Tao of Poker

Sahara Blues

"It's my big dick and I say when we roll!" - Dirk Diggler, Boogie Nights

Quick note... when I left the Sahara on Thursday, I snagged a huge stack of the December issue of Poker Pro magazine. If you see it in your local card room/casino... pick it up! Vince Van Patten is on the cover. I wrote one article about the 2005 Legends of Poker and it's in that issue. Poker Pro is a relatively new magazine. They used to be published every other month but from the next issue forth, they will be a monthly publication. My next two articles in future issues of Poker Pro will be about the World Poker Finals in Foxwoods and the Bellagio Five Diamond Classic. The editors also offered me a full-time column! That's quite an honor and it's my first regular feature column in the print media realm. Thanks again to Poker Pro for giving me the chance to write for them. And special thanks to Lou Krieger who recommended me to them!

Moving on...

I wandered around Target a few minutes after it opened. It was pretty crowded for a Thursday morning. The last time I was in Target, I was buying tupperware and called Otis to wish him good luck with NaNoWriMo. This time, I had to do some personal shopping and buy a blanket since it's friggin' freezing in Chez Grubby. As I wandered up and down the aisles, I noticed a lot of very good looking women with great bodies. Whenever I see a hot chick out during the day of the Las Vegas Strip, I immediately think she's a stripper.

Anyway, I was going to write more about strippers and strip clubs, but I'm a little bored about that topic. How about talking about Poker Stars?

Let's just fucking shill the hell out of Poker Stars today! In fact, let's add a nice banner ad too so it comes up in Bloglines:


I love Poker Stars. They pay me off in lapdances, hardcore drugs, and Thai hookers****. Every time I get some poor bastard to sign up for a real money account, I get to do the freaky freaky with a nimble fellatio guru who's drenched in cheap perfume.

Anyway, I played in another rebuy tournament for the WPT-PCA. Didn't do so hot. I also played in a few SNGs with Jaxia on Poker Stars yesterday. She asked me why I kept raising her blinds. I told her, "Because I'm evil. I shill online sites."

Poker Stars was nice enough to host Saturdays with Dr. Pauly and they also host Wil Wheaton's tournaments. I skipped his tournament on Thursday. Since I'm in Las Vegas, I wanted to play in a real tournament with real live players. He has another one on Friday. Stop by his blog for more details.

And the results of my live tourney? 35th out of 121.

After dinner at Panda Express, Grubby and I headed to the Sahara to play in their 7pm nightly NL tournaments. $42 buy-in gets you 2K in chips and for $20 you get one rebuy for 1500 more chips. One of Grubby's friends Carla met up with us. She was seated at my table. The bad thing about Sahara's tournaments is they squeeze 11 players onto the tables. I got stuck next to the poor schmuck who smelled like piss and vinegar. Aside from that, I thought it was a pretty solid tournament with a healthy mix of locals and tourists, with more stand-offish locals playing than gregarious tourists. 121 players entered with 99 rebuys. Top 11 places paid with $2,200 going to the winner. Grubby and I swapped 10% of each other and we made another prop bet... a last longer.

I had a few random people at my table including the young Asian guy from California who dressed like he was an extra out of a hip-hop video. There was the angry old guy who bitched about every hand and personally blamed the dealer for everything, even the cold weather. In the far corner next to Carla were a couple of young internet players. They talked smack about making final tables on Party Poker, but can't even eye the size of a pot or handle their chips. Plus they give off monster tells when they bluff.

I cracked J-J with 5-5. This guy I beat had won hands with junk like 5-2o. When he raised my blind, I moved all in with 5-5 hoping to get the guy out of the pot. He had J-J. I stood up and dug into my pocket to get my rebuy. That's when a 5 flopped. I doubled up and had almost 4K in chips. I was the table chipleader at the end of the first break. Oh, they serve free sandwiches at the break, which Grubby was sure to point out several times to me.

At the end of the second break, I was crippled when my 9-9 ran into Q-Q. I made a bad read and hoped he was stealing my blinds from the button. I moved all in and he quickly called. Carla was owning our table for a while until she lost a few big pots and was busted out just before the second break.

I was moved to a table with the hot chick. She really wasn't that hot (hotness is an objective term), but she wore a tight purple sweater and looked like Fiona Apple nipping out. She as an all-in specialist. She won a big pot when she moved all-in with A-7 and flopped two pair. I was the shortstack with 570 left and waited for a hand. The blinds were 200/400 and I moved all-in with K-Q. I got 4 callers and flopped two pair with Kournikova. My hand held up and I had over 4K in chips. A few hands later, I moved all-in with A-Q in late position. Well the LB had A-K and quickly called. I flopped a Queen and doubled up. I went from 570 in chips to 8K inside of one orbit.

I got blinded down until the next break. With the blinds 500/1000, I was busted when I moved all in with 10-10. One guy had J-J and that was it. I was busted in 35th place after issuing two bad beats. Grubby went out soon after me in 33rd place. We missed the money but Grubby won the last longer!

That's it. I have to go write for a bit before I crash and drive to LA tomorrow with Grubby riding shotgun. We're gonna raise hell at HDouble's homegame in Hollyweird and hang out with some LA boogers. Trip report to follow.

**** I really don't get paid in lapdances, hardcore drugs, and Thai hookers. I'm not that good. I mean that's the Otis deal!