on Tuesday night and they held up! The last three times I got aces they all held up, including hit quads at Palms for a jackpot last week. I wish I could say the same thing about pocket Kings and the damn Hilton Sisters. I ran into KK with QQ today and that cost me dearly.

I spent most of the afternoon listening to Jerry Garcia Band and Grateful Dead bootlegs. I wrote this bit called Jerry Day three years ago. Wow! It's been that long? If you are a Deadhead, it's a must read.

Daddy called me in the afternoon and was in shock that it's been 10 years since Jerry Garcia died. Man. 10. Fuckin'. Years. That day seems like yesterday. G-Money, one of Iggy's buddies from Cincy, also called. He's a serious Deadhead as well. I've been to 46 Dead shows, but G-Money has seen over 200 I think, probably more.

I also wrote a few freelance articles. I hope to make an interesting announcement in a few days regarding some freelance work that Lou Krieger found for me. Thanks again Lou for the hook up, and special thanks to Amy for introducing me to Lou! Unfortunately, I could write fifteen freelance articles this week and that still wouldn't cover my lap dance tab for the previous month.

Stay tuned. I'll have some stories about being Grubby's roommate in the next day or so.

****** ******

You should be reading... Beer City Poker and Donkey Puncher.
posted by Pauly at 8/10/2005 05:27:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Radio Free Pauly and More Vegas Rounders

By the way, change your bookmarks! Card Club at Lord Admiral Radio has moved URLs. Here is the new site.

Also, congrats to Sean and his wife Cheryl! The have a new addition to the family... a baby boy. Alexander was born on Sunday afternoon. Sean is the man, he still found time to throw together a show and post it.

I was in much better shape and relatively sober when I taped my interview with Sean & Brent on Friday evening for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know by now, it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe.

I'm no Gretzky, but over the last few months, I've become a huge cult figure in Canada thanks to Cinci Sean & Brent Stacks. As always, I'm happy to be a part of their amazing show. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get their podcast done (for free) so stop by and show your support.

You can download the MP3 of last week's show... Episode of 38: Here. (Right Click and Save As)
You can download the MP3 of last week's show... Episode of 37: Here. (Right Click and Save As)

We discuss a bunch of things in a short Q&A including the origins of the Hammer and everyone's favorite poker gourmand Grubby. My interview begins at 27:30 of the podcast. I dropped the ball with the one question about pros who I've become friendly with. I forgot to mention Charlie Shoten, Lou Krieger, and Max Pescatori in the list of players who I got to know a lot better during my time at the WSOP.

If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Stop by Card Club at Lord Admiral Radio and download the extra nuggets that Sean posts during the middle of the week. Thanks again to Sean and Stacks for having me on and congrats again on the new baby boy!

Moving on...

Vegas Rounders

How about another edition of Las Vegas Rounders starring yours truly and Grubby? One of the things I'm gonna miss about living in Las Vegas is hitting up local spots for cheap food with Grubby and storming a card room soon after. Sometimes I get the itch to play Party Poker. I then kick myself in the ass and head out to the Strip to play in a real card room. If some assclown is gonna bad beat me, I wanna see the mother fucker's face and give him the evil eye for ten minutes after yet another brutal river suckout.

Friday

I forgot to tell you about my table at Mandalay Bay. There was a black guy in a purple suit who would raise blind before any of the cards were dealt. He looked like Bernie Mac and sat to my left. He'd straddle my blind, which sucked, so I would always fight back and re-raise his straddle with junk hopping to hit a flop. He was up $600 or $700 at one point before he pissed away his stack. He won consecutive hands with 3-6o and got most of the table on tilt soon after. I had him cracking up when I'd blurt out quotes from Friday.

"Everytime I go into the kitchen... you in the kitchen."

There was the random hot girl at our table. She wore tight jeans, a wife beater tank top and a green cowboy hat sat on top of her flowing sandy blonde hair. She drank kamikazes on the rocks and I think she was from New Hampshire which was a little weird. I only knew one guy from New Hampshire. He was in my fraternity and his nickname was "Bad Idea." Playing in any pot with the hot chick was a bad idea. She was the Suckout Queen.

Anyway, there was a geeky guy sitting across from me with a t-shirt that read, "I eat pussy." Of course a guy like that probably hasn't seen a vagina up close since the early years of the Bill Clinton administration and I deeply suspect that he had to either pay for it or she was so drunk or knocked out on GHB, that to this day his last spontaneous bout of cunnilingus borderlines on a date-rape charge. He's the type of guy who would eat out a hooker.

Talk about a sobering thought.

These are the types of people I see everyday fly into Vegas and fling chips around with the reckless abandon of a Roger Clemens fastball. Except Rocket is going to the Hall of Fame, and the dipshit with the "I eat Pussy" t-shirt is headed back to the online waters at Party Poker. That's where he thinks he's a stud. Some folks are only suitable for the online arena and they can't function in the real world. A lot of those internet poker experts come into town thinking they can school everyone. Instead they run through a rack of chips within an hour. Did they ever think about the fact that their face is full of obvious tells?

Saturday

After I left Barge and the Plaza, Grubby and I headed over to Excalibur to play against drunk tourists and take advantage of the double wheel spins. Grubby ended up getting pocket aces four times inside of two hours. He got them cracked once and he spun a $100 on the wheel which netted him $200! At my table, one guy got A-A cracked twice inside an orbit. I have yet to spin the wheel since late last year. In fact I have only seen aces once in the last ten days and that was at Palms when I hit quad aces for a jackpot there. I'm due for a wheel spin!

Grubby and I have become fixated with the cute chip runner. We've been trying to construct her back story and we have a few theories. Bottom line, her ass is spectacular and more than makes up for her tepid personality.

Sunday

We ate at Ellis Island and Grubby got their $4.95 steak special. I ordered the Ellis Island Angus burger with bacon and Swiss chese. After dinner, we hit up three different card rooms. First stop was the Aladdin for their Sunday SNGs. If you don't know, the Aladdin runs three MTTs from Monday thru Thursday. They run one on Friday. Saturday is dark. And on Sunday's they introduced $50 + 5 SNGs.

My thoughts on the SNG? Not impressed.

First of all the $50 + 5 seems like the standard buy in. However, there is an additional $5 per person taken out of the prize pool. In reality, $45 goes to the pool, $5 goes to the house rake, and $5 goes to the dealer. So there's only a $450 prize pool and $50 goes to the Aladdin and the dealer gets $50. Now, here's what really sucks... they only pay the top 2 players. First place gets $360 and second gets $90. Felicia would be livid.

Grubby and I were seated at the same table. You get $1000 in chips and the levels are 15 minutes in length. The blinds start at 25/50 and in the blind of an eye there were 100/200! I looked down at just $900 after playing one hand (AKs in the LB). I had to make a move with the tabling being 7 handed. I found QQ in EP and moved all in. The guy behind me called with KK. A guy in LP called with 10-10. Grubby folded A8s and that would have won when an ace flopped. Anyway, I took 7th while Grubby bubbled out in 3rd. Grubby didn't like the SNG format at all. The players were awful but the structure is horrible. We'll never play that again.

Afterwards we headed to a locals casino called Silverton near Blue Diamond which is south of the Strip. Their poker room has only been open for a few months so I got to see one of the many new card rooms around town. Silverton has a cool lounge called Shady Grove with a pool table and candle pin bowling. Silverton also has the largest aquarium in Las Vegas with 4,000 fish, which is a stoner's wet dream. They have a bunch of cool looking devil rays that look like Stealth bombers and the tropical fish radiate this trippy glow depending on how the light hits them. They also have a mermaid show where women get in the tank and do an aquatic acrobat show.

The Silverton looks like a ski lodge and the poker room looks like someone's study. I expected to see a fire place in the corner and a bear skin rug on the floor. The poker room has several plasma screens along the wall. There are five tables in the tiny room, so space is limited. They spread 2-4, 4-8 with a full kill and 6-12, along with 1-2 NL. We got on a list for 4-8. Right away, I sensed it was a table full of locals and Southern California style players. The betting was capped preflop almost 75% of the time in every freakin' orbit.

I stayed out of the way until I found J-J in the LP. All rags hit the flop and turn. I check raised the remaining players on the turn. A ten fell on the river and I bet out thinking I had the best hand. The guy in LP, who had blown through three racks in less than 37 minutes, raised me. I thought about popping him back, but figured he might have rivered two pair on me with a junk hand like 10-8 suited. Anyway, I called and showed my pocket Jacks which was enough to take down a huge pot. Mostly every pot there was over $120.

There was an interesting hand involving a young local and one of the old guys. On the river, with two jacks on the board, the old guy bet. With two other players still in the pot, he flashed one of his cards... the Queen of hearts. One guy folded and the young kid thought about it, as the old guy put the Queen on he felt. The kid thought about it for a minute and called. The old guy showed the Jack and the kid mucked.

"That wasn't cool, asshole," he said.

"What did you say?" barked the old man.

"That wasn't cool, asshole," he said a second time.

The old man jumped up and challenged the kid to a fight. Here we go again, eh? The floor was quickly called over and he scolded the kid for using bad language and told the old guy that what he did was technically legal but unprofessional. The kid wouldn't let up and the old guy told him to fuck off. The kid got up and left the table and Grubby gave me a look and motioned to the front door with his head. I got up, stacked up my chips, and cashed out. I was up $100 after that huge hand with the pocket Jacks.

It wasn't even midnight so we stormed the castle at Excalibur for their double wheel spins. We were bummed out that our favorite chip runner was not working. I could think of 101 temerarious things that I could do to her with just a bottle of whipped cream. I'll share that list with you another time.

Grubby and I were seated at the table and nothing really happened aside from the fact were were in the 9 and 10 seats. The only notable things from that session were the side bets that Grubby and I would make on the wheel spins. The wheel is broken up into three different colors; Blue, Yellow, and Green. We would make bets on what color would hit. I went 1-4 during the last hour. It was ugly. Grubby would pick "Yellow" and I'd go with "Blue" and the fucker would appear to come to a neat stop on Blue, yet skip over into Yellow miss me completely. Oh well. It gave us something to do in between getting a run of cold cards and folding. We didn't have any eye candy to look at so we were recuced to betting on wheel spins.

We'd gamble on anything it seems.

****** *****

You should be listening to.... Card Club on Lord Admiral Radio and you should be reading... Human Head Thinks Big.
posted by Pauly at 8/09/2005 04:02:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Barge Banquet

Wil called me a few weeks ago and asked me if I wanted to be his guest at the Barge banquet here in Las Vegas. I was playing a MTT on Party Poker at the time at the Redneck Riviera, while watching an episode of Entourage when Wil called. He was invited to be the keynote speaker at Barge and he seemed excited to be included. His wife couldn't make it and asked me if I wanted to tag along as his guest.

"Fuck yeah," I said.

Barge had been running all week at the Plaza and I skipped out on everything except the banquet, which was held on Saturday. I had been burnt out on poker and after Senor's visit last weekend, I needed to recover so I declined to option to attend all of the events during the week. After catching a glimpse of what went down, I definitely want to participate next year. The last two poker blogger get togethers were tiny compared to the week long festivities at Barge.

Barge consisted of the moderators and original posters on RGP and other poker newsgroups and two hundred other poker enthusiasts. Due to the current lunacy of RGP, some of those heavy hitters stopped posting or moved over to 2+2. Last year, Barge member Greg Raymer spoke at the banquet. He was at this year's event as well.

When Wil woke me up with a phone call on Saturday afternoon, he said, "Bring your business cards, Doc. You probably have more fans here than I do. Everyone got excited when they found out I was bringing you."

Plenty of Barge members read poker blogs and had been keeping up with the WSOP via my poker blog. I must have met a dozen or so enthusiastic fans. My favorite comment, "I was a monkey on crack, refreshing your site every three minutes."

I bumped into Russell Fox who originally invited me to Barge months ago. I promised him as long as Barge didn't conflict with the WSOP (which it might) I would be there in 2006. I also saw John from Poker News and Jen Leo, along with Sarah Bellum. Tuscaloosa Johnny was in attendance. Nolan Dalla was excited to see me and he spoke briefly at the banquet. I was spotted by Marc, who's friends with Shirley. They both invited me to LA to participate as a guest commentator for Live at the Bike.

I also ran into Lou Kreiger. I've been a fan of Lou's ever since I read one of his many poker books. Since Amy Calistri introduced me on the first day of work at the WSOP, he's been a huge fan of mine. He was even cool enough to find me some freelance work. Thanks, Lou!

When I arrived at the Plaza, the final table for the $1000 main Barge event was going on. Wil got knocked out a few hours earlier. I put my name on a list for $4/8 and headed to the bar with Jen Leo. We then settled on a Pai Gow table. I've been on an awesome run at the Pai Gow tables since I moved to Las Vegas. Blind ignorance I'm sure. Alas, I was quickly cold decked and happily ran over to the poker room when my name was called. I luckily sat at the same table as Wil, exactly to his left. Also at his table were all Barge attendees including a cool Deadhead I met who dug my hat and he also thouht that the Grateful Dead achieved perfection in 1977. To my left was the luckiest Canuck in Las Vegas. He looked like Bill Murray and he would live straddle and cap the betting preflop with junk. He put a bad beat on Wil and cracked his pocket Kings. I'm gonna start calling Wil Wheaton the Hamlet of poker bloggers after his unlucky streak with K-K. I was knocking back SoCos to kill my hangover. It worked. I went from having a splitting headache to tipsy within a few orbits.

I dropped about $100 at that wild table but the coolest part was that Wil and I finally got to sit at the same table together. I should have straddled his blind!

We left and headed over to the Las Vegas club for the Barge banquet. Yet in another bizarre moment of my life, I found myself sitting at the front table with Wil, Barge founder Peter Secor, Lee Jones, and a couple of big wigs who run the poker room at the Plaza. Yeah I was sitting front row during Wil's speech. Wil said they made a mistake and I was ordered a vegetarian meal instead of the surf and turf. It was fine and the veggie lasagna looked better than the steak and shrimp. The desert was a yummy raspberry cheese cake. My only complaint... cash bar.

During dinner, Wil and I got to talk about a few writer's things specifically something I call "writer's tilt" when you can't get into the zone and you're not churning out your best work. He admitted to me he was a little nervous but I knew he was going to doing just fine.

Jen Leo posted a great recap of Wil's performance. Check it out. Wil started off saying that he was severely out of place and would use the time to entertain everyone instead of lecturing to them about poker. He read an abridged version of Lying in Odessa, which I still think is some of Wil's best poker related writings. His original story is broken into four parts: I, II, III, and IV.

As Jen said, he had impeccable timing. It was funny, extremely descriptive, and although I've read that specific piece a few times before, I was excited to witness Will perform it. He got plenty of laughs during his poker-related jokes, but some of my favorite one-liners were his inside jokes about LA and Hollyweird. At one point, Lee Jones was laughing so hard that he almost fell out of his chair.

By the reaction of the crowd, it was obvious that Wil hit a home run. It was more than cool to be there since I had never seen Wil perform live before. He also spoke breifly about his experiences at the WSOP and how he was Paul Darden's bitch during the main event. That bit was priceless.

Thanks again to Wil for letting me crash the Barge party. Now if he can only get me into the Playboy Mansion...

****** ******

You should be reading... Poker in the Weeds and Amy Calistri.
posted by Pauly at 8/08/2005 05:33:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Sunday Quickie: Seducing Pregnant Women, $1 M SNGs, and Top 10 Referrals

This upcoming week should be a busy one. I have a ton of freelance work that's due. I have a slew of reviews of poker related products that I was supposed to have posted weeks ago. Plus, on Wednesday of this week, I officially leave the Redneck Riviera and move in with Grubby for a few days. Plus I have to get as much poker in as possible! On Friday I'm flying to Boulder, Colorado for the weekend to hang out with my buddy the Joker and see Trey Anastasio Band at Red Rocks.

I've played a little online the last few days. Been kinda busy winding down my epic adventure here in Lost Vegas. Seems like I've been up to 7am everyday the past week.

The Redneck Riviera has been teeming with police cars the last few days and nights. I dunno what's up, but every morning I wake up and wander over to the store for my morning Orange Gatorade, someone is handcuffed and standing in between two squad cars. The other day a young woman was arrested for stealing a car at the AM/PM. The lady behind the counter told me that the unlucky woman was dumb enough that she said the stolen car was hers. A quick check by the cops proved that she was lying and she was driving a stolen vehicle. What a terrible bluffer.

Right now, I'm doing laundry and playing SNGs on Noble Poker. Still trying to win that $1 Million Challenge. I have more money in my account than when I started, but I haven't won two in a row yet. Grubby has been playing as much as he can as well.

In the laundry room, just a few minutes ago, I was hit on by a pregnant woman in her third trimester. She was smoking a cigarette. I dunno what's more disturbing, the fact that I returned her flirtation like a John McEnroe backhanded volley at Wimbledon or that I told her my name was "Iggy" and I was in town as an advanced scout for the circus.

Moving on...

Here are the Top 10 (Non-Google and Search Engine) Tao of Poker Referrals over the past week:

1. Las Vegas and Poker Blog (Flipchip & Poker Prof)
2. Guinness and Poker (Iggy)
3. Up for Poker (CJ, G-Rob, and Otis)
4. Aaron Gleeman
5. Double As
6. The Poker Grub (Grubby)
7. Wil Wheaton
8. The Cards Speak (HDouble)
9. Chick and a Chair (Joanne)
10. Al Cant Hang
10. Nickels and Dimes (Drizz)

This is my way of saying, "Thanks for the traffic!" Yeah, it was a 10th place tie with Al Cant Hang and Drizz!! Thanks to everyone who runs and writes for those sites, especially Aaron Gleeman who runs the best damn baseball blog in cyber space.

Back to the grind.

****** ******

You should be reading.... Lou Krieger and Jan's 50 Outs.
posted by Pauly at 8/07/2005 01:41:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Quick Saturday Post

My brother is back from a quick trip to Atlantic City. His trip report is coming soon.

I posted an article about 2005 WSOP Champion Joe Hachem over at Las Vegas and Poker Blog. Flipchip and the Poker Prof were in LA on business. They should be back today.

Party Poker is offering up a 20% reload bonus up to $100. Time for me to go back to bonus whoring and put some of my cash/Vegas bankroll back online.

Still playing a few SNGs on Noble Poker in an attempt to win their $1 Million Challenge. I was playing one with Joanne and one guy at out table (I think his screen name was Red Rockets1979?) recognized me. He said, "Are you Pauly the blogger?"

On Friday I headed over to Mandalay Bay and played for several hours. I really like playing at Mandalay on the weekends. Plenty of eye candy. There's a lot of hot chicks wandering around heading/coming from Mix, the Rum Jungle, or House of Blues. Back to poker, I had one guy who was raising blind preflop all the time. I won a big pot when I flopped a full house with 5-5. I was spotted by Jen Leo and John from Poker News. They were hanging out in the lounge area by the sports book. With them was Sarah Bellum, the winner of the Charlie Tuttle memorial event on Poker Stars. It was cool to meet her. All of them will be at Barge today.

I had a good session at Mandalay Bay and met Grubby over at Excalibur where I dropped a buy in. I missed all my big draws and Big Slick was a Big Loser.... twice. I was also kicked in the junk by the Kournikova. Damn K-Q sucks donkey balls. This month the Excalibur has double wheel spins! Makes it worth the effort to head over there.

I'm off to play some cards down on the strip. Later tonight, Wil invited me to be his guest at the Barge banquet, where's he's speaking. Should be interesting.

****** ******

You should be reading... Snail Trax and the Poker Geek.
posted by Pauly at 8/06/2005 12:49:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Reader Mail and Other Links

First of all, here are some interesting links that I was sent recently.

Chops pointed me out a story called Odds and Ends from the WSOP. Apparently, we both got mentioned! Way cool.

Of course, Shana Hiatt is engaged. That was quick, eh? She gets the David Caruso Award for Killing Your Career after she decided to leave the WPT. The lucky guy who gets to be Mr. Shana Hiatt is Todd Garner. He directed XXX and 13 Going on 30. Yeah, I saw both flicks.

A female friend of mine directed me to this hilarious stripper related news bit: OK, girls. Line up for your mug shots. By the way, I know that strippers who work the day shift are usually not as good looking as the ladies who work the nights and weekends... but the "Exotic dancers" who got pinched during a recent raid in Tampa is a sorry bunch. After seeing some of their mugshots, it's no wonder they had to perform sexual favors to get decent tips.

Moving on...

It's been a while since I dipped into the mail bag. Unfortunately Timmy has not sent me an email in a few months. Here are a two random emails that I got in the last two weeks or so.

Dear Dr. Pauly,

Greetings from Melbourne, Australia. I wanted to personally thank you for keeping me informed and entertained during the WSOP. I really enjoyed reading your blog during the tourney and I'm still enjoying reading about your extended stay in Vegas. It sounds like you are having the time of both of our lives!

I too am one of the many casual poker players who has enjoyed the occasional poker night with the boys but is now playing a lot more after watching the 2004 WSOP on ESPN and the WPT (screened here in Australia by Fox). In fact, all I pretty much do these days is work, sleep and play poker. (Sound familiar?) With the 2005 WSOP event coming up, I had to decide if I wanted to find out who won as it was happening, or to try and avoid the result and watch it on TV when it airs on ESPN later in the year. Poker isn't as big in Australia (or at least it wasn't before the WSOP) and I thought I might be able to hold out until ESPN - but as the tourney started I couldn't help myself and I stumbled upon your site via Google. Just as well! With Joe Hachem winning, the result was splashed all over the news down here and I would have been really pissed if I hadn't been following it. In fact, I knew the result almost straight away, reading your blog at 3am in the morning, between hands of our Saturday night/Sunday morning freeze out game.

Joe Hachem arrived home a couple of days ago, and the media is going nuts. Poker is going thru the roof down here, the casino's can't even keep up with the demand. Here in Melbourne, at the Crown Casino, I tried to get onto a 4/8 table at 2.30am the other night and the list was about 50 names long. Seven empty tables and at 4am they were sending dealers home at the end of their shifts! I sat there and cried as I watched the punters paying to see every flop, whether they were raised or not... and I couldn't get any piece of that action.

Mate, all the best with your writing and poker. I have your site bookmarked and I will continue to check in and see what you are up to.

Cheers,
Steve (Melbourne, Australia)

Steve,

Wow, I'm flattered that you were following the WSOP through my poker blog. Pretty cool. Without a doubt, Joe Hachem accelerated poker's popularity "down under." I can definitely see a trend of more Australian poker players entering the WSOP and other big events in the near future. Thanks for reading and keeping me up to date on the Melbourne poker scene.

See ya,
Pauly

****** ******

Pauly,

Enjoy! Top 10 Signs You Are Spending Too Much Time Reading the Tao of Poker.

10 You start your day thinking "Who were the Pros Pauly Took a Piss Next to?"

9 You wonder how much Sookhee charged Phil Ivey for all those massages (on ESPN last night) and how did Pauly miss the story?

8 You can't help but wonder why Pauly doesn't get Flipchip over to the Redneck Riveria to capture the madness.

7 You are counting the days until Red Stripe offers Pauly a big sponsorship deal.

6 You pause in the middle of your day to wonder "Who were the Pros Pauly Took a Piss Next to?"

5 Your day doesn't officially begin until Pauly begins his blogcast.

4 You ran a prop bet on which of the Poker blogger's would be the first to leave Vegas.

3 You only watch ESPN's WSOP 2005 Coverage to look for Pauly in the background.

2 You count the days until Pauly becomes Wil Wheaton's press agent.

1 Favorite Poker Pro? Seven words "Like buttercups and a fresh mountain spring."

I've been enjoy your posts,
Thomas

Thomas,

That was some funny shit. Thanks for sharing!!

And thanks for reading,
Pauly

****** ******

You should be reading... Scurvy Dog's Sound of a Suckout and Shirley's Poker Babes.
posted by Pauly at 8/05/2005 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Vegas Rounders

I've played a lot online poker this week in addition to hitting up several casinos here in Las Vegas.

Noble Poker has their $1 Million Challenge for the entire month of August. If you win 7 SNGs in a row, then they'll pay you $1 Million. They also offer consolation prizes for 6 in a row and 5 in a row. To date I've played 15 SNGs and only won three and they were not in a row. Actually I won two out of my last three. I've made the money in 6 of them and bubbled out of two. I also have four 5th place finishes. The juice is $2 a shot, but it's worth it if you consider you are paying a small fee for the opportunity to win a cool million.

Grubby has been playing those a lot too and we discussed some strategy. For the most part, Noble Poker is not a huge site. That means the players at those special SNGs are usually the same group of players. Take good notes on them. It will pay off down the line. Keep track of those who have been winning too. We've noticed that the quality of players at Noble Poker, specifically those at the $10 SNGs trying to win $1 Million, are flat out horrible. I expected to see a high percentage of solid players. I'm not complaining. I'll play against players who don't normally play SNGs and like to push all in preflop with any ace. I've been spending my morning writing for a few hours then logging onto Noble Poker to play in those SNGs. My personal record is 3 SNG wins in a row (and that was at the $30). I've cashed in 5 in a row and 8 out of 10 once... so I'm chasing a difficult task here. But shit, for $1 Million it's worth it.

If you do not have a Noble Poker account, you should get one today. Their generous 100% sign up bonus up to $700 is worth it. Add to the mix the $1 Million Challenge, and that's a great reason why I'm spending most of my online time playing there.

I sweated Joanne in a slew of MTTs on Party Poker. I have been hanging out at the PLO tables on Party Poker. Man, I'm really enjoying Pot Limit Omaha. I've been winning too, which makes the learning experience slightly more fun. Playing Omaha Hi/Lo is like hanging out a church function, while playing PLO is like hanging out at a trendy nightclub. I won a monster pot on the button when I flopped top two pair with a gutshot straight draw. On the turn I picked up a flush draw and ended up rivering my gutshot. Like I said, it's all about redraws in that game.

Casino Hopping

On Monday, I spent a lot of time at Mandalay Bay. I usually play in their $4/8 game with a 1/2 Kill, but instead I sat in their NL game. There were two hands in particular that I want to discuss, both in $1/2 NL ring games.

Hand #1: I had KK at the cutoff and with three limpers in the pot, I raised $20. I got three callers. The flop was 5-4-2 rainbow. Asian lady with two towers of $5 chips in the BB checks, young gun underbets the pot, and I reraise to $120 or roughly the pot. The Asian lady check-raised me and moved all in. She had me covered. The young gun put on an act for like five minutes and folded. In the mean time, that let me think about her hand. Would she play A-3s and flop the Wheel? Not likely. She's a tight player. How about A-A? My guess was that she would have reraised me preflop and possibly moved all in. That left the possibility that she flopped a set. Would she call a raise with pocket 2s, 4s, or 5s? I had to put on a set. If they young gun made that move on me, I would have called in a second. I blurted out, "You wouldn't play A-3o. How about A-3 suited?" No reaction. I flipped over my K-K and said, "Will you show me your set of fives?" She said, "No fives," and showed pocket fours. Good read by me. Grubby suggested that I might not have been able to fold A-A in that situation. He was right. Howard Lederer said it best, "No Limit is about making big laydowns."

Hand #2: I found 10-10 in MP and raised. I got two callers, both players had limped in and called my raise. The flop: 10-J-Q rainbow. One guy, who's been playing loose ad betting out with second pair a lot, bet 1/2 the pot or roughly $30. The other player folded. I raised to $60, and he reraised me all in. I didn't have too much left and called. He flopped a straight with 8-9. I thought he might have A-K but wasn't thrilled with 8-9o. I probably should have folded there, but it was hard to get away from that hand against a player who I thought would push with top pair or even second pair. I hoped he just had two pair and made a bad read. I asked the dealer to pair the board to help bail me out. The river was a Queen of hearts and I was saved. If that guy played better poker during my time at the table with him, I might have folded. Sometimes your reputation at the table can lead to suckouts.

Now what would have happened if the players involved were different?

On Tuesday, Grubby and I headed to Terrible's for dinner. He loves the $4.99 half chicken dinner. I got the spicy chicken strips and a cheese quesadilla. We had a weird waiter and we think he was a special needs person. He kept saying, "Great!" after we'd say anything.

"I'll have an iced tea."

"Great!"

It was more weird than funny and it would have made an interesting Saturday Night Live sketch. Afterwards we headed to Tuscany since they just opened up their new poker room. There was only one table going, but they spread a $4/8 game for us. After we sat down we realized that everyone there was affiliated with Tuscany. The poker room manger was playing. Two dealers in their uniforms were playing. And two off duty dealers were also there. Finally a group of three tourists sat down and made the table even better casino workers and tourists.

I dropped $100 mostly on two river suckouts and a hand I should have folded. Grubby on the other hand won a big pot with A-A. He walked away up $100. He was also enamored by one of the poker dealers. She looked a lot like Claire Danes. "If she was a stripper, I'd get a lap dance from her," Grubby mentioned to me on our way out to the parking lot. The room is OK but it's a Smoking Room. I guess they are going to cater to locals who like to smoke. They offered up some freerolls this week but I dunno if I'll ever go back.

We still wanted to play cards so we drove over to Palms. I've only played there once before. Actually twice including a tournament. I signed up for the $4/8 with a 1/2 Kill. Grubby headed for the NL tables. While I was waiting for my seat, Grubby walked over to me. He had a sad look on his face. He lost his entire stack with A-A, when a guy with A-10s rivered a flush on him. He decided to leave. I was next on the list and stuck around.

I was seated at the back table with a few characters. There was Grumpy Old Man in Seat 9 who refused to chop the blinds if it was folded around. He drank Bailey's and Coffee like it was water. There was California Hipster with a sideways hat in Seat 5 slurping Red Bulls. There was the coked up chick in Seat 3. She looked like Catherine Zeta Jones and would sneak off to the bathroom every fifteen minutes for a bump. She'd miss half the hands during an orbit and it seemed like she was constantly posting her missed blinds. She would stumble out of the bathroom with a shit eating grin on her face and her swollen nose looked like she could audition for the role of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

In the second orbit I found A-A. It was a kill pot and the rounds were $6/12. I got three callers preflop. I flopped an ace and turned quads! I won the medium sized pot and won a high hand jackpot for $117. I tipped the dealer $25 and he seemed thrilled. Later on another girl at my table won with Quad 10s. I also missed an open-ended straight flush draw with Jc-10c. I had so many outs that I chased all the way to the river and missed everything.

Minh Ly wandered through the poker room. He was talking to a dealer at the adjacent table. He spotted me and we shook hands. It felt good that someone of his level of play remembered talking to me on previous occasions. Sad to say that the majority of people on the room had no idea one of the best players in the world was standing there talking to me. He kept saying that he was waiting for Mike Matusow to play him to that $1 Million heas up freezeout. Matusow talked shit and Minh Ly called him on it.

I was sitting at a real juicy table with the hipster doing multiple rebuys and the old man on tilt. I eventually left after the cokehead chick pissed away two racks worth of chips. Just another night at Palms, eh? By the way, Palms has some of the hottest cocktail waitresses in Las Vegas. I fell in love with one Romanian chick with flowing blonde hair. I kept ordering beers just so she's tap me on the shoulder to hand it to me. Maybe it's the fishnet stocking and latex mini skirts? I'm a sucker for blondes.

Alas, I've learned the hard way that blondes are -EV for me.

On Wednesday, Grubby and I headed over to Palms for dinner. I have a routine now. I wake up around Noon and write for a few hours. I play a few SNGs on Noble Poker, then write some until it's time to meet Grubby for dinner. Then it's off to casinos to play poker.

Grubby had passes to a preview of the new Wes Craven film callled Red Eye. We caught that and decided to play some more poker at the Palms. He wanted revenge and I wanted to see my hot Romanian waitress. Red Eye was pretty good. Grubby liked it better than Star Wars 3. Before the flick we got comped for the Palms buffet. It's better than average and I liked the penne in garlic butter and the pesto chicken.

We wandered over to the poker room and I was seated at a fun $4/8 with a half kill table. I sat next to this hilarious 60+ Jewish woman originally from NYC. She cussed like a sailor. She had tiny statues of Buddha that she'd use as her card cappers. When she lost a big pot, she's switch statues. I dropped about $35 in three hours. Derek called from Atlantic City. He was playing at the Taj and was about to head over to the Borgata. Grubby's table was broken up and we decided to bail.

We headed back to the Redneck Riviera and we fired up Party Poker and played an SNG. It was good to see how he'd play a specific hand as compared to how I'd play. We took 3rd and ran into AA on a steal.

Time for a Noble Poker SNG.

****** ******

You should be reading... Helixx and Felicia Lee.
posted by Pauly at 8/04/2005 04:55:00 AM | Permalink |

 
More Existentialist Conversations with Strippers: Crazy Horse & Sapphire

"Eroticism is like a dance: one always leads the other." - Milan Kundera

A couple of weeks ago, less than 24 hours after the WSOP ended, Grubby and I made a late night run to Crazy Horse 2 or "Too" is how I think it's spelled. Anyway, I was wicked wasted. Extremely inebriated. Shithoused slammed. That's probably not the best state of mind to stumble into a strip club, but that's what happened. I wish I could have a better recap of that night, but the moments were a blur. At some point, all strip club experiences blend together, especially when it happens way past 3am under a wet towel of liquor.

I was knocking back SoCo's on the rocks and Grubby said that I did not turn one stripper down during that visit. He was on a budget that night, down to his last $100 after a bad day at the craps tables and in the poker room at the Mirage, so he was super selective. I recalled that one chick looked like Daryl Hannah (the current botox and collagen injected version). She had horrible breath and kept blowing in my face. I never wanted a lap dance to end faster.

I recall a Brazilian beauty with breasts the size of pumpkins kept pressing me to head to the VIP room. I know that's a sucker bet and told her, "No way."

Grubby befriended a Kansas girl. I forgot what her face looked like but he described her as a girl-next-door type who resembled Avril LaVigne. He told me I needed to get a dance from her. She did some weird thing with her supple mouth and it vibrated when she ran her face over my crotch. I loved that tingling sensation. It gave me goosebumps.

I vaguely recall the lesbian duo. I know I got them for two dances and they took turns grinding on me while they kissed each other and grabbed my junk. I purchased a lesbian duo at Spearmint Rhino last week, and they weren't as good as the feral couple at Crazy Horse. I guess I give off that vibe, "That guy likes two chicks at once." And right away a menagerie of strippers would swoop in towards me fully prepared to vacuum $20 bills out of my pocket.

Supposedly (according to Grubby's blog), I said something to one stripper after she gave me a lap dance, "You're a true artist. And you know this." And yes that makes another Top 5 list.

Top 5 Lines I Say to Strippers...
1. "You're a true artist."
2. "I love your shoes."
3. "You have amazing skin. So smooth and so silky."
4. "You're the most beautiful dancer here."
5. "You're a deadly combination: smart and hot."

OK, so most of those are flat out bluffs. But even strippers like to be complimented every now and then. I have often recycled #2 and #5 on my regular list of Top 5 Lines I Use to Pick Up College Girls. Never underestimate the importance of complimenting a female on her shoes. Even if she's wearing flip flops, always tell her you like her choice in foot wear.

Flashback to last Friday night.

When Senor, Grubby, and I stood in the middle of New York New York trying to figure out what to do for Senor's last night in Las Vegas, Grubby laughed when he said, "We're only doing one thing."

That of course was... going to a strip club. The next decision to be made was... where? Grubby suggested Sapphire, the largest strip club in Las Vegas. Before we ventured off to blow my poker bankroll on naked ladies, we walked upstairs to the arcade. Grubby wanted to gamble on video games. He's an action junkie. We fucked up the horse racing video game and couldn't all play at once. We settled on skee-ball specifically a version of basketball where you get points based on what hoop your ball goes into. We were playing $5 a game. The losers gave the winner $5. So if you won the round, you'd pocket $10. Grubby won the first. Senor won the second and I had an incredible run and took the third round. We all broke even.

Off we went to Sapphire and Grubby was bummed out that they only gave him a $10 discount for being a Las Vegas resident. Usually he gets in for free. The hallway leading from the entrance to the actual strip club is cluttered with all types of art... mostly paintings and bonze sculptures of female torsos with erect nipples.

We were seated and it took forever for our waitress to bring us drinks. Sapphire reminded me of an airplane hangar with a stage, a few stripper poles, and plenty of loud music. Strippers naturally love Grubby and Asian strippers really, really love Grubby. He's a magnet for them.

I turned down the first girl who came up to me, on principle, and wanted to show my friends that I had some self-discipline in a strip club. The real reason was that my drink had not arrived. As soon as I downed my first, a brunette beauty made her way towards me. She reminded me of Summer from The OC and was severely curvaceous. I kept repeating, "I love your curves." And that seemed to get her going.

Senor pointed out to an Asian stripper in the corner wearing all white and said that was the only one he wanted. A few minutes later, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I thought that was the girl Senor liked. It ended up not being her, but at the time I was convinced it was her. Anyway, I told her that my friend loves Asian women and that I would like to buy him a lap dance from her. Unfortunately, Senor was already being entertained. She sat down on my lap and we chatted. It turns out she's from Thailand, which is where Senor's wife is from.

"He's gonna love you," I joked. "He even speaks Thai!"

"How do you two know each other?" she asked.

"We went to Harvard together. I live here now and he lives in Rhode Island."

"Ewww! I went to Rhode Island once for two weeks. I hated it."

"Just don't tell him that!"

She couldn't wait to get her hands on Senor. But then a rarity occurred, Senor got a second dance in a row from his stripper. That never happens! I felt bad for the Thai stripper on my lap. She asked me if I wanted a dance.

"I'd feel bad if I got you before my buddy, but since he's busy, how I could I turn down a dance from the most beautiful stripper in here?" (Note... Line #4.)

She started and she was fantastic. At the same time, a leggy Asian beauty made her way over to Grubby. We all had simultaneous lap dances. As I ran my hands over the Thai girl's body, I blurted out, "I love your skin. It's so smooth and silky!" (Note... Line #3.)

She giggled and grinded a little hard. That's when I said, "You're a true artist!" (Note... Line #1.)

Finally Senor was done with his double-dip and as my Thai girl put her clothes back on, I slipped her enough money to pay for my dance and one for Senor. I looked her in the eyes and said, "You're a deadly combination: hot and smart!" (Note... Line #5.)

She laughed again. I didn't bust out the "shoes line", mainly because I never looked down at her feet and more importantly, you should never say more than two of those lines with one girl. I broke that rule and used four!

Senor enjoyed himself with the hot Thai girl and she hung out with him for an hour it seemed. Her roommate was the stripper who was grabbing and twisting Grubby's nipples for several songs and she eventually made her way towards me. She kept whispering in my ear that she wanted to go into the VIP room with me, Senor and the Thai girl. I suggested the Redneck Riviera after the ended their shift. She persisted on the VIP room. I hate the "hard sell" you get from strippers especially in the middle of the lap dance. It's like seeing a commercial in the middle of a movie. It's uncalled for. Anyway, I told her that she wasn't good enough to get me back in the VIP room. She responded by grinding a little harder and grabbing my junk with more frequency. That was enough to get another dance out of me, but I refused to head to the VIP area.

Before the night ended, a cute blonde who looked like Elisha Cuthbert made her way to me. She was the girl I had been waiting for. She had an sexy accent. She was from the Czech Republic and had an infectious smile. She sat on my lap for a few minutes and we got to know each other before her dance. Before she sat down and began rubbing my chest, I knew I was getting at least two from her. When she told me where she grew up, near Prague, I mentioned how I loved reading Milan Kundera. She quickly joined in the conversation and discussed several of her favorite books from one of my literary heros.

"Sometimes, his stories are so strange. It make you think about life."

Strippers who think and talk about books are such a turn on. She smiled and winked at me as I lost myself and all concept of the universe for seven and a half minutes.

"Sometimes," she whispered as she took off her Victoria's secret lacey bra and threw it on my head, "Sometimes there is no meaning to life. It just is."

****** ******

You should be reading... Jason Spaceman's Catching the Antichrist and -EV's blog A Fool and His Money.
posted by Pauly at 8/03/2005 04:20:00 AM | Permalink |

 
New Home for Lord Admiral's Podcast and Updated Blogroll

By the way, change your bookmarks! Card Club at Lord Admiral Radio has moved URLs. Here is the new site.

I was wicked hungover when I taped my interview with Sean & Brent on Saturday afternoon for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know by now, it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe.

Over the last few months, I've become a huge cult figure in Canada thanks to Cinci Sean & Brent Stacks. As always, I'm happy to be a part of their amazing show. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get their podcast done (for free) so stop by and show your support.

You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode of 37: Here. (Right Click and Save As)

We discuss a bunch of things in a Q&A including the Redneck Riviera, what casinos in Las Vegas I've been playing at over the last few weeks, and a run down of strip clubs I've attended. The Poker Prof was also interviewed live from LA.

If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Stop by Card Club at Lord Admiral Radio and download the extra nuggets that Sean posts during the middle of the week. Thanks again to Sean and Stacks for having me on.


Updated Blogroll

I finally got around to updating the blogroll on the left hand side of this here poker blog. If you have a new blog and I missed ya, shoot me an email. I've been very lazy updating my blog roll. I will do my best to get you up there. Here are the last 12 additions:

Eva Can Hang
Amy Calistri
Foiled Coup
Chilly
Obie's VIP
Fish Soup
Mike's Poker Blog
Poker Gimp
Anna aka College Poker Girl
Ornate Push
Fat Dan
Donkey Bait

By the way how about some more pimpage? Every ten days or so, I'm gonna post the Top 10 Referrals to my poker blog. It's my way of saying, "Thanks for the hits!" So here you go...

Top 10 Referrals in the Last Week:
1. Las Vegas and Poker Blog (Flip Chip & Poker Prof)
2. Guinness and Poker (Iggy)
3. Up for Poker (CJ, Otis, & G-Rob)
4. Aaron Gleeman
5. Tao of Pauly
6. Poker Grub (Grubby)
7. Double As
8. A Chick and A Chair (Joanne)
9. The Cards Speak (HDouble)
10. One 2 Many(Bobby Bracelet)

Thanks again guys. On Wednesday I hope to post an installment of Existentialist Conversations with Strippers. On Friday, I'll review a DVD.

****** ******

You should be reading... The Fat Guy.
posted by Pauly at 8/02/2005 03:03:00 AM | Permalink |

 
$1M Sit & Go Challenge and Other Poker Tales

Here's a reason to play on Noble Poker! Starting August 1st, Noble Poker is offering up a $1 million prize to anyone who wins 7 SNGs in a row. They also offer consolation prizes for 5 and 6 in a row.

Here's the email I got:

Noble Poker is thrilled to announce its exciting new promotion - The Million Dollar Sit & Go Challenge. The search is on to find the world's best Sit & Go player!

The first player who wins 7 consecutive $10 Sit & Go tournaments will walk away with a cool million!

As with our other Jackpot Sit & Go tournaments, there are additional prizes to be won:

* Win 6 tournaments in a row and you'll get $75,000!
* Win 5 consecutive tournaments and we'll pay you $25,000
* Finish in one of the top 2 positions of this tournament 5 consecutive times and you'll take an easy $250.

So if you don't have a Noble Poker account... get one today. Just click on this link and download the software. They are offering a first time new player sign up bonus up to $700. If you have an account but you have no money in it, they are also offering up a 60% reload bonus. If you consider yourself a SNG specialist, then you can't pass up that challenge. I expect there will be an interesting mix of complete donkeys and slick sharks who often dominate the $100 SNGs and up.

I know that Grubby and I will be trying for $1 million. I'll see you at those tables!

Moving on...

Did you know today is Jerry Day? Jerry Garcia would have been 63 today. Wow, I still miss the guy.

I played a combination of live poker and online poker over this weekend. Since Senor arrived in Las Vegas, I've played poker at the MGM, Mandalay Bay, Bellagio, and the Aladdin. I've also hit up a couple of strip clubs including Sapphire and Spearmint Rhino. Stay tuned for my Sapphire report. Maybe Grubby will be writing up his experiences?

I had an off session at Full Tilt the other night. I also had a losing session at the $3/6 tables on Party Poker. I did a lot better on the Pot Limit Omaha tables. I'm assuming it's just beginner's luck or I'm playing against newbies as well. PLO is all about flopping those redraws.

During my live play here in Las Vegas over the past week, I think I'm up a little. I had a tough session at the $10/20 tables at the Mirage earlier in the week. I'm not killing the tables and I'm only winning a few bucks a day. But hey, that's enough to cover cab fare and a few meals. I wish I won a few more bucks to significantly pay off my Strip Club bender.

I'm enjoying the $4/8 with a half kill tables at Mandalay Bay. There are enough locals and tourists that make the game interesting. I find myself playing there a lot on Sunday mornings and early afternoon and watching the Yankees game in the background. Grubby really likes their $1/2 NL game.

I wish I played better at the $8/16 tables at Bellagio last Friday. Again, I had a wicked bad start to the day and I found myself in a 10 BB hole within the first orbit. My Ks-Kc was no good on the first hand I posted with. I wisely folded on the turn when an ace hit and one of the blinds check raised me with three hearts and two queens on the board. Later in the LB I flopped two pair with Big Slick and ended up getting beat by trips. I somehow won all of that back at Senor's $4/8 table, mostly on two big hands... which ended up being my first and last hands. I spotted Charlie Shoten playing cash games. I also saw Minneapolis Jim Meehan and David Levi playing in the Bellagio's daily tournament.

I played at the MGM late on Saturday night. It was really more like Sunday morning. Nothing better than finding yourself casting a net and trying to snag drunken tourists after a full weekend of partying. I sat in a loose $200 buy in, $1/2 NL game filled with Kettle One and Red Bull guzzling frat boys from California and two smoking hot girls from Maui in pink g-strings who were knocking back whiskey sours. Players would raise $20 preflop and still get 5 or 6 callers. I won only one hand when I limp reraised all in UTG with A-A. I was shocked to get two callers (both short stacks) yet still won. One of the hot chicks had 8-8 and a frat boy pushed with Qh-Jh. I flopped a set and took down the $500 pot. Too bad I lost a big hand with Big Slick to the other hot chick. I flopped top pair with a top kicker and the braless wonder paired her kicker on the river. K-3 always beats my A-K it seems.

That's it for now. I'll be playing a lot at Noble Poker this week trying to win $1M. And I'm gonna try to play at Wynn sometime this upcoming week. Stay tuned for a stripper story. Don't forget to read the review of Charlie Shoten's book which appears in the very next post below.

4:01am Update... I wrote for a while then I tired to go to sleep early. That never happened. I had a craving for a donut and ended up walking over to the Krispy Kreme at Excalibur. While I was there, I stopped into the poker room to play a few hands. I ended up playing NL for over three hours and lost about $80. That was one expensive donut. I realized that I had played with one of my dealers before at the MGM. There was a hot chick at my table. She was wearing tight jeans, a white wife beater t-shirt, and a pink cap which she wore sideways. I was at a loose table with 5 players seeing the flop every hand it seemed. Of course when I found pocket aces, I only had one caller and he folded on the flop when I bet out.

****** ******

You should be reading... Bad Blood and Drizz's Nickleanddimes.
posted by Pauly at 8/01/2005 12:59:00 AM | Permalink |