Truckin' August 2004 (Vol. 3, Issue 8)

I finally posted another issue of my literary blog-zine Truckin'. The summer ending issue represents a transition... from my running series of Miami stories which will segue into several Coventry, Vermont stories beginning this month. My Phishin' trips to Miami and Vermont were inspiration for at least twelve stories. This issue is anchored by two regulars. Sigge S. Amdal, our Norwegian friend, returns with a story called Messiah on a Tuesday. And Tom Love is back with a wicked tale called Vamp. I'm excited to finally publish Part II of Diane Roy's gripping story, Perversion Dispatched. Sit back, enjoy, and please spread the good word about this site. Be sweet, McG.

1. Lost Puppy by Tenzin McGrupp

She was barefoot, her lower legs caked in mud, and her puppy asleep in her arms. Her glassed over eyes were the size of a butter dishes, and she looked like she hadn't slept in over a week... More

2. Perversion Dispatched, Part II by Diane Roy

Hubert was slapped with reality as Jennica's screams finally hit him. Panicked, he threw his hands over her mouth to silence her, but she wouldn't stop... More

3. Vamp by Tom Love

She owned no clothing of color, nor anything white. Her walk-in closet was a complete unbroken row of black... More

4. Messiah on a Tuesday by Sigge S. Amdal

Most people had problems with Mondays, but Dolores really couldn't get herself to appreciate the second day of the week... More

More Ramblings

Anyway, I told Al Can't Hang that I would update all four of my blogs within a 24 hour period. I think I did it all within 30 hours. Blogger was fucking up yesterday. But I finally published the new issue of Truckin'. In addition, I penned a solid entry to the Tao of Pauly...

The poor girl could never remember what she ate for breakfast the day before, but she could recant the specifics of the fluorescent orange socks I was wearing one night when I pedaled a bicycle down Fifth Avenue with multiple Japanese film crews following me in two shopping carts. It gets better... seriously, this is a real dream Haley had when I was in Santa Fe... because there were five Japanese guys in each shopping cart shooting my every move. I had been hired by a Japanese reality TV show at the same time I was shooting a documentary. Both crews elbowed each other to get the better shot of me on a bicycle. And whenever Haley finally completes her long, rambling, intricate dream narration... I sarcastically utter up, "Did you drop acid yesterday? And if so, why you holding out? I'd like to see pink rabbits too."

And on Sunday, I updated my poli-blog This Side of the Truth with a little rant on Sudan.

It's time for me to pass along the horrifying word that there is a living hell on Earth... and people are dying under a dark veil of brutality every few minutes in Sudan. The sad thing is knowing that it will continue and no one on this side of the ocean is doing anything to stop it. How could busy Americans take time out of their day and focus on something aside from the Election, or the Olympics, or the Kobe Bryant rape and Scott Peterson murder trials, or the upcoming season of The Apprentice, or what brand of orange juice J. Lo drinks on Sunday mornings for brunch while on vacation in Bermuda?

Yeah, I've been busy writing the last few days. Perhaps I'll have an interesting entry on poker in the upcoming days.

Subterranean Homesick Blues

"Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny" - Bob Marley

During my epic quest to pen the first great American novel of the 21st century... rarely do I blankly stare at my computer screen and mutter, "What the fuck?" That's the sort of rhetoric reserved for the lunacy that ensues when some crotch scratching nitwit from Altoona pushes his stack all in with bottom pair and catches a backdoor flush of running diamonds against my flopped Broadway straight.

"What the fuck?"

It makes me wonder... what do they put in the drinking water in Altoona County to make geniuses like that willingly want to lose their paychecks on Party Poker?

Bad beats don't phase me like they used to. I don't care anymore. We all know the mantra... because in the long run, guys who play less than marginal hands preflop will eventually pay for my three week hashish smoking binge at a beachside bar in Samui. Every crappy hand they play... is another step towards a comfortable state of numbness.

It wasn't a good weekend for me at the tournament tables on Party Poker. I spent the majority of my weekend doing two things... poker and writing. The writing was more fun because I didn't lose any money. I had only one decent performance all weekend after I placed second in a $30 SNG. I really should have won but I made a few bone head mistakes that cost me the chip lead and a first place victory. But there were a slew of bad beats too... the Hilton Sisters lost to K2. My AK was cracked by Q7. Pocket 10s lost twice... once to 22 and the other time to J9s.

I passed out some bad beat karma when I river'd AK with Mrs. Slick and hit my pair on the river. I wondered with all the new poker blogs out there and with not everyone knowing my Party Poker screen name, that somehow I might river bad beat some guy with pockets JJs against his Kings (which happened yesterday) and come across his blog a few days later, only to find out he was bitching about me! Makes handing out bad beats a lot more fun. "Blog that, newbie!"

I lost a $20 multi this afternoon in a tourney where folks were dropping out fast. All I had to do was fold my way into the top 1/3 and I foolishly limped then called a button raise with AJ. I flopped top two pair and lost to pocket aces. I messed up and underestimated the strength of the button raiser's hand. At best I gave him credit for AK... but figured I had him beat on the flop and moved all-in. He quickly called and I was bounced in an unimpressive, fishy 1180.

$5 Multi Table NL: 320 out of 1327
$20 Multi Table NL: 1180 out of 1476
$5 3-table SNG: 4/30
$30 SNG (5): 2,5,5,5,5
$5 Omaha hi/lo SNG: 5

Money Finishes : 2 for $112.50
Entry Fees: $205
Total: -92.50

Ouch. It was a not so fun weekend, eh?

Hilton Sisters Challenge 5b

Let's try this again! How about another Hilton Sisters Challenge!


Hey honey, wanna make $14 the hard way?
Your mission: During the Monty Memorial Poker Bloggers Tourney on Pacific Poker... you must crack AA with QQ.

Prizes: The winner gets wither a cool Phish t-shirt designed by my buddy Bruce or a Pauly painting. Your choice.

Best of luck! I will not be playing tonight, but my brother will try to take everyone down!

Past Winners:
Hilton Sisters Challenge 1: Chris Halverson and Bad Blood
Hilton Sisters Challenge 2: No one
Hilton Sisters Challenge 3: My brother from Poker in the Weeds
Hilton Sisters Challenge 4: Jordan from Hurty Gurty

Best of luck. The Hilton Sisters Challenge 5b is only running for the duration of the Monty Tournament.

Hiltons and the Hammer?

Ironically, yesterday afternoon in a three table $5 SNG, Derek took down AA with the Hiltons. And in true fashion... he took them down via the river!! Great job. I got to see that too... which was hilarious. I also got to witness Bad Blood hit quads with the Hammer on Friday. That was sick! Running twos to take down a full boat!

Let's Gamble!

OK, BG has been busy with work and other things... and I have been all over the country the past few weeks... and we haven't had time for our weekly prop bet. I don't know who's supposed to pick next... but I got a good one.

Who will win the next WPT Hollyweird Home Game?
1. Ben Affleck
2. Gary Busey
3. Jon Faverau
4. Ed Asner
5. Mo Collins
6. Sharon Lawrence

You pick two and I'll pick two from the last remaining four. The episode airs this Sunday at 9pm on the Travel Channel. Best of luck!

$5 Multis... the Existentialist Meat Grinder

"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity." - Goethe

If poker were as simplistic as German philosophy... then I'd be an uber-rich guy. In a recent entry, I compared the first hour of the $5 Multi table NL tournaments on Party Poker to an existentialist meat grinder. Entering one of those crap shoots is like those GIs who courageously stormed the beaches on D-Day, their fate was no longer in their hands.


The feeling is mutual... I assure you!
In the last few weeks, Party Poker has now added three daily $5 NL multi table tourneys. Three chances at insanity everyday. Winning the lottery seems more likely than me winning one of these 1200+ player multis. So why do I play when the payouts suck and you have to play for five hours just to break even? It's a cheap way to simulate a large field of players... such as the World Poker Finals at Foxwoods or the WSoP... and practice the mental discipline and patience that I have a tough time maintaining at the tables. I get bored very easily and my down fall ensues when I attempt to force the action instead of letting the opportunities present themselves to me.

My goals in these thousand plus player tourneys are a lot different than a normal NL ring game or a $30 SNG. My first goal is to make the first break and survive the first hour (four levels) without doing damage to my stack. I've had instances when I played zero hands aside from the blinds going into level 5. Problems do arise after folding my way into the first break and finding myself the short stack at a table of giants. To combat that probable scenario, I adapted the philosophy... fold every hand out of position, but look for any easy chance to double up against loose players. If you can read your table well and find the whacko who likes to gamble all his chips on 44 or J9s, just wait until you have a marginal hand then go for it. You're usually a little bit better than a coin flip. You're going to need those chips if you expect to grind your way into the money.

Results from Last 10 $5 Multis:
23 out of 901 = $$
192 out of 1301
36 out of 1262 = $$
583 out of 1279
690 out of 1257
486 out of 1164
115 out of 969
47 out of 769 = $$
519 out of 954
373 out of 1042

So I'm averaging 385th place out of 1200... or finishing in the top 33% everytime... cashing out in three of the multis (and in 2 out of the last 3) for a combined winnings... a breathtaking $76!! My net profit is $16, not a very impressive number. However, I can't quantify the little lessons I learned that will pay off in the long run. I'm becoming a more patient player, understanding that surviving the onslaught is as important as winning hands.

In my last $5 multi, I grinded my way into 23rd place and made the money. That was my best finish to date. I got AK three times, JJ, KK and AA twice each... and the Hilton Sisters once. I was knocked out in Level 16 when my A5 in the LB lost to J2s. Yes, he caught his J on the river. I started out hot and by the end of Level 2, I tripled up with T3200+. I won a monster pot with AA... and both 44 and AK pushed in their stacks preflop. I really got lucky because by the turn, one guy had a flush draw and the other guy had a staright draw! But no one caught their outs (or "ins" as my favorite actress would call them) and the pocket aces held up. I really river'd a guy pretty badly... when I took down KK with AQs and doubled up in Level 6 which rocketed me to 7th overall out of 325 at that point.

I'm going to play at least two $5 multis on Party Poker a week to sharpen my NL grinding skills, with the hope that one day, like my brother (and Bad Blood!), I'll make a final table. But when I do... I'm going to win the whole friggin' thing and walk away with at least $1000 for my troubles. Chew on that for a while Goethe are Sartre.

Newbies

I added a few new blogs to my blogroll: Stripper by Night, Mojo Poker, The Peanuts, Poker Queen, Outkicked, Nut Heart Flush, Spaceman's Abode, Stan Ace Nuts, Blu Moon, Project 10K, and Helixx.

Check them out. Just what I need. More distractions! I'm looking for another intern just to keep up with all these new blogs. With school back in session... are there any college students in the NYC area looking to add the Tao of Poker to your resume? No pay, but plenty of perks, and I'll get you invited to the Blue Parrot to see what Anaconda is all about. Lots of reading required and I offer no heath plan nor parter benefits. E-mail me your resumes.

Editor's Note: Thanks to Bruce Cohen for the photo!

Cities of Gold

"Ooooh. There's a New Mexico!" - Homer Simpson

I woke up hungover and with Haley's mother's dog barking in my ear. I called ahead to find out the tournament schedule at Cities of Gold. On Tuesdays they had a Crazy Pineapple tourney. Not my game, so we decided to head up to the casino after lunch at the Pink Adobe. I was on a mission to report back something about Santa Fe that didn't mention anything about the yummy food, or the adobes, or the artsy fartsy stuff. I hit a few bars the night before and now it was finally time to sample poker, New Mexico style. That's another state I can add to my long list of places I've played poker. Haley was shocked to find out there was a casino so close to where her mother lived. I was pumped. There was a small poker room with six tables, but only one game was going on when I got there.

The Players:
Seat 1: Trucker
Seat 2: Dr. Pauly
Seat 3: Mona from Who's the Boss
Seat 4: Haley
Seat 5: WWII Vet
Seat 6: Middle-aged Guy with beer gut
Seat 7: Moses
Seat 8: Vietnam Vet
Seat 9: Grandma Walton
Seat 10: Cool guy toughster 19 yr old

What a scene for a $2-6 spread game. It's just like the Excalibur 2-6 game except there's a big and little blind. The ability to bet $6 anytime is appealing for me, who normally hates playing low limits. Alas, the $2-6 game was the only game they were spreading so I had no choice.

I took a page out of Iggy's Guide to Playing and Acting Like a Fish in Casinos. I asked the dealer a newbie question, loud enough so everyone could hear me, then told her to bare with me if I make any mistakes since I just started playing on Yahoo. That's when I took a huge swig of my beer. Under my breath I muttered, "Thanky you, Iggy!!"

Then I proceeded to lose $200 in ninety minutes.

2:03 MST... I raised a pot with six limpers on the button with A-10s. I got six callers, including Haley. The flop: A48 rainbow. Haley in the BB checked, WWII vet called $2, Vietnam vet raised to $5, I reraised to $11 and Haley called all of us. The turn: 6. Haley, the WWII and Vietnam vets all checked to me. I flipped out $6 and they all called. The river was a 9. Haley bet $6, the vets called and I raised to $12. Everyone called and Haley scooped the pot with AJ. The WWII vet had A2s and the Vietnam vet had 87s. Ouch that hurt.

2:17 MST... -72. I raised a pot with AK on the button again. The WWII vet and the 19 yr old kid both called. The flop: 652. WWII vet bet $2, the kid called, and I raised to $8. WWII vet called and the kid folded. The turn: 9. The vet bet $2 and I raised to $8. He called. The river: 7. He bet $6 and I called. Of course he had A7o and caught his pair on the river.

2:28 MST... Haley flopped her first of five flopped full houses with 88.

2:41 MST... -93. I early position I had 99 and raised to $6. Haley in LP reraised. I folded and she got two callers. With JJ she flopped: AJA. She had both grandma's call her to the river with a little ace. She was up over $100.

3:11 MST... -105. I raised two consecutive pots to $6 with AQs and KK. No action.

3:24 MST... -167. I found the Hilton Sisters in the LB. I reraised to $12 in a five person multi-way pot that the kid raised. The flop was rainbow rags. I bet, he raised, I reraised, he reraised, and it was capped out. One of the grandmas was still in the pot. The turn: another rag. Same situation. The betting was capped. The river: 10. I checked, Grandma checked, the kid bet and I called. For some reason I put him on 10-10 and guess what? He caught his set on the river. Grandma had JJ.

3:43 MST... -191. The kid in the corner watches too much poker on TV. I assumed he stayed at home and practiced his chip tricks because he was trying to either scare the table or impress Haley. Can I do chip tricks? Yeah, I can shuffle a bunch with both hands. Do I do it? Rarely... with the exception of at the Blue Parrot... mainly because it's a smoke free room and I need something to do in between hands. With Haley at the table, most if not all of the attention was directed at her. She has that star quality sometimes and it was never more evident then at the Cities of Gold. The kid could have been a good player but he was too busy showing off and playing too many hands. His dick set him on tilt. Haley could have cleaned up if she wasn't so addicted to playing any two suited cards and any ace. All the older women treated Haley like the granddaughter they never had. All the old guys were dirty old men and showered her with sweet talk. Haley soaked up the attention and used it to her advantage as much as she could. But her looseness was her downfall. Her stack took plenty of big swings back and forth all afternoon. That sounded like a line from a dirty romance novel...

Esmerelda's loose ways was her downfall after her heavy stack took plenty of thrusting swings back and forth from Horatio's swollen member.

If you didn't know I also write trashy smutty novels under the pen name: Ira Sweatycrotch.

3:49 PM MST... -152. I won a nice size pot when I caught a nut flush on the turn and had both a King high (Vietnam vet) and a Queen high (Haley) call me to the river.

4:20 PM MST... -110. I flopped a Broadway Straight with KQs in the little blind. I beat Mona with two pair. While I stacked up her chips she whispered to Haley, "I liked him better when he was losing." Or at least, that's what Haley told me she said.

4:33 PM MST... -108. Haley flopped a full house with the Hilton Sisters. She lost to a bigger boat on the river to the truck driver with KQo. She never recovered from that bad beat and poor Haley was on tilt the rest of the session.

Although down as much as $191, I rallied back to only loose $100 for the session. Haley won around $24. She's hooked and wanted to go back today! This morning she woke up and said she had a dream about poker, specifically playing in LA with me and Arlo Guthrie and I kept stealing pots from everyone at my table with drew the ire of Mr. Guthrie. I can't make this wacky stuff up. Even in Haley's dreams I'm a loose player. Haley got off to a great start but played too many hands. She admitted, "I wanted to have a good time and I don't care about pot odds, smacking the Hilton Sisters, ins, and whatever you poker geeks blog about."

"It's called 'outs'," I replied.

"Ins. Outs. It's all the same. I betcha you're gonna blog that. Ditzy actress doesn't know what an out is."

"Since your dreaming about poker, you should start your own blog; Haley's Poker Dreams: The gambling ramblings of a neurotic actress. Better start one quick before Reese Witherspoon steals my idea and makes a million bucks and gets her own reality show."

"Or better yet, can I take over the Tao of Poker when you retire from blogging?"

I smiled and sarcastically quipped, "Yeah, maybe."

Congrats to Derek!!

On Sunday, my brother made the final table of the $5 Multi NL tourney on Party Poker and came in 6th place. There were 1300+ players and first place got $1300+. Good job! Very impressed with his play!! He was pumped to play in the bloggers tourney later that night... to keep his hot streak going... and was super pissed when it did not pan out.

Besides Bad Blood, how many other bloggers made a final table at a 1000+ person multi on Party Poker? I was trying to figure this out. My best finish was 27th I think. Landow had an impressive finish in the money last Saturday. I know Boy Genius did very well (Top 20) once this summer.

So... I'm in Santa Fe, slightly hungover, but looking to take some pictures downtown today after lunch with Haley, her Mom, and a literary agent... then head off to the Cities of Gold casino to win back all the money Maudie lost last month! More to come.

Galactic

Have any of you heard the New Orleans band: Galactic? They are one of my favorite bands not called The Grateful Dead or Phish. Their drummer, Stanton Moore, might be the greatest living drummer... on Earth or in this solar system. The band announced fall tour dates, including two shows in NYC this October. If they are in your home town, go see them. Trust me. Their shows are like New Orleans parties. Lots of dancing and plenty of fun. They bring the Big Easy to you. I'm already thinking about a mini-tour... seeing the boys in Boston > Providence > NYC... maybe even Philly or DC. Don't miss out. Check their website for ticket information.

Coventry, Part 3


E.T.s for sale in Shakedown...
I finally finished writing Part 3 of Coventry: A Vermont Pharewell. Check it out. I also posted plenty of random pictures as well from the last Phish shows, ever.

The Final Tally... The Last Tour:

Miles Driven: 2713
States Visited: 10 (including NY)
Speeding Tickets: 1
Phish Concerts: 6
Gas + Tolls: $232.85
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Eaten: 7
Random Hugs from Hippie Girls: 15
Times I Was Hit in the Head with a Glowstick: 6
Miles Hiked in Vermont: 4
Al Can't Hang Sightings: 1
Puppy Stories: 2
Lawn Boy Sightings: 1
Times Molly Cried: 2.5
Cell Phone Antennas Broken: 2
Avril LaVigne/Phish Jam References Overheard at the Urinals: 3
Naked Pregnant Women Taking a Dump in Front of Me: 1

Cities of Gold!

Maudie suggested I visit Cities of Gold while I'm in Santa Fe. Stay tuned for a trip report! When I told Haley that I was thinking about a run to the casino to play some cards, she admitted, "I want to come. I've been itching to play after watching Celebrity Poker Showdown all summer!"

For once, I am speechless. Moving on...

NYC Poker Rooms

Be sure to visit Riding the F Train to read up Asphnxma's reports about various poker rooms in my hometown. Some great stuff there.

Banning Religious Freaks from My Sites

I spent the last hour cleaning up the comment sections on my 34 blogs. OK, I don't have 34 blogs, but I write for four different ones regularly. And they have been hit by comments from some Jesus freak -- which I treat just the same as spam for penis pills, toe-sucking porn, or better credit card rates. I have banned your IP addresses from my comments section.

A warning to future spammers... have you ever been kicked in the junk before? If you spam my site, I will track you down and insure that your genital areas will experience a considerable amount of uncomfortable pain. I have plenty of friends in low places... don't forget in addition to being a drug addict, I also used to work on Wall Street... I know plenty of low forms of life that have nothing else better to do than stalk idiots like yourselves and kick them in the junk... all because I told them I'd give them two cigarettes, $5, and a coupon to Popeye's for a free biscuit.

I want to say that if I offended you or any of my readers... well, boo fuckin' hoo. You can worship who ever you want, but the second you post comments on my site directing me to hell or to your religious-themed website... you are no better than a two-bit spam artist and should be treated as such.

I know am going to hell, and I'm cool with that. So stop preaching to me and go save some drowning kittens.

Hilton Sisters Challenge 5

Why not, eh? I'm going out of town, how about another Hilton Sisters Challenge!


They like to ride pocket rockets!
Your mission: During the Monty Memorial Poker Bloggers Tourney on Pacific Poker... you must crack AA with QQ.

Prizes: The winner gets wither a cool Phish t-shirt designed by my buddy Bruce, or a Pauly painting. Your choice.

Best of luck! I will not be playing but my brother will try to take everyone down!

Past Winners:
Hilton Sisters Challenge 1: Chris Halverson and Bad Blood
Hilton Sisters Challenge 2: No one
Hilton Sisters Challenge 3: My brother from Poker in the Weeds
Hilton Sisters Challenge 4: Jordan from Hurty Gurty

Back to the Tables

"Whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail." - Lao Tzu

I ended a twelve day break away from the tables earlier today with two $5 three table SNGs, a good place for me to get my feet wet after a sizeable layoff. I busted out 29th in the first one. What's a better welcome back to Party Poker, than a swift kick in the junk? A-10 in MP. I limped in, four callers, and flopped top two pair with two hearts on the board. I bet double the pot size. I got one caller. I put him on a medium ace or a flush draw. A rag fell on the turn and I moved all-in. He called with AQo and you know what he caught in the river... so I won't bother telling you.

Then I came in 3rd in another $5 three table SNG. No action for my Hilton Sisters either time!! Won a monster pot with 99 when I flopped: 9KK. Lost a coinflip with AK vs. 77 shortstack and won another with 99 vs. AJ bigstack. The decisive hand of the night was beating Big Slick with AQs when I flopped a set of Queens. I also cracked AA with Q5s in the BB. Mr. cool-guy-toughster-fancy-slow-player from Long Beach decided to limp in MP. I flopped top pair and put him all-in on the flop. He called, I had him covered... then river'd him when I hit my set of ladies on the river. Yeah bra.... surf's up, pal!

I forgot tot tell you about the odd phonecall I had with my brother last Sunday morning. I called him from Coventry, Vermont to let him know I made it in the show and that I was still alive. Of course, it was early and I wasn't tripping. At least I don't think I was. My brother told me that a certain blogger got KO'd on the first hand of the morning $5 NL multi on Party Poker. Here's what Derek wrote:

AlCantHang got KO'd very early. I think he had an early morning appointment with his bartender that he didn't want to miss. So-Co shots must have been half off.

Anyway, I apologize for the lack of poker content the last few days. Poker has been low on my priority list. I wish I had the time to read my favorite poker blogs or surf for German-pissing bondage porn. I'm in the process of moving out of my studio, on the verge of a quick trip out to New Mexico, all the while attempting to replenish my brain cells one by one, and fervishly writing during every waking hour I've had since my return to NYC and ending my cosmic orgy with narcotics and 18 year-old hippie girls. I finally had the chance to play cards today. It felt great. I hope to play in the morning multi on Saturday. Check y'all later.

More On the Road Tales


Even Homer Simpson made the show!
Coventry: A Vermont Pharewell... Part II is the second installment of the write up of my wild weekend. Thanks to everyone who stopped by my other blog to read the first part.

Here's a bit of my latest entry:

I saw the naked pregnant woman squatting down in the woods behind our tent. She was taking a shit. A nasty one too. I heard a several uncomfortable grunts and moans. Only at a Phish festival could you shrug off that scene. Sure it might have been the first strange thing I saw that day, but I was guaranteed that by Midnight, the naked pregnant chick taking a shit behind my tent would be the 136th weird-ass-happening that I'd experience.

And yes, there's plenty more... like these gems:

I saw plenty of freaks, like the kid wearing the skirt and holding the giant Chiquita banana, that the Joker and I saw in Brooklyn. And the fucked up gaggle of five sorority girls from Michigan, those Dave Matthews Band chicks, who were inhaling Jell-O shots like Britney Spears feasting on a huge cut of tube steak. Then there was the wookie who was passed out in the middle of the airport runway. One girl wearing angel wings was kind enough to leave him a bottle of water. Yeah, plenty of characters and that was all seen in a quick blink of 120 seconds.

And what's a write up without homage to the Jedi Master himself...

I was on a mission. I wanted to get snookered... and make an Al Can't Hang Happy Hour binge look like a choir girl from the Bible Belt enjoying some milk and cookies.

Oh yeah. Read all about it. I have been writing all day and I just started reading some of my favorite poker blogs. I'll try to hop onto Party Poker before I leave for Santa Fe.

We Have a Winner!!!

Congrats to Jason from Hurty McGurty who is the winner of the Hilton Sister's Challenge 4. He won a Pauly painting after he cracked AA with the Hilton Sissters last week. Good job. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.


Paris under the Tao... I like it!
I'm Back!!

Yes, thanks for all the concern. I'm back in NYC and I'm more burnt than left over french fry stuck in the deep fryer at Jack in the Box. If you would like to read about some of my adventure, visit my other blog and read the first installment of my wild weekend: Coventry: A Vermont Pharewell... Part I. I hope to post some more pictures in the next few days.


I was somewhere in the middle of this!
If you don't know what happened... due to bad weather and too much rain, parts of the festival grounds at Coventry were flooded and the Vermont state police wouldn't let in the last 1/3 of the 75,000 fans that flocked from all over the country (and I knew people who flew from Japan to see the shows). Some people were waiting in line up to 40 hours and ended up hiking into the show, like I did with my friend from Texas, Molly. Yeah, we walked to last 3 miles into the festival!! That's dedication. Read all about the nightmare and how we never gave up and figured out a way to see the last two Phish concerts ever.

And more shocking than waking up and popping my head out of my tent and seeing a naked pregnant hippie chick take a shit in the woods... was seeing Al Can't Hang and Mrs. Hang at the Phish show in Camden, NJ last week! Read all about it on ACH's blog in the entry: Hanging with Pauly and the Phisheads.

I Miss Poker Blogs

I haven't had any time to read all of my favorite poker blogs. I hope to catch up this weekend and print up tons of pages from my fellow poker bloggers to read on my flight to Santa Fe. But a quick congrats to Otis and Mrs. Otis on the birth of their new baby!

And if you haven't done so... visit Iggy's sitte for the details about the Monty Memorial Poker Blogger tourney set for this Sunday. Sign ups end Thursday at noon.

I hope to be posting more poker related content very soon. The break away from the tables has been good... but I definitely miss playing.

Monty Memorial Poker Blogger Tournament

Visit Guinness and Poker for more details about the first annual Monty Memorial Poker Blogger Tournament. Sign up before Noon on Thursday. Bloggers and readers are both eligible. Unfortunately, I will not be able to play. I will be going out to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a week. Rest assured, Derek will play in my spot.

Best of luck to everyone!!

On the Road, On Hiatus, and Inside the Paris Hilton... Part II

I'm hitting the road today. I can't wait. I'll be back to poker blogging by August 18th. Check the Tao of Pauly for on the road updates and setlists. No serious poker for me the next ten days. I will be seeing the final six Phish concerts all over the East Coast, ending up with a two day festival called Coventry.

8.9 Hampton, Virginia
8.10 Great Woods, MA
8.11 Great Woods, MA
8.12 Camden, NJ
8.14 Coventry, Vermont
8.15 Coventry, Vermont

The Vermont shows will be held in the middle of nowhere, and Coventry will balloon to the largest city in Vermont for the weekend as over 75,000 Phisheads traveling from all over the country to say good bye to their favorite band. I'm shooting some footage for my personal archives and when I have time, I'll eventually splice everything down to a documentary film. I will be meeting up with Daddy from Snail Trax and maybe we can find some dudes to play some late night cards. Here's a gallery of pictures from IT, last year's summer end Phish festival.

I'm on hiatus, so you know what that means? I'm starting up a new Hilton Sisters Challenge 4!!

Hilton Sisters Challenge 4

Your mission: Holding QQ you must crack AA in any game on Party Poker (except a $5 or $10 single table SNG). The time period is from: Monday August 9th from 6:00 PM EST thru Aug 16st at Midnight EST. That's 150 hours for the contest. Send me the hand history and make sure you type: Dr. Pauly loves Paris in the chat.


A tender moment with my favorite pair of Queens
Your prize: An authentic Pauly painting. And if you are not into the visual arts, I'll send you an autographed copy of my latest, unpublished novel The Blind Kangaroo instead.

I'll be adding a Bonus Bounty, but only poker bloggers are eligible for the bounty.

Super Bonus I: If you crack Al Can't Hang's AA with the Hilton Sisters, I will send you a Pauly Painting and a copy of the Paris Hilton sex tape, autographed by Al Can't Hang... of course. In addition, I'll also send you a bottle of Southern Comfort, and a hair net.

Super Bouns II: If you crack Maudie B's AA with QQ, you get a copy of Finding Nemo on DVD in addition to a Pauly Painting.

Super Bonus III: If you crack Iggy's AA with QQ, you'll get a Pauly painting and a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon! And I'll send Iggy a case of Guinness.

Super Bonus IV: If you crack HDouble's AA with QQ, you'll get a Pauly painting and a copy of The Big Lebowski on DVD.

Super Bonus V: If you crack any of the previous winners' (My brother, Chris Halverson and Bad Blood) AA with QQ, I will send you a copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and a Pauly painting.

And in all fairness... if any of the bonus bloggers get their AA cracked this weekend, I'll send them a Pauly painting.

The Hilton Sisters Challenge 4 contest is only open to two sets of people. Set 1 includes all poker bloggers (with the exception of NemoD, Jerry, and Landow). Set 2 will include any readers of the Tao of Poker that use my Party Poker sign up code: TAO4 to open up a real money account now! Just visit this site to download the software. Sign up today and try to win yourself a cool painting.


My friend Boogie cooks in front of her Pauly painting.
Past Winners:
Hilton Sisters Challenge 1: Chris Halverson and Bad Blood
Hilton Sisters Challenge 2: No one
Hilton Sisters Challenge 3: My brother from Poker in the Weeds

Previous winners are eligible. Best of luck. Good hunting. Hope the ladies bring you luck. So what are you waiting for? Hit Party Poker now! And try to take down the next bounty! If you don't have an account, sign up today.... here.

Big Pimpin' Quality Scribes

There have been some solid poker writing in bloggerdom this past week. Here are some of the best of the bunch.

1. How to Beat Low-Limit No Limit is written by HDouble.
2. Synthesis is written by The Poker Prof.
3. David Sklansky Is a Sex Bomb is written by Mean Gene
4. Paging Lex Luthor is written by my main man Otis.
5. Iggy posted some interesting things about our favorite whipping boy Dutch 'Tool-Boy' Boyd.

By no means is this the best of the bunch. Plenty of other good stuff out there, especially from Boy Genius and Double As. I wanted to point out those five reads in case you were a little short on time or behind in your blog reading.

Padding the Bankroll

I won over $300 in Party Poker tournament prize money this week. I made the money in a $5 multi table SNG earlier today, placed in two $30 SNGs (winning one), and yesterday's 36th place money finish in the morning multi. My game plan this week was to play for the $25 ring games to generate enough cashola for various tournament fees, rolling over my money from the fish into possible prize money. It's been working and I hope to continue that strategy when I get back from my trip.

This morning, I saw Al Can't Hang flop a set with the Hilton Sisters, only to lose to a guy who caught running Jacks to spike quads on the river!! Insane.

Currently watching Bad Blood kicking ass in the morning multi. He made the money and is on his way to the final table!!

Oneness

"There are two paths leading to oneness with the Tao. The first in the path of acceptance. Affirm everyone and everything. Freely extend you goodwill and virtue in every direction, regardless of circumstances. Embrace all things as part of the Harmonious Oneness, and then you will begin to perceive it. The second path is that of denial. Recognize that everything you see and think is a falsehood, an illusion, a veil over the truth. Peel all the veils away, and you will arrive at the Oneness. Though these paths are entirely different, they will deliver you to the same place: spontaneous awareness of the Great Oneness." - Lao Tzu

I played in the $5 + $1 multi on Party Poker this morning with my brother Derek. I wasn't going to play. I was sick as a dog, but at the last second said, "Fuck it." I logged on, wiped my nose, coughed up a rock of phlegm the size of a kitten, sipped a cup of green tea, then settled in for the long haul.

1262 loose players with the top 120 making the prize money. $1262 for the first place.

Level 4: I played one hand, AQo, in the first four levels. I had T905 and survived the onslaught in the existentialist meat grinder called the first hour of Party's $5 multi.

Level 5: With QJs I flopped top pair and moved all in with two spades on the board. The table chip leader called with an open ended straight flush draw. He didn't hit it, so I doubled up. T2160 and shocked he didn't catch any of his outs. I had a little less than the average stack with 483 players left.

Level 6: AA survived an all-in bet from 99. I had T2750. My brother was kicking ass with T3100+.

Level 7: I was at my mother's apartment and I got screwed by the damn dial up connection. It took me almost ten minutes to reconnect and get back to my table. I was chipped down to T2395.

Level 8: First hand after I reconnected I moved all-in with AJs and took down KJo. I doubled up and had T5240. I was just below the average with 211 players left.

Level 9: My brother was knocked out in 165th place when his AQ lost to A3s.

Level 10: An ugly J6o in the BB. I flopped a J and moved all-in when the big stack tried to steal in LP. He had nothing and I doubled up. Just like that, I was the table chip leader with T11,200. I was about 44th place out of 126 and above the average stack. I caught a severe wave of the chills. I was sicker than I thought. It was 75 degrees in NYC and I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, a fleece pull over, and a wool hat. If my mother came home early from a trip to IKEA and found her oldest son decked out in winter clothing, shouting jibberish at her computer... she would have thought I had dropped acid and called the white coats at Bellevue to pick me up.

Level 11: I lost a nice chunk of my stack when AK lost to 99. I barely had T700 left. My nose was still running and a decent size pool of snot collected on the mouse. I moved all in with 99 and coupled up against AQ. He caught a Queen on the turn, then I river'd the guy when I hit my two outer! Still alive with T16600, above the average stack and 97 players left.

Level 12: No action for AK and AQ. I was my table chip leader with T22000+, approx. in 24th place out of 65.

Level 13: Table change. No longer the big stack at my table. Boy Genius was sweating me at that point. I folded 88 to a preflop raise and also punked out with A9s in the LB to a button raise. T17300+ and 46 players left.

Level 14: Blinds were 1000/2000. I folded A7 to a raise from the table bully. I would have flopped top two pair if I stayed in. D'oh! I was tired at that point and restless. T15000+ and 38 players left. The avg. stack was 33K.

Level 15: I moved all-in over the top of the table bully with A5o. He had 77 and I didn't catch my ace. It was a questionable move on my part. I told myself that the next time I had a playable hand, I'd move all-in against the bully. I was the short stack at my table, with the blinds coming up and the level almost ending, and decided to make the move with a marginal hand. To me, there was no difference in the prize money between 36th and 20th place. I took a shot and missed. 36th place and a paltry $31.55 in prize money. A little more than $5/hour for my time.

That was only the second money finish for me in $5 multis on Party Poker. Those are an insane grind! I'm shocked I placed despite being under the weather, almost drowning in a pool of my own snot and sweat.

Dream On

Looks like I made Al Can't Hang's fantasy dream team of poker bloggers. Check out: Poker Blogger Dream Team. Here's what Mr. Hang had to say:

Pauly and PokerProf have very special assignments. Someone has to document the historical accomplishments of the Dream Team. PokerProf will take care of the game action detail; Pauly will no doubt be enjoying and writing about the outside aspects of the game. Pauly also will double as the team's 'herbal' therapist. He makes even more money by selling the screenplay of his great American novel written about the Dream Team.

I made the list with some heavy hitters. Thanks ACH... but I'm way to humble to accept a slot. Due to concerns of rampant terror threats, lax security, and on the advice of my fiancee, my posse, my entourage, my gaggle of attorneys, my herbalist, my Kabbalah rabbi, my bookie, my doorman, and the Russian broad who does Haley's bikini wax... they all suggested that I not participate. I'd like to give up my slot to... Jack Lemon.


Ving Rhames hands over his Golden Globe to Jack Lemon
Back to Reality

Welcome back to my world. Please keep all hands and legs inside at all times, avoid the brown acid, and never... ever... feed the little furry things after Midnight. Anyway, I checked my stats and I only played online at Party Poker for less than 14 hours since Monday, for an impressive $30/hr win rate, with five consecutive winning sessions. I'll take those stats any time. I'm keeping my sessions short and I'm willing to walk away on a positive note. I made my first cash out since June. And that will go towards paying for some of my phun in the sun next week.

Pocket Rockets

I got dealt AA three times today in an hour, playing a wild, loose, fishy $25 NL table on Party Poker.

1. AA UTG and I raised $3. Guy next to me came over the top and doubled my bet. I moved all in and he called with KK. Nothing happened on the board. I busted him and he left right after the hand.

2. AA on the button. One guy in EP raised to $2. Four players called. I re-raised to $10 or 20x BB. Two callers including the LB and the original raiser. The flop: AJ2. Everyone checks to me and I bet the pot. The LB called. The turn: 2. The LB checked to me and I moved all in. The river: 2. His cards: J2o. Unreal, eh? I'm still removing specks of plaster from my scrapped knuckles after I put a decent sized hole in my brother's living room wall.

3. AA in MP. I raised and got two callers. The flop: Q83. The LB moved all in with 10-10, I called, the other guy folded and I took his entire stack.

Pocket rockets paid off 2 out of 3 times today, taking down KK and 10-10, and my full boat lost to runner runner quads. J2o? You must be kidding me. Another wild day at the tables.

Life, Death, and Party Poker

"To expostulate why day is day, night night, and time is time, were nothing but to waste night, day, and time" - Hamlet, Act ii, Sc. 2

I had this thought on the subway this morning.... How many poker players believe in God? And if they do, do they honestly think God cares if you catch your eight outer on the river to crack a set of Aces? I always had this feeling that Jesus was alive on Earth, living in Reno, dealing blackjack and talking to Elvis impersonations on his lunch break.

OK, that's my brief dip into the tepid pool of religion, philosophy, and poker.

First off, condolences to Iggy and his wife over the loss of a loved one. I hope you're both able to get through this rough patch. We'll all shed a tear for Monty.

Secondly, it seems like any day now that Otis is going to be a father. Mrs. Otis had a false alarm the other night, but everyone is still waiting. I picked: August 9th, 4:20am, 7 lbs. and 7 ozs. I feel confident in my pick after I won my buddy Senor's pool when his son was born in late November. To this day, my brother is sure that I rigged that contest, by getting Senor to convince his wife to hold back delivering the baby a couple of hours so I could win the pool. I'm good, but not that good. Best of luck, Otis. Just hold out for four more days!

Name Change?

I was thinking about changing the name of my blog to something like: Diary of a Break Even Player. Perhaps there was a misconception that I'm a big roller with a bankroll the size of a poodle. I was recently asked how I was doing for the year. I consulted my notes... and I'm not doing too well. I'm up for the year... but only barely.

I first started playing online at Party Poker in February. Before that, I was strictly a live game player, focusing on trips to Foxwoods. I dropped almost $1000 during my Vegas trip in April. That hurt. I followed up an awful month with my best month (May) to date. I started to get back on track, but then I went away and took a two week hiatus from poker. When I came back, I was a little rusty, and my July was up and down, and I fought to keep even for the month, then dropped $180 at the last game at The Blue Parrot. The highlights of my brief poker career from 2004 had to include winning seats in two satellites to the WPT Championships at the Bellagio and placing 12th in the actual satellite on Party Poker.

The Skinny:
Jan: -110
Feb: -130
Mar: +237
Apr: -910
May: +1264
Jun: +170
Jul: -186
Aug: +395
TOTAL YTD: +725

My bankroll was around $1000 when I got back from Miami in early Januaray. I cashed out almost $1000 (all on Party Poker) to cover expenses (rental car, hotel, concert tickets, food, etc.) for my first Phishin' trip in June.

So far, this month, I've been hot. I posted three triple digit wins on Party Poker this week alone. Earlier today, I won a $30 SNG, coming from behind as the shortstack to win it all. I was sweated by BG's brother m7, who was my good luck charm for sure. I'm on a roll, finally, and guess what? I hit the road on Monday for a week of partying and misadventures. Fitting, eh? My mini streak is going to end on Sunday no matter what.

Reflections?

Not right now. I'm too busy to analyze my entire life and poker game right now. But in short here's what went wrong:

1. I played too many hands in early and middle positions.
2. I failed to lay down big hands and high pocket pairs when they were outflopped.
3. I didn't bet enough preflop or on the flop.
4. I was playing the wrong games and limits.

And here's what's been going well:

1. I'm able to read players in live games much better than last year.
2. I've eliminated a few trouble hands and played my strong hands more aggressively.
3. I've accepted that bad beats are a part of the game. I move forward.
4. I found my niche in $20 and $30 SNGs.
5. I improved my game selection and stuck to NL (specifically the $25 NL ring tables on Party Poker), vowing never again to play micro limits online and in casinos.

Hopefully I'll have some more time in September to go more in depth and elaborate what I've learned so far. I guess I should be somewhat happy that I didn't lose any money despite the numerous hours I logged at the tables in Foxwoods, Vegas, The Blue Parrot, and on Party Poker.

Blogger Whores

"No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own. He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master." - Hunter S. Thompson

I updated my list of poker blog links. It's grown to over 113. And I spent over three hours visiting every blog I have linked up. If you don't believe me, check your site stats. My thoughts after the heavy reading session: Some of you are talented writers and some of you are slacking off in your posts.

Alas, I'm shocked that there are so many new and old poker blogs out there. It seems like every two months there's a new batch that I have to read. And as it's been, when twenty new blogs are published, several old blogs languish and fall into into blogger purgatory. And I even notcied that some of the more recent new blogs stopped posting. I guess that their authors lose interest. Maybe it's because blogging is hard work. Perhaps it's that people have newer interests. And better yet, maybe they went broke and out of sheer embarrassment, silently stepped away from the scene while they lick their wounds.

Writing about poker can be mundane. I try to spice it up, but sometimes despite how much lipstick you put on a pig... a pig is a fuckin pig.

When I first moved all the poker content off my main site (Tao of Pauly) almost a year ago, I never imagined that I'd read 12 poker blogs in one month, let alone 113 in a single morning (without the assistance of an intern or herbal enhancements). With the recent poker boom, and add the trendy, hipster, blogger boom, we are now bombarded with the poker blog boom. I said it once, blogs are the new tattoos. I need to differentiate myself from the common blogger... and that's why I am the author of several blogs on various topics. But what sets poker bloggers apart from the rest of the world? Perhaps because poker bloggers come from all walks of life... yet we are united by a passion for cards.

I've become cyber friends with seasoned alcoholics, several computer geeks, a divorced child prodigy, Wall Street traders, up and coming poker pros, lawyers, a fashion magazine editor, doctors, former college athletes, a stand up comic, school teachers, graduate students, thespians, fellow writers, poets, and scribes, and even a hammer wielding penguin from the other side of the world. And we all share the bug, the poker bug, the little monster than keeps us awake late nights, chasing a nut flush to the river at 3:30am, when we should be sleeping or cuddling with loved ones. And of course, I find myself at the (left of) center of this intense, supportive, and frenetic group... my fellow poker bloggers.

You all inspire me. Well, most of the time, anyway. I read your sites as much as I write. I smile when you take down huge pots. I cringe when your flopped full boat loses to runner runner qauds. I am with you in spirit. I am cheering you on. And yes, I am flattered when I see parts of my literary (or shall I say bloggery) influence in your posts or your writing styles.

Sure most of what I say is meaningless (I adhere to a 10% rule... only 10% of what I say and write makes sense), and you won't learn anything new from reading my site everyday that already hasn't been said by more thorough bloggers and from the poker experts. But I can see little flashes of greatness on your sites which were inspired by my blog, and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, just like a shot of Tequila on a cold winter's day.

I write for myself. I have thousands of pages and millions of words that will never be seen by anyone. This blog is the forum where I choose to share my thoughts on poker and gambling. And it feels great that I have an audience. If you build it, they will come. I woke up one day in late November 2003 and I noticed that dozens and dozens of blogs (new ones) had me already linked up, and every day, the traffic on the Tao of Poker increased. I am getting new and repeat readers.

I realized that it's not so much the content (poker) than the matter in which I present the content. In short, my site is more entertaining than informative. Which is how it should be. Phil Ivey, I am not. But Phil Silvers, I can definitely kick his ass... in life and in poker... even if he is dead or stuck in a retirement community in South Florida.

Link Backs

I'm a confident person and my self esteem is fairly high. I know that I am not linked up on all the sites I have listed. Sure it's proper netiquitte to linkback anyone who linked you up, but I'm not going to fly off the handle and get super pissed off at those of you without a link to my site. It's not like I'm going to dispatch a couple of thugs from Brighton Beach named Yuri and Ivan to your house and convince you with rubber hoses and dull steak knives to add my site to your list of links (if you even have one). What I will do is ask you to link up my brother... and his blog Poker in the Weeds. He's hilarious. He's only been playing poker since I taught him around Turkey Day last year. And he's finally posting at least once a week.

If you have a new poker blog and you want to be listed, drop me an email. And in case you are wondering, for the most part with some excpetions, the blogs on my site are listed in chronological order. The blogs at the bottom are the newer ones, or the ones I added last. I decided to keep this order because I have my own system on reading blogs and I don't want to mess that up.

Big Pimping

A couple of the bloggers I play with at the Blue Parrot also have artistic pursuits. If you are in the NYC area, you should check these guys out. Asphnxma from Riding the F Train is a performer in the Upright Citizens Brigade, a comedy improv group. His next show is on Monday, August 9, 2004 at 6:30pm and it's located at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater (307 W. 26th Street, NYC).

And when Ugarte is not groveling about poker or downloading geriatric German bondage porn from the net, he's working his ass off in an attempt to pursue a career in stand up comedy. Visit Ugarte's Upcoming Gigs page to find out when he's performing next. He has three upcoming shows in the next week at various venues here in NYC.

OK, that's it for now. Blogger ate my original post and I had to write this all in less than ten minutes. I'm sure I missed some things that I'll address in a future post.

Celebrity Sighting of the Day


Lizzie Grubman, Princess & Convict

Living in NYC, I run into random celebs all the time. Today, I was waiting to meet up with my friend Gil for lunch in Midtown and walking down the street was everyone's favorite drunken, reckless-SUV-driving, publicist Lizzie Grubman, who ran over 16 people who were waiting in line at a club in the Hamptons, before calling the bouncer "White trash!"

I actually saw her twice. On my walk to the subway, I caught a second glimpse of Ms. Grubman. To quote Gil, "She's ugly." He was being kind. To this day, our friend Senor will to continue deny rumors that he once dated the snookered, pink-clad Princess.

Haley just called me from Santa Fe. She asked how my day was going. I answered something like this... "Cool. Mary-Kate's out of rehab. I met Gil for lunch. I got back Mr. Dickhead. I saw Lizzie Grubman. Twice. And I came in second in a tournament on Party Poker for a $90 win. All that, before you even woke up today."

Yeah, I recently bumped up to $30 SNGs at the urging of both Signor Ferrari and Asphnxma. The players are a tad better and your preflop raises get more respect. The quality of overall play is less hectic. I grinded my way to the final six and was the shortstack. I doubled up with A-10 vs. 88 when I caught a flush on the turn (with five spades on the board) against the chip leader. In Level 7, I found KQo in the LB. I didn't respect a button raise (he had AJ) and river'd the poor guy when a Queen spiked to seal his doom and snag the chip lead. When it was heads up, I lost to 33 with my KJo.

So that was my first money finish in a $30 SNG. I played in my first one yesterday and bubbled out after flopping quad aces (see below). I'm trying to pad my bankroll before I hit the road on Monday.

Flopping Quad Aces

Yesterday afternoon... $30 SNG on Party Poker.

***** Hand History for Game 807430360 *****
30/60 TourneyTexasHTGameTable (NL) (Tournament 5026005)
Mon Aug 02 17:18:58 EDT 2004
Table Table 11648 (Real Money) -- Seat 1 is the button

Seat 5: Dr. Pauly (1645)
Dr. Pauly posts big blind (30)

** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Ah, Ad ]
vigXXX calls (30)
DAVXXX calls (15)
Dr. Pauly raises (420) to 450
vigXXX raises (535) to 565
vigXXX is all-In.
DAVXXX folds.
Dr. Pauly calls (115)

** Dealing Flop ** : [ Ac, Kh, As ]
** Dealing Turn ** : [ 4c ]
** Dealing River ** : [ Jc ]

** Summary **
Main Pot: 1160
Board: [ Ac Kh As 4c Jc ]

Dr. Pauly balance 2240, net +595 [ Ah Ad ] [ four of a kind, aces -- Ah,Ad,Ac,As,Kh ]
vigXXX balance 0, lost 565 [ Qs Qh ] [ two pairs, aces and queens -- Ac,As,Kh,Qs,Qh ]

And yes, I cracked the Hilton Sisters! The sad party of this story is that I bubbled out in 4th place after my AKs (on the button)lost heads up with KK. I had the chip lead with four players remaining and blew it.

Last week I caught a straight flush. Oh well. Yesterday I was on a roll. I won $140 in less than two hours on the $25 NL ring tables.

Phishy Poker Tournament?

The last two Phish concerts will take place at Coventry in Vermont at the end of next weekend. My buddy, the Joker, from Bathtub Gin sent me this thread: Texas hold'em tournament. Pretty funny, eh?

Random News Clip

Interesting news clip about my site!! Check it out. Thanks Sigge.

Week 11: Pauly-BG Gamblethon

We played a game called I'm with Stupid!" and I lost 139-111. I should have picked The Rolling Stones instead of The Who for famous British rock bands from the 1960s... not named the Beatles. Oh well. So The score is now Pauly 6, BG 5. And now I get to choose this week's bet.

Week 12: Pauly-BG Gambleton... Financial Markets

I picked 10 financial indexes. Boy Genius has to determine whether or not those specific markets will be UP or DOWN for the week... ending at the market close on this Friday. He needs seven correct guesses to win. Here the are:

1. DJIA (Dow Jones) - closed at 10,139.71
2. AMEX - closed at 1,240.34
3. NASDAQ - closed at 1,887.36
4. Gold Futures (Aug 04 futures) - closed at 393.30
5. Crude Oil (Sept 04 futures) - closed at 43.47
6. US Treasuries 30 year bond - closed at 102.7188
7. DAX (German stock exchange in Frankfurt) - closed at 3,853.54
8. FTSE 100 (British stock exchange in London) - closed at 4,402.10
9. Nikkei 225 (Japanense stock exchange in Tokyo) - closed at 11,222.24
10. Nike Stock (NKE = symbol) - closed at 72.90 on Friday

And here's what BG picked:

UP: US Bond, Gold, DAX, FTSE, Crude Oil
Down: DJIA, AMEX, NASDAQ, Nikkei, and Nike

Best of luck!!

11 Questions: Poker Bloggers Edition

The questions:

1. Boxers or briefs?
2. You're UTG in a NL cash game; would YOU rather have The Hilton Sisters or Big Slick suited?
3. If you could legalize any two laws, what would they be?
4. Taking everything you've learned with you, what age would you like to be for the rest of your life?
5. If you could have been born in any other American generation, which would it be?
6. Multiple choice. How would you rather spend a Wednesday evening?

a) Tossing some cahhhhds with Doyle Brunson & Johnny Moss.
b) Swapping licks & lyrics with Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia.
c) Going on assignment with Raoul Duke & Dr. Gonzo.
d) Getting teabagged by Paris & Nikki Hilton?

7. Who is your favorite team member of the Bad News Bears?
8. What's a bigger prize, a WSOP bracelet or a Pulitzer?
9. Home poker game, you can invite 7 other people throughout history to play. Who and why?
10. Where are the snowden's of yesteryear?
11. Do blind people dream?

Yes, thanks to everyone for the questions. And now the answers.


1. Boxers or briefs? - NemoD

Boxers. Fruit of the Loom, size 34-36. Some days I like to free ball.


2. You're UTG in a NL cash game; would YOU rather have The Hilton Sisters or Big Slick suited? - Phriedom

Big Slick suited everytime and twice on Sundays. I like my chances with a better drawing hand than QQ... which can get cracked by any K-x or any A-x in theory. The Hilton Sisters usually lose for me when I go up against suited Slick.


3. If you could legalize any two laws, what would they be? - BG

Pot and poker. Vote for me in 2008. I'll let you get stoned and allow you to play cards anywhere in America.


4. Taking everything you've learned with you, what age would you like to be for the rest of your life? - Bob

Six. Everything I ever learned, I learned in Kindergarten.


5. If you could have been born in any other American generation, which would it be? - Johnny FlopBoot

I guess the Baby Boomers because that would mean I would have been a hippie during the Summer of Love, and I could have followed The Grateful Dead around when they hit their peak in the mid 1970s. And I could grow up (in NYC) watching the best athletes play... Mickey, Willie, and Walt Clyde Frazier!


6. Multiple choice: How would you rather spend a Wednesday evening? - Snail Trax

a) Tossing some cahhhhds with Doyle Brunson & Johnny Moss.
b) Swapping licks & lyrics with Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia.
c) Going on assignment with Raoul Duke & Dr. Gonzo.
d) Getting teabagged by Paris & Nikki Hilton?

TOUGH choices, man. Usually I spend my Wednesday nights watching The OC and then the WPT. But if I had a free Wednesday night to spend, It'll have to be swapping licks with Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter. I'd love to play Ripple with them. I wouldn't be a true Deadhead if I didn't say that. Hunter Thompson on assignment would be a close second, followed by cards with Doyle & Moss. And as far as Nicky & Paris go... it's all over rated. Once you've had one hotel heiress, you've had them all.


7. Who is your favorite team member of the Bad News Bears? - Derek


Tatum O'Neal circa 1975
The pitcher, Amanda (Tatum O'Neal). She was my first Hollywood crush. I guess even at an early age of 8, I started the trend of falling hopelessly for California blondes with substance abuse problems. Twenty plus years later... I'm still weak for emotional wrought, California blondes with substance abuse problems.


8. What's a bigger prize, a WSOP bracelet or a Pulitzer? - BadBlood

Pulitzer, no doubt. I could get lucky and catch a few cards and capitalize on someone's mistakes to win a WSoP bracelet without being the best player. But to win a Pulitzer, I'd really have to do something impressive, close to penning a masterpiece, and I'd have to be in the Top 1% of all scribes to get to that level of excellence. If Moneymaker and Varkoyni can win one... a bracelet seems a lot easier than a Pulitzer.


9. Home poker game, you can invite 7 other people throughout history to play. Who and why? - Al Can't Hang

The players:
Seat 1: Hunter S. Thompson
Seat 2: Bill Clinton
Seat 3: Doyle Brunson
Seat 4: Ben Affleck
Seat 5: Al Can't Hang
Seat 6: Frank Sinatra
Seat 7: MC Hammer (before he went broke)
Seat 8: Dr. Pauly

Hunter brings the drugs. Affleck brings the snatch. Doyle brings credibility. Al Can't Hang brings the Soco. Clinton brings the coolness. Sinatra brings the good stories, and MC Hammer is the Dead Money. Anyone who blows $250 Million in a few years can play at my poker table any time!

Al Can't Hang (to Affleck): "So how big is J. Lo's ass?"
Affleck: "Good size."
Dr. Pauly: "Bigger than a bread box?"
Doyle: "Everything's big in Texas."
Bill Clinton: "I like big butts, I cannot lie."
Hunter: (mutters something incoherent then tosses his cards in the air)
Frank Sinatra: "Who cares. Put a bag over her head and just do your business, kid."
MC Hammer: "Stop! I got 2-7 offsuit."


10. Where are the snowden's of yesteryear? - The Poker Penguin

Great Scott! Catch 22 is one of my favorite books alltime!! Yosarian is the man! To answer your question, let's jump into the heart of the text:

It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all.

Snowden's death is the easy answer. Bury the dead. They stink up the joint. So where are the Snowden's of yesteryear? If I told you the complex answer, then you wouldn't buy my next novel.


11. Do blind people dream? - Iggy

Yes they do. It depends on how much sight they had before they went blind. Sometimes blind people will dream about the particular level of sight they once had. Other times they have auditory dreams, or dreams based on your other senses.

Thanks again to everyone who submitted questions!!

We Have a Winner!!

I am pleased to announce a winner of the Hilton Sisters Challenge 3. Guess who won? My brother of all people! He has a poker blog, Poker in the Weeds and plays online at Party Poker, so he was eligible.

If you think this contest was fixed... then you should have heard my brother's not-so-excited reaction when he told me that he cracked Aces with the Hilton Sisters. He said something like, "I have two paintings. And I already have an autographed copy of your novel." I'll have to come up with something good to give him.

When I hit the road for the last six Phish shows (next Monday) I will start up a new challenge! Stay tuned.

Congrats again to my brother! You can read what happened if you stop by Poker in the Weeds.

I heard that Rick Blaine cracked aces in a live tournament this weekend... but the event had to occur on Party Poker. Nice try Rick!